*sighs eternally*

When a bartender becomes a father

This is terrible but today when I was playing volleyball outside with some friends one of their children (18 months) was sort of ambling around on his stumpy little toddler legs and so we were all trying to be careful and like not spike the ball onto the baby but then he wandered over to his father, who picked him up bc dad reflexes, and then the ball got passed over to the dad and he sort of had a no thoughts moment and instinctively used his child to smack the volleyball over to the next person. Like he just swung the kid and used his legs like a baseball bat. I'm never going to forget his face of premature regret mid baby-manuever right when he realized what he was doing AND the instant he realized his wife saw it happen. Anyway the baby was fine he didn't make contact with the ball all that hard and he was just mad his dad wouldn't use him as a club again but I had to sit down because I laughed so hard I cried.

absolutely flabbergasted

Only valid facial expression

to be fair I’ll bet literally NO ONE even tried to warn them there’d be robot banjo skeletons out here

(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)

baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*

my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.

baby: ighbu.

sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!

baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!

sister: exactly!

baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.

my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?

baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.

[a split second goes by]

baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.

me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?

baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.

me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?

baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.

*pronounced like "on" without the n

this comment passes peer review

thinkin about a baby of my acquaintance & how when her parents are hanging out & chatting, she'll almost fully participate in the conversation--politely watching who's talking, saying something approx the same length & tone of what her parents are saying, occasionally using a questioning cadence & looking at someone specific for an answer, laughing when they laugh--doing everything except actually using any recognizable language

this baby also once tipped me a granola bar at work. she'd been watching everyone in line very closely & when it was her parent's turn, at exactly the right point in the transaction for a tip, she pickpocketed her mom's granola bar & shoved it in the tip har

This baby has better social skills than me

art

This is my fucking favorite thing I’ve ever seen I’m sobbing

I thought the baby was copying them, but its actually the other way around and now I’m cackling. This is stupid cute.

This video clip has watered my crops and cleansed my angry soul!

:’)

Sholom Ber Solomon & His Daughter Zoe.

This is goddamn adorable

My heart like

Batman: Gotham Adventures #26

Omg Bruce, pick up a baby carrier or make a sling out of Robin’s cape or something.

@edithbach

OK but this… THIS right here is motherfucking Batman. Not Captain Angry Nihilist screaming randian bollocks at Morally Ambiguous Superman in the rain, not some motherfucker who runs people over with the batmobile because he doesn’t give a fuck. THIS is Batman, this right here. A man who experienced soul-rending, awful loss in his life and decided to dedicate it to saving as many people as he possibly could from experiencing the same pain.

Batman would hold a baby as best he could, and graciously accept advice when someone told him he was doing it wrong. Batman would ask Alfred for advice on the baby bottle. Because it’s not about him, it’s about doing the best he can to help anyone who needs it. 

Adorable baby fakes crying when daddy tries to cut her fingernails. (x)

You will be very, very sorry…. Forever.

Gotham Adventures #26

This should be the new “is your Batman remotely like Batman” test. Can your version of Batman be caring enough to hold and care for a small child, yet still menace four criminals into surrendering, and even then still not be scary enough that a civilian can just go up to him and say “hey you holding that baby wrong, you clearly do not know what you’re doing. Let me help.” And he accepts her help, doesn’t try pretend he doesn’t need help because it’d hurt his image. 

That’s Batman.

biggest plot twist in all of history

*patiently waits 34787894745 years for sequel*

That’s the best advice ever, because everyone is somebody’s baby

8 month old baby hearing his mother’s voice for the first time with cochlear implant

This is the most beautiful thing ever.

thank you science 

THE BINKY JUST…….

DROPPED

IM CRYING