Captain of the good ship, Je T'Emily

#there's a name for this!#it's called a ''familect'' and it evolves in every relationship type!#often dropping out of familect elicits the ''are you mad at me?'' response#because it makes your brain think ''something is wrong but I can't put my finger on it''#it's usually the lack of familect use (tags via @deesarrachi)

ok, no joke, i have been googling the wrong things for years apparently, all "an idiolect but like for. a group or a family" looking for what this fucking word is, so thank you

i think love is stored in nighttime conversations and “did you eat yet” and books left outside your door and “i waited to watch this with you” and splitting something in half to share and “im proud of you” and folded towels and “you can pick” and heads on shoulders and “you’re right, that was shitty. im sorry” and knocks on doors and “DINNER!” and stupid jokes and “hey i got this for you” and coffee made just right and… there are so many ways people say i love you silently every day over and over again if you only listen

this ask polly comment..

reassurance

Seven years ago, a hot goth walked into my flat for a small get together my flatmate was having. The other guests present that evening were a couple who had been together 5 years at the time.

That fateful night saw that couple break up, because one of the women decided (after only four hours of knowing me) she was in love with me instead of her gf. That was the most wild and uncomfortable social gathering I had ever been involved in, which is really saying something if you know any stories of me in my 20s.

Anyway, all of that is beside the point. Because although the sapphic drama was buckwild, I cannot even remember the name of the woman who professed her love to me.

What I CAN remember is the hot goth, who mostly watched in silent horror as the night unfolded, and yet still decided to be friends with me afterwards. And to this day, they're still my best friend, but around here they're known as Doom Them, my partner and love of my life.

It took a whole load of courage to keep hanging out with me after THAT party was your intro into my wild life. I'm so glad you did. You're my everything, baby. 🥰😌

Happy seven years of knowing each other 😍

Okay since everyone wants a full account of the night I met Doom Them -- here we go. Strap in, this one is so wild. I'm changing everyone's names, obviously.

To set the scene, it's September 2017. It's only been three months since the worst trauma in my whole life occurred. I am A Wreck. I'd gone back to nonstop drinking to try and cope. (Not the answer, but all I had at the time).

My flatmate, let's call her Lisa, just got back from a three week trip to the US. She decides to have some people over at our flat to celebrate. I pre-game before people get there, so I'm fairly smashed before I even meet anyone.

One guest is Doom Them, who knew Lisa back when they were teens but they lived in separate places throughout their 20s and Doom Them had only just moved back to our town. Lisa thought me and Doom Them would get along (she was right, considering Doom Them and I have been together nearly seven years now 😍)

The other two main guests are M (a very newly out trans woman) and her gf of five years, Carly. Now, it needs to be noted that Carly is straight, her partner just came out as a trans woman and that's causing some obvious questions between them in terms of their sexualities.

There were a couple of other friends who popped by for a drink through the evening, but I think the vibe was SO uncomfortable, people didn't stay long. Which was very valid tbrh.

Did I mention I'm Drunk? Like Drunk to the point my ADHD is making me do what was essentially a one-act-play reenacting the recent traumatic events in my life. I'm telling these three strangers my entire life story in the middle of our tiny flat's living room. (To this day, Doom Them teases me for that night bc they saw me being So Much and apparently sat in the corner going 'What is wrong with this Leo?' -- I am NOT a Leo. lmaoooooooo)

Doom Them finally cuts and runs, understandably. This leaves, me, Lisa, and this couple with their Ongoing Problems. M gets upset about something and goes to Lisa's room, who follows after her to go talk to her.

Now, it's just me and Carly in the living room. We have the lights off, the fireplace is filling the room with warmth and light. I'm Very drunk, but this woman only had like 2 drinks max. We are sharing our life stories to each other and she tells me she's worried about her relationship with M, because if M is a woman, does that now make Carly a lesbian? As someone who has identified as every letter in the alphabet soup through my many years, I'm end up having to explain Queer 101 to this woman.

We also talked a lot about astrology and I, being the nosey person I am, asked for her chart details so I could have a glance. I give her my first thoughts as I looked it over and she LEGIT meets my eyes with a soft smile and says "No one's ever seen me the way you do...." Honestly, she had probably been hitting on me before that point, but I am slow on the uptake when sober, doubly so when drunk. But that moment was directly ripped out of fanfic, so I finally recognise it, and the way she's looking at me starts throwing up Red Flags. I was like 'Hm, okay. Maybe it's time for me to go to bed.'

