𝕾𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝕭'𝖘 𝖌𝖋

i just realised i never thanked you guys for the love you gave jaded. i started that series august last year, then soon quit it bc well felt discouraged to keep going with posting any of my writing, but i'm glad i picked my head up and started posting again. never thought something i wrote would ever reach anyone the way jaded did, and meanwhile for some writers on here the 150+ notes average the series got mean it "flopped" for me it really means a lot, so if you are part of the few people who actually reblogged each chapter, commented, sent a message. i love you and thank you for your support ♡

|| warnings: cursing, feels. || word count: 4k ||

: a.n : last part! :))

« previous • m a s t e r l i s t •

NOT EVEN THE LOUD CHATTER around him could make him take his mind off of the plans for the next day. Nervousness and hope wrestling inside him for control, fingers perpetually trembly holding his first and only pint of the night, now warm from the time he had kept it. The dimmed lights inside the pub didn’t do much to hide his spaced out expression that earned him a harsh slap on the middle of his back. Tom’s heavy hand left an imprint of tingles on his skin under the black tee-shirt he wore. “Argh! Tom!” The blonde boy moaned, throwing his shoulders back as he winced.

“Sorry-sory.” Tom was quick to apologise, rubbing his back a little roughly. “But you gonna tell me what’s in your mind or what?” The boy asked, eying Harrison with that knowing look. The blonde couldn’t hide anything from Tom, they were best friends and he trusted him blindly, however he wasn’t sure what Tom’s reaction would be to what he was going to do.

“Definitely what.” Harrison responded trying to inject some humour in the tone of his voice. 

“C’mon, man. You don’t talk to me about anything anymore.” The brunette insisted, making Harrison think for a bit. The blonde tapped the glass in front of him with his thumb a couple times before he let out a heavy sigh.

“I’ve got nothing to talk about.” He mumbled while holding Tom's gaze with difficulty. He so desperately wanted to look away, but he needed to be convincing otherwise his friend would keep nagging.

"Nothing? Really? Not even about that callback you got?" Tom's eyes shined under the orange lights of the establishment. Harrison couldn't help the smile that took over his features, he had landed a good role and he had been keeping the secret for a couple of days. Though, he was surprised it took Tom that long to point out, they lived together after all.

"Oh, that ole thing?" He chuckled shyly, his right hand coming to scratch the back of his neck.

"Yeah. Contracts, bro." Tom grinned widely, hand immediately lifting his pint. "Cheers to that, man." He said, waiting for Harrison to do the same. The blue-eyed boy grabbed his own glass and clunked it with Tom's before taking a sip, grimacing at the taste of the warm drink.

"Oh god," He groaned, his face contorting in disgust prompting Tom to laugh.

"Let me get you another one." The brunette offered, taking Harrison's glass as he got up. Not waiting for an answer the boy took off towards the bar, leaving Harrison on his own at the same time he felt the buzzing of his phone inside his pocket. Long fingers reaching for it the second it stopped. Will's name carried a message underneath it so he swiftly swiped it open and read it over a few times to make sure he read it correctly the first time. "You alright?" Tom's voice made him quickly look up and lock his phone.

"Yeah, all good," The blonde nodded and took the fresh pint his best mate had put down in front of him and took a big gulp.

"Y/n finally answered my texts." Tom blurted out drawing Harrison's attention away from the crowd. "Said she's doing great, uhm—" He paused, hesitating a little then carrying on. "She asked me about you." Harrison's breath hitched at the admission, eyes slightly widening, heart speeding up suddenly. The blonde boy shifted on his seat, hands wiping the sweat of his palms on his black jeans. He limited himself to only nod in response, waiting for Tom to keep on talking. "She might be over the whole thing, you know?"

"You think?" He answered with another question, it surprised him that Tom had brought up y/n. His friend had been actively avoiding mentioning anything to do with her, Harrison wasn't sure if it was just because he wanted to somehow not make it worse for Harrison or if he was annoyed at the whole thing, the last was Harrison's guess based on the way he acted.

