𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒓 𝑻𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕? 🍬

Yuki's Evolution of Feelings toward Zero [Pt5]

Vampire Knight, Ch 89 - 93.

"What would we have been like?"

After the masquerade, Yuki contends with the plan she has formulated in her mind. What she feels she must do, and her ending in all of this. For a moment, she confides in Zero her deeper feelings. She anguishes over the "what ifs", fantasizing of a life where they were all simply human, living out their normal lives together.

Yuki exposes to Zero the desires she holds for them: being given the chance to naturally form her love and attachment to him, as a regular high school student. This moment also clearly conveys to the reader Yuki's wish. A life free of this oppression, free of species differences, and one where all of them—Kaname included—could all live happily and in peace.

"Zero... Zero... Zero..."

Knowing what she is about to do, what she is about to take from Zero, she reaches for him, touching him all over in a poignant moment of true agony.

"I can't go on unless I do this."

Yuki forcefully erases Zero's memories of her, believing that it will truly set him free. Free of his bloodlust and give him an ability to live his life, to the fullest he is able, if he has no recollection of her in his memories.

She knows that she cannot leave Zero in perpetual hunger for her just as equally as she knows that she must save Kaname by sacrificing herself to turn him human. This is the fate she must take.

Tears stream down her face in the aftermath, showcasing how difficult a burden taking Zero's memories of her away it is for her to bear.

"He's here..."

Yuki, now back with Kaname, sits curled up in the bed, turmoil in her heart as she senses Zero now in the vicinity. She doesn't want to have to face him again. It's difficult for her to face the reality of what she's done.

"We... aren't worthy of his company."

When Kaname forcefully brings Yuki to see Zero, Yuki admits that she believes neither she nor Kaname are worthy of Zero anymore. She feels they have hurt him beyond repair and sees them both as corrupt, responsible for Zero's pain and suffering.

"We can never go back..."

As Kaname continues to test the limits of Yuki's erasure of Zero's memories, Yuki grows angry and upset with Kaname's blatant disregard for Zero. She tells Kaname the truth she has already accepted—that things can never return to how they were. The peaceful past of just a few years ago is now shattered beyond repair.

"Have you... remembered?"

For a moment, Yuki looks on in complete horror at the possibility of Zero remembering her and all her plans falling apart. When Kaname was about to turn her human and erase her memories of him, she reveals in that crucial moment how guilty she feels in all of this and that the last thing she wants to do is run away. Not after everything she's done, not after everything that has happened. She can no longer live with herself.

"If... I hadn't been born... if I hadn't existed... everything would have turned out differently for you!"

Just as Yuki believes that all of Zero's suffering and pain are her fault, she also feels responsible for Kaname's tragedy. She feels hopeless, believing she has completely destroyed the two people who mean the most to her.

"Only before this thirst turns me to dust... tell me you will."

Sometime after Kaname gives his heart to the furnace, Zero comes to Yuki to tell her to consider Kaname's words. To forgive herself and allow herself to be in a relationship with him.

However, Yuki is far too broken. She is completely shattered in the aftermath of everything that has happened to her and losing Kaname.

Yuki's Evolution of Feelings toward Zero [Pt4]

Vampire Knight, Ch 73 - 88.

"You don't need Zero, do you?"

When Maria asks Yuki about her feelings for Zero and if she still needs him, Yuki can only respond one way. It’s not that she no longer needs Zero, but that they have become enemies. More specifically, she believes Zero sees her—a pureblood—as his enemy.

"I can't even use my fangs to take what I want."

Yuki comes to an impasse with herself as her thoughts reveal that she wants to drink from Zero. However, her promise to Kaname means a lot to her and she wants to take it seriously. Yuki believes her place is beside Kaname and she wants to pull herself together.

"Zero... I want us to talk like we did before."

However, Yuki soon caves underneath her own wants. Soon after, she confesses to Zero that she wants things to return to how they were before. She misses their previous bond, those memories, and time.

"Why is it... we must always hurt each other... to move forward."

