are you flipping my flops rn??

Hear me out. Maedhros would make an incredible high king not only for his own skill, but because he has six brothers keeping a close eye on everything.

Maedhros: The Leader. Inspiring. Strong. The strategist unbeaten. The one who survived what no other elf has. An incredibly strong personality that can bring even the most stubborn into his command. Undefeated in battle, feared by Morgoth himself. The diplomat who can bring together groups of people who hate each other to a common goal. A King in every sense of the word with a presence that sends the enemy scattering and elves thinking several times before daring to cross him. 

Maglor: PR and Media. Songs that can turn stupid costly mistakes into tragic tales of heroism and strength spread far a wide until no one can remember a version of events other than what he says. A great right hand able to take over when needed. Commanding, responsible, charming, can get anyone to tell him anything and great at establishing diplomatic connections. The people person. Loud and powerful or the quiet shadow at Mae’s back, always watching. Reading the court before the elves even know what they think and exposing them with deceptively soft words.  

Celegorm: The Hunter. Keeps the lands safe. Keeps them fed. Keeps an eye on the hunters and the army in general. You can’t escape him. You can’t hide from him. And with all the languages and tongues of birds and beats he speaks, he hears all. 

Caranthir: The Tradesman. The money man. Keeps everything running, keeps an eye on the economy, great at establishing trade routes that leave the Noldor in the best position. Good with materials and knows exactly what they need when. For what time of year. When to trade it. Smart and shrewd, you can’t double cross him, and he’ll always get you the best prices. 

Curufin: The forge master. The armourer. The architect. Nothing beats his work, and Mae’s armour especially is literally impenetrable. He’s the one who keeps the city at its peak, no stone at anything but perfect condition and weapons unlike any other. Hidden passages and secret stores. But he’s also a silver tongue like his eldest two brothers and he’s *very* good at convincing people, but also tearing them down and making sure they’ll never be a threat again. He can and will destroy your life before your eyes and you’ll never recover.

Ambarussa: The Spies. You don’t see them coming. You think Amrod’s gone only for Amras to take his place. Light footed and underestimated, they route out any schemes. They’re also the best connected to the green elves, so easily overlooked but smarter than most give them credit for. They’re the resident healers, and can make a poultice out of anything.

Celebrimbor: The Inventor. The one whose creativity knows no bounds. The creator of incredible Power infused devices like the rings to keep his people and family safe. A leader in his own right trained by his father and uncles who Maedhros is proud to call his heir. 

Feel free to add your own thoughts!

Celegorm can understand animals.

Celegorm was a great hunter, riding with Orome.

Celegorm is used killing creatures that are begging for their lives, and getting praised for it.

No wonder he was the one who advocated attacking Doriath - Aqualonde was not really anything new to him.

I’m still thinking about it.

Celegorm learned the languages of bird and beast in Orome’s halls, presumably after he was already a hunter. He probably freaked out about how he had been killing beings he could have talked to and befriended. For fuck’s sake, elves call themselves Quendi (those who speak), this is fundamental to their definition of themselves as a species.

 Ainur don’t really understand incarnate things like ‘death’ or ‘needing to eat’ or ‘accidentally doing evil’, so Orome’s explanation of ecosystems and life webs is not quite what Celegorm needs to hear. Any attempts Celegorm makes to ask his father get either derailed into linguistics or dismissed with “Of course your life is worth more than that of a deer, you’re a prince of the Noldor.” Celegorm is left with two potential paths.

1. Believe that animals are people just like elves, and if the death of an elf is a tragedy so is the death of an animal, who don’t even get Mandos. Do everything possible to prevent animal death. Become a vegetarian, convince all the other elves to become vegetarians, and attempt to convince the Valar to make all animals healthy as vegetarians. This requires believing that both the Valar and Feanor are wrong about something.

2. If it’s not evil that some creatures need to kill others to survive, some lives are simply worth more than others. A hound’s life is more valuable than a rabbit’s, and an elf’s life more valuable still, based on what you will risk to save each one. The distinction isn’t made on the basis of who can speak, so it must be based on something else. The most obvious rule is ‘The lives most useful to elves are most valuable,’ along with ‘Some beings need to kill to live and that’s just part of the Music.”

Celegorm goes with option number 2.