"Maybe," Tom shrugged one shoulder. "Have you tried talking to her?" The boy was cautious with his words, Harrison could tell he was tiptoeing around it. The blue-eyed boy murmured a negative response eliciting an exasperated huff from his friend. "Alright, then." After that, Tom dropped the subject opting for making Harrison talk more about his newly obtained job with much more lightness on the air around them.

THE FURTHER AWAY SHE DROVE from the city the calmer she felt. The thick woodland on either side of the road as she approached her destination bringing her a new sense of peace within her, a peace that she's been dying to get back, but somehow there was still that little ache nagging in her chest, jabbing her heart and squeezing her lungs that didn't allow her to fully enjoy what surrounded her as she pulled up on the carpark of the hotel.

Maybe spending a weekend away from London could help her clear her mind, the girl thought. She could reset herself, get some energy back and gain courage to speak to Harrison again, to try and mend things with him, go back to what they used to be before she suggested the awful idea that ended with their friendship.

A fresh woody scent filled her lungs when she stepped out her the car, taking a moment to properly breathe in, her nostrils burning slightly from the much thicker and purer woodsie air. Upon arriving, Will had her and a few of his other friends meet him at the spa of the hotel for a bit of down time before the hectic day he was going to have the next day.

Her sleepers dragged on the floor of the huge space that was reserved for the spa at the side of the hotel, bath robe tied snuggly around her waist to cover her bikini and hair thrown in a messy up do. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips as Will and a couple of his friends came to view by the far end of the place where the massage rooms were. "Hey, gorgeous." Will's pearly white smile greeted her, his arms wrapping around the girl's shoulders squeezing her briefly. "Ready to relax?" He asked, one arm remaining over her shoulders as they walked inside the quiet room.

With champagne glasses in hand and bodies submerged in the bubbly hot tub next to the pool, Will and y/n laughed at old memories of the two, the guy's friends splashing around the pool giving them some alone time. "God, I'm so happy for you." The girl sighed, a small grin taking over her face as she glanced over at her friend.

"Aw, babe. Thank you, and thank you for coming." Y/n only shrinked her shoulders giving him a big cheesy smile. "I know you're not doing great with what happened with Harrison and all, so I really—" Will began but was quickly cut by a shocked y/n.

"What d'you mean? Nothing happened with Harrison." She hurried out, trying to cover the embarrassment and shock behind a quizzical expression. Her heart drumming harshly against her ribcage.

"You and golden boy were a thing, don't know what thing but a thing. And don't you dare lie to me y/n y/l/n." He lifted a warning finger at her when she was about to interrupt him again. She closed her gaped mouth and took a long sip of her champagne, draining the glass and setting it down away from the edge of the tub.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll do the talking." Will waved his glass around and scooted closer to y/n. "I don't know when I lost your trust for you to not tell me about this. I had to do my own digging."

"Your own digging?"

"Shush. Didn't you say you didn't want to talk about it? Let me talk." Will reminded her, prompting the girl to roll her eyes. "So you and golden boy were fooling around and such, right?" He paused to get a response from the girl but she remained silent which made him nod and carry on. "Why did you flip on him?"

"He suggested that he was in love with me." Y/n mumbled, not wanting Will to understand what she said.

"Right. If my memory shoots me correctly, all you ever wanted was for someone to love you back, didn't you?" The girl's gaze diverted to the side, no being able to hold his intense stare any longer. "Babe, what's wrong with him? And don't tell me you don't feel anything for him because I know you." Will pressed.

"There's nothing wrong with him." Her fingers fidgeting with the hair tie she once had around her wrist.

"Then?"

