I will always be with you

“Why did you do it?” Ten year old Regulus asks, sitting against the door of Sirius’ room. “Why did you take the blame, when I was the one who had broken mother’s vase.”

“It’s no big deal, Reg,” Sirius’ voice is muffled through the door. “You’re my brother. I will always protect you.”

“You wouldn’t always be here. You will be going to Hogwarts soon.” Regulus wraps his arms around his knees, hating himself for being so scared.

There is silence from the other side of the door for some moments before Sirius says. “It doesn’t matter if I am here or at Hogwarts. I will always be with you.”

A smile forms on Regulus’ lips. “Goodnight, Sirius.”

“Goodnight, Reg.”

——

“Sirius?” Fifteen years old Regulus whispers, sitting in the empty corridor outside Sirius’ room. It’s almost midnight and he wonders if Sirius has already fallen asleep.

The dinner keeps on repeating in his mind. Sirius arguing with his parents, he remembers his parent’s rage, remembers his mother using the cruciatus curse, on her own son, remembers his brother’s screams. He had been too horrified to do anything and he hates himself. Hates himself because his brother always protected him and he didn’t do anything.

He doesn’t know when his parents will snap and do something even worse to Sirius. He knows that Sirius should leave this house. But he also knows that he won’t leave Regulus alone.

“Regulus?” Sirius’ voice is shaking and Regulus can picture Sirius sitting on the other side, biting his lip against the pain.

“Are you okay?” Regulus asks because he doesn’t know what else to say.

Sirius lets out a hollow laugh, filled with despair. “I don’t know. I am as okay as someone can be when his mother has decided to use all the curses she knows on him.”

“Why don’t you just leave?”

He hears Sirius take a sharp inhale. “I can’t…I can’t just leave.”

It’s now or never. Regulus scoffs, “You think anyone here would care if you leave? Mother and Father don’t care about you.”

“And what…. what about you?” Sirius’ voice is vulnerable.

Regulus clenches his fists, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “You already know the answer. I don’t care if you stay here or leave. It doesn’t matter to me.”

He hears Sirius take in ragged breath that turns into a choked sob. “I hate you, Regulus.”

The words feel like a punch to his stomach. It feels like he can’t breathe. He bites his lip hard as tears build up in his eyes.

“You’re right. Why should I stay in a home where no one cares about me,” Sirius croaks. “Where my own brother hates me.”

Regulus inhales sharply. “Glad you finally see it.”

There is no reply from the other side of the door so he gets up and walks to his room. He closes the door behind him, finally allowing the tears to fall.

—–

Eighteen years old Regulus stands in front of the door of what used to be Sirius’ room, Kreacher standing besides him. He never entered the room since Sirius had left. He runs his hand over Sirius’ initials carved on the door. For once in his life he is doing the right thing. He wonders if Sirius would be proud of him when he finds out that his brother died for a good cause. Would Sirius finally see him as a good person.

“Goodbye, brother,” he mutters. “I will always be with you.”

@of-stars-and-moon you officially killed me 😭

strangers

Based off of this headcanon by @dark-chestnut 

Remus had made it his habit to drop by the same spot in London every now and then in the last year. It had taken a lot of self convincing to gather up the courage to go see the boy who lived, it had taken him almost 5 years to be exact. Even though he knew where the Dursleys lived he couldn’t find it in him to knock on the door and see Harry, he was pretty sure Petunia would have shut him off without blinking but he was still angry with himself for not trying. He owed it James, he owed it to Lily to be there for Harry but he didn’t deserve being around Harry nor did Harry need someone like Remus in his life.

This had been going on for a few months now, Remus would drop by the old building close to the Dursley household and watch the messy haired small boy wait for his uncle. When he had first seen him, he had to sit down to the closest bench he could find. When he was a baby, they joked about how he looked like James but he was so small there was no way of telling it but this boy, with the exception of his green eyes, was for sure James Potter’s son. Even his hair was sticking out the same way his father’s did and Remus thought this was his punishment for running away from Harry for so long. Every time he saw the little boy, he felt the familiar stab in his heart reminding him that the only thing he had left of the Potters was this small boy who looked so painfully like his father with a scar on his head.

