peanutbutterandjamzee:

nuditea:

i see it in the reblogs.

they take over my dash, flickering like police lights as i refresh. i don’t know if i can take the guilt anymore. so many notes, so little salvation. i’m a murderer. a monster. they should lock me up in a place where i can never make another sarcastic quip. give me guards with no sense of humour, and destroy my contact with the outside world. give me simple meals of only bread and water to keep my wit dull. give me shackles and solitary confinement; slow my tongue and squash my spirit. this is the only way i can be stopped— and i must be stopped. never again will i allow myself to be so funny that so many people “omg can’t even breathe, literally dying right now, LOL!!”.

never again.

dead.

another body. and so soon after i promised myself i’d stop hurting people. i’m starting to think there is no way to stop this.

i pound the pavement until i am on unfamiliar streets. there is a single window with the curtains drawn back. the illumination of the dining room lamp spills out onto the sidewalk, not quite reaching me in the shadow as i watch a group of friends sharing a bottle of wine, their heads thrown back in merriment. it is like staring at the obituaries of my victims. i move on, avoiding the light. as i’m walking, my fingers automatically find my ‘droid, thumbs tapping gently against the screen. i don’t even realise i’ve made a joke until the @ replies begin rolling in. “lmao what is air!” another person suffocated by how fucking clever i am.

my blood runs cold and i don’t even realise i’ve thrown my phone until my foot crunches over its pieces.

Certainly why not

Caturn Devouring His Owner

meloukhia:

sesamestreet:

THIS TUMBLR IS NOW DIAMONDS.

A Sesame Street parody of the Old Spice ads. Yeah. It’s pretty amazing. 

Video opens with Grover in a towel, sitting in the bathroom. 

Grover: Hello everybody! Look at yourself. Now back to me. Now back at yourself. Now back to me. Sadly, you are not a monster. But if you listen to Grover, you will know all about the word ‘on,’ just as this monster does!  Look down…

The scene dissolves, depositing Grover on a boat. 

Grover [cont]: Back up. [Something lands on his head and he fusses trying to get it off before finally flinging it away.] Yeah. Where am I. Ah! I am on a boat! What is in your hand? Back at me. I have it! It is a clam with two tickets to the thing you love! 

Grover lifts a clam, holding tickets, and the clam snaps onto his nose. 

Grover [cont.]: On my nose! [He howls with frustration and hurls the clam into the ocean.] Anything is possible when you smell like a monster and know the word ‘on.’ I am on a horse! [The camera pans back, showing Grover sitting on a cow. The cow says ‘moooo.’] Cow. 

A title card comes up: Smell like a monster on Sesame Street, and piping music comes on. 

Hahahahaha. You know, earlier when I posted that badass sexy pic of David Ruffin I was thinking of doing a caption like this (“Look at your man, now back at David Ruffin, now back at your man. Sadly, he is not David Ruffin.”) But Grover beat me to it, and with that I do believe that there is nowhere else that this can possibly go.

Additional Fun Fact: Grover was my very first crush. Yes, even before Mr. Rogers. My mom once risked life and limb in the middle of a snow storm so that I could meet Grover at a JC Penny, because otherwise I would have DIED. More sensible parents and toddlers stayed home, so I got lots of quality one on one time with him. But now I digress.