"Is me. I'm what's wrong, he deserves so much better—"

"Okay! I'm gonna stop you right there. What do you think he deserves?" Will's voice carried a sarcastic tone to it. Y/n couldn't come up with something specific on the spot and with the delay of her response Will continued. "Does he deserve someone that loves him?" She nodded, "Someone that cares for him?" Another nod. "Someone that supports him?" One last nod. "Well guess who fits in all of those?"

"Will—" She began but was soon cut short.

"Who is it?" The young man insisted, his glance firm on the girl, not ready to back off or drop the subject until she answered.

"Me." She whispered in fear of her voice failing her and gave her true, overwhelming emotions away.

"Exactly. And you deserve to be loved just as much as he does, darling." Will confirmed and noted, gently poking her on the middle of the chest only a centimeter below her collarbone to emphasise his point. Y/n remained silent for long seconds, fighting the burning tears and aching pangs cutting through her chest.

"Can we not do this right now? It's your weekend." She cleared her throat before asking, and Will nodded.

"But promise me something." A questioning whisper was her answer. "Promise that you're gonna do something. That you're gonna tell that boy how much he means to you."

"I will." Her red-rimmed, glassy eyes danced between Will's soft, warm ones.

Sleeping that night was easy, the mixture of the much needed massage and a few too many glasses of champagne were enough to knock y/n out as soon as her head hit the pillow. It didn't matter that she was alone in the far too big room, she sprawled on the middle of the bed and sank into the soft mattress.

She woke up renewed. Shoulders loose and body lighter, excitement invading her the moment she realised of her surroundings. The brightness of the room and the nature’s sound coming from the woods right in front of her room were the nicest thing she'd woken up to in a long time so she laid in bed for a little while after waking up, just enjoying the peaceful quietness that surrounded her.

Y/n had the idea that the day would be hectic for the people that were fully involved in the preparations and organization but somehow getting ready for it was just as hectic as all of that. Her makeup scattered on the coffee table that she had pushed closer to the floor-to-ceiling window for better lighting, the dress hung on the bathroom door while she fumbled with her hair and her curlers, laptop propped on the sink counter playing a YouTube video where a pretty girl was talking through the steps of doing her hair.

A FEW WEEKS BACK WHEN WIll invited her and Harrison to his wedding she had visualise arriving by her best friend's arm in their subtly matching outfits, but a bittersweet taste coated the girl's tongue as she made it to the walled garden where the ceremony was gonna be held on her own, no Harrison beside her. The irregular surface of the path made her heels sink in the gravel, causing her steps to be cautious and slow as she took a seat in the middle of third row, to the left. Beautifully decorated individual chairs as well as everything that made up the altar, a medium sized arch made out of a mixture of brightly coloured flowers, foliage and white fabric floating with the fresh spring breeze.

The long skirt of her gauzy dress draping over the chair as she sat down and cross her legs, a tiny bag with potpourri in it and another with a bunch of delicate white petals rested on her lap as she awkwardly crossed her arms over her middle. There was a lot of people she had never seen before in her life and there were some that she had seen or met once or twice in the history of being best friends with Will, to whom she offered a faint smile and a shy wave.

There were a lot of murmurs traveling through the air, getting lost in the vast land surrounding the garden, the air that was filling her lungs in that place seemed to be purifying her dirty London-air-infested respiratory system. Fresh and humid, musky wood smell that she relished on while waiting for the ceremony to start. A small smile tugged at her glossy lips at the sight of Matt coming into view with his brother and father by his side, the three standing by the officiant. The gentle sound of a violin took everyone's attention from what they were doing, prompting all heads to turn and focus their eyes on the end of the aisle where Will stood next to his mother, arms linked and a nervous smile on his face.

Will's mother walked down the aisle with him, kissing his cheek and whispering something close to his ear which prompted the young man to nod and chuckle, a bigger smile stretched over y/n's face when she moved her gaze from Will back to Matt that stood there with a huge grin on his face, eyes already watery.