Zero, noticing Yuki's obvious bloodlust, offers her his blood and threatens to shut down the school if she refuses. Yuki reflects that, just like her, Zero is now forcing something on her against her will. Their dynamic has completely reversed, and Yuki now finds herself needing Zero's blood.

"l just wanted to take a good look at the person whose blood I'm going to drink..."

Yuki changes her resolve, deciding to accept part of her new reality. She doesn't take Zero's blood out of weakness but makes it clear to both of them that she is fully in control of her choice. She wants to drink from him and is ready to do so, now that she is coming to terms with the fact that things will never go back to how they were before.

"The moment I sank my fangs into Zero's neck... my head suddenly cooled."

Yuki confirms that, for the very first time, she has been completely satiated as soon as she had taken Zero's blood. Her mind was instantly cooled, her thirst quenched. Having that moment of peace leaves her shaken and wondering: "Zero, how do you... control your thirst...?" Signifying the sheer internal agony she herself had experienced all of this time.

"It will be okay. I just need to start over from scratch."

Yuki desperately wants to start anew with Zero. She wants a seconds chance with him, an ability for the two of them to forge another connection much like the one they'd had before. But this time with her being her true self, as a Pureblood.

"You're one of the kindest people I've ever met."

Despite Zero's adamance on him wanting to rid the world of every last Pureblood vampire, Yuki reaches a point where she realizes the feelings hidden behind Zero's lies. She realizes that Zero doesn't want them to die. He doesn't want her to die. He's too soft, too kind, and that makes her worried for his well-being in all of this.

"l've always known... that Zero has wished... for my happiness."

During the time they shared over a year ago and how close she had gotten to him, Yuki feels as though she knows Zero inside and out. Yet, she doesn't fully know or understand Kaname at all.

"l'm sure that Kaname is doing this for me."

When Yuki learns of what Kaname has done to Zero, she turns the blame on herself. She comes to believe that all of this is her fault and that Kaname must have taken these actions for her own benefit.

"I can't... spend my life with you. I belong to Kaname..."

Yuki takes the time to speak in depth with Zero about her feelings and where she stands with him in their relationship. She is forthright in explaining to him that they do not have a future together—she belongs to Kaname.

After drinking from Zero, Yuki is still showing no further signs of bloodlust. Even though she has been recently drained of blood herself, the manga demonstrates that drinking Zero's blood has completely satisfied her and that this effect lasts for a long time. Even when her blood supply is low and she needs to drink, she still shows no signs of bloodlust.

Once again, Yuki showcases her depth of knowledge when it comes to experiencing the hunger. She sympathizes deeply with Zero over his hunger for her blood.

"That's why..."

Yuki feels that both she and Zero have put up masks over their hearts, hiding their true emotions from each other to cope with what they have to face. She struggles with this reality and feels like she doesn't belong in Zero's world, even though she desperately wants to start over with him.

"A boy I cherish... and love."

During their time together at the dance, Yuki laminates over her feelings. Her desire for things to be different, and her deep remorse toward the way things have turned out. Here, for the first time, she admits to herself that she loves Zero as well.

Yuki's Evolution of Feelings toward Zero [Pt3]

Vampire Knight, Ch 47 - 72.

"I know that... half your heart is still connected to him."

Kaname vocally confirms what the manga has already shown us up until this point: Zero holds a deep place in Yuki's heart and has become incredibly important to her.

"I wonder what... you're thinking about right now..."

A year passes by and we see right away that Zero is still on Yuki's mind and in her heart.

"It's like he said. A part of my heart is still..."

Yuki has been struggling with her bloodlust for the past year. Her vampire side's dark desires have made it hard for her to use her fangs. Despite this, Kaname continues to feed her his blood, noting that she seems to have an insatiable craving for it. It’s revealed that her craving is tied to her desire for Zero’s blood as well.

"Vampires can only quench their thirst with the blood of the one they love..."

Yuki admits that she knows half of her heart belongs to Zero. Kaname explains that this is because Yuki loves Zero, and Yuki tearfully confirms it. She feels like she is betraying Kaname and that she is unworthy of him.

