This passion is a plagiarism

never forget the universal rule of the order of things: People Will Not Read It

signs at stores? émail? menu ?? instruction ? post online ? caption with andswer to question ? group hand outs ??? street sign ??? no. The Written Word Is The Enemy

In retrospect the conspiracies over 5G were even funnier. This was your 5th G. You had four previous Gs to get used to this idea.

I think people would armchair diagnose bad people with cluster B disorders much less if psychiatric disorders hadn't all been given names by ableists who of course picked the traits most unberarable to "sane" people to name them rather than, you know, the ways it affects the people that have them. It's like, when doctors are all "this disorder gives you extremely low self esteem. and it's called the Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder" or "this disorder makes you want to die so bad. and it's called the Hysteric Bitch Disorder" or "this disorder disconnects you from your peers. and it's called the Insane Evil Cunt Disorder" and so on and so forth, so of course you have people going "oh, this person is a selfish fucking asshole, they MUST have Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder! this further proves that all people with this disorder are like that in the first place!" Do You See It

Enabling reblogs again due to popular request. But for the love of goth. behave

Sometimes I see some variety of North American Little Guy (opossum, raccoon, etc. ) and I’m like “okay”

BUT THEN I start thinking about how excited somebody from not-North-America would be to see this Guy. Like, would an Australian be excited to see the only marsupial not from their country? Are there raccoons in zoos on the other side of the world that are regarded as unique and exotic creatures? Idk but it’s made me more excited to see Guys in my area.

it's me, i'm the person described in the tumbl

I went to a zoo in England this past summer, and there were crowds around the skunks, raccoons, and coyotes.

So, as an Australian, going to the zoo in China with a USAmerican and a Jamacian was an experience.

The first thing you should know about this experiences is I'm a fairly bush-raised child. Not entirely, but the vast majority of my school holidays were spent camping or on a property or otherwise out in the bush. (Not the Outback, although sometimes, but definitely the Bush. The great south-west forests, to be specific.)

I have seen more than my fair share of actually wild Australian wildlife. I am severely immune to snakes, spiders, frogs, kangaroos and wild foxes, rabbits and pigs (those shouldn't be in Australia, but they are. Also, if you ever see evidence of pigs in the bush, you leave immediately.)

So here we encounter jarring moment of dissonance the first.

We were walking past the kangaroo paddock and I'll admit I didn't even give it a second glance - it was a case of "Oh, kangaroos, how normal," And moving on. Didn't even register that they would be something to get excited about. It was literally like seeing a bird or the neighbour's cat.

Anyway, after awhile I noticed that I was no longer with my fellows because they were amazed by the kangaroos. They were staring, they were laughing, they were paying money to feed the fucking kangaroos like they were some sort of weird, special, exotic animal.

"Oh for fuck's sake, guys, they're just kangaroos!"

And then I realised I was with non-Australians and felt properly shamed.

We spent some (far too long of a) time with the kangaroos and moved on.

Anyway, as we were leaving we were walking through the American animals section and I've stopped dead in my tracks and squealed with excitement and raced over to an enclosure to coo and generally be a weird, animal-obsessed little moron. I'd never seen this animal in real life before but it was adorable and lovely and the cutest thing ever. And my Americas friends were looking at me like I'd grown another head because the animal that I was enamoured with and had never seen in person before, the animal that I was most excited about out of any that was there (including the baby tiger that I actually got to hold, guys)

The animal was a raccoon.

Your trash creature is someone else’s treasured encounter

When my father visited a Zoo in Germany, he was amazed to find people eagerly watching what appeared to be a large patch of dirt with holes in it. It took him a minute to realize that the exhibit was for prairie dogs and everyone was waiting to hopefully see one pop it's head out. Dad, who went to school in Eastern Oregon and regularly harassed the local prairie dog population there, had long known how to call them. So to amuse himself, he gave the high whistle he used to use at school and, sure enough, about 15 little heads popped up to see what was happening. What was happening was the local German patrons all losing their god damn minds

Elon is recruiting randos from Twitter to compete for the chance to work themselves to death figuring out how to take away your welfare.

Nothing says efficiency like creating a whole ass new department with two co-chairs.

Nothing says efficency like creating a new "department" to do the job already being done by an existing office.

Normalize toys during sex. Roll that hot wheels over them titties. Skurt.🏎

Car dependency is so deeply engrained in the United States that we don’t dare to imagine rolling a z-scale Amtrak ALC-42 over them titties. Choo. 🚊

In hindsight, parents comparing you to other peoples' kids is a fucking hilarious level of lacking in self-awareness. Like the fuck you mean "why can't you just be like that other kid who's doing better than you?"

Like bitch you're asking your child why they won't act like someone who's been raised better?

The saga of Peanut the Squirrel

I know this against my will but the owner of peanut was repeatedly warned that he needed to give him up and could not have him without a license, and the reason peanut was euthanized was bc he bit the cop that came to get him and since the owner had never bothered to get him vaccinated for rabies they had to euthanize him (peanut) to test his brain for rabies. So actually this really is pretty much completely all on the owner.

Every cop should get bitten by a squirrel and contract rabies. You’re a shameful coward

I didn't think I had to clarify my point was that every pet should be vaccinated against rabies at a bare minimum, not that peanut deserved to die for the crime of biting a cop. The cop biting part was admirable.

im aware this is an insane thing to say but i fucking. love characters that are just cockroaches. and i dont mean like. gross i mean they just do not fucking die. they can survive anything. they will outlive EVERYONE because they just will not die no matter what be it because they have a reason or because they literally cannot stop surviving the odds i love it i love it

yesss bitch use your inability to stay dead against your enemiessss... make people afraid of the fact that you somehow keep getting up despite the entire onslaught of horrors i am leaning forward in my seat clapping my hands whooping and cheering

bring out the rotating tiger