bleachhaven reblogged
Let us all be miserable thinking about how Shun lost both his mentor/father-figure and best friend/soulmate all in one war.
Let us all be miserable thinking about how Shun lost both his mentor/father-figure and best friend/soulmate all in one war.
bleachhaven reblogged
How the lieutenants would react (if the captains confessed their love)
As requested by anon. :)
What if each of the captains suddenly and sincerely confessed their love to their lieutenants? How would those lieutenants react?
And I decided to go the post-Aizen (pre-end) squads…meaning that I left out Squad 11 (because Yachiru) and Squad 12 (because incest). Please enjoy!
1. Squad 5
Hinamori: Yeah, yeah, I know you do, Captain.
Shinji: I-I’m confessing my love here, Momo! The least you could do is look up from your book!
Hinamori: You confess your love to people every other day, Captain.
Shinji: But I mean it this time!
Hinamori: Uh-huh. Of course you do.
Shinji: YOU’RE STILL NOT LOOKING UP
2. Squad 13
Rukia: Captain…I don’t really know what to say.
Rukia: This seems a little…awkward?
Rukia: Especially with Kiyone and Sentaro both screaming hysterically in the background.
Rukia: Just, so much screaming.
Ukitake: I-I didn’t know they were there!
3. Squad 2
Omaeda: A-are you dying?
Omaeda: Wait, no, you wouldn’t do something like this if you were dying…
Omaeda: Am *I* dying?
Omaeda: No that doesn’t make sense either!
Omaeda: Captain! Please! Just tell me who’s dying!
Soi Fon: I knew emotions were a mistake.
4. Squad 8
Nanao: Okay but are we sure you’re not my uncle? The manga was not very clear.
Kyoraku: I wouldn’t be confessing my love if I were your uncle, Nanao-chan!
Nanao: Well, okay…
Nanao: THEN WHAT YOU DOING THAT IS VERY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR TOWARD YOUR SUBORDINATE!!
Kyoraku: S-so cold, Nano-chan!
5. Squad 7
Iba: And I love you too, Captain!
Komamura: You know I mean this in a romantic way, right, Iba?
Iba: I did not realize that, no!
Iba: But I do in fact still love you, Captain!
Komamura: Romantically?
Iba: May I have some time to think about that, Captain?
Komamura: All the time you need!
Iba: Thank you Captain!
6. Squad 3
Kira: Do you know what the flower of Squad 3 is, Captain? It’s the marigold.
Kira: The flower of despair.
Kira: That is what our squad represents - despair.
Rose: So….are you saying you don’t love me back?
Kira: You just confessed your love to a zombie with a penchant for beheading birds.
Kira: I am just saying - you’re in the right squad.
7. Squad 4
Isane: C-Captain Unohana, I had no idea!
Isane: I-I don’t know what to say…
Isane: How could you be in love with someone like me? I’m tall, I’m clumsy, I’m ugly, I-
Unohana: Do not say such things about the woman I love, Isane.
Isane: C-Captain!
8. Squad 1
Sasakibe: I-I can’t believe it…
Sasakibe: After all these years…
Sasakibe: All these years of waiting…hoping…
Sasakibe: Refusing to stop being your lieutenant no matter what…
Sasakibe: It finally happened!
Sasakibe: I WOULD LIKE TO THANK GOD AND ALSO THE ENGLISH QUEEN
Yamamoto: …been keeping some feelings bottled, huh?
9. Squad 10
Matsumoto: Aww, I love you too, Captain!
Matsumoto: Boop!
Matsumoto: I booped you on the nose!
Matsumoto: …
Matsumoto: You suddenly look so angry and I don’t know why.
10. Squad 9 (Hisagi)
Hisagi: THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
Hisagi: I JUST CAN’T STOP SMILING
Kensei: I may have made a terrible mistake.
11. Squad 9 (Mashiro)
Mashiro: Huh??? What are you Kensei, stupid???
Kensei: HEY I’M TRYING TO CONFESS MY LOVE HERE
12. Squad 6
Renji: …
Renji: …
Renji: …
Byakuya: Did you not hear me, Renji? I said that I am in love with you.