"He was my best friend, he still is, and I fell in love with him, because there were no secrets, there was no hiding because we didn't care, we'd hold hands in the line at McDonald's because it just felt right. We weren't even dating back then, but deep down I knew I loved him, that he was my person," Matt said into the microphone, choking on tears as emotion took over halfway through his speech. The same tears that were brimming y/n's eyes as his words echoed in her head over and over again. She looked down at her lap, her brain deceiving her and making her see someone's hand in hers, his hand. The vivid feeling caused her to let out a shaky breath as the tears broke the surface tension and jumped right out of her eyes falling into her hands.

The girl swallowed, trying to compose herself as fast as she could but the tears kept escaping. A horrible tightening feeling enveloped her heart making it hard to breathe, so she got up from the chair and walked up to the bathroom. That emptiness she felt in the middle of her chest since she cut ties with Harrison seemed to grow more by the minute, maybe the amount of love around her made it all worse, maybe Matt's words made it all worse. It took her a few minutes to compose herself completely, gently dabbing her face with the pads of her fingers to dry it out without messing up her makeup.

She came out to music and a crowd of people already on the dance floor, swinging and swaying around. She walked back up the garden of the hotel where a fairy light makeshift tent made up for the reception, hiding her face from the peering eyes, until she lifted her gaze as she reached her table. Her bloodshot eyes locked with a pair of glimmering baby blue ones, her stomach sank at the sight of the boy sitting at her table, right across from her. Her hands on the backrest of her chair tightening their grip before she quickly turned around wriggling her way through the dancing couples, making it to the middle just as the up beat song ended and a slow one replaced it. A defeated sigh escaped her lips and she let her eyes scan the faces around her to find someone to dance with.

"Mind a dance?" Will spoke close to her ear so she could hear him over the music, she gave him a gentle smile when she turned to face him and took his hand. He tugged her closer to him and held her by the upper waist with one hand while the other clutched her hand and started to sway away. "Are you alright?" He asked.

"Perfect," Y/n answered, "I'm great." She almost choked out the sentence, a lump forming in her throat.

"Saw you sneaking away." Will pointed out, a knowing look in his lovely chocolate eyes.

"Needed the loo." Y/n retorted quickly. There was silence between them for a couple long seconds before the girl spoke again. “You invited him, didn’t you?”

“You did, actually. He’s supposed to be your date, remember?” Her friend reminded her as he kept swinging side to side, barely moving from the spot they were standing on. Her eyes danced between his as she breathed in deeply.

"Why do I do shit like that?" The girl nearly groaned.

"Running away? Because you're scared." Will was quick to reply, earning a soft glare from the girl.

"No. Falling for my best friend." She corrected.

"There's no love more unconditional than a true friend love, babe.” Will raised his eyebrows, signalling right over y/n's shoulder, she furrowed her own at him stopping the swaying to peep over her shoulder. Her stomach sinked as her eyes met crystal ones once more. A pair of eyes she had missed so much. However, all she wanted to do was run the opposite way, away from him because of how terrified she was of what he made her feel when he was close, even more agonising than when he was far away.

Will's hands kept her in place as she tried to step away, she turned her head to glance up at him with wide glassy eyes, silently begging for him to let go so she could get away. "No more running, y/n. This is your moment, he might be your person." Will leaned to whisper in her ear, his intense warm eyes meeting pale and scared ones.

"I can't. I—"

"No more running. Woman up." He said, placing a kiss on her temple and stepping back, letting go of her so she stood between him and Harrison in the middle of the dance floor while the music playing got drowned by the buzzing of her ears and the thudding of her heart that seemed to be about to jump out of her chest. She refused to turn around, her glance was still on Will, blinking repeatedly to dissipate the tears that had started to build up again. Her breathing was starting to quicken the longer they stood there, her shoulders shrunk up and hands trembling.