More often than not, Vernon would be late making Harry wait. He would sit on the sidewalks staring at the cars passing by until one of his teachers would come out to take him inside. Remus felt like even though the small boy knew his uncle wasn’t coming, he always had the hope that someday he would so he kept going out just to be taken back in. It made Remus a bit happy to know that after all he had been through, he was still capable of hoping. But this time, the boy walked out of the building and started walking away from the school and where his uncle was supposed to get him from. 

Remus panicked first but then started following the small boy, he knew how this looked from the outside with his shabby coat and scars but he couldn’t live if something were to happen to him. So he kept the distance just enough so he could see where he was going. Harry stopped by a empty children’s park and sat down one of the swings with his head bowed down. So this was how it looked like when someone lost their hope and trust in someone. Remus slowly checked the surroundings and making sure that no one was around he slowly walked and stood by the other swing next to Harry.

“Mind if I sit down?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders and shook his head slightly before he looked up at Remus. It was like looking into the eyes of Lily, Remus wondered if Harry knew he had her eyes. 

“Are you alright?” asked Remus softly.

“No.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.”

Strangers.

Remus knew Harry didn’t know who he was but knowing that he was there the day he was born and the day he started walking hurt Remus so much. He could have been Uncle Moony but he was just a stranger now to this beautiful boy. Sirius had taken so much from him but Remus never thought about the relationship he could have had with Harry until the past few months. Sirius had stolen everything from Remus including Harry. He was just a stranger now. A stranger who almost fainted the first time he held him because he was so scared of hurting something so pure and so perfect. A stranger who baby sat him so many times but not enough, played with him for hours on end. A stranger who used to make him laugh but it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore and Remus knew this was a stupid idea. 

“You should go home before it gets dark,” he muttered before he got up and started shuffling his huge scarf to hide the fresh scar on his neck. He turned away with a nod and started walking away. 

“I like your scars,” shouted Harry making Remus turn abruptly. “It’s okay to have scars, you know. I have one, too.” 

Harry pushed his hair up to reveal his famous scar. He was smiling slightly as he jumped off the swing and started walking the other way. Remus didn’t know how to feel. He felt angry because there he was, a man with nothing to lose, beating himself up everyday because nothing was going to change and reminding himself that he deserved everything he got and there was this little boy, who had been through a lot himself and having every reason to hate the life he was living but he was still trying to make sure a person he defined as a stranger knew it was okay to be different. He felt hatred towards Sirius like he had never in his life before for taking this beautiful boy away form him but the strongest feeling he had was guilt. He hadn’t fought hard enough, he hadn’t tried hard enough to make sure Harry didn’t suffer anymore and he deserved to be a stranger to him because he hadn’t given his all to make sure he wasn’t. 

Remus pulled his coat tighter around him as the autumn breeze made him shiver, he hid in the first corner he could find and apparated as far away as possible from Surrey. When his feet landed on the ground he found himself in the last place he wanted to be.

Mother Figures

Sirius: Did you get my transfiguration essay?

McGonagall: Yes, I looked it over. Nice work.

Sirius: Good. Thanks, mom.

***A few seconds later***

Sirius: Why is everyone staring at me?

James: You just called Professor McGonagall ‘mom’; you said “Thanks, mom.”

Sirius: What? No, I didn’t. I said “Thanks, man.”

McGonagall: Do you see me as a mother figure, Mr. Black?

Sirius: No. If anything, I see you as a bother figure, ‘cause you’re always bothering me.

Remus: Hey, show your mother some respect!

Sirius: I didn’t call her ‘mom!’

***10 seconds of silence later***

McGonagall: Do you want to talk about it later over some biscuits?

Sirius, quietly: I’d like that…

Headcanon that when James was young, his dad used to hold the back of his neck when he cried and tell him, in a strong and steady voice, that he was okay and it was all going to be okay. 

