Love Scenario

Summary: When Phil first saw him in the spring, he thought he looked like bubblegum. Word Count: 5,325 Warnings: tooth rotting fluff, mentions of kpop, phil is thirsty af A/N: I got an ask a few months ago from someone talking about how this person they knew from high school was completely different and confident and they liked that, and this was inspired by that bc it was such a cute thing. I really wanted to write a fic where Dan wears makeup and soft things, so this is a very Dan-centric fic and I hella dig it. Also feel free to let me know other things y'all want me to write! The title of this song is from Love Scenario by iKon! Special thanks to @dandelionisonfire for screaming with me about this fic, ty ly bb Read it on ao3! Read it on wattpad!

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When Phil first saw him in the spring, he thought he looked like bubblegum.

His brown hair was curly atop his head, little messy ringlets that were so effortless yet still so stylish. His eyes were shining, framed by long eyelashes that kissed the freckles on his cheeks. Those very eyes were like pools of honey, sparkling with a light of their own and golden brown in the sunlight. His cheeks were pink, lips resembling cherry blossoms, and it was such a beautiful contrast to his porcelain skin that Phil could have sworn he was a walking doll. He was wearing makeup, that much Phil could tell from afar, with a light dusting of pink eyeshadow and winged eyeliner. There was a smattering of glitter on his cheekbones. Highlighter? Phil didn’t know the logistics of makeup, but he thought this boy was absolutely stunning.

He was wearing high waisted shorts, ones that showed off his pretty, rounded thighs and had six buttons on the front. Phil wondered if the buttons actually did what they were supposed to, or if they were just for show. He was wearing a light pink crop top with a small embroidered cactus on the breast. His pink converse matched his shirt and everything about him was pink and bright and Phil lost it completely when he saw the boy blow a bubble out of bubblegum he was chewing.

Bury Your Flame (2/3)

Summary: After receiving a dragon egg when his grandfather passed away, Phil is forced to ask for help from the local dragon tamer. As he soon finds out, Dan Howell is nothing he’s been expecting. Infuriating, ludicrous, and completely lacking respect, Dan is everything Phil hates. But Phil will do anything to make his grandfather proud, even if that means getting help from the local cluck. Word Count: 14,412 / 45k Warnings: Blood/gore, angst, threats, major injury A/N:Thank you so much to @dandelionisonfire for betaing this for me again! I’ll try to get the next part out shortly, but it may take longer than two days because I’m going out of town this weekend. We’ll see though! Thanks for reading, I love you all!

Part One

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Part Two

Phil had gone over to Dan’s hut early in the morning, and they were currently taking a break. They’d hiked further up the mountain so the air was slightly thinner and they were sitting on a steep ledge, looking out at the tiny appearance of Lilium. Phil could see his own home from there, the very home that he had grown up in and had even gotten lost inside seeming so small that he could simply crush it in his palm.

While Phil was sitting farther away from the ledge, trying rather hard not to die, Dan had decided to sit on the actual ledge, feet dangling over in a way that made Phil fear that he was going to fall. Dan was humming a song, even kicking his feet as he played with Ophelia. It was giving Phil a nasty feeling in his chest, something akin to fear, because if Dan fell over the edge then he would be falling to his death.

If it were up to Phil, he would get up and move Dan himself, but sadly he was immobile at the moment. If he were to move, then he would dislodge Atlas, who had curled up into a ball on his lap. That was simply just disgraceful and not something that was possible at the moment. So instead, he called out to Dan, a frown on his face. “Tamer,” he demanded, trying to keep his voice as emotionless as possible. It would be weak to show his worry. “Come sit against the wall with me.”