Renji: Is, uh, this like when you told me your zanpakuto cuts your hair and I thought you were serious and then it turned out you were kidding and I felt dumb?
Byakuya: No this is like when I was recovering in bed and told you I had something to tell you and then Kurosaki Ichigo suddenly appeared in the window shouting.
Byakuya: Which is why you must reply promptly. I am sure the “cock block” (as the humans say) will be here any moment now.
Byakuya: Kurosaki Ichigo can sense romantic moments.
Byakuya: He knows.
Byakuya (whispers): He wants to ruin them.
Renji: THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO PROCESS
Byakuya and Renji you guyyyys 😂
I cannot!
bleachhaven reblogged
How the captains would react (if their lieutenants quit)
As requested by anon. :)
Previously on Bleach Lists, we considered what would happen if the captains fired their lieutenants. But what if the lieutenants…quit? How would the captains react then?
1. Squad 13
Rukia: Captain, I can no longer be your lieutenant.
Ukitake: I understand.
Ukitake: You need to go to the world of the living, where you belong.
Ukitake: I was there, you know, when you trained Orihime Inoue.
Ukitake: I know she is your true love.
Ukitake: Go to her, Kuchiki, go to her!!
Rukia: …
Rukia: So, uh, I got offered a captainship…
Ukitake: …
Ukitake: Can we go back like ten seconds?
Rukia: How long have you been shipping us??
2. Squad 2
Omaeda: Uh, Captain, you know how my sister got hurt during the Quincy invasion?
Soi Fon: Yes. I recall.
Omaeda: It, uh, kinda makes you think, you know? About what’s important?
Soi Fon: I do not need to hear your personal journey, Omaeda.
Soi Fon: If you have decided to actually commit yourself to this squad, then do it. Otherwise, I don’t care.
Omaeda: What if it made me want to quit?
Soi Fon: Then I would kill you. Nobody quits Squad 2 alive.
Soi Fon: So do you have something to say?
Omaeda: No?
Soi Fon: ….
Soi Fon: So close.
3. Squad 3
Kira: Captain Otoribashi, I will be leaving your squad at the end of this week.
Rose: Izuru, why??
Kira: I am an undead zombie monstrosity with a permanent hole through my torso, and the underlings weep when they look at me.
Rose: Only for the first couple of days!
Rose: And I still say, if you let me decorate your horrible torso rods with brightly colored flags…
Kira: …
Rose: Right. Maybe you’ve earned a break.
4. Squad 12
Nemu: Captain, I would like to quit.
Kurotsuchi: Nobody cares what you want, you dolt. Now drink your poison.
Nemu: …
Nemu: Maybe this is why Nanao says we need a union.
5. Squad 5
Hinamori: Captain, I have decided to quit the Gotei-13.
Shinji: Very funny, you idiot.
Shinji: Make jokes like that, and you might end up in the Maggot’s Nest, which is occasionally canon!
Hinamori: I’m not joking, Captain.
Shinji: You’re not?
Shinji: Man, I have the worst luck with lieutenants.
Hinamori: DID YOU JUST COMPARE ME TO AIZEN?!
6. Squad 10
Matsumoto: Captain, I quit!
Hitsugaya: I do not accept.
Matsumoto: What? You can’t just not accept my resignation, Captain!
Hitsugaya: Yes, I can.
Hitsugaya: I don’t accept it.
Hitsugaya: You know, you could just ask for time off if there is a big sale in the human world or something!
Matsumoto: You’d give me time off for shopping??
Hitsugaya: NO
Matsumoto: See? Maybe this is why I want to quit!
Hitsugaya: JUST DO YOUR PAPERWORK
7. Squad 11
Yachiru: Ken-chan, I’m not gonna be a lieutenant anymore!
Kenpachi: Yeah?
Kenpachi: Okay.
Kenpachi: What are we going to do now, then?
Kenpachi: Look for stronger people to fight?
Yachiru: Sure!
Kenpachi: Sounds about right, for us.
8. Squad 4
Isane: Um, Captain Unohana?
Isane: I, uh, need to talk to you about something. I’ve….decided to quit the Gotei-13.
Unohana: Is that so, Isane?
Unohana: I understand.
