I’ve been meaning to scream quietly into my fists about this since before the end of 5a, but what gets to me the most about the guardianship reveal in 414 (besides, well, everything) is the way the scene is constructed.

When Eddie explains the will change, he clearly does it because he needs Buck, this stupid, self-belittling, amazing man to stop thinking everyone would be better off if he were dead. And yet, Eddie doesn’t go into a whole speech about it. Normally on TV or even in movies, “You act like you’re expandable,” would be the lead into this kind of conversation, and then the inevitable “but” would come and the speaker would list all sorts of things about the one listening, pointing out how these were all forms of how incredible that person was, as well as proof that everyone around them loves and needs them. And then, if that turns out to not be enough, the speaker would also make some sort of a gesture or they would say something so meaningful, it would finally succeed in getting the point across.

But not Eddie.

He starts by telling Buck about being Christopher’s guardian in Eddie’s will for over a year. Just like that, out of the gate. He simply slaps Buck with the enormity of his trust and how much he sees Buck as integral to this little family, how invaluable and significant and loved and wanted and chosen he is.

And then Eddie gets to that, “You act like you’re expandable,” which lets Buck knows he’s seen and understood. Eddie continues to that critical “but…”

But he doesn’t launch into a whole speech. He just says, “but you’re wrong.” Just a statement of facts. No lengthy speech, no attempts to be convincing, no roping in everyone who they’ve ever known, no flowery compliments. Eddie is that sure that what he just revealed is huge and that Buck sees and gets it for what it is. That it’s enough to make all the difference.

It’s insane to think this way (well, as insane as doing what Eddie has done when he secretly changed his will), but what’s even crazier is that IT WORKS. That Buck gets exactly what Eddie means, so he just quietly takes it in, doesn’t once try to argue.

Basically, Eddie said in other words, I love you SO MUCH that I know it will be enough to convince you of your own worth.

And Buck wordlessly replied, I love you SO MUCH that it does.

Romeo and Juliet wish they could be this epic.

Buddie vs Lone Star meta (2/3)

Notes: || LS = 911 Lone Star || OG = original 911 || These three meta posts were written before watching LS s3… || part 1

LS 209

Okay, I love Grace, Judd and their ship (Grudd), they’re probably the best part of LS for me (and I also love Tarlos, so that says a lot). Obviously a “Grudd Begins” ep was bound to be a fave. But yes, we’re here to talk about its parallels to Buddie… Because there are A LOT, I tried to be brief in what I wrote. Here we go! ~~~

Let’s kick off with the fact that Grudd and Buddie are both partners who experience a shared major trauma! As I’ve pointed out before, it is A Choice who the show chooses to go through this together… ~~~

When they met, Judd instinctively trusted Grace and confided in her, despite thinking he’s not in a confessional mood and saying he’s not much of a talker. Over time, he gradually kept telling her more and more of his truth (I mean, that idiot was in love before the end of their first talk, telling her his real name already). Similarly, Eddie trusted Buck intuitively, despite their initial friction in OG 201, and after a few seconds of hesitation he showed Buck Christopher’s picture and told Buck all about Chris. Over time, he kept letting Buck more and more into their lives (TBH not even after that much time, either. It took him what, presumably one week to move from, “this guy is being a jerk to me, I should ruffle his feathers” to “hell yeah, I will trust you with intimate info on my son”? More meta on just HOW MUCH trust Eddie put in Buck early on in season 2 in regards to Chris, here). ~~~

Grace is shown as someone who makes Judd’s life better by advising him on how to approach Kyle’s mother, which is exactly what we saw of Grudd in LS 101, and as I’ve already mentioned in part 1 of this series, that parallels the way Buck is shown as helping Eddie and making his life better in early s2. Except, if in LS 101 Grudd are already married, here we see that this theme started even before they became an official couple, which is even more similar to Buddie… ~~~

Judd lets Grace know as early as their second talk that he sees how good she is at what she does. Eddie lets Buck know as early as their second shift together that he sees how good Buck is at what he does. Buck and Grace both get to feel seen and valued thanks to these new found relationships! ~~~

