Bowtie in Bellingham

Sending my most reliable corporate staffer to Connecticut to shut down a Christmas tree farm. Wish me luck

I keep sending them, but they don't come back. I really just need to shut down this farm. Do you think I should go check it out

Can I go with? My fiancé, one of your reliable corporate staffers, who I was supposed to marry January 1st hasn’t been answering my calls either

Good idea. I'm sure if you remind her of your lucrative upcoming business deal she'll come back.

#it turns out that there's only a fine line between a hallmark special and a horror film

“How you react to the world is political and human and there’s no difference between those two things.” (x)

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.

I know there is a lot of discourse (tm) around this right now but listen to me

sometimes you do just have to lie to children.

If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying “mama? Big ball?”

If I were lean down and say “unfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotions” she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.

So, for now, instead “big ball went night night!”

Please understand when I say “removed the ball from the premises” I mean I popped it in a fit of exhausted confusion. I murdered the beach ball.

See I’ve lied to you all too and it was better this way.

you can’t just leave this in the tags etc.

You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter

[ID: tags: "#that wasn't a lie though the big ball did go night night #it went to the great night night that awaits us all" /end ID]

"There on the river bank lay a lovely girl of twenty . . ."

Virgil Finlay (1914-1971) - Illustration for Warren A. Reed's 'Little Yowlie'

(Fantastic Adventures Vol.5 #7, July, 1943)

might be my favourite post ever from the twitter menswear guy

ily, menswear guy

X

i fucking love the matrix

some of u should have an OnlyClowns account

what the fuck do you think a tumblr is

this post is for broccoli fans ONLY 🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦 broccoli i love you

the point is being goofy together and fucking

hey reminder btw bc I'm already starting to see this I know we're all emotional and all

but do not discuss legally actionable things on tumblr

not " in minecraft" , not via slang, not Just Joking, not at all

absolutely plan what you're gonna plan but either (ideally) don't do it online or , if you must, use MUCH more secure means

something something summary line, just practice basic internet safety . in minecraft.

A reminder from the National Lawyers Guild:

This is exactly how big cats take down larger prey animals - jump on the back and sever the spinal cord. Had it not been for their anti-cat armor, this child would have been lunch.

yes. fuck that baby up!