"Up then came / a worthy warrior, Oak-tall, oak-strong / shorn-locked, short-shaven, Dark as leather / dyed in walnut; Clad in canvas / white as moonlight. Up he strode / fearless, noble, where Geatlings gathered. / Scorning arms He spoke these words: / "Look upon me. Now upon yourselves. / Again upon me. You are not me." / Deep his voice Like thunder's cry / or breath of God. Woe to the warriors! / How they trembled! Then again spoke / the white-garbed warrior: "Nor have your coats / the smell of me, For rather smell you / of maidens' nosegays Or worse, of dead fish / silver fish hand-caught." Shame befell / the men of Geatland. And one man spoke: / "Woe to the dragon That slew great Beowulf! / Were he living, This great shame / would not now haunt us." Once more spoke / the white-garbed warrior: "But this I say: / bathe in Gamol-léac, The old and noble herb / and you will be men Who smell like me." / He raised his hand And wonder seized / the men of Geatland, For now they stood / on deck of ship..."

Old Spice Guy + FEMINIST HULK + Judith Butler

Old Spice Guy: "Hello, FEMINIST HULK. I observe that you are using lady-scented body wash."

Feminist Hulk: "HULK FIND LAVENDER FRAGRANCE RELAXING AFTER DAY OF SMASH."

Old Spice Guy: "Wouldn't you like to smell like me?"

Feminist Hulk: "HULK WOULD RATHER SMASH GENDER BINARY OF PERFORMATIVE SHOWERING."

Old Spice Guy: "Your tiny purple shorts hanging on the towel rack now hold tickets to the Sleater-Kinney reunion concert. And diamonds."

Feminist Hulk: "HULK ENJOY CORIN TUCKER'S REJECTION OF TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES AND CONSUMERISM. BUT DIAMONDS MAKE HULK WANT TO SMASH HEGEMONY OF POST-COLONIAL OPPRESSION. ALSO, STILL PREFER TO SMELL LIKE FIELD OF FLOWERS."

Old Spice Guy: "You puzzle me, Feminist Hulk. Your wish to use lady-scented body wash, even whilst smelling the intoxicating scent of my Old Spice, is unparalleled in my experience. "

Judith Butler: "Feminist Hulk makes a good critique, Old Spice Man. Your discourse is being circumscribed by a learned sex/gender distinction. Please pass me the loofah."

Old Spice Guy: "Hello, Judith Butler. Allow me to scrub your back. So you and Feminist Hulk are saying that my devotion to Old Spice body wash might be part of a larger regulative discourse to maintain an essential ontological gender?"

Judith Butler: "That's correct, Old Spice Man."

Feminist Hulk: "HULK SMASH EPISTEMOLOGICAL FRAMEWORKS, WHILE SMELLING LIKE SPRING GARDEN."

Old Spice Guy: "I understand. Allow me to bake you a cake, Feminist Hulk and Judith Butler, while we discuss intersectionality and the beauty of giant green muscles."

Judith Butler: "Congratulations on making a break with compulsory heterosexuality, Old Spice Man."

Femist Hulk: "HULK IS VERY HAPPY TO SHARE TEARS OF JOY AND ORGANIC WHOLE WHEAT PASTRY FLOUR WITH OLD SPICE MAN AND JUDITH BUTLER."

Old Spice Guy: "I'm on a unicorn."

#old spice guy #feminist hulk #lavendar fragrance #judith butler #humor #gender

bleb-punk reblogged

meloukhia:

sesamestreet:

THIS TUMBLR IS NOW DIAMONDS.

A Sesame Street parody of the Old Spice ads. Yeah. It’s pretty amazing.

Video opens with Grover in a towel, sitting in the bathroom.

Grover: Hello everybody! Look at yourself. Now back to me. Now back at yourself. Now back to me. Sadly, you are not a monster. But if you listen to Grover, you will know all about the word ‘on,’ just as this monster does! Look down…

The scene dissolves, depositing Grover on a boat.

Grover [cont]: Back up. [Something lands on his head and he fusses trying to get it off before finally flinging it away.] Yeah. Where am I. Ah! I am on a boat! What is in your hand? Back at me. I have it! It is a clam with two tickets to the thing you love!

Grover lifts a clam, holding tickets, and the clam snaps onto his nose.

Grover [cont.]: On my nose! [He howls with frustration and hurls the clam into the ocean.] Anything is possible when you smell like a monster and know the word ‘on.’ I am on a horse! [The camera pans back, showing Grover sitting on a cow. The cow says ‘moooo.’] Cow.

A title card comes up: Smell like a monster on Sesame Street, and piping music comes on.

Hahahahaha. You know, earlier when I posted that badass sexy pic of David Ruffin I was thinking of doing a caption like this (“Look at your man, now back at David Ruffin, now back at your man. Sadly, he is not David Ruffin.”) But Grover beat me to it, and with that I do believe that there is nowhere else that this can possibly go.

Additional Fun Fact: Grover was my very first crush. Yes, even before Mr. Rogers. My mom once risked life and limb in the middle of a snow storm so that I could meet Grover at a JC Penny, because otherwise I would have DIED. More sensible parents and toddlers stayed home, so I got lots of quality one on one time with him. But now I digress.

#grover #old spice #sesame street #old spice guy #look at your man #video #parody #AGGGH