After their initial connection, Grudd proceed to flirt under the guise of a growing platonic bond over the phone. After their initial connection, Buddie proceed to flirt (most undeniably in eps like OG 309 and 408) under the guise of a growing platonic friendship. ~~~

After Grudd had become set in their routine, Judd is shaken up when he thinks Grace has left her job at the prayer hotline, which is how they met in the first place. In OG 510, after Buddie had become set in their routine, Buck is visibly shaken up when he thinks Eddie is leaving his job with the 118, which is how they met in the first place… ~~~

Grace’s father says he trusts Judd to do the ‘right thing’ (for her), which would mean letting her go so she could have a better life without him, but eventually it becomes clear that the best life for Grace is with Judd. In OG 315, Eddie’s mom says they trust him to do what’s right for Chris, which would mean letting him go so he could have a better life without Eddie, but eventually it becomes clear the best life for Chris is with Eddie, who chooses to share that life he’s building for Chris and Buck, a point that is made even clearer when we later learn that this is the very same episode in which Eddie decided to write Buck into his will as Christopher’s legal guardian (revealed later in OG 414). ~~~

When Judd was hurting without Grace in his life, he went off and punched a random asshole parking where he shouldn’t have, an incident for which Judd got himself arrested. In OG 305, when Eddie was hurting without Buck in his life due to the lawsuit, he went off and punched a random asshole parking where he shouldn’t have, an incident for which Eddie got himself arrested. Both of these morons couldn’t deal with this emotional loss of their other half.

~~~

In the present of LS 209, we see Grudd together in the sinking car, and Judd is unwilling to leave Grace because he would rather die than live without her, which immediately reminded me of OG 315 (yes, again!) when Eddie was buried underground. Buck wanted to go down there to get him and Hen’s response made it clear that if Buck was allowed to, they’d just end up with two cut ropes (an accusation which he doesn’t deny), meaning Buck too would rather have died than live without Eddie (something that he repeats explicitly to Eddie in OG 414, I SCREAM). ~~~

Grudd getting together in 209 despite some bumps along the road is finally resolved when Grace lets Judd know he’s actually been her man all this time, even when they weren’t officially a couple (he’s just an oblivious moron and didn’t realize it). Buck and Eddie might not have reached this conclusion explicitly yet (Grace has an advantage over them because she apparently has more than a single brain cell), but tell me that what she implies doesn’t basically sum up Buddie’s dynamic, where they’re married and are raising a kid together despite not officially being a couple… ~~~

…In conclusion, the 911 verse has spoken, loud and clear, and the only question left is, “Buddie Begins” when, Tim?

~ ~ ~ Thank you so much to the superstar @judsonryder​​​ for making the gifs for these posts. She’s been unbelievable with these! You can find more of my Buddie meta, gifs, humor posts here, and my Buddie fics here. Please feel free to poke me if you need help with anything, and thank you in advance for any show of support! xoxox

Buddie vs Lone Star meta (1/3)

Important! * LS = 911 Lone Star * OG = original 911 * These three meta posts were written before watching LS s3…

LS 101

Not that long ago, I made this gifset pointing out how both Buck and Eddie had to witness an explosion (in OG 315 and OG 405 respectively) was possibly gonna tear them apart from the other forever, comparing it with how Michael had to go through the same thing with David in OG 508. Well, to kick off my “since OG and LS exist in the same verse, we can draw meaning from comparing the shows” meta, I’d like to add in that time when Grace was on the line with Judd and had to hear live how an explosion almost left her a widow… And if we wanna put the specific ‘explosion’ aspect aside and just talk about how the 911 verse tends to put one of its protagonists in crucial danger while showing the most significant person in their life bearing witness to it, then we can also add Bobby listening live to Athena being attacked in OG 317 and, of course, Buck staring in horror as Eddie is shot right in front of his eyes in OG 413. See, if the 911 verse keeps putting Buddie through what it otherwise reserves exclusively for its committed romantic couples, then that implies it’s because with Buddie, it has the same emotional impact…

~ ~ ~

Okay, this one is mainly written jokingly, but… TK taking Alex to that restaurant in ep 101 ended badly, just like when Buck took Abby and when Eddie took Shannon to a nice restaurant. Clearly, the 911 verse is saying they’re all disaster queers, who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near fancy restaurants, suits or heterosexuality. XD

~ ~ ~

Towards the end of the ep, Grace comes up to Owen to plead Judd’s case. I wanna point out two things here. One, when she talks about his record, she mentions it’s all online, meaning it’s public knowledge. It felt like a small admission on the 911 runners’ part that when Abby got Buck’s number from the incident report, back in OG 102, that was a violation of his privacy and just plain wrong. Two, out of the three people who are aware Grace did this, nobody expresses having any issues with her taking steps to talk to Judd’s captain in order to fix things for him, because that’s her man. So what does it say when the same exact thing happened back in OG 204, where we discovered that Buck talked to Eddie’s captain in order to make things better for him and no one so much as batted an eyelash? Well, except for Buck, who did at Eddie, just… flirtatiously.