Bury Your Flame (1/3)

Summary: After receiving a dragon egg when his grandfather passed away, Phil is forced to ask for help from the local dragon tamer. As he soon finds out, Dan Howell is nothing he’s been expecting. Infuriating, ludicrous, and completely lacking respect, Dan is everything Phil hates. But Phil will do anything to make his grandfather proud, even if that means getting help from the local cluck. Word Count: 14,320 / 45k Warnings: Blood/gore, angst, threats, major injury A/N: At long last, I'm finally uploading the first part of my dragon tamer au! This fic will be approximately 45k words and will include some violent scenes and angst. But it's also just really fun at the same time! Thank you so much to @dandelionisonfire for betaing this for me and for helping me out with this story. You're the best and i couldn't ask for a better person to look at this fic. This fic is basically my baby after I've been working on it since last June, but hadn't been able to finish it until I had finished Sweet Pea! And now it's going up! I'm emotional lol. Thanks for reading i love you all and the next part will be up in a few days xoxo

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Two days after Phil’s grandfather had passed away, a loud knock resounded on Phil’s bedchamber door. He didn’t have the chance to grant access to the visitor before his door was opening, revealing his father.

“Philip,” the King said solemnly, and Phil sat up curiously on his bed, giving him a confused glance. His father, dressed in his usual elegant attire, had an odd looking box cradled in his arms. It looked like a small chest, with stained purple wood and sparkling golden plates to protect it from harm. It wasn’t too large, yet big enough that it obviously held something inside of it. Perhaps gold or jewels?

“Father,” Phil replied, trying his hardest to sound respectful. He stood from his bed, bowing his head. “To what do I owe you this pleasant surprise?”

The King took his time making his way over to Phil, gesturing his son to sit back on the bed. Still holding the box to his chest, they sat in a comfortable silence until his father finally broke it. “Before your grandfather passed, he confided in me that he wanted you to take care of this.” He handed the box to Phil, who took it in his hands gingerly. It wasn’t as heavy as he’d imagined it would be, but it was heavy enough for him to be aware that there was definitely something inside. “A letter is inside detailing what it is, exactly, but it was very important to your grandfather that you have this. He told me that he wanted you to keep his legacy alive by doing this favour for him. Do you think you can handle that?”

Phil glanced down at the box quizzically. He couldn’t very much tell what it was just by the outside, but the depth to his father’s tone made his stomach clench with nerves. “But what is it, father?” he asked quietly, running his hands down the sides of the chest. There was a lock keeping it shut but he didn’t have the key.

i think the hardest scene to write in my opinion is action scenes. as soon as things start getting actiony up in there, my mind goes blank and i forget what description is

My dragon tamer fic is now 30k words long and i have no idea how that happened or how the fuck i want to post it wtf

So i went to go write my dragon tamer fic bc i havent been able to write in a couple of days and apparently this is the last thing i wrote down. I dont remember this

Sweet Pea (34/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: Guys! Holy crap! This is... this is IT. It's the END. How can this be?! For an entire year, I've been writing this fic (since april!) and now it's done! First of all, I would like to thank irl Nico for making this possible and creating my greatest work yet, and also to my mom for birthing me. I'd like to thank you guys, my lovely followers, for reading and sparing your time for this fic. Yall are amazing and I couldn't ask for better people to read my fic. I've made a playlist with all of the songs from this fic, which can be found here. If you guys have any questions to do with the fic and true events, head over to my ask box and ask away! I love you all so much and thank you for everything :') I'm crying now hahaha. The song at the beginning of this is called Lucky by Aurora!

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Epilogue

What lies behind makes no sense in my mind but I know that it's time to let go. And I feel the light for the very first time; Not anybody knows that I am lucky to be alive.

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Phil used to think that the opposite of love was hate. That’s what everyone had told him ever since he’d been brought into the world, after all. If you hated someone, you didn’t love them. If you loved someone, you didn’t hate them. They were complete opposites and could never cross over into one another.

He didn’t believe in that saying anymore.

Throughout his time with Nico, Phil had gone through many emotions. He had been in love, he’d been afraid, sad, angry, jealous. For a long time, he was stuck between despising Nico and loving him, the two emotions coexisting alongside each other in a way that everyone had thought was impossible. Because how could you hate someone that you loved? Didn’t that defeat the purpose of loving them because they were both on different sides of the spectrum?

That’s why, about two years after Phil had finally said goodbye to Nico, he made the decision that love and hate weren’t very different after all.

