Really need to get back in the saddle, so as a kind of warm-up, here’s more of this nonsense (from last year). Another screenshot-redraw from The Last Crusade. (Orig. below the cut.)
"If you say a single word-" Stanley muttered out of the corner of his mouth.
"Who are you?" Stanford asked.
"For the love of-"
"Quiet! both of you." The intruder into Ford's office cried. "I've been holding both of you at gun point for 5 minutes and it's been nothing but bickering between the two of you. It feels like I'm not even here."
Despite being the one with a a pistol in his hand, pointed at the two Stans, he seemed to be the most distressed person in the current situation. The pair of twins were discussing their plan to explore a temple hidden at the end of a map that Stanley had 'obtained' from some 'friendly' treasure enthusiasts. When this man broke a window and stared waving his gun around, the twins were expecting a fight, but their sibling bickering had brought their unwanted guest to tears before anyone would even plan an attack.
"Oh C'mon guy, don't be like that." Stanley said, suddenly feeling a pang of pity. "Look at us, we're here with our arms in the air so you aren't doing all that bad."
"Do you mean it?." He wiped away a tear, his pistol still aimed at the twins.
"Yes yes, if you weren't a good hired hand we'd have disarmed you and escaped." Stanford said, following his brother's lead.
"Thanks, you have no idea how hard it is, trying to steal treasure maps for some boss who won't pay you above minimum commission rate." The man withdrew a handkerchief from his shirt pocket and blew his nose.
The twins turned to one another, giving awkward shrugs as they tried to assess the situation.
"So-uh, who sent you?" Stanley asked awkwardly. his hands still raised.
"Sorry, that's against protocol," The man said sadly. "not like my boss gave me his name anyway. Just an name to eliminate and an envelope filled with not enough money."
"And perchance, " Stanford stepped forward, "who's name were you given to 'eliminate'?"
"Don't you start-" Stanley glared at his brother.
"Stan Pines." The man said.
"That doesn't narrow it down at all." The twins said in unison.
"Does it really matter? I'm going to kill you both anyway, you're both witnesses."
"oh fuck this." Stanley jumped forward punching the gun out of his hand.
Before he could react, Stanford followed up by smashing a wooden chair over his head. The man crumpled to the ground, limp and unmoving.
the twins took a moment to catch their brothers before they quickly retrained the intruder. Tying him to another chair and gagging him. While Stanford took the gun and peered out the window, Stanley picked the man's pockets, looking for any info on who hired this hand.
"Anything?" Stanford asked, straining his eyes against the darkness of the college campus late at night.
"Some extra rounds and that envelope he mentioned." Stanley said.
"Anything of note?" Stanford stepped away from the window, unable to find any one outside. "It looks like our 'friend' here came alone."
"With pay like this I can't imagine him getting any extra help." Stanley opened the envelope for his brother to see. "it's all ones!"
"What's that poking out from behind the money?" Stanford snatched the mentioned paper from the envelope.
"Didn't notice that." Stanley said, pocketing the money and extra bullets.
"Let's see what we have here." Stanford adjusted his glasses as he read. " 'Eliminate Stan Pines, that pocket pincher stole my map and I need it back.'"
"Ah shit." Stanley muttered, pressing his face into his hand.
"Well, well, well. now, who between us is an infamous 'pocket pincher'?" Stanford asked with a smug air.
"oh Fuck off."
"And rater reckless too, if he was caught in the act." Stanford continued.
"It was a crowded get together I thought I was in the clear." Stanley protested.
"Despite numerous warnings to be careful." Stanford sighed, he lead the way out of his office. "Might as well get a move on, lest another underpaid gunman comes for us."
"At least I did something to stop this one." Stanley followed behind, leaving the failed assassin tied to the chair.
The twin's bickering continued on into the corridor, the hired man could feel himself quietly weep tears of joy at the pleasant quietness that soon enveloped him. The throbbing pain his head and hands soon grew stronger and stronger until he could no longer ignore them.
"I really need to increase my rates." he said quietly to the empty room.