LS 104

In this ep, TK finds out that Owen has cancer. He vows to be there and help his dad fight it. His exact, repeated words are, “I’ve got your back.” That took me back to OG 201, when Buck and Eddie exchanged this promise. This comparison could have been seen as proof that the line is a lot less suggestive than how Buddie shippers have taken it, but I have a different interpretation for what it means, based both on similarities AND glaring differences!

(this and two more points under a cut to save your dashboards)

Keep reading

Buddie 510 meta

The first call starts with Buck and Eddie being their usual amazing battlefield boyfriends (and if I have contributed nothing else to the Buddie fandom, I contributed this term, I’m proud of it and love that others are using it, too), BUT what I particularly like in this case is that they pair up and start working together and in such perfect sync even before Bobby tells them to. It shows us that they’re truly meant to be partners! ~~~

The whole ep sets up the idea of personalized gift giving as a symbol of knowing people really well, or at least wanting to and being willing to make efforts to. It’s therefore also a symbol of closeness and emotional investment. And Buck? In that context, we see his intimacy with Taylor once again appearing somewhat off, since he says he finally understands his ex-roommate who would break up with girlfriends after Halloween (implying Buck has also felt, at least for a moment, a desire to break up with Taylor rather than shop for her). Then that’s followed by him hearing that Bobby got Athena an engagement ring for their first Xmas together, and Buck absolutely balks at the idea. Which, given the stage of their r/s, isn’t out of the ordinary, it’s the slightly too emphatic reaction that makes this moment feel like B/T are not even close to being the stuff that epic love stories, like Bathena’s, are made of.

And then we get this amazing contrast between Buck and Taylor on one hand, who clearly don’t know each other well enough and have no clue what to get their partner for Christmas, and the couple from the elevator call, who show their affection and their desire to be together by giving each other a gift for Xmas (this connection is emphasized by the fact it’s clear Buck is thinking of his own gift giving trouble during the call). What really stood out to me is that Melia paid so much attention to Marco even before getting together that she knew he’s constantly going to these concerts. And yeah, she missed the mark a bit because she didn’t know everything (i.e why he’s going to them), but it’s clear she was paying attention and wanted to get to know him, making B/T, as an established couple, pale in comparison. They both completely fail to find even one personalized idea for each other. Which is especially surprising given the ending of this mini arc: usually these stories show a partner being at a loss but then eventually pulling through and finding the perfect, most personalized gift imaginable, the one that shows they do know each other better than anyone else. Not in this case, since even at this story’s closure, Taylor still goes with the not-very-personal sweater, and while Buck’s gift is very much from the heart, it seems to be way more about him (as someone used to saving people) than about her. It’s still not a gift that shows a profound and intimate connection. Add the fact that this ep comes on the heels of 509, which in itself demonstrated that Buck doesn’t really know Taylor, so we witness they’ve not made any real progress as a couple, not even after her backstory was revealed. ~~~

Compare all that with Buddie in this ep: in the very next 118 scene we get after it’s made clear Buck is clueless when it comes to Taylor’s gift, he once again proves to be Eddie’s partner in real life as well as on the job, as they talk about Eddie’s concerns regarding Chris. The entire time, they’re framed by gifts (I just HAD to gif this), which were already established in connection to Buck as the symbol of knowing one’s partner (in fact, the scene starts with a close up shot on the gifts). This is highlighted by the fact that Buck proves to know Eddie and Chris’ life so intimately that he immediately offers an insight on why Xmas would be a time when Chris is struggling. In addition, clearly Eddie came to Buck right away and trusted him with the info about what he’s going through. In comparison, we see in this ep repeatedly how other people in Eddie’s life, even close ones, are kept in the dark until he has no choice but to share. Hen and Ravi didn’t know about Chris’ nightmares, Carla didn’t know about the kidnapping. The one person who knows everything Eddie’s going through, the one person Eddie CHOOSES repeatedly to confide in, is Buck. And to add to that, in this one brief scene he appears more willingly invested in his partner than in all the scenes where he’s trying to find a gift idea for his actual gf. ~~~

