we lived in the gaps

so do you think eddie spent hours staring at his texts from shannon when she left. do you think he tried to stop himself from texting her. do you think his resolve crumbled the moment chris asked where mom was. do you think he asked her where she went and promised her to do to better and hoped she would come back. do you think when she didn't respond he begged her to come back for chris, if not for him. do you think he stared at the wall of unanswered texts debating whether or not to tell her they were moving to LA. do you think one day he decided he wouldn't reach out to her again. do you think when the school required to hear from her he hated them just a little for making him contact her again. do you think when she died he spent ages poring over every bit of communication he had from her wondering how he could've done better. do you think

this is a small, tiny thing but when eddie said 'a little too willing' — yeah. i'm so glad he's at least recognising that his parents taking chris away was not done entirely in good faith. they showed up with no call and swept him away without a single attempt at conversation and i honestly presumed that eddie would be so caught up in the guilt of it all that everything else would be ignored. i don't know if anything will come of this or if it will be addressed further in the narrative but. a little too willing indeed

Eddie stumbled through the corridor and certainly bumped into a table or two, his lips firmly attached to Father Brian’s. It was a still heady, heady rush, to realise—that he could do this, he could let himself have it, and surrender to the pleasure, and it was okay. 

Except, it occurred to him as they broke apart and Brian started nipping down the side of his neck instead, pausing at the juncture of his neck and should to suck a mark there, for one thing—”Shouldn’t—you said—you shouldn’t be doing this.” 

Even as he said it, he made no move to disentangle himself.

Father Brian groaned, giving his neck one last nip before pulling back a little to look at Eddie. Eddie couldn’t help the small whimper of protest that slipped out of him. When he met his eyes, they were dark and wild; his hair was untamed, sticking up in all directions. I did that, Eddie thought with a sudden rush of satisfaction. This was the physical, tangible proof of his desire.

Brian’s voice was gravelly when he spoke. “I know, but you make me—you just—”

He dove back in, and the newness of stubble on his partner’s face as they kissed drove every other thought from his mind; sent a thrill down to his toes.

And he should be thinking about how this was typical, and how he fucked up every partner he ever touched, how he ruined every one of his relationships, but none of those thoughts occurred to him at all. All he could feel was the lightness in his mind, the freedom in his heart, and the stubble against his chin.

“I thought—” Eddie gasped, eyes fluttering shut and head banging against the wall, “—you said—” another twist, another shaky breath, “—you were celibate.”

The man in front of him huffed out a laugh. “You said you were straight.” He pressed Eddie even further into the wall, if that were possible. Eddie moaned as the hand around him tightened and a thumb ran over his cockhead, his own hands gripping onto shoulders for dear life.

“I think we established—ah!—that I’m not good at letting myself have things.”

“Well,” a kiss on his throat, a tongue moving down to his clavicle, a mouth sucking on his neck. “You can let yourself have this.”

Eddie moaned again, barely able to focus on anything other than the body pressed up against his and the hand on his cock. He ran his hand down his muscular back, down a spine, gripped his ass. Hips jerked into Eddie’s, and all Eddie could see was white.

“It’s okay, Eddie. You can let go.”

It felt like sacrilege and it felt like salvation as he came, and came, and came.

"i'll never leave," never mind.

i'm king of sand castles he destroys

who else is gonna know me?

they haven't best friended this hard since s4

abc has an asset and by god do they know how to use it

+ bonus:

come here.

eddie diaz in 7.04: ☺️😁🥰

and I remember t h i n k i n g . . . (x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)

I'm gonna love you when our hair is turning gray we'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made and you'll say, "oh my, we really were t i m e l e s s."

[Image ID: 10 GIFs of Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz from 9-1-1, overlaid with lyrics from Taylor Swift's Timeless. GIF 1: A painting and an open book on a black wooden table. The painting has an ornate gold frame. Inside the painting is a GIF of Buck hanging from the extended ladder of the ladder truck after he is struck by lightning. Partially on top of the painting, a book lies open with a GIF on either page, of Buck and Eddie respectively facing each other after Eddie is shot. The lyrics are stylised as text in the book, reading 'I came upon a book covered in cobwebs / story of a romance torn apart by fate.' GIF 2: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck laying on the road staring at a fallen Eddie after Eddie is shot. The second shows Eddie yelling Buck's name as he rushes to get to Buck after Buck falls from the ladder truck. Both GIFs are blurred. The lyrics are stylised in old gothic font, reading 'somehow I know that you and I would've found each other / and I'd die for you in the same way.' GIF 3: Eddie and Buck are in full turnout gear. Eddie is walking as the fire truck drives alongside him, with Buck hanging off of it. The GIF is tinted orange. The text reads 'if I first saw your face / on a crowded street in 1944.' GIF 4: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck rushing out of Maddie's hospital after he gets her letter telling him that she can't run away with him. This GIF is black and white. The second shows Eddie in his army uniform getting on a helicopter. The text reads 'and you were headed off to fight in the war / you still would've been mine.' GIF 5: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck as a bartender in Peru, listening to Connor tell him about LA. The second shows Eddie at his parents' house, listening as they tell him that they think Chirstopher should live with them. The text reads 'cause I belive that we were supposed to find this / even in a different life / you still would've been mine / we would've been timeless.' GIF 6: The GIF has a crack down the middle. On the left of the crack, Buck begs his parents to love him despite him and Maddie not being perfect kids. On the right, Eddie breaks down after he learns that all his teammates from the army are dead. The GIF slowly transitions from colour to black and white. The text is aligned along the crack, reading 'time breaks down your mind and body / don't you let it touch your soul.' GIF 7: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck turning around in the firehouse to see Eddie for the first time. The second shows Eddie grinning as he meets the team for the first time. The GIF has a papery texture to it. The text reads 'it was like an age old classic / the first time that you saw me.' GIF 8: A piece of parchment paper. In a large square on the left side, Buck and Eddie shake hands after working together for the first time. On the right side, the lyrics are stylised like text in a book, reading 'the story started when you said hello.' GIF 9: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other, of Eddie and Buck covertly meeting each other's eyes in the middle of the firehouse. Eddie is in black and white while Buck is in colour. The text reads 'in a crowded room a few short years ago / sometimes there's no proof you just know.' GIF 10: A pocket watch on the screen. Inside the pocket watch, a montage of Buck and Eddie through the years cycles repeatedly. The hour and minute hand of the pocket watch rotate clockwise. In the background, behind the pocket watch, the same series of GIFs is enlarged and blurred. Around the watch, stylised in old gothic font, the text reads 'you're always gonna be mine / we're gonna be timeless.' /end ID]

i just wanna s t a y (eddie)

s u r r e a l. (buck)

and i know my pain        is such an imposition.