Things overheard in my ap classes:

“Dude. I’m going to get so hammered this weekend.”
“I have to read crime and punishment by Monday- I’ll just do it all Sunday night"
“If you could get full ride to any college by killing a man, would you do it?” “In a second.”
[A guy showing a girl how to put notes into a calculator in order to cheat on the AP calc BC test] “My morals have crashed like the Russian economy after the collapse of the USSR.”
“What class is this?” “AP FIGHT CLUB”
“What if we all just didn’t show up for graduation?”
“It is my unalienable right to not be here right now. I’m entitled to the pursuit of happiness and this isn’t it.”
“I’ll pay you $15 to do my physics homework.” “Shit, I’ll do it for free if you do my lit homework.”
[1st hour AP Human Geo: A girl pours a bottle of mountain dew and a can of monster into a thermos, shakes it up, and drinks it in one go.] “I have tests in every hour today and I got 15 minutes of sleep. Desperate times, ya know?”
“But if you’re valedictorian, and she’s salutoriain, and the six of us are top 2%, then who’s driving the bus?”
“so. did anyone do the calc homework?” *chorus of no’s* “you know, i don’t know why I even asked.”
“maybe if we all pretend we don’t know what we’re doing, he’ll move the calculus test.” “Honey, I don’t even need to pretend.”