In First Year, James wakes up in the middle of the night to crying. Sirius is in the next bed over, kicking out and whimpering, in the clutches of a nightmare and James can just make out the agony on his new friend’s face in the dark. He gets out of bed and gently wakes him up, shushing him and nudging his shoulder. Sirius awakes with a jolt. He stares at James with wide, black eyes, panting heavily, and he only lasts a moment when reality washes over him, before he starts sobbing. James holds the back of his neck and puts their foreheads together and tells him he’s okay, it’s just a dream. You’re alright. You’re okay. It’s going to be okay-

In Second Year, James confronts Remus about where he goes off to every month. He knows his friend is lying to him. He can tell because Remus isn’t a very good liar, though he thinks he is, and it’s obvious he’s done it too many times, and James is starting to worry because every month, his friend wakes up in the Hospital Wing with bruises and scratches. He’s done his research and he thinks he knows and when he sees the colour and light drain from Remus’ face, he knows he’s right. The other boys can’t believe it, but they swallow their disbelief to tell him that goodness grief, you fold your socks, Remus, really. Forgive me for not trembling at the sight of you! and that of course, we don’t want you kicked out of Hogwarts!! Where on earth did you get that idea from? And Remus, that poor little boy, pale and fading, with more scars than he can count and cover up, collapses and sobs and James sinks to the floor and holds him and he grips the back of Remus’ neck, and tells him he isn’t a monster and it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You don’t need to hide anymore. We’re your friends and we’re staying.

It’s the summer of their Fifth Year and a heatwave brought a storm with it and Sirius turns up on his doorstep, drenched and broken, bleeding and bruised, and the rain drips from his hair. He’s hauling a trunk behind him and he’s sobbing and when the door opens, he can only utter I didn’t know where else to go before James understands and drags him into a hug. He holds him together so he doesn’t fall apart and Sirius sobs and grips at his friend’s pjs and James grips the back of his head securely and says in his ear in a firm and low voice You’re safe here. You’re staying here. I don’t give a damn about your mother. This is your home now.

In Seventh Year, McGonagall called him to her Office one afternoon to tell him that his parents had died of dragonpox and he stands and stares at her and tells her she’s being absurd because his dad wrote to him just yesterday to tell him about the garden gnomes that keep uprooting his roses and his mum sent him a batch of brownies she made at the weekend. Sirius starts crying first and James tells him it’s okay because their parents are fine, but Sirius only tries to reach for him (James-) and when James recoils and demands to know why he is crying, Sirius grabs him and wrestles with him as he struggles because James is sobbing now and he collapses in his brother’s arms and Sirius has one arm around his waist and one hand holding his head to keep him grounded because it’s not okay but it will be. We have each other. We have each other.

They’ve finished school and Lily Evans is Lily Potter and James cried more than he ever thought he would (though he knew he’d cry a lot). Sirius, his Best Man, made a speech with no less than 33 deer-related puns, and Remus looked healthy and happy for once and Mary kissed Peter for the first time and Lily’s sister didn’t come but her parents were there and her dad walked her down the aisle and she cried when she saw James waiting for her. James twirled Lily around the dancefloor of their marquee and The Beatles crooned on an old Muggle record player and fairy lights hung from the rafters. He pulled her close and she was laughing and he held the back of her neck when he kissed her because this was good. This was more than good. This was extraordinary.  

It’s the War and Lily, his beautiful wife Lily, is sobbing in their bathroom and he only came to ask her if she wanted a tea making but she’s crying and he sinks to the floor beside her and holds her and when he sees what she’s holding, he can’t quite believe it. This is a war but somehow, in amongst all this death and destruction, they’re going to have a baby and his dad isn’t around anymore to hold the back of his neck and tell him he’s going to be okay but how can they bring a baby into a world like this? We can’t, Lily, we can’t- but Lily holds the back of his head and kisses his lips and says We can James Potter. My love, we can love this baby enough that no war will ever touch him. This gives us something to fight for. And my God, they were going to fight for it.

It’s the War and they’re sitting in Dumbledore’s office and the war is raging, harder and bloodier than ever, and their baby, their little baby boy, is in a prophecy. Their Harry is in a prophecy and he can’t even roll onto his tummy yet. They’ve lost people. His parents died of dragonpox in his Seventh Year at school, and Benjy Fenwick was found in pieces only last week. Fabian and Gideon Prewett were the first people he loved to die in the war and he was so angry he broke their bedside lamp. But this- this blow feels like he’s died with them because how are they meant to survive what’s set in stone? Lily is too shocked to respond but she’s crying silent tears and he knows there is an avalanche brewing inside of her golden heart and he holds her head and hides in her hair because he’s crying and the world looks garish to him and he whispers we’ll protect him. Harry will grow up and we’ll watch him do it. Everything will be okay-

