listener

The thing you have to keep in mind about Moby Dick is that it’s an explicitly anti-racist text written by a white guy in the 1850s. So you end up with stuff like Ishmael spending an entire paragraph complimenting a Polynesian guy on his skull shape.

by @kleefkruid

Oroonoko, The Royal Slave by Aphra Behn (1688) is anti-racist because it is explicitly against race-based chattel slavery. It is not, however, anti-slavery, just makes the argument that many black people have royal blood in them and are therefore intelligent and driven leaders of men, unsuited for this kind of labour, and make bad slaves who will lead the slaves into rebellion because it is their destiny as monarchic heirs to be leaders of men. There’s a line in it that’s like “honestly JUST as many white people ought to be enslaved as black people! Race is a terrible metric for this decision!” she takes pains to talk about how hot the protagonist is because he has a European nose. It is utterly bizarre to read by 21st century anti-racist sensibilities.

[#hashtag period-typical anti-racism]

I had to take a piss test for a job I got hired at today, and this is the name of the fuckin company that makes the tests

what he means: my first girlfriend sacrificed herself for the good of her people, and she didn't think twice about it. i saw firsthand what it meant to truly protect those you love, and in that moment i also experienced what it meant to be loved enough to be protected. but i wasn't ready. i didn't have enough time to say goodbye. she was gone before she fell back to me, and i knew it even before i looked for a pulse that wasn't there. she was heavy, until she wasn't, because i saw death happen in a way i never thought it could when her body vanished from my arms. i now know what it feels like to kiss a spirit, and it's the last touch i have of her. she sacrificed herself because she believed it was her duty, an expectation she felt she needed to face, and it should never have happened. but she got dragged into a war that we brought to her home. there was nothing i could do to protect her from its devastation, and i blame myself for her death.

what he says: my first girlfriend turned into the moon

So I’m on a trip with my robotics team and there’s only two “girls” (me, an enby, and a cis girl), so we get our own beds in our own room, but the guys are rooming four to a room, but there’s only two beds in each room. Which means that two guys are sleeping on the floor every night.

I’m not joking. They were literally arguing over who’s sleeping on the floor tonight (apparently they plan on rotating).

And I asked them “why don’t you just share a bed?” And they all gave me the same answer:

“No, that’s weird! That’d be gay!”

And I just looked at them and I decided to break the bad news to them

“If lying next to another guy makes you wanna suck dick, you already wanted to suck dick.”

I’ve never seen so many Straight Guys™️ enraged by a single sentence before

This is the best thing I’ve ever read in my life.

I started my first year of college majoring in education. My college normally had a sort of ASU 101 course where you show up, and you’re shown your major specific study areas, as well as general tips about the campus, and guides on handling stress and stuff (Pro Tip: Just about anything but excessive drinking is fine). Anyway, the teachers college has a huge problem with students changing majors so they decided that having a weekend camp would be a great way to build camaraderie in the major. Which was a good idea, but there were no other good ideas about how that went. So, taking it from the top, here’s how the camp went: First we arrived. Arriving went fine, so they get credit for one thing going right. There was a sort of obstacle-adventure course thing planned, and each group had a starting point in the circuit. The guys were all put in one group, and our first event was… Not Paintball. See, they’d originally planned paintball, but then there’d been a school shooting like a week before. If they kept the paintball, you know, it would’ve been in bad taste but I’d still have played. If they’d cancelled the paintball entirely, that would’ve made sense. Instead, they got rid of the paintball guns, gave us slingshots, and told us to have at it. It was very painful. Overdraw the slingshot, hurts like shit. Underdraw, also hurts like shit. The popping of the paintball disperses a lot of energy. Also, the paintballs reeked for some reason. Everyone said they smelled like rotten fish. I’m a jackass and I don’t have a sense of smell, so I gathered as many of the stank-balls as I could find while hunting down my peers and popped them over myself. Like stinky warpaint. We never learned what the second event was, because one of the events was an obstacle course and someone broke their leg and had to get airvac’d out and they just canceled everything for the day.

We as the men’s groups smelled horrible because of the stinky paintballs, so we went to take a shower. Sign on the bathroom said that there was a water shortage in the area, so we had to lather up before going in. We covered ourselves in suds, walked into the showers, turned on the water, and lo, nothing.

Apparently, the organizers were supposed to bring their own.

We went to them, still covered in soap, and learned that they had no water, and the nearest way to get it was over three hours away. They did however have offbrand gatorade. So we could rise off with gatorade, or we cold leave the soap on and get rashes. Itchy or sticky. We chose sticky. It turned out that it was a lot closer to koolaid than gatorade because it kind of tinged our hair pink.

