"Not a Monster"
In the light of day
Call me by my name
Indulge me and take my hand
Appease the greedy creature in my chest
That I'm pretending not to be
And prove to me
And everyone else
That I am not a monster
A shame to lay your eyes upon
Like some bloody werewolf
Or a thirsty vampire
Crawling out of his den
Starved and starving
In the dead of night
To feed upon the feelings you don't have
Or don't want to give
Or give away anyway
In front of others
In fear or shame
I cannot tell
No, I certainly can
It's not fear
Not so many options left, is there?
I have to pick another one
The second one
The true one
The one that makes me sick
Of you, darling
Of me, darling
The fool that I am
I'd rather pretend
I'm better than that
Or you're better than that
Because if not
Then I don't understand
I cannot fathom
Why would you want
Me
Something dirty
Something you're ashamed of
Unless you're a monster too
Unless neither of us is better than that
Unless we're equal
But that cannot be
We're going on in circles, darling, aren't we?
No, I am the one trapped in the damned circle
Yours all the way is a straight line
As straight as you pretend to be
You will not indulge me
Won't give me this one thing
You will never
When did you ever?
Why would you
No reason really
Except the very thing I cannot figure out
And you won't give
What do you want from me?
If you don't even look my way
Here you come
Averting your gaze
How do I know?
I'm not looking anyway
I never did
I never do
But I know your scowl
Every time you have to
Say Malfoy
Hey Malfoy
Shut up
Piss off
What do you want?
Malfoy
Always Malfoy
You call me by my name
Only in the dead of night
*