It’s the War and people are dying, and Marlene’s entire family was slaughtered on Thursday and Lily spent all night locked in her room, sobbing and screaming, and Harry cries, and Sirius doesn’t visit anymore and Dumbledore sent Remus undercover. Mary didn’t come back from the last battle and Peter sits in James’ kitchen, hot chocolate going cold in his hands, and James sees that he’s dead inside and that he’s terrified and he crouches in front of him and squeezes the back of his neck and tells him you’re okay. You are alive. It’s nearly over and we are going to survive this thing. D’you hear me, Pete? We’re going to survive it. I promise you-

i hope you’re all aware of the 300 recently discovered love letters between two gay british soldiers during ww2 that are going to be possibly adapted into a film.

they’re beautiful and poetic and tragic and heart-wrenching and brave. i highly suggest going and reading the excerpts. 

here’s the one that broke my heart:

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all our letters could be published in the future in a more enlightened time. Then all the world could see how in love we are.“

Imagine Remus going back to teach at Hogwarts and having to walk around this castle that’s plagued with memories of all the places he and Sirius used to sneak off to for a quick snog between classes or get each other off while they were supposed to be hiding from Filch after a prank…

He can practically hear Sirius whispering in his ear “Come on, Moons…there’s no one up in the astronomy tower at this hour.” And “Pince is too busy scolding Prongs for setting off those fireworks yesterday, she won’t notice” while his hand undoes Remus’ fly under the table.

He walks through the halls having to remind himself that Sirius isn’t waiting for him behind that tapestry to kiss him until they are breathless and their lips are swollen and they both need to ask Marlene to help them cover the bite marks and bruises on their necks the next day…

He goes to Hogsmeade alone when he used to have his friends to go with and he has to remember to bring his gloves because it’s cold and he can’t slide his hands into Sirius’ back pocket to keep his hands warm and conveniently grope his boyfriend’s backside at the same time…he half expects to turn around and see the other boy running to catch up with him, his arms full of products from zonkos and an extra bar of chocolate from Honeydukes just for Remus…he does turn around and he does see Sirius…not the real Sirius, or the Sirius he thought was real back then anyway, but a photograph of a wanted murderer. Those eyes are nothing like the ones that used to look at Remus full of love and lust and devotion as he pulled him into an ally between shops and pushed him against the brick wall, warming his entire body with deep, hot kisses that made them both forget the fridged cold and the falling snow…

And he’s reminded that that man…that boy…doesn’t exist anymore and maybe he never really did. Sirius was always good at making people believe what he wanted them to.

we’ll win

Harry knew what he had to do. It was quite simple, really. Sirius had said it, it was as easy as falling asleep but Sirius didn’t know that Harry had trouble falling asleep since Cedric’s body hit the floor that awful night. He didn’t know how afraid Harry was of falling asleep after he saw Mr. Weasley get attacked and how Harry had nightmares every single night for weeks after Sirius disappeared behind the veil. Sirius didn’t know how hard it was for Harry to fall asleep as night after night he woke up to the smallest sound coming from the forest afraid for the lives of his best friends. Harry had smiled at his godfather’s attempt at making him feel better. Harry only wished it wasn’t as hard as falling asleep but it was the only way to win.

but not everyone will get out

And Harry knew that, he knew that deep down inside even though no one had the guts to tell him that to his face. He had learned it from a memory but that was okay, it was alright. After all, he wasn’t the only one that suffered but he was the only one who had to walk to his death willingly. Unafraid, they would say later but they wouldn’t know how his legs trembled like leaves in autumn. Daily Prophet would make him a hero and Rita Skeeter would write a book about all his secrets, such a miserable way to remember a kid who walked to his own death he thought and felt selfish immediately. They would never talk about how he thought about walking back at least five times, they wouldn’t talk about how he found out and how he made up is mind and why. Harry wouldn’t get out of this alive, he knew that and he was at peace with it. One cannot fool death twice, he got lucky one time.

Harry also knew he wasn’t the only one to not get out of this. Being alive didn’t mean the same thing as getting out. Ginny wouldn’t make it even though Tom Riddle was gone, she still wasn’t whole and Harry knew that. She would remember every night how the Carrows tortured them hours on end for trying to do the right thing.