After Aqualonde, the guilt that shows up is familiar in a way it is for no one else. It shows up after every hunt, and he acknowledges that he killed people who wanted to live, who will be mourned, some of whom he knew, same as ever. But they need to die for him and is family to live, and so killing them was just. A wolf and a hound aren’t far different, but if they’re fighting, you kill the one that’s not your friend, and everyone agrees it’s moral; Teleri and Noldor are at least as distinct.

(If he was become the wolf rather than the hound, wolves have their place as well. You don’t kill off the wolves to protect the deer, though it would save them pain.)

Celegorm but everything about him is 10x funnier because he's a chronic ainur fucker and just doesn't tell anyone about it. He looks inwards and decides marriage is between elves so deciding to roll around with maiar of the hunt is absolutely valid and not marriage. Who's ever heard of an elf marrying a Maia?

Elven polyamory may be illegal but it doesn't count if he's just ferrying kisses between Oromë and Vána- they're not elves. No, it's not hypocritical, what are you talking about. Just don't tell his father. What? No, not because of the whole polyamory thing, Feanor's just got a thing about Valar. Yes Celegorm is sure that's the only reason he doesn't want to tell his dad.

i love celegorm in any other context the fancy blond third-born who can speak to animals and loves nature would be subject to the worst disney princess-ification known to mankind, but then you have this bitch and it's just the most abhorrent little gremlin bastard you can possibly imagine. godspeed

Nerdanel presenting her unmarried sons to the ladies.

Nerdanel: the 4 types of husbands, which one do you prefer!

Points at Amrod: supportive

Amrod:*blushes*

Points at Amras: good looking

Amras:*waves* hello

Points at Maedhros: Very large

Mae:*grunts* hmmm

Points at Celegorm: and Celegorm

Cele: really mom?!

Nerdanel: oh shush... now ladies, take whoever you want!, I'd be very happy to get rid of them so I can have the house for myself after all these years.

A few people seemed confused so I’d like to clarify

Agsvsydvdhdb Tyelko started a union with your dungeon rats and now they're attacking you. You better bet there's a hundreds of them there

Speaking of pedantic, this has been bothering me for literal months now:

When Maedhros had—during an evening of drinking under the stars in Himlad—confided to the middle three of his brothers about his fear of being ignored after the incident at Thangorodrim, Celegorm had loudly proclaimed, "there shall never come a day where you call and I do not answer. Not as long as I yet dwell among the living. This I swear to you, brother!"

That had led to much alarm among them, oathbound as they were. Yet Curufin had repeated Celegorm's words, swearing to always respond whenever Maedhros called him. And before long, Caranthir too had sworn the same despite Maedhros' vehement dissuasion. "Oaths are not to be trifled with", he'd said.

"All the more reason for us to swear this," Caranthir had countered. "There are no insincere oaths, but false promises aplenty."

And Maedhros would deny tearing up at the underlying warmth in his brother's words. He was not a morose drunk, no matter what Curufin asserted, so it must've been the smoke from their campfire, for none of his brothers had commented as he had swiped under his eyes. Celegorm hadn't even looked at him as he'd spoken into the silence, "you were forgotten once, brother. Never again."

True to their words, ever since that night, every time Maedhros called, his brothers responded. None of his letters to them went unanswered, not even when he worded them less than affectionately amidst some ongoing disagreement. Never did it happen that he asked them something, rhetorical it may be, and his brothers stayed quiet. Even in sleep, if he called their name to check if they were awake, their fëar would reach out in response, reassuring him that they heard him.

So when, in Doriath, he called, "Curvo! Moryo! Tyelko!" and they answered not, nor did their fëar weave with his own, he knew.

He knew that there lay no beating heart inside their bloodied body. No breath left in their lungs to say, "I hear you, brother."

He knew. His calls will remain unanswered.

He knew. He shall be unheard once again. For the day had come when he called and his brothers did not answer.

He knew their oaths to him stood fulfilled. For they dwelt no longer among the living to keep it.

Maedhros knew. His brothers were dead.

Look at him. What a thug.

That Silmarillion Wrestlers post found its way to my dash again and this time I was hit with the blight of inspiration, and within twenty minutes I produced this sketch of Celegorm, because it’s obviously him. I can’t decide whether to be delighted…or ashamed…

Anyways, enjoy this pro wrestler Celegorm!

Crazy how Celegorm can be a whole range of things to Oromë at once he’s like his acolyte who’s also his side bitch and puckish servant and attack dog and lapdog and poor little meow meow and biggest regret and soulmate and also just some incredibly toxic shitty elf

Back to Himring