how to help a turtle cross a roadway:

“Now let’s talk about safety when it comes to helping a turtle across the road. You always wanna pull your vehicle to a stop, put on your hazard lights, and make sure that there are no cars coming in either direction. Move quickly, pick the turtle up gently, and then move it exactly in the direction it was headed. Even if it’s a water turtle, like a painted turtle, if you see a body of water on the side of the road from where it was coming, don’t place it back in that water. It’s likely a female on her way to lay eggs.”

ok but let’s be real who else read this in some australian accent

Coyote Peterson is as pure of heart as Steve Irwin

Helpful information!

lachryphagy is the term used to describe the behaviour of tear drinking in nature, typically in environments - like the purvian amazon shown here - where sodium and other micronutrients are hard to find. 

bees and butterflies need sodium for egg production and metabolic purposes, but their diets of nectar are low in salt. so the orange julia and sulfur yellow butterflies you see here turn to the salty tears of often stationary turtles and caiman. 

and though the caiman and turtles seem to receive no reciprocal benefit from the interaction, they’re apparently happy enough to just help out. (x, x, x, x, x, x)

There’s a turtle in my yard laying eggs

This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me and vamoose

I’m not ready to be a single mom

I know shit about reptiles

I had to put a stick next to the nest because she decided the MIDDLE of our yard was the primo spot to give birth

Mowing is gonna be interesting this summer

Meet the mother leaving her wildlife progeny under my city girl care

I’m googling turtles right now. I sent photos to my southern stepmom for help. Apparently she’s a box turtle?

70 DAYS UNTIL THEY HATCH??

You a mom now

Text from stepmom “watch out for foxes, cranes, raccoons, and snakes. They’ll eat the eggs so chase them off”

I’m gonna fistfight nature

@mrswinterbarnes you’re not wrong. When I came back from closing the barn doors she was gone. Nowhere in sight. I thought turtles were supposed to be slow

I was gone maybe ten minutes so first off, not even a goodbye??

I don’t think Box turtles return to their nest either, so until they hatch and dig out

YOU GONNA BE A MOMMA

DAMN IT SHARRON

First that bird makes its nursery in my bike basket on our porch and now this

Why am I becoming a wildlife nanny??

UPDATE

SHES BACK

NEVERMIND

ITS A DIFFERENT TURTLE

That’s two deadbeat turtle moms dropping their spawn on me

Call this one Susan

You’re like a really ticked-off nature witch who never signed up for this animal empath shit

Yall this was from my stepmom today

Three? I’m sorry

THREE??

THERES MORE???

For the newcomers: this is this year’s update. Sharron and Susan were May 2018. This year we have Helen, Linda, and Karen.

At least force them to pay child support

Sound on!!

I just laughed so hard my Husband came running up stairs to see wtf was wrong.

Me trying to pull myself outta bed

im laughing so hard im drooling