I'm normal, I swear! (<- a lie of the highest degree). I have some fluff ideas I'll write soon. Anyways, here's Mike trying to watch through static (cw/tw: implied/referenced mental health issues and referenced drug use):

Gem times her crit perfectly.

Etho's body stiffens, topples, and then fades out, his severed head rolling towards Gem's feet. She can hear him 100 meters away, climbing out of the spawn bed they'd set up, and she sends a grin over his way.

Then she bends to pick up his head.

It's like all the others. Severed neatly at the neck, a cleaner cut than any blade could manage, and cauterized perfectly. Etho's eyes are as wide with surprise as they were when she landed the hit.

She has an ice block in her shulker box for just this moment.

“Thanks!” she chirps. “That's all I need for now, I'll let you go.”

Imagine, for a second, that you are (cubito) FitMC. You hail from 2b2t— whether born there or by choice, you’ve been there for ten years.

You are a [radio host] or [documentarian] or [YouTuber]. You are intimately familiar with the fact that all things you report on, at one point, will be griefed.

(Well. Not all things. The Spawn aquarium isn’t drained. Anyone would be an asshole if they griefed the Valley of Wheat. Let’s generalize here, though.)

It’s a fact of life. It’s such a fact of life that it’s the point. When people tell you the story of their amazing and impressive build they had a team of twenty for, all working around the clock— they’re not saying it just to brag. They are saying: here. We’re done. Come get it.

Sometimes, people will grief their own builds before anyone else can get to it first.

Sometimes, you are these people. There’s still sulfur under your fingernails, maybe.

You are not liked. The attitude has gotten better, from the Rusher War to now, about creators of your ilk. By nature of you being a public figure, people from all over the globe will see/hear/consume your content, and decide that they want a piece. They want to manifest destiny, they (in their high-and-mighty Towny server) want to rough it in a wasteland for a chance at that freedom.

Imagine, for a second, you’re at war. It’s a fun war, though— you all respawn, duh. Your enemies are kids. Bright-eyed, inspired, scrappy little kids wanting to make it big in the oldest Anarchy server in Minecraft. Imagine you and your buddies are the Veterans, the oldfags, against the Rushers, the newfags. (Technically, you’re a midfag, you joined only three years prior, there are people here older and more grizzled than you. Technically, you’re a…well, you aren’t going to say anything.) (Imagine, for just a second, you find a melon stalk on the side of a highway. You think: shit. They’re learning. That’s inspiring.)

Imagine, for a second, you are tracked down by an immortal blank-white figure who can use flyhacks without elytra and be hacked into by you and never be felled. Imagine, whoever his name is, is telling you that you need to retrieve player data from this upcoming project somewhere, just a bunch of nobodys roughing it out at Point Nemo. He’s offering a lot of money. Enough to leave. More than enough to live.

Imagine you are taking a humble little vacation.

You are given a son and a husband who leaves you and animals you’ve never seen before and stupid catfish lagging your river and friends far more numerous than you can count and roses and coffee and roast chicken.

You have a job to do. (Your son gets taken.) (You’re dropped into Hell itself. No big deal. You’ve done this before.)

You have a job to do. (They’ll hate you for it, you just know it.) (Everyone knows where you’re from. You’re FitMC. Some of them look at you with starry eyes.) (You have to retrieve player data.) (You’re an average janitor. Don’t look too deep.) (You’re on vacation. Don’t look too deep.)

You have a job to do. (If you can’t send this player data to the person that sent you to Quesadilla island in the first place, you’re literally going to be trapped in the anarchy wasteland for the rest of your life.)

Imagine, (2b2t is archaeologically fascinating. It’s the oldest anarchy server, the worst most toxic server in Minecraft, chock-full of slurs and imagery and sentiments that would get you demonetized. You promise it’s pretty. You have to look for it, but it is pretty. Please think it’s pretty.)

Imagine, one wrong slip of information and (your friends hate you)(your son hates you)(your house explodes)(you explode)(you get spawncamped)(your men turn on you)(you die)(you lose)(you have to go back).

Imagine, for a second, you are a gay man falling in love with another man on an island full of people who would do anything for fofoca they can giggle about with their families.

You’re (cubito) FitMC. You’re taking baby steps.

BED [DIS]ASSEMBLY

Creative writing piece about c!Sapnap, written over an IKEA manual

Download the PDF on itch.io or view it on Google Drive

there is one TMG reference in here if you catch it I will kiss you. resource credits to IKEA and @/dsmptranscripts on twitter

Some beloved parts:

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dream SMP Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo Characters: Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Additional Tags: New L'Manberg (Dream SMP), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Blame, Parallels, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Toby Smith | Tubbo Has a Crush on Ranboo, Post-TommyInnit’s Exile Arc on the Dream SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Underage Drinking, Trauma, Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, tubbo compares himself to schlatt Summary:

“Sometimes,” Tubbo says slowly, “you have to hurt some people. To do what’s best for L’manburg. I was a spy, I threatened Schlatt’s authority, I supported his enemies, so.” He’s repeating himself. The alcohol’s getting to his head. “I get it. I—I forgive him.”

