Anonymous asked:
i need a list of all the stupid shit no one would expect Bitty to do other than trying to pick Tater up on the ice
okay so i had this half written and then didnt touch my computer for a week oops. so a list of stupid shit bitty has done that no one expects despite the fact he is a college student, a hockey player, a boy, and only 21:
- shotgunned a beer at 10am the friday before finals bc fuck his life he’d been studying all week and if he aint ready now hes never gonna be
- once nearly took out the legs of the dining room table trying to escape a post workout holster by sliding through the kitchen
- ate a cold pizza straight from the box for breakfast because he was running late to class and it had been left on the table the night before
- nearly fell off the roof while smoking with shitty and lardo
- actually fell into the school swimming pool when the current seniors decided they wanted to break into the pool at 3am on a whim
- nearly got arrested for trespassing in the park after dark bc shitty decided he wanted to play frisbee in the dark at 11pm
- bitty actually was the least likely to get arrested considering he straight up vaulted over a short brick wall and tore down the side of hill away from the cop car
- the others were honestly really impressed with his reaction time
- did several chinese fire drills with the frogs the last time they drove to providence to see the falcs play (nursey nearly didn’t make it back into the car the very last time)
- did a shot of absinthe to prove that his alcohol tolerence was amazing fuck you very much zack jimmermann
- woke up the next morning on the cursed couch with a box of mickey d’s chicken nuggets sitting on his stomach and possibly a rash from said cursed couch
- bus surfed (as in, balancing in the aisles without holding on not on top of the bus) on the local bus and nearly killed an old lady
- rode down the Haus stairs in a laundry basket bc other than lardo and foxtrot he was the only one who would fit (lardo was too stressed and foxtrot has done some stupid shit with the boys but she at least has that much sense)
honestly i could probably come up with more but this was getting long
#anon#asks#eric bittle#eric r bittle#check please#omgcp#bitty#hockey losers#honestly at least three of these stories are inspired by real events#listen i hang out with a lot of stupid white people#and also am a stupid white person though i dont have as many good drunk stories#except for the time i almost stripped for these guys#that i knew but still#i digress#alcohol m //#weed m //#drugs m //