Sweet Pea (33/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: Holy crappu! Chapter 33! Only one more chapter left and then this fic will be finished! I literally am in shock right now honestly. I'll save all the gushy stuff for the next chapter, but i'm still in shock lol. The final chapter is more like an epilogue so it may be out before Saturday since I already have half of it written! So keep your eye out for that! Sorry this chapter is late, i had a lot going on these couple of weeks and then like three hours ago I was almost finished with this but my roommate asked if I wanted to watch The Killing of a Sacred Deer (it's a movie i promise) and i was like. Um yeah who do you take me for OF COURSE! So here we are, three hours into sunday, and I'm an ass! Thank you all for reading this and for your lovely comments! The song at the beginning is from Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye

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Chapter Thirty-Three

Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you said you felt so happy you could die. Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company. But that was love and it's an ache I still remember.

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University starts before Phil is truly ready for it.

One moment, he feels like he’s just minding his own business working and lazing around the house, and the next he’s scrambling to do last minute school shopping (i.e., buy a pack of pencils and that’s it). It hits him hard, but his friends are there for him and he even shares his creative nonfiction class with Charlie, so he can’t be too terribly mad.

The first couple of weeks go by rather slowly. His professors are all nice, and Phil had gotten a doctor’s note from his psychologist saying that he may have to miss school sometimes due to an ‘underlying mental illness’, which really just meant his post-traumatic stress disorder that occasionally flared up here and there. While it had gotten better, he wasn’t completely healed yet. Apparently that shit either took years to go away, or even never went away. But Phil was optimistic and every time he could smell Nico’s old cologne or watch Nico’s favourite show without going into freakout mode was a win for him.

Sweet Pea (32/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: Hey guys! Back at it again with another edition to SP 8) I've thankfully finished my midterms without dying, which is great news! Now I'm going to my parents' house, which is ironic considering the theme of today's chapter! Thank you for reading this fic and leaving such amazing comments. I love you all so much! The lyrics at the beginning are from the song I Found by Amber Run!

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Chapter Thirty-Two

I found love where it wasn't supposed to be: right in front of me.

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When Phil thought about meeting Dan’s parents, this hadn’t exactly been what he had in mind. He’d assumed that maybe they would have prior arrangements where Dan would lead Phil into a restaurant or something and introduce Phil as his parents sat smiling at the table. Maybe Dan’s parents would have to stand up to shake Phil’s hand and Phil would smile gleefully at them as he introduced himself. After that, they would have a nice dinner and Dan would cast little proud glances over at Phil as Phil chatted up Dan’s parents, effectively wooing them.

It did not go like that. Not at all.

No, instead, Phil had been in the shower when Dan’s parents randomly showed up at their flat. When Dan had knocked on the bathroom door before slowly cracking it open. The steam from the shower immediately began to leak out from the opening and Phil shivered as a breeze of cool air hit his skin.

“Close the door and join me!” Phil whined, poking his head out from the shower curtain. He pouted at Dan, his hair dripping into his eyes, and the sight made Dan laugh. He watched with bright eyes as Dan quietly shut the door behind him, which was strange because normally he would have just left it open or allowed it to slam shut. But he did neither, seeming to brace the door shutting with his fingertips.

Sweet Pea (30/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: Thank you so much to everybody who leaves comments and stuff! It really makes my day :D finally the fluff you've been waiting for hehehe. The song at the beginning is called A Lovely Mess by Front Porch Step!

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Chapter Thirty

I’m not those men that made you cry, and I promise I will spend my life just trying to make you feel alive. ‘Cause you are broken and I am such a wreck. I swear I’ll love you til dead.

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Phil’s eyes fluttered open to the sight of sunshine leaking in through his closed eyelids. His cheek hurt and he could tell that his eyes were swollen, his arm asleep from where he was lying on it, and it was then that he realised that he was on the floor. How he went from the bed to the floor was beside him, but he didn’t question it and instead focused on the complete and utter embarrassment that coursed through his body as he remembered exactly what had happened yesterday.

