See You Again
~
He is messy hair and glasses. He’s looking around from where he’s seated, wide-eyed and grinning like it’s the best day of his life. He is happiness at its fullest, excitement brimming in his smile. He is everything Sirius has never known, something that perhaps he would like to.
Sirius takes a step forward. “Can I sit here?”
The boy shrugs. “Don’t see why not.”
Sirius sits, relieved he won’t have to sit with his cousins on the train.
“I’m James, by the way,” the boy says.
“Sirius.”
“Nice to meet you.” He smiles and leans back.
James is pleasantries, but without the formality. He is comfort. He is welcoming and sweet and absolutely hilarious.
He invites two other boys in and they talk like they’ve known each other their whole lives. A few hours and James has turned total strangers into best friends.
Sirius doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t know who James really is, but he knows that he’s a friend.
~
He is messy hair and glasses. James is order and chaos rolled into one. He is a level of finesse and brilliance Sirius has never seen, especially paired with his casual disregard for rules. Yet he does it all for his friends.
“We become animagi, then,” he says.
“We what?” Sirius trusts James, but sometimes he questions his sanity.
“Think about it. Werewolves only attack humans. If we’re all animals, we can distract the wolf and help Remus through the full moons.”
“It’s worth a shot,” Peter decides.
“Yeah,” Sirius agrees, understanding what his friend is trying to do. “It’s not going to be easy though.”
James just smirks. “That’s what makes it fun.”
~
He is messy hair and glasses. He is a confidant. He is safety and trust and Sirius’ first place to turn when the world is falling apart around him.
“I think… I think I’m in love with Moony.” The breath rushes out of him at the words, drowning in the thick air pressing down on him. He said it. He actually said it.
James takes a moment to respond. “You’re gay?”
Sirius’ throat tightens. He nods, not trusting his own voice.
Suddenly he’s wrapped in a hug. James squeezes him tight. “Thank you for trusting me. I hope things work out with you and Remus.”
Before Sirius knows it he’s crying in relief.
~
He is messy hair and glasses. James is his friend, his brother, his home.
He is there when Sirius needs to leave Grimmauld Place. He is there when he needs a shoulder to cry on. He is there when he needs someone to make him laugh.
James is encouragement. He is a thumbs up in the back of the room when Sirius asks Remus out for the first time. He is a promise that his nightmares don’t control him. He is a reminder that he can accomplish whatever he puts his mind to.
James is his brother in blood and life and death. He is someone to fight with, someone to annoy, someone to laugh with and cherish and love. He is everything Sirius ever wanted in a friend.
~
He is messy hair and glasses.
And he is dead.
He is blank eyes staring up at the ceiling. He is limp, cold hands. He is stillness where there should be breath.
And Sirius does not know what to do.
James was his place to go. He was the one he trusted, the one who made the world better. He fought for what was right, every fucking day, and this was what it had bought him.
Was.
Past tense, already, already gone, already disappeared, already thought of as not here, already a person the world had lost.
James is dead. And Sirius cannot feel it anymore. The ice in his veins has entrapped his heart, and only one thing is clear. He knows what to do.
~
He is messy hair and glasses. He is a whisper of a thought in Sirius’ head. He is a glittering, fleeting memory that is so often taken away.
He is a nightmare. When the air grows cold and the shadows come, he is dead eyes and pain. He is lifeless, he is nothing but a body. He is a reminder of what the rest of Sirius’ life will always be. Nothing.
~
He is messy hair and glasses. He is the first thing Sirius sees.
There was a battle, a green light, a veil. There was a feeling of his heart stopping, of breath leaving him. It’s all too hard to remember now.
It has been years. Years of pain and suffering, and eventually hope, but Sirius would recognize him anywhere.
The world around them is bright white with a bench, almost reminiscent of the train station from years ago.
James is here.
Sirius tackles him in a hug and clings, begging for this not to be a dream. His brother in blood and life and death is with him again. This has to be real.
“I missed you,” James says.
His voice brings memories in floods, memories of joy and comfort and love. His voice is what makes this real.
“I missed you too.”
~
Thanks to @rowanisnever for being the best beta ever
EXCUSE YOU!!! WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT BREAKING MY HEART???