Hermione wouldn’t get out with scars and bites all over her arms and neck, the reminder of how she was tortured with her back on the white marble floors of the Malfoy Manor. Harry knew for sure she would put on a strong face, the strongest of them all maybe, but would crumble and fall apart the moment she was alone.

Ron wouldn’t get out with Hermione’s screams and his brother’s last joke in his ears. He would jump every time someone would touch him or make a move to their wands. Harry knew he would feel lost even though he never left again. He knew Ron would forever live in the fear of losing someone else from his family again.

No one who fought for their lives and saw people drop to the floor like raindrops would get out of whatever this was. The war would be won and Harry knew that because the one thing he is supposed to do, he was about to do it but all those battles that were lost in order to win the war would weigh heavy on so many souls and it would take them a long time to get out.  

Ill die either way. Part4. Jily

I want to dedicate all my fics to @blitheringmcgonagall because she’s so nice I want to cry.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He uncannily echoes Lily’s thoughts.

He was supposed to get married.

Married as in vows and rings.

Sluggishly, he chugs down another glass of whiskey, wincing when the horrible taste stung his stomach.

They’d planned it. Remus had said so and there wasn’t a world that existed where he was wrong about these kind of things.

Hadn’t it been only yesterday that Padfoot had taken him out for a stag night? Hadn’t it been only yesterday that he wished he was marrying a ghost?

His fiancée- Good God, poor Celine- was probably crying as she ripped her wedding dress away. He should be there for her but the tears running down her face were because of him. Of his decision to go to France.

She probably hated him.

He didn’t have a choice. And he didn’t really care.

You see, his ex-girlfriend isn’t dead. And apparently- because technicalities effing matter- he has a bloody damned child.

A voice tells him he shouldn’t curse, now that he’s a father.

Father.

He pinches his nose for the hundredth time that day and asks for another glass.

Keep reading

@beaubcxton 😱😱😱😱😱😱

What the hell is going on????? Why?????? What do Snape and Dumbledore have to do with it????? And he doesn’t know about Harry???????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😬😬😬😬!!! OMG this is just so so cliffhanger-y that I literally cannot wait to see what happens next.

so i was thinking.....

you know how when harry sees james, lily, remus and sirius w/ the resurrection stone? and remus & sirius look “younger than he’s ever seen them,” but lily & james are described to be wearing the clothes that they died in?

is JKR trying to imply that enough of remus & sirius died the day james & lily died that when they came “back” they were their 21 year old selves? 

like, although remus & sirius lived, it could be argued that what made them them died on october 31st, 1981.

i mean, sirius lost james and lily, who were betrayed by peter and was sentenced to life in azkaban for a crime he didn’t commit with the knowledge that:  a) peter had gone free and b) remus, his only remaining living friend, thought he was the reason james and lily (and “peter”) were dead and he has to live with that for TWELVE YEARS. by the end of that, he’s not really sirius anymore. 

and remus, poor sweet remus, he thinks that james, lily and peter have been killed, murdered, because of sirius who is supposed to be their best friend and who he loved so much and he went from having an amazing group of friends who loved him and supported him when he thought that no one ever would to nothing in one night, and he lived for twelve years alone. twelve years of full moons alone, always remembering what used to be and believing sirius was the one who ruined it.

so, i think it could be argued that, by the end of the twelve years, remus wasn’t really remus anymore either

so essentially, remus, sirius, james and lily “died” in 1981

The fact that Mcgonagall says Halloween may be known as Harry Potter day kinda shows how much the Potters and what he went through mean to her.

heartbreak/sad dialogue prompts

i made this list cos i was grieving over my non-existent relationship. you’re free to use the prompts, just give me credit! :- ) also, oneshot requests are open. i can do thomas brodie sanster, tom holland, sam holland, harrison osterfield, peter pan, robbie kay and peter parker. drop a like or a reblog if you liked the list!

