aw thank you i had a Day but this is picking it up 💖

theeee urge to expand on my tmtc outlines to really hit that rogue one type dread and grief

the amount of lilith introspection in this cuts doc like i love you lilith but you would not say that (out loud)

there's also vague bealil in here I'm wheezing

no further context just 'yeah they're weird, moving on'

In Search of Lost Time, Volume V - The Captive // The Fugitive by Marcel Proust

translated by Moncrieff and Kilmartin, revised by Enright

i keep remembering that I'm treating teach me to love as functionally a prequel to nature and then catching strays from myself over it like an IDIOT

it's Shannon art @cowboycatd commissioned from @princington for me in honour of my finishing teach me to love, as you have loved me and I definitely don't cry about it every day

(part 1)

Mary sits on a bollard while Shannon ducks into the alimentación, blood drying on her chin and her tooth cradled in the pouch of her cheek. She brushes at her face with the sleeve of her jacket and the blood flakes away, drifting to the ground like ash.

"Got it," Shannon says, one hand burning hot on Mary's hip to steady her, the other hefting a plastic milk jug. She cracks the lid open and takes a swig before holding it out to Mary.

Mary stares blankly, her vision smearing across the translucence of the plastic. "What?"

Shannon rolls her eyes. "Spit," she explains. "I'd rather we'd been able to put the tooth back in the socket, but better a milk jug than you accidentally swallowing it."

Mary tongues the tooth out of her cheek, presses it to the inside of her pursed lips before raising the jug to her mouth and spitting into it. She holds her hand out for the cap, but Shannon takes the jug from her and closes it herself. Mary watches, a bit dumbfounded, as Shannon threads a length of paracord through the handle and knots it, as she steps forward to Mary's side and feels around at her hip.

"What are you-" she mumbles, but Shannon makes a noise of triumph, and there's the click of a carabiner gate snapping closed, the tug of weight at her gear belt.

"There, now you won't misplace it."

Mary stares down at the milk jug where it dangles suspended at her side. "Is this normal?" she asks, her head spinning at the sight of the wispy trail of blood streaking down the inside of the plastic.

Shannon shrugs. "It's not abnormal," she admits, and Mary wonders, not for the first time, what exactly Vincent has gotten her into. But the thought is pushed to the wayside by the brilliance of Shannon's grin as she holds out a hand to help her down off the bollard. "Come on, let's get back to the others. They're going to be upset enough as it is, what with us skipping out on clean-up duty. No sense making them wait even longer for us."

"'kay." Mary slips off the bollard, lists to the side at the way the movement jars her head. Shannon's other hand finds her hip, and the pressure of them bracketing her makes Mary's throat go dry around the slow trickle of blood. "Just a minute longer, maybe," she mutters, breathing through her nose as she tries her best to keep from rocking right into Shannon's arms.

"Whatever you need, Mary." Her hands are so irritatingly steady on Mary's hips. "Just let me know when you're ready."

oh that's a good one, really echoing mary and bea in tmtl 5.

above the clouds of pompeii 🤝 brother

making me abnormal about bea post-shannon's death

bea floating around cat's cradle seeing shannon in every nook and cranny. sitting with mary and knowing they'll both never be the same, both have to grow around the absence sitting heavy in their hearts. returning to save ava from crimson and remembering mary and shannon standing on the threshold of the room completely absorbed in one another's presence.

The midday sun burns hot across Mary's scalp, and she presses her face into the mat with a groan. She pulls her knees under herself, balls up her fists and shoves upright, struggles to her feet. Shannon watches her with a lazy smirk, then raises her hands in front of her again and curls two fingers, beckoning Mary towards her. 

"Jerk," Mary groans, but she's quickly learned just how incapable she is of ignoring any request from Shannon, no matter how much of a fucking dick move it is. She wipes her mouth on her sleeve, navy fabric going black with the blood from her split lip, glares up at that stupid grin.

"Coward," Shannon retorts, eyes sparkling. "Come on, Mary, let's have another go."

"More like you should go to hell."

"Language!" Shannon hisses, darting a glance back over her shoulder.

Mary furrows her brows, a headache growing that has nothing to do with her smarting mouth. "What?"

"Suzanne won't hesitate to make you pray a hundred Hail Marys if she catches you talking like that."

"Oh, fuck that," Mary groans, spitting a mouthful of blood out in disgust. "I got my fill of those at boarding school." She eyes Shannon thoughtfully, pumps her eyebrows up and down. "What'd you say, Shan? Did you tell her to choke on a dick when she was being a twenty-four-seven bitch last week?"

"No." Shannon tries to affect an aloof tone, but the corner of her mouth jumps towards a smile. "She was getting on me about coming to training tired and I said I hadn't gotten much sleep because I'd been too busy fucking her mom the night before."