(This post is honest thoughts on men's temptation with lust and how
it relates to women's modesty, written by my friend Nathan who is
currently in Jordan. )
It is incredibly liberating to not be assaulted by sexuality every minute of the day. No billboards. No commercials. No barely dressed model trying to sell me a Thickburger. None of the usual dose of media.
I walk outside, and I don’t see what I would normally see in America. Some women are covered head to toe. Some have just a burqa with regular clothes. Some are dressed as they please, with no burqa.
There are no miniskirts. No cheer shorts with bold block letters conveniently placed. And best of all, no leggings as pants. No low cut V’s, midriff shirts, or tube tops.
It’s difficult to put into words the struggle that men have with visual temptation. Any guy would be able to read the words ‘visual temptation’ and know exactly what I mean, in it’s entirety. It’s like a magnet between our eyes and women. It’s like having a sixth sense, a radar, and a curse all in one.
Ladies, imagine for a minute your celebrity crush. Pitt/Clooney/Ryan Reynolds/whoever else. It’s harmless right, it’s just one celebrity. I’ve heard it so often justified that you’re ‘just looking’ and no worries. If you saw Brad Pitt walking down the street, you would look. Guaranteed. Maybe even more than once.
Now take that urge to look and multiply it by a thousand. And then multiply the amount of Pitts and Clooneys in the world. Now don’t look.
That’s basically what guys have to deal with. Constantly. And it wasn’t until I left that environment that I realized how present it was. Being over here and the difference is astounding.
This is where the discussion always disintegrates. It ends in a battle of ‘just dont look/be a ‘warrior’ and learn to control your eyes’ versus ‘dress more modestly’
Men: They have never been women. They have never been in a position where their wardrobe is under constant scrutiny, been blamed falsely for causing someone to sin, or socially labelled based on their style choices.
Women: They have never been men. They will never know what it is to have a constant battle against testosterone. To constantly be given trite sayings that are supposed to ‘fix’ your ‘struggles’ They’ve never experienced what it is like to be inherently visually driven, and then trying to shut that off.
No doubt there are always two sides to any argument. And I’m sure I’ll upset more than a few people saying everything after this paragraph. If you have a thin skin, now is the time to hit the ‘Back’ button on your browser.
I reject that men supposedly “blame” women for the struggles we have.
I reject that men claim the “right” to sin because of how a woman is dressed..
I reject that men “hold women responsible for the thoughts and actions of men”.
I reject that men force or require that women dress a certain way, to fit our needs.
I reject that men because they struggle with visual temptation and lust BY DEFAULT objectify women.
This is just some of the insane crap I’ve seen posted and published.
Immodest dress can not be ignored by the male brain. It’s that simple.
I’m tired of being judged and labeled. I’m tired of being made to feel like trash because of something that is hard-wired into me. So many times a post that is meant to uplift our Christian sisters simultaneously tears down the brothers, usually unknowingly. I heard somebody say:
“The truth is, a man can choose to objectify a woman whether she’s wearing a bikini or a burqa. We don’t stop lust by covering up the female form; we stop lust by teaching men to treat women as human beings worthy of respect.”
Have you considered that I’m NOT objectifying you? Have you considered that this lust problem is directly related to the visual drive that is hard-wired into me, and I’m doing my best to deal with it? Maybe that *gasp* it’s possible that I see women as human beings worth of respect AND have a problem with temptation.
To say that how modestly a woman dresses should have no effect on men and visual temptation is garbage. I know this, because after I was in Jordan I went to Israel. And the Jewish and Christian women in Israel dress just like in America. There are the modest, immodest, and shake-your-head-how-did-her-mom-let-her-out-of-the-house immodest. And guess what? Being in Israel, all of my temptations and struggle came back in waves. What was the only variable that changed? The modesty level accepted by society. I certainly didn’t decide that the women in Jordan were “human beings worthy of respect” and that the women in Israel weren’t.