Unohana: It is time for your murder phase. I had long seen it coming.
Isane: N-not everyone has a murder phase, Captain!
Unohana: Don’t be embarrassed, Isane. It is part of growing up.
Isane: C-Captain!
9. Squad 9 (Mashiro)
Mashiro: Kensei, I QUIT!
Kensei: You don’t even know what that means, idiot.
Mashiro: Yes I do!!!! It means I’m done following you!!!
Kensei: Whatever happened to “a lieutenant always followers her captain”??
Mashiro: That’s why I’m quitting!
Kensei: FINE
Mashiro: FINE
Kensei: THANK GOODNESS I WON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU
Mashiro: LIKE YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT ME
Hisagi: It’s like watching your parents divorce.
10. Squad 9 (Hisagi)
Hisagi: …and that is why, Captain, I need to leave your command.
Kensei: Shuhei, don’t be an idiot.
Kensei: You have our squad number TATTOOED ON YOUR FACE
Kensei: What are you gonna do, porn??
Hisagi: Well…
Kensei: NO SHUHEI
11. Squad 1
Sasakibe: Head Captain, I am afraid I must tender my resignation.
Yamamoto: Are you…are you SERIOUS?!
Yamamoto: I tried to promote you like 1000 times!
Sasakibe: I-I couldn’t take a promotion, Head Captain! It would have felt disloyal!
Yamamoto: But quitting isn’t?!
Sasakibe: …
Sasakibe: I’m a complicated guy.
12. Squad 8
Nanao: Captain, this is my three week’s notice.
Kyoraku: Notice until what?
Nanao: Until I will be quitting.
Kyoraku: Q-quitting, Nanao-chan??
Kyoraku: Please don’t quit, my lovely beautiful lieutenant flower!
Kyoraku: Is this because I drink too much? Because of all the naps? Because I accidentally used your report as a coaster?
Nanao: You did WHAT to my report?
Kyoraku: See? How will I survive without that cruel, harsh look, Nanao-chan?
Nanao: …it’s going to be a long three weeks.
13. Squad 6
Renji: Captain, I am quitting!
Byakuya: Renji, you should leave the jokes to me.
Renji: This is not a joke, Captain. I am quitting.
Byakuya: You cannot quit, Renji. This is the Gotei-13.
Renji: Y-your last lieutenant quit!
Byakuya: He had a very good reason.
Renji: He opened a sunglasses shop!
Byakuya: Are you suggested that sunglasses are not a good reason? Are you, Renji?
Renji: …
Renji: This went very differently in my head.
14. Squad 9
Iba: Captain, I need to speak with you!
Iba: I want you to know, Captain, that being your lieutenant has been fantastic.
Iba: I grew as a soldier and as a person.
Iba: Your courage and honestly and loyalty always inspired me!
Iba: And I could not have served a better man!
Iba: But I can no longer be your lieutenant.
Puppy Komamura: Wuff?
Iba: …
Iba: I think you need a friend, instead.
This was HILARIOUS!
bleachhaven reblogged
Kyoraku and Ukitake's favorite academy memories
As requested by anon. :)
It’s time to find out what ten things Kyoraku and Ukitake remember most fondly from their days at the soul reaper academy!
1. Running into Unohana
Ukitake: One of our very first bonding experiences was one night when we were just wandering around, goofing off.
Ukitake: When all the sudden we rounded a corner and there was Unohana.
Ukitake: All she said was, “What are you two doing out so late?” but for some reason, thisTERRIFIED us.
Ukitake: So we didn’t even answer! We just took off running!
Ukitake: And it wasn’t until several minutes later that we stopped and were all, “Why are we running?”
2. Getting Ukitake drunk for the first time
Kyoraku: Ukitake had never really been drunk before he came to the Academy. I couldn’t let that stand!
Kyoraku: So one night we got wasted on sake.
Kyoraku: And I discovered that Ukitake was the world’s most giggly drunk…up until the point he fell over.
Kyoraku: We didn’t get drunk together much after that.
3. Heart to hearts
Ukitake: I guess this isn’t really one memory.
Ukitake: But I really loved all the nights that Kyoraku would just sit on a rooftop or on a hillside and just talk!
