siri read a message from my mom (2017)

i think we’ve gotten as close to a real life Howler as we can get

this is literally the funniest thing Ive ever seen in my life

Source

the creator of deadpool being explained who deadpool is will still be my favorite of all the memes

i think it’s a shame that so many people speak perfect english just from the internet/tv and get no real recognition for it. there’s this horrible assumption that being fluent in english is just a given (propaganda from americans in cargo shorts i believe) and english is brushed off as an “easy” language. that isn’t the case at all and if you’ve learned english that’s amazing and im honestly in awe. i hate that people achieve so much to reach the minimum expectation, and then english speakers will pat themselves on the back for being able to count to 10 in french

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug

The most traumatizing moment as a child was when Joe replaced Steve on Blues Clues.

Steve went to “college”.

Sureeee, Nickelodeon.

Sureeeee….

I didnt even see the episode when Steve left.. I just turned the show one day and

5 year old me:

Part 1: https://youtu.be/5g3mnv6-ICg

Part 2: https://youtu.be/pwpC4IxvXTU

WE WOULD’VE ACCEPTED YOU STEVE. MY DAD WAS BALD. I COULD HANDLE IT!!! I FUCKING HAAAATE JOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is how he looks now

I also found this.. lmao..

#bringbacksteveburns2018

https://www.gopetition.com/petitions/petition-to-renew-blues-clues-with-steve-burns.html

5000 NOTES BUT 7 PEOPLE, INCLUDING ME, SIGNED IT. FAKE BLUES CLUES FANS

#bringbacksteveburns2018

#bringbacksteveburns2018

I signed it Wooooo

The struggle between me wanting to be successful and me wanting to lay in bed 24/7

Jordan Peele accepts Best Original Screenplay for ‘Get Out’ onstage during The 23rd Annual Critics’ Choice Awards // January 11, 2018

Just flip ‘em!

Please do this for them if you find one… They are so completely harmless and just want to get back to cleaning the sea floor.  I love them so much :)

they’re literally just ocean roombas please be nice to them

[WHEEZE]

Chaotic good.

“More, please.”

That might be the clearest instructions I’ve ever seen from an animal