The manga shows that Yuki loves both Kaname and Zero. Kaname tells her that, no matter who she chose to be with, she would have struggled because part of her love also belongs to Kaname.

"I want you to drink only my blood. That is how you take responsibility."

At this point, Yuki agrees to only drink Kaname's blood, from now until forever, as a way to take responsibility for having love for Zero in her heart.

And Yuki finds solace in that punishment and responsibility. It helps to lift her spirits and take away the edge of the guilt.

When attending her first outing, the first person Yuki's gaze seeks out in a crowded room is none other than Zero. And, at the first opportunity, she reaches out to touch him. Yuki's craving for Zero's companionship is unquestionable.

"A scent that... recalls memories..."

When injured, Yuki is allured by the scent of Zero's blood. In a trance like state, she almost bites him. At the last minute, she pulls away to look at him, coming back to her senses.

"I'm still bungling up things, aren't I?"

Yuki's guilt and her obligation to only drink from Kaname stop her. She flees, trapped in her own failings and inadequacies, begging for Kaname to take her home and punish her for what she had nearly given into.

"Zero is falling to Level E."

Yuki becomes aware of Zero's condition and the fact that he is falling to Level E. Although she suspects it is because he is craving her blood, she initially denies it, telling herself that Zero must have let go of those previous feelings for her when he learned she was a Pureblood.

While now having to remain in the same vicinity as Zero, Yuki begins to struggle with her thirst for blood.

Yuki's Evolution of Feelings toward Zero [Pt2]

Vampire Knight, Ch 30 - 47.

"Make sure I don't run away, Zero."

Still determined to uncover her lost memories, Yuki realizes she doesn’t have the courage to confront Kaname and demand the answers she needs. Instead, she turns to Zero again, confiding in him and asking for his help when she faces Kaname. She starts to rely on him more and more, a change from how she used to keep everything bottled up inside.

"But I wonder why... I don't feel scared."

Yuki slowly begins to come to the realization that her closeness with Zero has given her a sense of security. Even though Zero is a vampire and drinks from her, she has stopped being afraid of him. However, she still fears Kaname as a vampire because he has always held himself away at a distance.

"I'm the one... you can't escape from."

As Yuki gets closer to uncovering her past, she has a vulnerable moment with Zero. She confides in him, revealing that by making herself essential to him—by making him need and rely on her—she feels she can finally find a sense of purpose. She admits that being by Zero's side wasn't about selflessness but about her own need to feel invaluable.

"It sounds... as if... you're desperately telling me that you need me."

It is Zero's speech here that reveals the truth behind Yuki's words. Yuki is in fact telling Zero that she has come to desperately rely on him for her own sanity and happiness. Because of how unreachable Kaname has always been, he hasn't been able to be the solid foundation of support she's desperately needed all of this time, and Zero has filled that role in her heart.

"Zero, I'm really sorry... for what I did."

But, it is Zero's denial of Yuki's feelings here that causes her to withdraw and bottle everything up once more, dealing with everything alone.

"Then... what about that time?"

As Yuki stands on the brink of embracing her true self, she reflects on the changes in her heart. For years, she had been deeply driven by her desire to be seen favorably by Kaname. But now, Zero has also become a significant part of her heart. Somewhere along the way, she had become okay with upsetting or angering Kaname and disappointing him because she is desperate to keep Zero alive and close to her. She needs Zero, and wants to be needed by him. Yet, she feels trapped in the selfishness of her own actions and the suffering she has brought to Zero.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry."

Upon Yuki's full transformation back into a pureblood, she fills with distraught and guilt over her betrayal to Zero.

"I have no right... to worry about him anymore."

Despite these feelings, Yuki finds herself at his door, seeking out Zero with hope in her heart.

But that hope is instantly shattered when she hears Zero's response to her presence on the other side of the door. His hatred for her and for purebloods breaks her heart, and she leaves with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Is the Yuki I know... still part of you?"

