so I always come to tumblr when I need a safe place to share my thoughts without feeling judged.

and it’s crazy, because I don’t feel that way around most ‘real’ people who ‘know’ me (cause they don’t really)...

but a public spot on the internet full of strangers?

yep.

maybe it’s because we all feel the same way, and we all end up here, and we all understand that about this place we come.

I like you all, you’ve been with me through some sh*t but you still stuck around than most irl friendships that I thought cared at one point but later found out they didn’t.

maybe it’s because here you genuinely get interested in following someone and then you feel you actually get to know them because they share something personal that they wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing somewhere else...

and really the gem of tumblr is how we’ve made it such a safe place.

at least for me. 

the only time it hasn’t been was when someone creeped me from real life on here and then brought it up in person, which was literally the worst and made me feel violated. like how dare you?? that’s not for you??

tumblr is for you, but it’s also for everyone like you who just is trying to feel a little less alone in being how you are.

and even though we all grow and change, at some point we’ve committed to following each other forever and if we met in real life it’d be like simply seeing a friend you love...

and isn’t that real? :)

so in the end, I’m comforted knowing that there’s actually a genuinely caring, safe space for me here and that I’m not alone because of you.

thanks for that. <3

I hope you feel the same way and that you remember today that you’re not alone, there’s a space for you here always. 

we’re real people here too.

until the actions match the words, it’s all just air.

I hope you have loyal, positive friendships you can trust.

I hope you find yourself surrounded by love and support.

I hope you know you have the right to be happy and associate with healthy relationships.

I hope you always find your self-worth comes from inside what you believe and know to be true, nothing external outside of you has a say or that power to define you.

I hope you pursue your goals and protect yourself from what doesn't serve your health.

You should prosper. You should be well. You should be happy.

I hope you feel free to experience true love and happiness and never let anything steal that from you. <3

Seek to be understanding. 

Hold off assuming and making judgements; get to know the truth.

You’re not always right in what you think about someone. 

People are worth the effort.

forgiveness doesn’t always mean friendship

You can forgive someone and not have to be friends with them.

You don’t have to be friends with someone after you have forgiven them. 

Friendship always involves forgiveness, but forgiveness doesn’t always mean friendship.

I’ve had a lot of people who have wanted to be my friend or claim to be my friend ...and act nothing like a friend. Some people want to ask if they can be friends as a way to make something wrong they did to you okay by being able to say “but we’re still friends.” It’s for them to be excused in their mind and left standing ‘in good status’ after treating you hurtfully so they can feel better- it’s not about actually being a friend to you. They can’t live with you not being okay with what they know was wrong- they need that validation and approval to move on, but you don’t owe it to them. You can forgive them and release them in that way, but depending on the violation of your relationship, it doesn’t mean right now (or ever) you have to be friends afterward still. 

Sometimes if you betray a friendship, you don’t get it back because you violated it beyond the point of trust. Some things you do to a person destroy the ability to have a friendship after it. It’s not for you to decide, either- it’s up to the person you hurt. It’s their choice. And yes, they can completely forgive you and still want to have distance from you after a hurtful experience. Sometimes that distance is necessary for their healing. If you’re offended or judgmental of their decision and don’t respect it, chances are the distance will turn from temporary to permanent.

You don’t have to allow access or intimacy to everyone, especially when they prove on multiple occasions they are not trustworthy of it.

It’s the responsibility of the person who has been hurt to forgive, heal, and move forward in the healthiest way possible for them. It’s their responsibility to not allow bitterness or resentment take place in their heart and wish good will to the person they have forgiven, and possibly let go of. Sometimes letting go of a relationship is healing and freeing! You can’t force people to keep something in their life that only causes them further pain or reminds them of something that’s still hurtful. You need to allow them their space, peace, healing. Respect their boundaries and choice. If you really care about them, let them take care of themselves- whether that means you are still in their life or not. 

The truth is, friendship is a choice that involves trust, effort, communication, and being honest. If a friendship violates these areas, it can really wound one or both people. Sometimes, the pain one person feels is too much to return to the relationship. They may be exhausted by it. They may have experienced it so many times they can’t be healthy in the relationship any more because these area(s) are continually being broken. Even after forgiveness, a choice has to be made about the value, health, and continuance of that friendship. Some violations can’t survive; they sever the relationship. 

So if you have a friendship, treat it well. Ask forgiveness and forgive. Work through things because it is worth it. But don’t try to salvage something that is only causes you pain and is destroying you and has shown to not truly be a friendship for you. You can forgive, even still care for and love someone, and not continue relationship with them. Friendship is something precious, so don’t betray and destroy it until you lose it- don’t abuse it or take it for granted. Take care of your friendships and be a real friend. 

Some friendships are closer than others, too- and some people take a “no more” harder than others. You can’t be responsible for how others choose to take something no matter how graciously you communicate your choices and needs. So don’t put it on yourself that you have to fix it. Reconcile, but be wise.

I may be totally wrong on this, I’m still navigating all this as an adult, but I do know that I have learned that you don’t have to be friends with everyone because friendship is more than a title- it’s relationship. In the age of “click to be friends” or “following equals friendship”, the concept of who is a friend is obscure and abstract. 

I know who are my friends. They are the listening ear who cares when I need to talk; they are the arms embracing me when I need a hug; they are the ones sharing life with me, or answering my call from states away every day to stay in touch about life; they’re the ones who I know love me because I have countless moments we’ve shared. They know me. They’re actively caring for my heart and they are there for me, always. And I do the same for them. Those are friends.

So don’t cheapen or give away something as valuable as your closest relationships to people who don’t really care, value, or take care of what they have access to. Don’t give titles to people who aren’t being what defines that. Cherish the friendships that are authentic and know- not every person who calls themselves a friend is one.

To call yourself friend, you need to be one.

There is a difference between “wanting to be friends” with someone and actually getting to know someone. If someone expressed they want to be friends, have they done anything to pursue it and be a friend to that person, like asking questions out of curiosity to get to know them, understand them; spending time with them, caring, truly finding out what friendship looks like? 

If a person claims they have “tried”, but never put in actual effort to spend time with them and get to know them, then they never tried. You can’t only put it out there and say you want it; You have to show it and pursue it if you really do. 

How do you show you want to be friends with someone? 

Words that are not followed by action don’t mean much.

Sometimes what a person means by saying they “want to be friends” is actually that they want to be associate with you, on good terms with you, the benefits without the work, the title without the work or investment, the word without the heart. 

You don’t get to call yourself my friend without actually being a friend to me.

And if you want to be my friend, you need to act like a friend.

How demoralizing it is to have confided in someone you consider a friend, only to have them later use what you shared in confidence against you.

Thomas Moore

I’m always aching deep down for something only found in Christ.

May I learn to seek Him better in those times.

Thema Davis