Ukitake: I have a giant family, but I’d never really had a best friend before.
Ukitake: It was nice.
4. Pranking Yama-jii
Kyoraku: So at that point, Yama-jii was Ukitake and my teacher, and he was pretty fond of us.
Kyoraku: He didn’t have the big beard yet, but he did have a receding hairline and a fantastic mustache.
Kyoraku: And he liked to nap.
Kyoraku: …
Kyoraku: We may have drawn a goatee on his chin and a penis on his forehead.
5. Streaking through the Seireitei
Ukitake: We lost this stupid bet with some classmates, you see.
Ukitake: I can’t even remember what the bet was, to be honest.
Ukitake: But the outcome was that Kyoraku and I were supposed to streak through the middle of Soul Society.
Ukitake: And we did.
Ukitake: I had never done something like that before! It was almost - freeing.
Ukitake: I couldn’t stop laughing the entire time!
6. The scavenger hunt
Kyoraku: Oh man, this one time some of the older students decided to create a giant scavenger hunt, and Ukitake and I were a time.
Kyoraku: This one clue was hidden inside Yama-ji’’s quarters - I snuck in while Ukitake kept watch outside.
Kyoraku: …
Kyoraku: The head captain caught me, of course, but it was still fun.
7: The day they met
Ukitake: I was a little anxious when I first came to the academy. My health wasn’t great, and my parents were worried that I wasn’t strong enough to endure the training.
Ukitake: Plus I had a tendency to faint when I got overtired, which was embarrassing.
Ukitake: On my first day, I was talking to these lovely ladies when all the sudden I started feeling lightheaded. I remember thinking, “This isn’t going to make a great impression” before I blacked out.
Ukitake: When I woke up, I was outside, and this strange guy was sitting next to me.
Ukitake: He said, “I told those girls that you were so overcome by their beauty that you fainted. We have a date with them tonight.”
Ukitake: And that’s how I made my best friend!
8. Learning that they both had dual zanpakuto
Kyoraku: I remember it well!
Kyoraku: I had just obtained my own shikai days before. I was lounging about one evening when Ukitake comes up to me, face all anxious, and says, ‘Kyoraku, I hope you won’t think I’m copying you, but I just obtained my shikai and, well, I have dual zanpakuto too.“
Kyoraku: Then he just looked at me with puppy dog eyes, like he thought I’d actually be mad that he had "stolen” my dual zanpakuto thunder.
Kyoraku: But I just hugged him - I was so thrilled! Both of our souls produced dual zanpakuto? That’s when I knew we’d be friends for life!
Ugh. This is soooo damn cute 😫♥️
bleachhaven reblogged
Snow Day in the Seireitei
As requested by @dameofnodelicacy and @sambamrazzy. :)
It has snowed in Soul Society, and a snow day has been declared! How do the various shinigami react?
1. Hitsugaya: Is 90% scarfs
Hitsugaya bundles himself up well. Very well. He basically looks like a walking pile of scarfs.
Byakuya: Aren’t you an ice type? Should you not be impervious to the cold or some such thing?
Hitsugaya: …
Hitsugaya: There is nothing wrong with wanting to be cozy.
2. Yamamoto: Goes shirtless
Mostly because he can.
Yamamoto: Such bad subordinates, being affected by the cold.
Yamamoto: Personally I just need my beard to keep ME warm.
3. Byakuya & Rukia: Build snowmen
Or rather, a snow bunny and a snow Admiral Seaweed.
Rukia: Your snow sculptures are just as amazing as your sand sculptures, Nii-sama!
Byakuya: Yours are very good too, Rukia.
4. Matsumoto: Drinks (and shares) a lot of spiked hot chocolate
Of course, it’s too cold for strip drinking games. So instead she, Hisagi, and Kira see how many sweaters they can put on.
Hisagi: I CAN NO LONGER LOWER MY ARMS
Kira: MORE SWEATERS SHUHEI! DO IT FOR THE VINE
Matsumoto: Who knew reverse stripping could be so fun??
5. Hinamori: Spends the day reading
She has a blanket and (non-alcoholic) hot chocolate, and she is ready to party. And by “party” I mean “read.”