After the battle, when Zero pulls Yuki into his arms and shows his inner conflict about her "human" side, Yuki becomes emotional and breaks down. She opens up to him, sharing the truth about her transformation and the struggles she has faced. Even in this moment, Yuki finds comfort in confiding in Zero.

"If having an enemy... gives you a reason to live."

At their farewell, Yuki still holds onto her care for Zero to keep on living. Her current situation severely limits her and she grabs onto the idea that she will be Zero's enemy and elude him if that is what keeps him living on.

But, it isn't something she wants. It isn't how she wanted things to turn out between her and Zero.

"Always... he was... always."

It is in this moment that Yuki realizes Zero's feelings for her. However, like Romeo and Juliet, their fates keep them apart. Yuki is torn apart by the guilt of being a vampire and causing Zero such suffering in her ignorance.

In the end, she leaves with Kaname and quietly bids Zero a final farewell.

Yuki's Evolution of Feelings toward Zero [Pt1]

Vampire Knight, Ch 1 - 29.

"I was so desperate to help."

Prior to the start of Vampire Knight, Yuki repeatedly suffered through night terrors over the vampire attack. It wasn't until Zero came to live with her that the night terrors stopped. Yuki found purpose in helping someone else. She felt a compelling drive to be there for Zero, desperate to help the suffering she could see before her eyes.

"You're like... a younger brother who needs looking after."

At the start of Vampire Knight, Yuki feels a brotherly affection for Zero. She wants to be there for him, offering comfort and companionship, because she believes he doesn't take care of himself.

"I can feel... the pain that you are hiding."

Yuki and Zero's relationship starts to change when Yuki learns how deeply Zero has been suffering. She discovers that he has been in pain for four years, that he is a vampire—which he despises—and that he wants to die.

"Drink my blood, Zero. You'll feel better... if only for a little while."

Overwhelmed by this, Yuki throws herself into trying to become his salvation and save him. Even knowing how much Zero will hate himself for it, she pleads with him to drink her blood. She refuses to let him end his life.

"That's because... I want you to smile too."

During this time, Yuki focuses entirely on Zero, often urging him to drink her blood. She tells him she is trying to stay cheerful for his sake, hoping to make him happier and help him smile again.

Her empathy and selflessness seem limitless. She even offers herself to Maria/Shizuka in exchange for information on how to save Zero. Determined to save him, she stands in his way when he tries to take revenge on Shizuka, using her bracelet to try to subdue him, wanting to force him to drink Shizuka's pureblood.

A conversation with Shizuka reveals to us that Yuki is self-aware that her efforts to save Zero have also caused him pain and suffering. She understands that her actions have been more about what she wants than what Zero wants.

"This is what I've always feared."

Ever since realizing the depths of Zero's pain and self-hatred, Yuki has become terrified of him ending his own life, and has gone to great lengths to prevent him from going down the route of suicide. This leads to a moment where Zero, confused by her desperation and concern, embraces her. But it’s her genuine care that makes him promise to stay alive and come back to her, even after killing Shizuka.

"If you bit me and drank my blood, wouldn't you get better right away?"

Even after the death of Shizuka, Yuki remains adamant on being Zero's permanent food source, gifting him her blood for the rest of her life in hopes of it preventing him from falling to Level E.

She takes time to talk with Zero, telling him she's glad he's still with her and that she'll always stand by his side. Yuki admits that she was so desperate to keep him alive and felt so helpless that she would have forced him, against his will, to drink Shizuka's blood if it meant saving him.

It is this deep care and desperation to keep him alive that leads Zero to ask her:

"What am I... to you?"

This is the first time Yuki has considered what her feelings for Zero are or what they mean. Until now, she never gave it much thought, leaving her confused and unsure of how to respond.

She begins to sort through her emotions. She is scared of what could happen to Zero (becoming a Level E vampire or dying). She wants to see him happy and at peace. And now, she also begins to wonder...

"What am I... to Zero?"

Their relationship grows deeper. In a vulnerable moment, after dreaming about Yuki's death, Zero nearly kisses her, driven by his longing for her. Yuki becomes fully aware that he was just about to kiss her.

