My body had been trying to get sick since I got home. (Probably because I didn't give myself time to rest....oops) And I'm trying not to be a little storm of self inflicted stress and anxiety but....shit happens. What I'm saying is, I'm sick and my brain isn't helping me rest.

Starting back on Ativan, Lexapro and Lamictal. Really not thrilled to have to take so many meds just to deal with my crippling anxiety but hopefully they work. Everything is so much harder to treat when you have complex dxs. Haven't even brought up the ADHD stuff. I'll focus on anxiety first.

That last reblog really hit me harder than expected. I was first diagnosed with ADHD when I was about 10 years old.

The longest I’ve been on medication for that aspect of my mental health was 6 months when I was first diagnosed.

I forget how many of the things I live with on a daily basis are caused by this disorder. The chronic insomnia, the learning difficulties, the near impossible task of reading anything of length anymore, the incessant talking when my head is screaming for me to just *shut up*.

It’s really agonizing. I guess when I was going through psychosis and schizoaffective episodes I sort of forgot about the ADHD because I’ve spent my whole life with it.

But I struggle with it all the time. And I really wish I could get back on meds because they help so much.

Unfortunately, people love to abuse meds used for treating ADHD, which makes them nearly impossible to get for people with limited access to health care. It's the same reason I get to have excruciating anxiety that goes unmedicated. Because most doctors won't prescribe these crucial meds until they've met with you for a while and /believe/ your diagnosis. Even with medical history, a lot of doctors are hesitant to prescribe meds that could help because so many people abuse them.

So I just get to suffer. And be miserable. And it sucks.

I had a really bad meltdown today. Full fledged panic attack and sobbing for an hour, due to a really confusing and stressful assessment test I needed to take for a job. My ADHD has been running rampant lately to the point where I can't even read anything longer than a one shot and have any comprehension. I probably need to start seeing a psychiatrist again but it's really hard to get ADHD Meds bc fuckers abuse them. So that's an issue. But at this rate I honestly don't know if I could hold down a job without going back on Meds for anxiety and ADHD. Mental health care is so expensive tho. And I'm so poor.

Second day in a row waking up feeling uneasy. I had one very graphic and elaborate nightmare last night that bled into the morning all the way until I woke up. Now I'm stuck figuring out what's real and what's in my mind. I'm out of town and left my meds at home. I feel like I'm slowly losing it...again