After that, all 40+ of us guys decided to tuck in for the evening (this is where this all becomes relevant to the post). We got to our cabin and learned that it only had 25 or so beds. Ideal. Excellent, even. Our solution was for everyone to take all their spare clothing, put it into the middle of the room, and make a nest before drawing straws. Winners got beds, losers go floor, and yours truly was banished to a corner because without a true shower I still smelled like sunripe fish.

I am bisexual, and the most gay thing I have ever done is look at the pile of pink haired men spooning in a pile of underpants and gym socks and felt hot envy for twelve consecutive hours. I have never wanted anything as bad as I wanted to be part of the sticky cuddle puddle while freezing my lonely ass off in my desolate corner covered in stink and gatorade.

Then morning came and we went home. 10/10 experience. Literally wouldn’t trade it for the world. There is no success that could even hold a candle to a failure this spectacular.

the funniest and most tragic moment in steven universe is the scene that implies that Pearl pulls bitches like a professional dog walker but doesn't know how phones work so her place on earth is being a life-changing futch fling for every dyke on the east coast there's probably a gay bar in maryland where they talk about the twiggy bird chick that eats milf pussy like it's the last edible thing on earth and they dont even know about the city full of thousand year old neon lesbian amazons who are pent up 24/7 from The War and leaving room for jesus cause they're always hanging out with their softboy nephew who might be the second coming of christ

I do wholeheartedly believe Jeremy Carver is a sick sick freak. I like Supernatural Seasons 8-11 but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his decrepit apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he's ever used in any of his seasons and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he'll text Misha Collins pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like "see how I take care of you Misha?" and then the following day Misha Collins will find him at the service table and go, "Geez Jeremy look at this," and Jeremy will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Misha Collins. and the next time Jeremy is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Misha Collins will accidentally get lost on his way to the bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Kathryn Newton or Mark Sheppard to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Jeremy looks sort of resigned when he says, "I see you finally found my secret, Misha," and Misha Collins will try and pretend that he's fine with it but they both know better. and Jeremy will go (the look in his eyes back again) "We both know this can't get out, right?" and he'll grin very suddenly and Misha Collins will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the haunted haunted street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Misha Collins's cheeks but he can't say a word and Jeremy, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, "look, I'll drive you to the airport, huh?" and Misha Collins will try to refuse but they both know it's futile. and, halfway through the drive, Jeremy Carver will smile and say, "I'll miss working with you" and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Misha Collins's Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames

we should use the word "cisgender" more often as a modifier for comedic purposes. putting my stupid toast in the cisgender toaster. i have full conviction in this idea

Help me jumblr. What was that quote that goes something like "the easiest way to drum up support for a cause is to promise people they'll get a chance to be violent against other people and the violence will be righteous? I thought it was by Sartre but nothing similar is coming up

Is it this?

~Aldous Huxley, Crome Yellow

That's the one. Thanks a bunch

If it's a tie between two, which is typically comfiest?

To quote the first (and my personal favorite) iteration I ever saw of this meme:

I believe everything should be offline, I believe that every time something that is not your internet browser (and I'm being generous here) should have a big red alert that says THIS PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM NEEDS TO CONNECT TO THE INTERNET AND REQUESTS YOUR CONSENT TO DO THIS SPECIFIC THING, and you had to touch a big red button and it would disconnect as soon as you close it.

"oh you can't edit this document on your device :) you need to save it to the Google Panopticon first :)" "Adobe needs to update on the background sorry we'll just steal your RAM for a bit :) you don't need to notice don't open the task manager your so sexy ahaha" "Windows needs to be online to send everything you do... somewhere"

IN MY TIME Microsoft Word had to ask permission to even put an hyperlink, let alone fucking update in the background. Videogames had to BEG to connect to a LAN network, now Gabe Newell gives any dev the power to install whatever the fuck in my hard drive.

Computers used to know RESPECT, now they're all assholes who want access to your contact list.

My laptop installed Copilot without telling me. Apparently it was part of the latest windows update.

It's uninstalled now, but there's a word we used to use for programs that secretly installed themselves on your machine.

Malware.

My parents have a “Festivus” party every year and this year I found this sign on their bedroom door

she's already dead what do you mean

charles transitioned

Saw this meme when Chucky pissed on his mom's grave by coronating Camilla and it seems appropriate to add here:

wow i guess you could say they had ch

had ch

they had che

they

ppl in the north don't believe in god as much because it barely lightnings up there. northerners don't even worry about getting smote. that's why the bible belt is all humid states

am i onto something here

Correlation IS causation!

Seems like theres also an ammont of lightning that makes people go "fuck this, this is too much, aint no way God's there" as can be seen by the tip of Florida not being included in the bible belt while also having the most lightning

I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache

life just goes on no matter what

You turn left at the place where you turn, then right at the mcdonalds, no not that one, the one three or four lights from now, and then turn right when you get to the building you turn right at. What do you mean the streets are numbered?