-

Tommy is, as far as Tubbo knows, dead. He’s not coping with it very well.

you wake up and you don't know where some of your best friends are and you don't know where the air is going to be safe, and you are jaiden animations.

you are going to die at least once today, and you are jaiden animations.

you have a team and they are your best friends and they know how to make you laugh. you have always had a team. sometimes it has been the same faces. sometimes it has been the feeling of snow-fur on your face and locked doors everywhere you look. once you had a son and he couldn't die no matter what and those were the rules and you had to be careful.

badboyhalo wants to kill you. in general, he might be your friend. you kinda feel chill as your hearts decrease. it's not even that hard to laugh with him. he's done this before. your partner's boyfriend killed a man and then another and he had done it before. some of your friends always twitch when they hear explosions. some of your friends remember things they don't want to. you remember holding a paw.

water holds itself over your nose and your head spins and you are jaiden animations.

you're pretty smart in fact. maybe it will be enough. you (jaiden animations) are sitting on a boat with badboyhalo.

water splashes on your face and you feel triumphant. you are jaiden animations.

sometimes people make deals with the devil. sometimes the devil is your friend.

elquackity (not quackity) (probably not your friend) does this shakynervous laugh. your blood hits the wall and you are jaiden animations. your blood hits the wall and you are jaiden animations. your blood hits the wall and you are jaiden animations.

maybe people should give you a break.

you think it's funny to see your corpses. wherever this place is, dying never meant anything. once you were on a boat with your son and the two of you watched the sunset burn into the ocean.

everyone wants to kill you soooooo bad. it's kind of funny. jaiden animations is a bit tired.

tumblr user @blocksgame has also did the strat of sending me verification of vote over discord. i trust tumblr user blocksgame with my life and, more importantly, cubitos

and thus i provide

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love this it's the guy it's him. He is so sad and lonely (but surely he is just being ironic) (surely) (vouch). The alert as a flashbang in the darkness. Most anxious bird alive. I love them I love them.

hi um. just know that i thought about the end of forever's stream crashing and the post about someone needed to take care of forever after this nether trap and i kind of blacked out and wrote this in one sitting. not proofread. enjoy!

reblogs appreciated <3 !

okay im insane in the head again time for more 2b2t worldbuilding

so a way long time ago now, baghera and fit had a conversation where baghera said she didn't know who the good guys and bad guys are anymore and fit just sort of agreed with her. using my massive genius brain that knows fit's cubito better than fit himself does, i have deduced that he was lying

the idea of "good guys" and "bad guys" isn't something that 2b2t puts much stock in. it doesn't hold much weight in a world where the whole point is that it's every man for himself and griefers and hackers have free reign.

instead, interpersonal relationships function on a simple matrix. are you with me or are you against me? can i trust you or not? that's how you decide who to break bread with, who to let into your base, who to fight alongside and who to stab in the back

first question you may have: how do you figure out who you can trust? well, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? the way fit explains it, it depends mostly on what you need to trust them for. take fit himself. he's a pretty standup guy, by 2b2t standards. he's a straight shooter, for hte most part. doesn't backstab much (it doesn't count if you have good reason to think they'd backstab you first, by the way). everyone on 2b2t knows he'll take your secrets to your grave if you ask him to. everyone knows he won't take them any farther than that. what can he say? he likes the fofoca

if you want a guy who can tell your story to the world and make sure you aren't forgotten in the writhing sea of chaos, he's your guy. if you want someone who will never breathe a word of it, he's really not.

consistency is king in the world of chaos "sure, i betrayed him, but i'd never betray you" is the sort of line to get you betrayed first. you either split your loyalties between a bunch of warring factions and hope they never go to war (they will) or you put all your eggs in one basket while the farmer is having a mental break and throwing egg baskets out of the truck at random. or you do what fit does and eschew strength in numbers entirely and dangle yourself like a juicy steak in front of every roving band waiting to prey on lone travelers

you do what fit does and get good at cutting your losses and going to ground

these are the facts: you are being watched. you cannot shake your pursuers. there is no strength to be found in numbers. there is no safety to be found alone. there is no such thing as an ally

these are the facts: if you name a mob, it will die. if you don't name a mob, it will die anyway.

these are the facts: your son, your beautiful boy made in heaven by god himself, only got two things from spreen. a (pretty nice, to be fair) basement roller coaster and a name.

these are the facts: you are not strong enough to keep ramón alive on your own. you are not strong enough to let him die.

these are the facts: if you place a block at your feet, an end crystal won't do enough damage to kill you. this fact will save your life. it won't save your arm as the lavacast topples down on you.

these are the facts: cutting yourself free from the rubble will hurt. it is human nature to avoid pain. you hope that if you wait long enough, someone will come along and save you.

these are the facts: no one will.

the way things work on 2b2t, fit will tell anyone who cares to listen, is that you always trust that people will be untrustworthy. everyone is a traitor and a backstabber and everyone knows it. you don't have to bother trying to figure out who's a good guy or a bad guy.