@blackbird-brewster / blackbird-brewster.tumblr.com
People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter
[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]
additions from the og artist (credit)
“Holy shit two cakes,” I mutter to myself as I do fucking anything these days, this post was a godsend
FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT you are allowed to feel proud of yourself for things that might seem silly to other people, like getting better at a video game or putting together a nice outfit for the next morning or finishing a book. You deserve to feel proud for your accomplishment.
A reminder to everyone who reads this YOU MATTER AND I'M PROUD OF YOU!
Some people may think it's absurd to just pick up and take two weeks trekking 3000 miles to see a one hour show. And perhaps, it is. But there is a reason this trip means so much to me.
In 2013 I spent three months planning a back packing trip to Costa Rica for 2014. It was my New Year's resolution to feed my wanderlust and back pack the rain forest. I saved up money and made my plans to leave in March 2014.
In Janurary 2014 I had a full psychotic break. I was hospitalized and thus began a downward spiral. I spent January-May under psychiatric care. The money I had saved went to paying bills when I lost my job. Then lost my apartment. Then nearly lost everything else.
In June I knew I wasn't going to make it to Costa Rica and I was devastated. That is when I had just about given up on everything and simply could not see a reason to continue. Every day was bleak and it was nearly impossible to get up every day. I also went through a really bad break up about this point which added insult to injury.
Then I discovered Thrilling Adventure Hour (and became instantly enthralled by Paget Brewster) thanks to my best friends. I was instantly in love. I was finding myself smiling and laughing again, something I hadn't done in months. I became obsessed.
In November things took a really bad turn and I had another really bad psychotic break and tried to kill myself, landing in a coma. I spent three weeks in the hospital and when I was released I was numb to everything. Yet, I still found solace and joy in this podcast. So I vowed I would make it my 2015 goal to go see a show in Los Angeles. I promised myself as a recovery goal that once I was stable enough I would go see it live as a reward for my perseverance.
Well January rolled around and it was made apparent that I was no where near stable. Unemployed, homeless, and barely hanging on to sanity. That's when I found out the TAH shows were ending in April and even worse, they were already sold out. My dream was shattered.
I looked at it as yet another bucket list item that would go unchecked. But then this past week I got an email saying tickets had opened up in April and I threw caution to the wind. I had to borrow the money to buy a ticket, as I was still awaiting my tax return. But my friend graciously lent me the money though buying a ticket to a show in LA made no sense to her.
Now I've received my tax return and I'm planning a two week road trip cross country to get to LA for this show. It means the absolute world to me, even though I will be camping and couch surfing along the way it doesn't matter. The fact is I will get to cross this off my bucket list.
TAH gave me hope and laughter when everything around me was darkness and that is a debt I will never be able to repay. So maybe it is crazy to pick up and drive 22 hours for a show, but if I've learned anything in the last year its that life is too short to pass opportunities like this.
So today I pay tribute to Paget Brewster whom has played a huge roll in my recovery and reminds me that it does get better. One just has to be strong enough to stick around and find out.
Happy birthday, PVB.