It’s a tiny moment, but when Hen doesn’t know where Eddie is, she asks Buck, just like how when the team didn’t know where Buck was, it was Eddie who had the answer. And I know it’s a split second moment, but given the ep’s theme of knowing your partner, I felt like it mattered that this is how they kicked off the closing sequence of the ep, with Eddie’s dramatic decision. ~~~

Which brings me to discuss the very structure of this ep. When it starts, it looks like Buck’s storyline for it will be all about Taylor and proving himself as a bf by choosing the right gift. So this should have been Buck’s emotional happy climax for the ep, but it wasn’t. Instead, we get him after that, still feeling somewhat melancholy when Hen asks him how he is (he says he’s fine, but we know what Buck sounds like when he’s actually happy and this ain’t it. Plus, remember his 403 confession to Maddie? He says he’s fine, he just wants to be… finer). That shows that his deeper emotional state is the one that caused him to cancel his and Taylor’s participation in Bathena’s Xmas party: he’s sad over a part of his family not being there and despite being in his first serious r/s during Xmas, that doesn’t quite fill the emotional pain he’s experiencing since Madney aren’t there. This perfectly leads to the real emotional climax of the ep: Eddie’s announcement that he’s leaving the 118. This is the one thing in Eddie’s life that Buck didn’t know about, pointing to its devastating effect that caused Eddie not to share about it until after he’s spoken to Bobby. After all, this ep starts with Buddie naturally gravitating to working together even before they’re instructed which (which they’ve done all along… Chim is still gone, the partnerships set up in 505 are still technically in effect, yet we’ve always seen Buddie together in all the following eps) and it ends with Buck hearing he’s losing his partner. It’s no coincidence that the first face the camera pans to right after Eddie speaks is Buck. This is another part of his family leaving and his most significant partnership being dissolved, this is the bigger story this ep is telling regarding Buck. I mean, we could have discovered Eddie’s decision through Bobby’s POV, but by doing the reveal in this way, the show is telling us that that would not be as impactful as seeing it through Buck’s eyes. ~~~

Now I normally try to stay away from speculations, but we’re looking at maybe the biggest cliffhanger this fandom has known and 3 months of hiatus, so let me say: I absolutely don’t believe Eddie will be leaving the 118. Remember ep 505? Buck wanted to leave and Eddie was having none of that. That was a decision based on fears and so is Eddie’s. It feels bigger, because it’s the mid-season cliffhanger, but… remember 310’s cliffhanger with Michael’s tumor? That was arguably even more serious and could have had even more devastating repercussions for the firefam, but that’s not the direction the show took. It ended up being just one more challenge that needed to be faced, opening new opportunities (David), but not drastically changing the fate of the characters or their dynamics. A more likely possibility is Eddie turning into a paramedic, but… I also can’t see that TBH. Because in 506, when he was kidnapped, he was acting as Chim’s replacement, as a paramedic, meaning that role isn’t any safer than his current one. They could find Eddie a different first responder role, maybe something like dispatch, but that would separate him from the team completely, and I can’t see that happening, he’s too much of an integral part of the 118 team, which is the heart of the show. The most likely thing IMO is that this will be an opening for Eddie to talk more about what brought him to this decision, which the show IMO hinted at by having the shooting and the kidnapping both be brought up during Eddie’s talk with Carla. I can’t know any of this for sure, of course, but this is how I see things at the moment and why I’m not concerned…

The unbelievable @judsonryder​​, in addition to making all these amazing gifs for my meta (throughout all of season 3a, thank you SO MUCH!) also added to the poignancy of Buck’s heartache at the end of the ep with this incredible gifset, please check it out and give her some well deserved love! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for any like, comment and of course reblog! These posts require a lot and it’s wonderful to see people enjoying them and sharing them with other! I will continue to post content during the hiatus, so please don’t hesitate to stop by and say hi! xoxox

Buddie 509 meta

I have to admit, I was instantly full on in love with the first call of the ep. It starts out as one girl being insecure and wondering if she let her past relationship screw up her present… and its her openness and willingness to be honest and vulnerable which endear her to the other girl, who’s suddenly much softer with her and constantly gives her hearteyes glances from this point on. This is before Gabi, the one with insecurities, watches Chloe getting punctured by a pen right there, her blood covering both of them, and saves her life, which involves pressing down on her wound. And then Buddie, out of the whole team, rush in and get this couple out. Now it just might only be me, but tell me Gabi isn’t Buck and Eddie doesn’t parallel Chloe, with the pen incident having the same dynamic as the shooting… Even without seeing these ladies’ last scene in the hospital, we all get what they were starting to feel for each other and that they would eventually get together. So if the comparison holds…~~~