Hinamori: It doesn’t really get cozier than this.
[Outside the window, Hitsugaya waddles by in his 19 scarfs]
Hinamori: Except possibly for that.
6. Rose: Enjoys the look of the snow
Rose, more than anyone else, appreciates the aesthetics of the snow - the look of the fresh snowdrifts, the way the snowflakes swirl down through the air, the way the world seems almost hushed.
Rose: Every few seconds I get another picture of Izuru wearing more sweaters.
Rose: But it’s pretty peaceful anyway.
7. Yachiru: Pelts everyone with snow balls
Mostly while riding on Kenpachi’s shoulders.
Ikkaku: LIEUTENANT PLEASE STOP STRIKING ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD
Yachiru: GOALLLLLL
8. Renji: Gets involved in the Squad 11 snowball fight
The one that Yachiru started.
Ikkaku: Abarai!!! Did you put ROCK into this SNOWBALL?!
Renji: We villains are dirty by nature, you know!
Ikkaku: THAT’S AWESOME
9. Isane: Is pretty much stuck dealing with injuries
Squad 11 files in all day, most of them with mysterious rock wounds.
Unohana: And this is why I insisted we spend the day inside Squad 4, Isane.
Isane: Ohhhhhh.
10. Aizen: Melts all the snow with his spiritual pressure
No snow is actually able to reach him.
Aizen: I am simply too powerful.
Aizen: …
Aizen: Admittedly it is a little sad.
11. Ukitake: Is cared for by his subordinates
Basically this means that Kiyone and Sentaro compete to keep him comfortable, until he is essentially swimming in blankets. And mittens. And hats. And hot chocolate.
Ukitake (faintly, from underneath it all): G-guys?
12. Soi Fon: Hosts a GIANT snowball fight
Just imagine, if you will, the entirety of the punishment squad pelting each other with snowballs.
Omaeda: T-this is surprisingly nice of you, Captain!
Soi Fon: Nice? You understand so little.
Soi Fon: I am increasing their antagonism towards each other by having them simulate battle. I am decreasing their camaraderie.
Omaeda: They, uh, sure seem to be having a good time, though.
Soi Fon: That is probably battle laughter.
13. Komamura: Goes sledding with Iba
The sokyoku hill makes for some awesome sledding.
Komamura: Amazing! I can’t help but let my tongue dangle and my wolf ears flap in the breeze!
Iba: YOU ARE THE BEST SLEDDER, CAPTAIN
14. Shinji: Makes snow angels
I can’t even explain this one. Something about Shinji and his gangly limbs making snow angels amuses me
Hiyori: Hey baldy! Aren’t you a guy who does everything backwards? You should be making snow angels FACE DOWN
Shinji: FOR THE LAST TIME I’M NOT DOING THAT
15. Mashiro & Kensei: Get distracted by Shinji’s snow angels
Kensei was just trying to go for a nice snow walk. Mashiro was following him.
Mashiro: Uh oh are people disappearing again? Kensei! Kensei! Look! Mysterious dents in the snow!
Kensei: Those are just snow angels, Mashiro.
Mashiro: What? Angels? Of the snow? I don’t understand! I don’t understand!
Kensei: I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A WALK
16. Nemu: Clears the snow around Squad 12
Kurotsuchi really wants nothing to do with the snow day. So Nemu clears the snow away from Squad 12. Using the world’s most giant snow blower.
Nemu: I may or may not have blown Akon away.
Nemu: But he is probably fine.
[The sounds of Akon’s screams fade into the distance]
Nemu: Probably.
bleachhaven reblogged
Bleach characters! You have just learned that Orihime and Grimmjow are dating! How do you respond?
As requested by anon. :)
Well, everyone, it seems that Orihime is now dating Grimmjow! I guess that’s what happens when Grimmjow joins Team Good. So what do all of you think about that?
Ichigo: W-what?! Inoue, what you doing dating him??
Sora: It is perfectly obvious, Kurosaki. I was a father-figure for my sister. Then I became a hollow. Now she clearly has a thing for hollows.
Grimmjow: Um….you were some sort of worm monster thing. I’m an extremely hot, human-looking dude with just a bit of mask.
Grimmjow: I don’t really think I remind her of you.