1. “this can’t possibly be happening” 2. “we should’ve learned. but we didn’t.” 3. “aren’t you tired? can we stop this and give our hearts rest?” 4. “we started this together and we should end it together.” 5. “you bring the best out of me but i’m the worst for you.” 6. “what i mean is, i’m going to stop watering a dead flower, expecting it to grow again. it’s over, this is over.” 7. “but you make me feel like home! you are my home.” 8. “you’re the right person, but you arrived at the wrong time.” 9. “why’d you let go like you were the only one holding on?” 10. “i tried to hold on to your hand that never fit mine.” 11. “i just need this one moment. this last one.” 12. “i’m sorry, but my existence is not affected by your absence!” 13. “it does not matter if you loved me more! you loving me more does not degrade how much i really loved you.” 14. “i’m not ready to lose both a lover and a friend in one night.” 15. “do not blame fate or destiny! we broke apart not because the universe did not want us together, but we broke because of our hesitation, our doubt in each other, in our lack of effort.” 16. “you saw love in effort and material, i saw love in actions and gestures. we both loved each other equally but we didn’t see love the same way.” 17. “you fed me with words, not love!” 18. “i only give second chances those who are worthy of it.” 19. “i don’t care if you say you’re sorry for a million times. i count actions of change and apology, not words of desperation.” 20. “we both don’t want to do this, i know. but you have to understand that we need this.” 21. “i’m sorry i left your bed cold. but you don’t need someone to replace the warmth i once gave you. you need to realize that it’s okay to be cold once in a while. it will pass.” 22. “from the beginning, i knew we were a ‘maybe’, an ‘if’. but now, in the end, i realize that loving myself first is a ‘must’.” 23. “being with you has been an absolute joy, a ride in the skies of glee. but now i have to find myself, to see what i am and what i can be without you.” 24. “i held you hand because you forgot how to walk. but now you’ve got up and you’re stronger now. you can help yourself. i want to see you learn how to run on your own so i’m letting go.” 25. “i gave my all to you. and unfortunately, it wasn’t enough.” 26. “because that’s all we are now, right? a memory. a faded picture. a failed potential. 27. “i really thought we built our bond in love and understanding. but i realize we didnt. we built it on proximity and touch. the farther we had gone away from each other, the more we forgot how to love.” 28. “why fight for something you know will go nowhere? why fight for someone who can’t fight for you back?” 29. “until now, you’ve got me tensing when i smell your perfume. until now, you’ve got my heart aching whenever i hear you favorite song. until now, you’ve got my soul longing for the person you aren’t anymore.” 30. “can’t you just trust in our love without making me prove it every single second?” 31. “i loved the late night talks. i loved your homemade brownies. i loved the unexpected back hugs. but i hated the paranoia. i hated the doubt we felt for each other. i hated the way i felt nothing when you weren’t with me.” 32. “you know what i realized? i realized there is so much more to the world than this, than you. i realized how much love i could give to the world and how stupid i am for only giving that love to you when you don’t even deserve it.” 33. “i just can’t wrap my head around the fact that you held my hand with yours while holding hers on the other. i can’t believe you could whisper the same lullabies you sang to me to her ears while i lay in my bed sleepless. i can’t believe my heart breaking and there you were fixing hers.” 34. “i just want to ask you one question. did you find comfort and peace when you left me? did you finally let your heart rest? did you finally get to love yourself like i loved you?” 35. “we saw it coming. we felt the end creeping behind our backs. but we turned a blind eye to it. we decided to shut our mouths and let it destroy us in one big blow than acknowledging it and coming to terms with it. and here we are.” 36. “i just want you to know that i’ll always lay in my bed awake and think about you and what could have been. i want you to you to know that a piece of me will always be you. i want you to know that i’ll never not love you.” 37. “fuck it. fuck you. i’m sorry i’m not the shade of her, i’m sorry i don’t make your heart leap out of your chest like she did and i’m sorry because although you already have me, you’ve already moved houses and yet home is her and not me.” 38. “just look me in the eye and tell the truth! tell me you’ve had enough! tell me i don’t make you happy anymore! tell me so we can cut the pain short.” 39. “let’s just breathe. let things pass. our feelings are temporary. this wave of anger will pass, okay? give me that one chance, please.” 40. “can you please hold my hand one last time? can you please ? can you please remind me that you once loved me one last time?” 41. “are you sure you want to do this? once you get out of that door, what we once had will perish. i’m afraid i’m not ready for that yet. maybe i never will be.” 42. “this is what i feared the most. this moment right here. the transition between having something and having nothing but regret. and it’s happening right now, right in front of my eyes. o god, help me.” 43. “i can’t do it. and i know deep down you don’t want to do this too. so why even consider it? why shatter all we had when we can keep on pretending we’re okay cause we were.” 44. “just save all your excuses for someone that actually cares and answer my one last question. did you ever consider the fact that while you were with her, i was at home worrying that i had not loved you enough?” 45. “what do you think is more important now, your pride or this relationship?” 46. “i never wanted to hurt you, you know that. but there are just some lessons we can only learn through failure and pain.” 47. “i made you smile and i made you cry. i will forever wonder if she will be able to make you feel the same way i made you feel.” 48. “goodbye doesn’t mean we’ll never meet again. but i doubt that i will ever want to see the face of the person who made my world and yet the one who made it all shatter.” 49. “i apologize i could never stop thinking about you. i apologize that i kept wondering if you still smell my scent in your bed sheet like how i do with yours on mine. i’m sorry could never stop falling for you although you’re long gone.” 50. “thank you for all the loving words and caring gestures. thank you for what we had. but i’m sorry that we had something and that we dont have it anymore.”