The girl breathed in deeply a couple of times before she finally gathered the courage to turn around. Her lowered gaze landing on the boy’s chest, his wonky tie matching his shirt in colour that at the same time matched the pink of the under layer of her dress, the blue of his suit different to the shade of the over layer of tulle of her garment making the matching a lot less evident. She pressed her lips together when his hand came to view, palm up silently inviting her to take it. Y/n hesitated, but slowly she placed her shaky hand in his. His fingers immediately wrapping around her smaller hand and tugging her gently to bring her closer to him. 

Harrison’s free arm encircled her waist and the girl felt instant comfort with his touch. Her feet shuffled a bit closer to him until their chests were flushed to each other, rapid heartbeats almost in sync. Y/n clung to his shoulder, pressing her mouth to it and breathing in deeply, filling her lungs with his scent, the scent that had faded from the hat he left behind that awful night and that she kept right under her pillows like a psychopath.

The boy began to sway along the music, a little off beat but it didn’t come as a surprise to y/n, instead a faint smile graced her features and made her close her eyes and just enjoy the moment. No words spoken between them, just bodies connecting again. Regaining their confidence around each other, going back to familiarity. But things needed to be said, she had to make things right. She had to let him know what he meant to her. So she reluctantly pulled away, her hand remaining in his as she pulled at his arm a bit for him to follow her and naturally, Harrison did.

With agile steps she waved them out of the dance floor and away from the reception area in the open space of the hotel, guiding them towards the garden where the ceremony was held not too long ago. Their steps on the gravel came to a stop when she sat down on the bench at the far end of the garden, her hand finally letting go of his to gather the skirt of her dress, the music still resounded through the slowly cooling breeze making the silence between the two more bearable.

“I’m sorry, Haz.” Y/n whispered, looking down at her hands resting on her lap. Nails picking at the pretty pastel nail varnish she spent so long making perfect. The boy knew it wasn’t his turn to speak, he remembered Will telling him he had nothing to apologise for and y/n seemed to know as well so she carried on. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I regret everything.” She paused again, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. “I wish I could say that I regret asking you to sleep with me too...” Her head finally turned to glance up at Harrison, who was already staring at her, features soft like they always were when he looked at her. “But I can’t. I regret so many things I’ve done in my life so far but not that.” She sniffled, “Well, there’s one thing I regret about it,” The girl swallowed before continuing. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.” Y/n wheezed out, a tear escaped her right eye and rolled down her cheek.

“No, I’m—” Harrison started, his hand coming up to wipe the stray tear off her cheek with the back of his index finger, but the girl held his hand making him stop speaking.

“I know I did. I saw it in your eyes, H.” She noted, not letting go of his hand, just lowering it to rest on her lap. “I’m done running away.”

“Are you?” He gave her a half smile, his grip on her hand tightening a little. Y/n nodded, “Does that mean...?” The blonde trailed off, not daring to make any assumptions out loud.

“Means, I did what I know best.” Glassy eyes danced between Harrison’s, then moved to scan his face under the rapidly fading daylight. Gorgeous features just like she remembered them, perfect in her eyes. “I fell in love with my best friend again.” The girl whispered, “I just hope this time around he feels the same way.” Her teeth trapped her bottom lip as she nervously awaited the boy’s answer.

"Third time lucky." Harrison said simply before he brought her face closer to his by cradling her cheeks. Lips met in a soft and sweet kiss, all the words that were left unsaid they told each other with the much needed kiss. “God, I’ve missed kissing you.” He whispered against her lips, capturing them once again, this time in a deeper and more passionate kiss. The way he was kissing her with such neediness, as if it was the last time he was going to be able to kiss her had her chest and stomach fluttering like crazy, her heart was thudding madly in her ribcage and the tears that lined her eyes moments ago were gone.

She had her spark back, that feeling of fullness in her heart was finally back and she couldn't be any happier. Yes, the future was uncertain and it was scary to jump into the unknown, but what mattered the most to her right then was that she had what she needed the most in that moment in time. Her best friend. Her person.

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