andrew garfield saying, “i hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that i didn’t get to tell her” about his mothers passing is so gut wrenchingly beautiful because we rarely talk about the love we want to express but can’t, not because you’re not brave enough to say it out loud but because they’re not here to listen to it anymore. calling grief the love you never had the chance to share makes it less of a burden and more of something you want to keep and not something terrible you want to move on from. i love love how everything about grief always comes down to “what is grief if not love persevering?”
Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn / The Lion In Winter - James Goldman / The Last Days of Judas Iscariot - Guirgis / Hemlock Grove / Thirteen / Mayans MC / The Joy Luck Club / Easier Than Lying - Halsey / Playing God - Paramore / Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
home is the first grave
@filmnoirsbian x (from @willemdafoegf 's post // catherine lacey // chen chen // silas denver melvin // aloha from hell, richard kadrey // courtney love prays to oregon // @heavensghost // st. lucy’s home for girl’s raised by wolves // x // taylor swift’s “my tears ricochet” // this post @ceemetery
what a mother does for you out of obligation vs what a mother does for you because she wants to. the taste of a cup of coffee made from obligation vs. the taste of a cup of coffee made. did you raise me because you wanted to or did you raise me because you had to, because i was in your home and you thought, i have to put food in every mouth under this roof. did you look at me with love or did you look at me. did you ever look at me? did you ever see me? did you want to? do you want to still? if i asked you to love me would you laugh? would you ask me why? would you tell me to not ask such stupid questions? would you go to bed and wonder to yourself, why does she think i don't love her? i've done everything for her i've bathed her i've clothed her i've fed her i kept a roof over her head. isn't that love? do you even know? do you know what love looks like? did your mother love you? did she make you coffee? can you tell me what it tasted like?
Andrew Garfield on losing his mother, The Believer
Louise Glück, from “Unpainted Door”, Poems 1962-2012