Szayel: Yeah, we espada are really more runway model than freak show monster, you know?
Grimmjow: Put a shirt on, dude!
Tatsuki: All right, Orihime! Way to snag a man! Did you use your boobs like I taught you?
Orihime: Um…I don’t think so…
Tatsuki: I bet you totally did!
Rukia: I-I don’t really know whether I like this or not. But I guess a get it. The reformed bad boy charm. Edgy, sexy, dangerous, but ultimately on the good side.
Renji: …
Renji: [casually uncovers tattoos]
Ulquiorra: And Grimmjow accused me of stealing from him.
Ulquiorra: Hypocrite.
Grimmjow: I’m sorry; I can’t hear you over the sound of you being dead.
Ishida: …
Chad: You okay, Ishida?
Ishida: Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be okay? Just because the girl of my dreams is dating a dumb, Ichigo-obsessed hollow with anger management problems, why would I be upset? I am totally okay with this.
Ishida: I GUESS HOLLOW ARE JUST OUR FRIENDS NOW, RIGHT?!
Orihime: They sure are! If not more than friends!
Ishida: …
Ishdia: [sobs]
Nnoitra: Tch. Grimmjow WOULD date a human. He’s definitely the type.
Starrk: Open-minded?
Nnoitra: Weak!
Starrk: Right, right. Whatever you say, Nnoitra.
Yamamoto: See? This is exactly why I didn’t want Inoue to heal my arm. It’s very difficult, once you’ve brought someone’s arm back from non-existence, to not develop romantic feelings toward them.
Soi Fon: Um…my arm was healed by Squad 4.
Yamamoto: And I’m sure you and Unohana will be very happy together.
Urahara: Maaan, and this whole time I thought it was my clever salesmanship that made Grimmjow want to join us.
Urahara: I guess I can’t compete with boobs, really.
bleachhaven reblogged
How the captains would react (if their lieutenants quit)
As requested by anon. :)
Previously on Bleach Lists, we considered what would happen if the captains fired their lieutenants. But what if the lieutenants…quit? How would the captains react then?
1. Squad 13
Rukia: Captain, I can no longer be your lieutenant.
Ukitake: I understand.
Ukitake: You need to go to the world of the living, where you belong.
Ukitake: I was there, you know, when you trained Orihime Inoue.
Ukitake: I know she is your true love.
Ukitake: Go to her, Kuchiki, go to her!!
Rukia: …
Rukia: So, uh, I got offered a captainship…
Ukitake: …
Ukitake: Can we go back like ten seconds?
Rukia: How long have you been shipping us??
2. Squad 2
Omaeda: Uh, Captain, you know how my sister got hurt during the Quincy invasion?
Soi Fon: Yes. I recall.
Omaeda: It, uh, kinda makes you think, you know? About what’s important?
Soi Fon: I do not need to hear your personal journey, Omaeda.
Soi Fon: If you have decided to actually commit yourself to this squad, then do it. Otherwise, I don’t care.
Omaeda: What if it made me want to quit?
Soi Fon: Then I would kill you. Nobody quits Squad 2 alive.
Soi Fon: So do you have something to say?
Omaeda: No?
Soi Fon: ….
Soi Fon: So close.
3. Squad 3
Kira: Captain Otoribashi, I will be leaving your squad at the end of this week.
Rose: Izuru, why??
Kira: I am an undead zombie monstrosity with a permanent hole through my torso, and the underlings weep when they look at me.
Rose: Only for the first couple of days!
Rose: And I still say, if you let me decorate your horrible torso rods with brightly colored flags…
Kira: …
Rose: Right. Maybe you’ve earned a break.
4. Squad 12
Nemu: Captain, I would like to quit.
Kurotsuchi: Nobody cares what you want, you dolt. Now drink your poison.
Nemu: …
Nemu: Maybe this is why Nanao says we need a union.
5. Squad 5
Hinamori: Captain, I have decided to quit the Gotei-13.
Shinji: Very funny, you idiot.
Shinji: Make jokes like that, and you might end up in the Maggot’s Nest, which is occasionally canon!
Hinamori: I’m not joking, Captain.
Shinji: You’re not?
Shinji: Man, I have the worst luck with lieutenants.
Hinamori: DID YOU JUST COMPARE ME TO AIZEN?!
6. Squad 10
Matsumoto: Captain, I quit!
Hitsugaya: I do not accept.
Matsumoto: What? You can’t just not accept my resignation, Captain!
Hitsugaya: Yes, I can.
Hitsugaya: I don’t accept it.
Hitsugaya: You know, you could just ask for time off if there is a big sale in the human world or something!
Matsumoto: You’d give me time off for shopping??
Hitsugaya: NO
Matsumoto: See? Maybe this is why I want to quit!
Hitsugaya: JUST DO YOUR PAPERWORK
7. Squad 11
Yachiru: Ken-chan, I’m not gonna be a lieutenant anymore!
Kenpachi: Yeah?
Kenpachi: Okay.
Kenpachi: What are we going to do now, then?
Kenpachi: Look for stronger people to fight?
Yachiru: Sure!
Kenpachi: Sounds about right, for us.
8. Squad 4
Isane: Um, Captain Unohana?
Isane: I, uh, need to talk to you about something. I’ve….decided to quit the Gotei-13.
Unohana: Is that so, Isane?
Unohana: I understand.
Unohana: It is time for your murder phase. I had long seen it coming.
Isane: N-not everyone has a murder phase, Captain!
Unohana: Don’t be embarrassed, Isane. It is part of growing up.
Isane: C-Captain!
9. Squad 9 (Mashiro)
Mashiro: Kensei, I QUIT!
Kensei: You don’t even know what that means, idiot.
Mashiro: Yes I do!!!! It means I’m done following you!!!
Kensei: Whatever happened to “a lieutenant always followers her captain”??
Mashiro: That’s why I’m quitting!
Kensei: FINE
Mashiro: FINE
Kensei: THANK GOODNESS I WON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU
Mashiro: LIKE YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT ME
Hisagi: It’s like watching your parents divorce.
10. Squad 9 (Hisagi)
Hisagi: …and that is why, Captain, I need to leave your command.
Kensei: Shuhei, don’t be an idiot.
Kensei: You have our squad number TATTOOED ON YOUR FACE
Kensei: What are you gonna do, porn??
Hisagi: Well…
Kensei: NO SHUHEI
11. Squad 1
Sasakibe: Head Captain, I am afraid I must tender my resignation.
Yamamoto: Are you…are you SERIOUS?!
Yamamoto: I tried to promote you like 1000 times!
Sasakibe: I-I couldn’t take a promotion, Head Captain! It would have felt disloyal!
Yamamoto: But quitting isn’t?!
Sasakibe: …
Sasakibe: I’m a complicated guy.
12. Squad 8
Nanao: Captain, this is my three week’s notice.
Kyoraku: Notice until what?
Nanao: Until I will be quitting.
Kyoraku: Q-quitting, Nanao-chan??
Kyoraku: Please don’t quit, my lovely beautiful lieutenant flower!
Kyoraku: Is this because I drink too much? Because of all the naps? Because I accidentally used your report as a coaster?
Nanao: You did WHAT to my report?
Kyoraku: See? How will I survive without that cruel, harsh look, Nanao-chan?
Nanao: …it’s going to be a long three weeks.
13. Squad 6
Renji: Captain, I am quitting!
Byakuya: Renji, you should leave the jokes to me.
Renji: This is not a joke, Captain. I am quitting.
Byakuya: You cannot quit, Renji. This is the Gotei-13.
Renji: Y-your last lieutenant quit!
Byakuya: He had a very good reason.
Renji: He opened a sunglasses shop!
Byakuya: Are you suggested that sunglasses are not a good reason? Are you, Renji?
Renji: …
Renji: This went very differently in my head.
14. Squad 9
Iba: Captain, I need to speak with you!
Iba: I want you to know, Captain, that being your lieutenant has been fantastic.
Iba: I grew as a soldier and as a person.
Iba: Your courage and honestly and loyalty always inspired me!
Iba: And I could not have served a better man!
Iba: But I can no longer be your lieutenant.
Puppy Komamura: Wuff?
Iba: …
Iba: I think you need a friend, instead.