they sacked my fucking fiefdom. it's so over. i'll never be able to afford the king's taxes. i don't have a single fucking asset to my name except *winks shyly* my special sex ability🫣

unlock powerful new heroes to ATTACK my pussy!!!

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

Oh My God Damn

Hot take but "See Invisibilty" should always reveal something

Like, we only really deal with the dangerous naturally invisible creatures, but there's also species of birds and insects and plants and so forth that are invisible. There's invisible rock formations (ever trip over nothing?). Invisible clouds. Invisible works of art. You cast See Invisibility and suddenly there's an entire invisible ecosystem that you can never really interact with normally.

Also you finally find out there's actually been a gnome sitting on the barbarian's head and livetweeting your adventures this whole time

-Pencil

May 2014: Senator Bill Heffernan complains about the lack of metal detectors in parliament, tabling a pipe bomb he's brought with him as evidence

might get crucified for this but destiel could’ve been it

if there was a play about an angel who pulled a repressed homosexual man out of hell and fell in love with him then yes i’d post snippet quotes from it. you would too. we all would.

There is a parallel universe where Tumblr is actually a great functioning site

its exactly as shitty but every other social media site is worse by comparison

It drives me fucking insane how even when people say “hey don’t be fatphobic and don’t hide behind ‘health concerns’ to do so. Fat isn’t inherently unhealthy” people line up out the goddamn door to go “yeah!! There’s a difference between being fat and being obese!” Fuck off !!!! First of all I’ve been considered “morbidly obese” (god what a dehumanizing term) for nearly my whole life despite living a healthy lifestyle, but even if I hadn’t, even if I were completely immobilized and disabled due to my fatness, even if it were “my fault” according to those arguments — I’d still be deserving of respect

like. Do you hear yourself right now? Do you think this is kind? Fat people aren’t stupid. They know that they’re fat, they don’t need to be “guided towards” anything. Nobody needs to be “given empathy” for the state of their fucking body. Fat people don’t need the pity or approval of thin people. Not to mention the term “reasonable bmi”. You think it’s unreasonable for me to exist? Jesus Christ

when i was a freshman in college i wanted to dress up for halloween because i thought surely college students would have the spirit. so i elected to put together a whole entire Skull Kid from legend of zelda majora’s mask cosplay together and wear that fucking ensemble to college on halloween.

i step on campus and realize immediately that not one other person is dressed up. not so much as a cat ear headband. so imagine this fucking dude sitting in a class of otherwise normally dressed people looking like this. that was me. this was my 9/11

Tim: I can't do that, it would be against my moral compass.

Jason: Your moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel.

I can't be the first to make this connection

y'all slept on the first chart but I will make the world see my vision

...Can I add this

I'm sorry but why was this the post where I learned some rich lady fell in love with the Grinch

actually you know what that's exactly it i would rather someone add 5 parantheticals after every sentence than use tone indicators it's 1. accomplishing SO much more in terms of clarity 2. extremely funny to look at depending on how they're used

observe:

"is this real? /gen" — i thought /gen meant "general" for ages. i would not be able to understand this on first sight a few years ago and is thus ineffective

"is this real? (genuine question)" — i fully understand this without issue

"is this real? (genuine question) (can't tell) (very realistic) (looks real) (scary) (photoshop?)" — is not only incredibly clear it's also very funny to read all of these thoughts stapled together while also in their own parentheses. it's also the most useful because now i can actually address all parts of what they are asking me with as much specificity as BOTH of us need

parentheses my beloved (they are for bonus thoughts) (and questions) ( and sidetracks) (like a 2nd conversation on top of the first)

Akechi, internally: I’m gonna fucking kill them

the idea that you can buy milk at the grocery store seems just so self evident. it's hard to imagine the time before pasteurization and refrigeration were common, when the milkman would come by your house every morning and lactate into a bottle for you.

and fuck your wife!

and fuck your wife

Is he "female socialized" or is he just a standard flamboyant sensitive artsy gay dude who would honestly be indiscernible from any other fem gay guy if you didn't see him as a walking vagina first and foremost.

Is she "male socialized" or is she just a tomboy with a fucking spine who doesn't let anyone talk to her any old kind of way who would honestly be indiscernible from any feminist cis woman y'all gas up on here if you didn't see her as a walking penis first and foremost.

Are you, the person using the terms male/female socialization (not op but hey you might not know either), aware of the origins of those terms?

Gender roles, and the idea of gender socialization, was entirely created by John Money after he coerced a mother into raising her son who lost his penis in a botched circumcision as a girl. This included bringing the boy and his twin brother to Money for "therapy," where they were "socialized" for their assigned genders by being forced to enact sex positions together as early as age six. David Reimer, the boy forced to be a girl, NEVER ever felt like a girl and fought back every step of the way. As soon as he was fourteen and could get away from Money, he adopted the name David and began living as a boy. He and his brother both committed suicide before Money died a natural death.

The idea of gendered socialization came from the David Reimer experiment. Today, in 2024, most hospitals across the USA use this experiment as the basis of genital mutilation surgery and gender socialization on intersex children. There are two hospitals in the USA who say they do not do these surgeries. It was entirely invented to prove Money's thesis that intersex people could be fixed and socialized however adults want. That's the genuine, actual origin. It's based in the destruction of intersex people. So when you're being a fucking idiot about trans ppl, know you're also agreeing with a genocidal eugenicist who believed that mutilating babies was "a game of scifi."

Gender roles and gender socialization are 1950s concepts invented by one white man from New Zeland who believed all men should be gelded and intersex people were, again a direct quote, "experiments of nature."

augh

i know I shouldn’t be because they’re still relevant and kicking and Very Popular to an extent, but I’m still shocked that they even decided to go on tour again and the fucking SPEED at which thousands and thousands of seats are being sold out. sometimes I still feel like dnp are my little secret parasocial nerd besties but they’re OUR big successful nerd besties and I’m just so proud of them <33