how to make smores

I was going through old home videos I made a few years ago when i was bored and alone. 

for anyone who has ever wondered what girls do in their spare time: this is what girls do in their spare time.

I want to marry this woman.

Very accurate of how I spend my free time.

Very accurate how I open the fridge XD

I flew with style☆ I’m☆ Chiitan☆!

this is the most chaotic video ive ever seen in my life i have never felt more frightened

I was not ready

@relatable-ram

Me: *clicks video*  “The hell is all this abou-”

*whistling starts*

Me: 

I love this stupid fucking meme

Steven Universe HomeWorld Bound

You know how in action movies the main guy is always like “Yeah I’ve got a contact here in Uzbekistan that owes me a favor” for no discernible reason but it occurred to me that like that’s basically what internet friends are like if I was in that situation I’d be like “Yeah don’t worry leave it to me. I’ve got a mutual in the Netherlands whose selfie I reblogged one time.”

#If you ever come to Chile looking for a member of an evil organization #And you need someone to help you kill them and hide the body #Holla @ me just sayin’ #No but seriously now I’m thinking about an actual action movie #In which the hero is like ‘don’t worry I have a contact there. I follow them on twitter’ #‘we talked about our mutual love of nutella one’ #‘and they said I looked cute in my selfie’ #‘they’re legit. I know they can be trusted’ #Everything said with a super serious action movie hero voice #And said to the leader of whatever thing the hero works for #Who is a super serious person who wears suits and frowns a lot #My imagination went funny places

(Fefy’s tags)

No but seriously though.  You know that trope where there’s some ordinary dude who gets pulled into a web of intrigue by some badass sexy lady and then ends up being even better at stuff than the lady?  Imagine that reversed.  Imagine some English Lit grad student with a huge fandom tumblr accidentally witnesses a crime and some badass spy dude shows up and is like “your life is in danger, you have to come with me, and now that you’re involved you might as well help us track down the bad guys” and it’s funny because she’s not at all an action type but then he’s like “well it looks like the bad guys are doing something devious in New Zealand, better set up camp in an abandoned mine shaft” and she’s all “No wait, I totally know someone there who always tags me in reblogs about my obscure OTPs, she would 1000% let us use her place, look I already fanmailed her” and then later he’s like “Oh, we found the bad guy camp in rural Sweden but there’s no time for backup to arrive from our base before their evil plan goes down!” and she’s like “Oh hold up, did you say Sweden, because I defs know someone from there and they always leave super supportive replies on my personal posts and they will definitely have my back, give me a sec to send them an ask” and the dude is like “HOW DO YOU HAVE A BETTER INTERNATIONAL NETWORK OF ALLIES THAN ME”

I’ve got a closet I could stuff you in in Canada.

Bonus points: he starts shipping her OTPs.

i thought about not re-blogging this, because i do genuinely curate my content. but i just love the idea so fucking much. i want to watch this. 

i feel like tumblr would expose super heroes secret identities real fast with all its crazy ass jokes

I used to have geese so here’s a tip for everyone:

If a goose is attacking you, don’t run. No matter what, stand your ground. They can fly but when they’re mad, they don’t usually try to fly. Hold your hands in front of you, ready to grasp. When the goose gets close, grab it by the neck bit closest to the head and squeeze. Not tight enough to choke the goose, but tight enough so they can’t break free. You can hold them until they calm down or just do the next step right away. The next step is literally just to chuck them as far as possible and run for your life. It makes the goose know you’re in charge and you have a better chance of getting away. Trust me I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count

I can’t tell if this is a shitpost or actual advice. But I do know geese are the fucking worst.

Actual advice! Just yeet a goose

Yeet the geese

I’ve been reading the replies to this so here’s an update!

Actually, I have picked up a swan by just, slotting in under my arm; once their wings are held in place they just sorta hiss a bit and accept their fate. It’s how wildlife centres and rspca deal with them. They just use swan-bags, I’M NOT kidding, that completely neutralizes them. LOOK AT ALL THESE DEMONIC BULLIES BEING DEFEATED BY BEING CHIHUAHUA-HANDBBAGGED.

In fairness, in MY CASE, this was a juvenile male, but old enough that the dad had evicted it from the lake. He was in my way, hissing and refusing to move; and if you hiss at me, that’s a challenge, baby!

There’s just so much important information here.  I cannot speak to the ethics or feasibility of goose-yeeting, or the legality of yeeting a Canada Goose, but there’s just a lot here.  A lot.

what do you mean this isn’t the entire plot

Done and done.

(Not pictured: “Butt window”, but trust me, it’s there.)

You have no idea how much this cheered me up just now.

I for one, think this is a major improvement. Look how empowered he is! And it’s relevant to the character as someone who is powered by the sun, he’d want to maximize the amount of sunlight he receives, right? It’s not like it makes sense for him to cover himself from chin to toe. In fact, I think some strappy sandals might be an improvement.

strappy high heeled sandals would increase his height making him closer to the sun. and if wonderwoman can fight in heels it can’t be that hard, right?

SO EMPOWERING

Felt a dire need to contribute to the hilarity.

Now I can tell right away he’s a strong male character. Whew! No more confusion.

+1 for him doing the boobs and butt pose too.

@vulcanette

Here’s to strong male characters who aren’t afraid to show their masculinity!

This is the shit I’m here for on Tumblr

V.I.L.E codenames but slighty wrong season 2 edition