He’d tried to get Dan to kiss him and Dan had flat out rejected him. Which is fine, honestly, Phil didn’t expect Dan to return his feelings just because he was there for Phil when nobody else was. Phil wasn’t entitled to him, didn’t have dibs on him, but it still hurt. It hurt because Phil’s feelings were real. He wanted to kiss Dan. He wanted to hold his hands and cuddle him and push his fingers through Dan’s hair.

He wanted to give Dan his entire heart and tell him just how much he meant to him.

Except he couldn’t, because Dan didn’t want that. Phil would much rather have Dan in his life as a friend than to lose him forever, but his chest still felt empty and his limbs were tired and his heart was tired, and maybe he should just go back to sleep.

Dont write fanfiction about serious topics unless you know anything about it or unless you do a lot of research about it! It can be really damaging and invalidating to people who have gone through those experiences to not have their experiences be written about in an informative light!

Sweet Pea (28/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N:  Hallo I'm uploading early because I'm going to chicago and won't have time to upload on saturday! so surprise update! The lyrics at the top are from Deep Sea Diver by Darwin Deez (rly recommend listening to this song as you read!) . Thank you, @snowbunnylester, for editing for me (:

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Chapter Twenty-Eight

You and I are sitting on the ocean floor. You were tired of swimming and you're so bored. Little yellow fish float past your sullen face. Shouldn't you smile once in a while?

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After Phil’s conversation with Dan, he felt a lot more confident about his decision to go back to school. It was going to be rough, that was definitely for sure, but there was no longer that unsettling feeling of dread sitting in the pit of Phil’s stomach at all hours of the day.

Of course, Phil was definitely worried. He worried a lot. He worried about going back to school and getting in the swing of things. He worried about his friends and making friends in his classes. He worried about the course load and if he could handle the homework on top of his shitty mental health.

He worried about Nico.

Nico was the one thing that Phil was the most concerned about, and he didn’t think that would go away any time soon. There was a looming fear inside of him that screamed in his face, spiting him, telling him that as soon as he stepped outside of the flat, Nico was going to appear and make things worse for Phil again. He was going to control Phil’s life, tell him that he was a whore, that he couldn’t believe how quickly Phil had gotten over him. Despite the fact that Phil wasn’t over Nico and didn’t think he ever would be.

Sweet pea alternative summary

Sweet Pea (27/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: Kind of a short chapter, but that's alright. I think it's important! I'm excited about the next few chapters ahhh. Chapter 28 MAY come out a little bit early? Not positive? Because I'm going to chicago this next weekend, but it depends on if i have internet connection or not. If I have internet connection then i'm gonna upload it on saturday as usual! Thanks for @snowbunnylester for editing for me. The lyrics at the beginning are from The Fire by Tonight Alive.

ALSO, thank you SO MUCH to everybody who voted for this fic in the phanfic awards. I am super proud to announce that this fic won many awards! Sweet Pea was officially voted first place Best of the Best fic, Best Angst, and Best Chaptered, and second place in the Edge of the Seat Award, and Slow Burn, for the phanfic awards 2017! I appreciate and love all of you and i'm gonna cry wtf!

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Chapter Twenty-Seven

But I made it out alive. I’m here to say I breathe; at least I try. I won’t go without a fight. You can’t stop me.

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Phil has been doing a lot of thinking.

Truth was, he was bored. He was bored of life. His life had become an endless cycle of the same things over and over again; get up, go to work, get back home, clean the house, make dinner, play video games, talk to Dan, go to sleep. Over and over and over again. There was nothing for him to be excited about, nothing that made the wheels in his head turn to make him think, nothing to expand his knowledge about subjects that he cared about.

He missed school. He missed his friends. He missed going out. He missed how he would go to school and giggle in the middle of lectures because his friend had decided to make a lame sex joke under their breath. He missed going to the dining halls on campus and watching the people walk past as he ate a sad enchilada. He missed how he had to stay up late to finish essays because he’d procrastinated way too much. Okay well, maybe he didn’t miss that part, but he missed the other stuff and it almost made him long for that as well.

He was trapped in an endless cycle of boredom and he didn’t really know what to do about it.