"I wonder how he felt... about my reaction."

Yuki becomes embarrassed and fixated on the kiss, constantly thinking about it whenever she sees Zero. Clearly flustered, she wonders how Zero felt about her reaction to the almost-kiss, but she’s confused. They’ve always been like siblings—friends, even best friends…

Yuki keeps replaying Zero’s words in her mind, telling herself the almost-kiss meant nothing and that he wasn’t in his right mind. She watches him closely, comparing his calm demeanor to her own flustered state, and uses his composure to reassure herself that it really didn’t mean anything.

In the end, Yuki realizes that Zero is precious to her. That’s who he is to her.

"I don't want my problems to get in the way."

After Yuki agrees to Kaname's request to turn her into a vampire, she shares her thoughts with Zero, wondering if she should go through with it and what good might come of it.

Upon Zero's angered response, she soon realizes her mistake and feels upset for bringing up something so sensitive, especially knowing how much Zero has suffered. Feeling desperate and guilty for not being more focused on him, Yuki decides to remember her past to try to be more helpful to Zero.

"...Zero, I'm so scared."

The dynamics of their relationship begin to shift once more, now with Zero coming in to put more of a focus on Yuki's well being and emotional state. He suggests and supports her in discovering her past.

When Yuki continues to keep her feelings locked away tightly, afraid of being a burden, Zero insists on the fact that she is his victim in all of this and that she has every right to burden him. Yuki breaks down and, for the first time, finally opens up about her own dilemmas. She becomes vulnerable and admits to him how scared she is about her past.

Vampire Knight Memories 10

International fans can preorder here.

vkm vol. 10 goodies

apparently, Hino added 11 new pages to volume 10, and all of them are zero/yuuki related.

chapter titles:

chapter 43 complete redraw (original on the left, new on the right):

the final chapter additions add three spreads to the final Zero and Yuuki scene. they remind me a bit of Night 46 in style, though they're not direct references:

it seems Hino didn't want to lose the original end-page of VKM 46, so she included it on the title page:

some curious changes Hino's made here. i'll be watching the finale chapters unfold with interest, as her choices between volume 10 and vkm 47 are quite peculiar.

curiouser and curiouser...

If you look at the end of the chapter, there's additional text next to the usual お わり.

It reads, "あなたがいた", which we can roughly translate as "You were here". I think it's pretty symbolic, especially when considering the events in VKM 47.

The Japanese period at the end of あなたがいた。seems pretty significant as well, since it marks the literal end of a sentence/ statement.

あなたがいた。/ お わり

Holding up her hair in the morning and at night

Holding up her hair in the morning and at night

Exactly 2 months late but… 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐆𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧~!!!🩵🩵🩵

entwined shadows

summary: kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me thrice or a thousand times

a/n: inspired by the poems of robert frost and also obviously by the entwined shadows cards cause... bruh.

the hideout is cold — but his lips are warm, hungry.

“z-zayne!”

there’s fire in his veins, pulsing beneath your fingertips, the kind that his ice has never been able to put out — not even once.

“please…” he sounds like a broken man; you know better than to believe him, “i told you… i warned you…” he trails his lips along the column of your neck, his fingers digging into the bend of your hips, his other hand pinning your wrists above your head, “that i might not be able to control myself this time…”

Xavier puts his hand on your chest a lot while you sleep next to him. You think he's being cheeky, like he really likes the feeling of cupping your breast in his hand as you both lull into slumber, and that's what he wants you to think. In truth he feels desperate for your heartbeat some nights, letting its steadiness comfort him. Some nights he pulls you closer, tighter, as he does it, you are never really quite sure why. You think you have an overtly cuddly and affectionate boyfriend. In truth, sometimes he'll need to feel your heartbeat because he's forever haunted by the feeling left in his palms the day he felt your pulse stop for good.

You liked cooking. You wouldn’t say your food was anything to write home about, but it was good, and that’s all that mattered. It was also nice to see the smiles on your friends faces when they ate your food. It feels good to feed others.