Let’s just think for a minute about what Lupin must have felt during the Dementor’s attack on the train. We all know what Harry felt, but what about Remus? Which one of his worst memories did he relive? When he was attacked by Greyback? His transformations? James and Lily’s death? The moment in which they told him that Sirius betrayed them? The fact that he lost the most precious people in his life? I’m crying so hard right now.

“ill die either way” (part 1)

“Dont go.” He begged me.

I envied him; over and over again, he had hope that this nightmare was a joke and Id come running to him, clinging onto his shoulder and whispering in his ear. So innocent. Surely he had to know that the worst nightmares are not in sleep but in reality?

My husband was a mess. His hair was even more dishevelled than usual and his eyes were bulging red. He looked miserable and terrified. I wish there were some cracks in my facade so he would know that I would miss him more than life itself but alas, there was nothing except for my unflinching gaze.

“Lily.” The last thing I would hear from his lips for years and my toes curled in on themselves with disgust. How could I do something like this to him? Make him cry when all he ever did was make me laugh?

The rational side of my brain tried to assure me. Dumbledore had said this was the right thing to do. And yet.

I stopped at the door wishing I could stop my departure but as meetings have been set by the fates, so have goodbye’s and I knew that Voldemort would kill James if I didnt leave. So I heaved back a sob and shut my eyes willing myself not to turn around and drink his presence one last time. I coerced myself to walk forward and shut the door on his incoming anguished sobs.

I let myself glide down the stairs even though my body protested at the movement. It needed to sink to the floor and cry out my husband’s name asking for forgiveness.

They’d hate me for it. Sirius, Remus, Peter. They wouldnt understand why. James wouldnt either but he wouldn’t harbour a feeling of dislike for me even if I did want him to hate me with every fibour of his being.

I stepped out in the rain letting my hand that clutched the umbrella fall and let the tears run along. He mustn’t know but he would someday.

He’d find out why she left with a stone face and a cold heart. He’d learn that there are some things which you can never forget and forgive. And he would realise that even then, he could never hate. Not even when his wife left him, pregnant and soaked with despair.

“Taxi”, I murmured but nobody seemed to hear. Blinking back tears, I raised my hand and a car screeched and skidded mud and water onto me a few seconds later.

I unlocked the door and dragged myself in.

“Airport.”

He nodded towards the open door pretending not to see my tears so he wouldnt have to care.

I inhaled.

Scrunched up my nose,

Clenched my fingers,

Threw my wand on the pavement,

And banged the door shut.

We drove.

@prongjunior bloody hell what’s going on??? 😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!!!!

whatever u do, do not think about how the last words harry ever heard sirius say were “come on, you can do better than that!”

whatever u do, do not think about how the last words sirius ever said to harry were “harry, take the prophecy, grab neville and run!” (it reminded harry of another time, 15 years before when another man shouted the same words to his wife in an attempt to save him)

whatever u do, do not think about how sirius black died with a smile on his face and laughter in his eyes, finally reuniting with the man who was the other half of him

whatever u do, do not think about how on this day, 18 june 1996, harry potter lost the closest thing to a father he had and screamed himself hoarse as he struggled to save him, struggled to save another person who had died to protect him