Something curious about the scene where Taylor doesn’t really listen to Buck and then chooses to leave without giving him an explanation is that this pattern of behavior from Taylor doesn’t actually stand out? We’ve seen her have moments where she doesn’t listen or pay attention to him before (ep 411 and 501 as examples), we’ve seen her choose to walk away without a real explanation (why did she first insist on only being friends in 412? She never gave Buck a reason, not even after she changed her mind. Why did she run out on Buck after she kissed him in 414? Again, we get no explanation). And they could have given them a real crisis that would be different from previous things we’ve seen of these two together, but nope. So if this is behavior that means a relationship isn’t really working out and might end any minute now, what does it say about Buck and Taylor’s relationship in general? ~~~

Things that stood out to me during the team’s relationship talk with Buck? First, Eddie doesn’t give Buck much useful advice on how to make things work with Taylor, much like Buck did the same thing during the team’s Ana talk with Eddie in ep 501. They mainly just… laughed at each other’s trouble.

Then, Eddie also asks, in reference to what Bobby said, “who does that?” which is about Buck’s current romantic situation and then Buddie sort of exchange these looks which make it clear that Eddie and Ana were in the exact same place not that long ago and both men know it. The parallels this scene draws between the two relationships Buddie have had, which have happened in parallel since the start, is very telling.

But the most important thing is quite probably Bobby’s words that Eddie reacts to. Bobby says Buck rushes in without really taking the time to figure out how he got to where he is, after Buck says he thinks Taylor’s been living with him, but he’s not quite sure.

Since we had the parallels with Ana, this is very similar to how Eddie’s hospital stay allowed Ana to take up a much more domestic role in the Diaz household than Eddie was ready for. The thing is, before this ep will be over, Buck will get to demand some answers from Taylor (very much like he did during his bench talk with Abby in 318 and NGL, I am proud of him every time he actually puts his foot down), but will he get to reflect and define their relationship? More than that, will he get to define what HE wants from it instead of being led into a place he didn’t necessarily choose? That won’t happen in this ep. Yes, Buck and Taylor will exchange I love you’s, but it’ll be (once again) Taylor’s choice to start that, with Buck following her lead. And given Bobby’s words, it really needed to be Buck to say the words first, to make this choice for himself to deepen the r/s. It being Taylor’s choice means that the main thing that he needed to resolve? He still hadn’t. The fact that he’s still repeating his past patterns becomes especially evident when comparing things to his r/s with Abby (which he did himself). In both cases, after he already finds himself immersed in a r/s, instead of figuring out exactly what he wants and whether the way things are suits him, he doubles down on just doing anything in order to keep his partner. In 110, Abby basically told him not to wait for her, but Buck did anyway, and now Taylor tells Buck not to come after her, but he does anyway. And if we connect this to the way he told her in 414 that he’s done running after people who didn’t want him (I pointed out here that so far, that seems to be the only contribution of the Taylor r/s to Buck’s romantic growth), then this basically states that whatever lesson this r/s with Taylor is meant to teach Buck, he hasn’t learned it yet. We’re still waiting for him to realize this and manage to break the pattern. ~~~

B/T in this ep also made me think of the comparison to the Mitchell and Thomas call, the elderly gay couple in 208. Buck commented about their r/s, “that’s love.” And Thomas said, “All we ever wanted was to go together. Taylor, in comparison, says in this ep, “I need to deal with this on my own”. More than that, she also treats Buck’s space invasively (for example, in 501) when she goes through his things, she means to leave town without even telling him she’s going, she leaves him in the dark and at the same time is snappy with him when he’s confused about what’s going on, she def didn’t share the realest part of herself with Buck until he basically forced her to, and when Taylor discovers he came despite her telling him not to, her initial reaction is to think he’s there for answers, not for her… none of this feels like it fits the famous “that’s love” quote, despite what she’ll tell Buck by the end of the ep. Add to this that Buck doesn’t tell Eddie and Hen anything about the dilemma that Taylor’s reveal had to have caused him (at the very least whether it’s the right thing to follow her). Ironically, it feels like a step back, not forward, that he suddenly can’t share with his teammates (he could have just left her personal details out while describing his personal dilemma, but he clearly didn’t feel comfortable to), even when Eddie questions him about what happened to turn Buck into the voice of reason and Hen chimes in. Another thing is that so many of B/T’s hugs have had… these odd Buck facial expressions, like the comfort that he gets from them is very partial if it’s there at all (another detail that’s been repeated this season and I’ve mentioned in my previous s5 meta posts).