However,

“This is really good.”

There was a certain friend of yours that was beginning to over stay his welcome.

“Next time, I think we should try this new recipe—” You placed your hands firmly on his shoulders as you pushed him toward the door.

“Yes, yes. We can talk more about it later.” You said quickly as you shoved him out into the empty hallway.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He stumbled out the door from your harsh push, but he was quick to spin on his heel, “Oh, and—”

“I’ll see you at headquarters, Xavier.” You told him with a smile as you slammed the door in his face.

You quickly locked the door, waiting for the sound of retreating footsteps to finally becoming silent. You retreated to your bedroom, pointedly ignoring the mess in the kitchen (that was a problem for the you of tomorrow to deal with). You plopped down on your bed, the exhaustion of the day’s excitement finally catching up with you.

Or rather, the week’s excitement.

Ever since you helped him make those egg tarts, Xavier has been visiting just about every day for a meal or two or three, not that it bothers you that much anymore. In the beginning it took quite the toll on your wallet, but after a conversation with him, Xavier made sure the two of you made a trip to the grocery store every week with him footing the bill. But that man could eat. You could most likely make him a seven-course meal, and he’d ask for more.

You adore cooking for your friends, but this was beginning to become something more than cooking for a friend.

So the next day, when Xavier came over, you decided to make your problem known.

You shoved your left hand into his face. “Look at my hand. Tell me what’s wrong with it.”

He looked at it, turned it over and over. He even looked under your fingernails, but pouted when he found nothing. “…I don’t see anything.”

You pulled your hand back, tapping the finger by your pinky. “There’s no ring, Xavier.”

He tilted his head. “So?”

“So, because there’s no ring on my finger, I won’t keep cooking for you.” You crossed your arms with a huff. “You’re getting marital benefits, for friend prices.”

“I…” He paused, grabbing your hand and looking over it again. “Okay.”

You weren’t expecting that. “Huh?”

He just nodded, “Mmh. Come on, I’m starving.”

All you could do is follow him, as it seemed you were always doing. “…you’re always starving.”

It had been a few weeks since the ring situation, and it seemed like things had calmed down a bit.

How wrong you were.

Sitting in between the two of you, on the dining room table, was a white velvet box.

And within that box, was a ring.

…

He had taken you seriously.

You plucked the ring out of the box,

and slipped it on your finger.

Xavier was staring intently at his empty plate. “Hmmm…”

You tilted your head, “What’s up? Was the food not good?”

“No, of course not. Your food is always delicious. It’s just…” You wanted for him to continue, “…I feel like I’m not doing much as your husband.”

You chuckled. “We’re not actually married—” The look on his face, a firm pout, made you pause. “…yet.”

The pout was replaced with a small smile. “Yes, I know, but I don’t think it matters too much that if we call each other that.”

“Okay, so what’s the problem then?”

He sighed, looking off to the side. “I just feel like I’m not doing enough.”

You furrowed your brows. Xavier was doing more than enough. Yes, the two of you did skip right from friendship to marriage, but Xavier wasn’t doing anything. He continued buying your groceries, but he also put extra little treats in the cart for the two of you to share. You went on dates when you both shared a day off. You picked up little knick-knacks that reminded you of the other, leaving a bit of yourself in the other’s apartment. You didn’t know where this was coming from.

You reached across the table, placing your hand over his. “Xavier, you’ve given me everything.”

His cheeks flushed red. “…not everything…”

Oh.

Oh.

You bit your lip, as you felt yourself flush at the implication. “Um, well, I—”

Finally, he looked at you.

And you really wished he hadn’t.

“I think I should change that…tonight.”

Your eyes widen. “T-tonight!?”

He smiled, standing up.

“Right now.”

We at Eternal Rose Scans are proud to present our latest project, Vampire Knight Memories: Chapter 46. Thank you for your continued support, and happy reading!

Many thanks to @judaluffy for translating, @kaname-v-kuran for typesetting, and @vk-crzy for providing scans, proofreading, cleaning, redrawing, and quality checking.