Carly abruptly says, "I'm going to break up with M."

I'm like, "Okay????????? Not my business. I should really be going to bed I have work tomorrow."

So I go knock on Lisa's door, where she and M have been hiding for probably 2 hours now. I tell Lisa I need to get to bed and I'm giving her the widest 'HELP ME' eyes I can muster.

I go to get ready for bed, M comes out to talk to Carly -- THEY ACTUALLY BREAK UP. Five years they've been together and they break up at 2am in my living room. I come out of the bathroom to find Carly sitting on my bed.

"I broke up with her. But I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian and I think I'm falling for you," she says.

I am like mentally screaming. My life was ALREADY a shit show at that point I was trying to keep my job, trying to heal after The Trauma, and I was kinda half-dating this other girl I worked with. The LAST thing I need is some woman who met me TONIGHT being like 'I love you even though we just met and also you made me a lesbian'

Because M and Carly didn't drive to ours (I think they took an Uber or something), Lisa decides they should stay the night. (Thanks bitch 💀) And considering we only have two beds and we don't even have a couch, there's not many options for how that would play out.

Carly ends up sharing my bed, she's like cuddling me and holding my hands and asking if she can kiss me. I AT LEAST have the wherewithal to be like 'No, absolutely not a good idea right now.'

I am LEGIT trying to sleep because I have to work in like four hours at that point. I'm basically PLaying Possum, laying very still with my back turned and eyes squeezed shut just PRAYING I'll fall asleep. All the while, NONSTOP she's cuddling around me and whispering how much she likes me and how she's never felt like this before and how she's falling in love with me and wants to be with me --

IN MY OWN BED. WHERE I CANNOT ESCAPE HER. One of the longest nights in my entire life.

When I wake up after my 2 hours of sleep, I am SO happy to find I'm alone. There's a note on my dresser, on top of the paper is Carly's ring. A ring she'd showed me the night before and said she's never taken it off in 12 years since her sister (who I think had died) gave it to her. Yet, there it is on my dresser.

The note was the same things she'd kept me up all night with. "Never met someone like you. I think I love you. I want to be with you" sort of stuff.

I don't have time to dwell on this, because I had to go open the store. Lisa was already gone when I got up too because she worked at like 6am, so I never saw her in the mornings.

I'm at work that day and Carly texts me (I apparently gave her my number in my drunken wisdom):

She says (and this is direct bc I just dug through old messages for this authenticity): "Came out to a coworker via Facebook and my mom in person. Honestly, thought she'd kick me out. M is moving out today. Just wanted you to know. I think you'll make an amazing (misgendered term related to The Trauma) and I want to be with you but to take it slow. You in?"

I IGNORE the text for a multitude of reasons. So a couple of hours later SHE FINDS ME ON INSTA and starts DM'ing me there too. She tells me that what happened with us the night before was totally fine, because as it turns out, M tried to sleep with Lisa too. So it was basically fine for Carly to go after me cause her gf tried to cheat on her at the same time! (WTAF)

I again, ignore these messages. That night I get:

"here if you need to talk. I don't want to be anyone's therapist but I think we connected the other night. also I think I could be hypomanic right now or maybe I've just been abused. No pressure as to whether you reply. We don't really know each other. Sorry if I pushed the boundaries last night."

She ended up getting help for her mental health and when she got out of hospital, she text me to apologise. I returned her ring.

We never saw each other again.

a comic about cuddles

My Imodna nails 💜🖤

look one day I’m gonna nestled on my sofa with someone I love, laughing quietly with each other and not even watching whatever movie we put on, and everything will be alright

clawing your way out of the grave to get back to someone you love takes on a much greater significance if you've ever slept under a weighted blanket

before weighted blanket: oh, it's like a metaphor for really intense devotion. cute.

after weighted blanket: okay so maybe it wasn't a metaphor

I love soulmates but also this-

Been introducing my partner to some of the 90s and 00s movies that really shaped me as a person. It's been an absolute joy to watch the experience these movies for the first time. One of the things I've always wished was possible is to just.... To just have another First Time.

Reading books, or watching movies, or hearing music and being lost in the wonder of it all without knowing what's going to happen. It's so special.

Here's what we've watched so far on this journey: