i have so many (very normal) thoughts about the way this episode handled the whole joel wanting tommy to take ellie to the fireflies plot
in the game, joel's feelings and internal struggle aren't explicitly told to you, just very heavily implied through little things (i.e. joel refusing the picture of sarah in the game, him saying "and you'll be doing even better with tommy", and overall just general knowledge of his character up until that point). in fact, i'd say joel attempts to hide his feelings from the player and tommy, his argument for tommy taking ellie simply being that she could be a cure. but for the purposes of moving on with the story, the implications told you all you needed to know about what the true reason was.
its implied that the reason joel wanted tommy to complete the trip with ellie is because he's scared. we assume the fact joel can't imagine not being able to protect ellie in the same way he couldn't protect sarah.
but in the show?
we get to see joel completely and utterly vulnerable for the first time. it's beautiful, and its so incredibly heartbreaking. joel tells tommy he's afraid. joel says he's too weak to protect ellie, and he's crying. after joel tells ellie about this, we are shown that he thinks of sarah. i was absolutely NOT expecting to see joel so desperate and so detailed in explaining why he wanted tommy to take ellie to the fireflies; moreover, i did not anticipate such an exploration of joel's thoughts.
but the unexpectedness is what makes it so perfect.
the level of emotion we get from joel in this scene is a testament to just how much he's grown to truly love ellie during their time together. we never see him so emotionally vulnerable until he's accepted how much he loves her. we're aware of this when playing the game, but we don't get to delve into it in such a way; it's just something that's understood.
the show doesn't stop at making us understand it. the sheer intensity of joel's feelings in the show make us as painfully aware of how terrified he is of losing ellie as joel is himself.
safe to say, i don't think i'm emotionally prepared for what's to come.