I try to step away from the Buddie goggles from time to time and just ask myself, if I were a casual viewer, who cares about Buck but isn’t particularly invested in the question who he ends up with romantically, would I be happy with the way this r/s is developed? Would I feel like he truly loves and is loved? 911 does know how to tell a satisfying love story, even a short one (like the ep’s first call, or Toni and Clive’s) or one we’ve traveled quite a road with (Bathena in this very ep were a nice reminder of that). I can’t be fully objective here, but from having watched enough TV couples, I’m pretty sure I’d be very dissatisfied even if I weren’t a Buddie fan, because I’d want something better for Buck than how this r/s has been portrayed so far. ~~~

Which stands out even more when compared with Eddie. Good God, I made this gifset of Buck teasing Eddie about watching telenovelas, but I really need to rant about the insanity of it! In an ep that’s supposedly all about making B/T stronger than ever, look at what the show does with Buddie in this one bit alone: within a mere couples of seconds we get the brightest smile Buck gives in the whole ep, and it’s at his supposedly platonic best friend, and it’s with a tease that specifically reminds us Eddie is the person that Buck knows best (better than his own gf) and the one he’s most domestic with (Buck must have been there to see Eddie watching those telenovelas with Chris in order to know that despite Eddie’s protests, he secretly loves them) as his own choice (and I wrote more about how Buck chose to build a family with Eddie over the years here and with an accompanying gifset). Also, the teasing itself is a part of Buddie’s love language, and can also be seen in how Eddie teases Buck (his only contribution to the team r/s talk) as we’ve witnessed many times, especially during the flirty kitchen scene in ep 309. Now just compare Buck’s huge smile at Eddie with what his face looks like after Taylor tells him that she loves him… Show these two images to someone who has never watched 911and ask them to choose the gif in which this guy seems in love and I GUARANTEE they will choose the one where Buck is practically glowing at Eddie. In fact… see last paragraph for something similar that did happen.

And this gets me back to that exchange of I love you’s. I have never heard a less convincing “I love you, too” from a main character. Usually such moments are peaks of romantic arcs. They’re ones that we had a whole journey to get to. They represent the instance when the protagonist gets to be happy and fulfilled after all the drama we’ve seen them go through. These moments are so incredibly emotional, they go down as some of the most memorable for a specific couple, ones that fans will keep rewatching. But Oliver, who is amazing at pouring his whole heart into entire monologues, let alone one line of dialogue, is almost completely flat in his delivery. His facial expression is of someone weirded out. He’s with his back to Taylor when she first says it and he never fully turns to her, to face her, not even when he repeats the words to her. There are barely any signs of joy OR intimacy - they’re having this exchange with almost the entire kitchen between them. Even the way he first responds with just, “Good,” before he reciprocates makes that whole moment feel emotionally stunted. Not to mention, this is the first time we’ve heard Buck saying this to anyone, ever. His first “I love you”! It’s not just meaningful for this r/s, it’s also important for him as a character. Yet, this is how the line is delivered? And it’ll be followed by Taylor letting Buck know that there’s still stuff she’s keeping from him? Not to mention, just like she leads him into having this exchange, she will lead him up the stairs. A visual reminder that she’s still setting the course of this r/s and he’s still just following. Personally, I think in Buck’s mind, the pattern he NEEDS to break is being dumped a few months into a r/s, so once she says, “I love you,” he follows suit, because if he won’t, that’ll cause a new crisis between them, possibly lead to the actual break up he’s been dreading. So yeah, he said it, but it doesn’t feel like he meant it, more like his present is still being shaped by his past. If this is B/T at their best, I can’t see them lasting. It’s just a matter of time before Buck will realize he needs to break his past patterns for real. ~~~

In addition to thanking the amazing @judsonryder​​ for her incredible gifs, this week I’m also bringing you a bonus paragraph thanks to her! As she was giffing Buck’s facial reactions to Eddie vs to Taylor’s “I love you,” she noted that the contrast is also in the lighting, where the scene in the kitchen is a lot darker and far less vibrant. It’s not only that, though! She also pointed out that the same kitchen in ep 309, also at night time, has warmer lighting, leaving the 509 scene on the same set to come across in contrast as cold… But here’s even more of a kicker: she was giffing “blind” (she hadn’t seen the ep yet and I was giving her specific timestamps to gif). Without even knowing what the scene was about, the lighting alone was so telling that it allowed her to make an objective visual observation which perfectly aligned with this whole analysis, and that speaks volumes!

~~~ If  you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta, gifs, fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! A  lot goes into these posts weekly and it makes a world of a difference to know people enjoy them. xoxox

A kind anon sent me this meta ask and in addition to responding by talking about the beautiful insanity of Buck and Eddie choosing specifically each other and a family together, I also had to make this gifset… Enjoy! xoxox

Buddie 508 meta

I was gonna comment on the beauty of the battlefield boyfriend theme still going so strong, we had so many examples of it in this ep! Moments of silent communication which show how in tune Buddie are, the way one throws out an action plan and the other follows right away (first Buck with how best to get to room 318, then Eddie with figuring out the correct room number), and don’t even get me started on the perfect synchronicity when they’re moving the babies out of the hospital window and down to safety… there’s a whole chain of firefighters there, but the riskier pass is the one from Buck to Eddie and you’d want the most in sync firefighters to handle that one. It’s not a coincidence that it’s Buddie doing it. ~~~

But the truth is we got even more than just the usual ‘battlefield boyfriends’ theme. We also got their brief exchange next to the fire truck, when Eddie is clearly not fine. I love how Buck immediately notices and rushes over, to see what’s wrong and how he can help. I also love that we have a role reversal here. Usually, Eddie is all stoic and repressed, he actively works to push down anything he may feel, but this time, when things seem lost, and that’s clearly triggering thoughts about Chris, he’s struggling. And I love that he didn’t try to hide this from Buck, he was truthful right away, no games played. Buck, who takes everything to heart, has come such a long way since the first time he lost a vic in ep 102, or when he was this close to cross an ethical boundary to save a baby in 101, he’s learned the lesson that Athena and Bobby were trying to teach him back in s1, about where the job ends, and even though he still doesn’t always act on that, when Eddie needs this lesson, Buck is there to embody it for him. Because the thing is, neither one’s primary approach is wrong in itself, it’s all a matter of timing, context and degree. And they can give each other this much needed balance, even if temporarily. When they’re together, we see them getting to be themselves with each other AND bringing to the surface the part of themselves that reflects the other and that their partner needs in the moment. This season, it’s repeatedly been the two of them being there for each other, showing us they truly know, hold and complete each other. They’re everything a ship should be. And it feels like everything we’ve seen so far is a part of a bigger story the show is in the middle of telling. ~~~

This episode’s main theme is commitment, but to the point of willing to face great danger and at the risk of unbearable loss. The commitment of a married couple who choose to exchange again a ring even though one of them might not make it out of surgery; of a kid to his new baby sister, which enables him to do the unthinkable and save her life; it’s Michael and David getting engaged even though they were this close to David dying in the hospital and despite the fact that the best way for them to be together is for Michael to uproot his entire life and move to Haiti; it’s the commitment of the medical staff (Callie, David and his team) to their patients and the unexpected reciprocation on the part of the latter (Rupert); and as always we also see that commitment of our first responders (firefighters and dispatchers alike) now emphasized through the ep’s theme. This kind of commitment isn’t for everyone. It wasn’t for Ali, which is legit. But we discover at the start of the ep David was inspired by being around this, and by the end we learn Michael was, too. I think it says everything that in this context, despite Chim not being back yet, meaning the new partnerships established in 505 are still in place, it’s Buck and Eddie paired together during this call. Because they also have this kind of commitment and understanding between them, and they too get each other’s need to risk everything for the sake of saving complete strangers. ~~~

I made a gifset showing the parallels of Buck watching as Eddie was trapped underground due to an explosion, Eddie watching as Buck was inside a warehouse that exploded, and lastly Michael, about to propose, watching as an explosion engulfs the hospital with David in it. In all three cases, as they watch, they don’t even know whether their partner is even alive anymore. Putting aside the insanity of this show constantly paralleling Buddie with romantic couples and Buddifer with the other families on the show, it’s also insane to me how perfectly these align. Not only is this a parallel of all three men that the show puts in situations where they have to watch as an explosion threatens to tear their partners away from them, the parallel between Buddie and Mavid is reinforced by the fact that in the same ep in which we see Buddie once more practicing their wordless communication skills, we also see Mavid’s proposal and its acceptance communicated with only a fraction of the normally required words. And sure, Bobby gave David a small spoiler, but David could have walked out of the hospital to discover that this unexpected crisis has changed Michael’s mind, or Michael, who didn’t know about Bobby, could have questioned what David’s “Yes” was in response to. Yet, Mavid managed to understand each other perfectly, showing us their foundation and Buddie’s is the same. And if Michael can sum up Mavid’s connection during his actual proposal as simply, “You. It’s you” when looking at his partner, truth is that Buck and Eddie can do the same.

~~~ Thank you so much to the amazing @judsonryder​​, I’m so happy she weaves her magic into this meta weekly! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta, gifs, humor posts and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! A lot goes into these posts and it’s wonderful to know they reach people and help. xoxox

Buddie 507 meta

The first thing that struck me about Buck and Taylor’s “detective” interaction is how much their lack of communication is spelled out. Buck and Eddie, as well as Buck and others from his chosen family (like Chim in this very ep or Maddie in 504) are shown to be bonded to such a degree that - even when it happens off screen - the show makes sure we know they share everything significant. And in this ep we have Buck and Taylor explicitly talking on screen about what they’re not communicating with each other. We already saw a glimpse of Buck not telling Taylor everything he witnessed on a call in ep 506, now it’s actually acknowledged between them. More than that, Taylor refers to him as a “source,” which shows he’s right not to share with her. After all, first responders are obviously free to talk about what they’ve been through with loved ones so they can carry on doing their difficult job, but not in order to expose and broadcast this info to the world. If Taylor has used info confided privately from Buck, it’s in that grey area we call “it’s kosher, but it still stinks.” That kinda adds to the moment where she grabbed Buck’s phone (which I mentioned in my 501 meta) as showing how limitless she is in pursuit of a story, causing her not to pay attention to other people’s boundaries. And then the ending makes it clear that Taylor’s drive in regards to her work comes from some personal history she hasn’t told him about, despite them being together for what, 4-5 months now? And despite supposedly being friends before that. IDK, but this does not feel like the friends to lovers, 200k, slow burn romance that shows love giving their popular protagonists. ~~~

I had to make this gifset when I saw Taylor working on her case and Buck serving basically as a soundboard (which is further emphasized by Athena, in her exchange with Lou, being a more active contributor). Buck also came across as troubled and reserved. It immediately reminded me of what Buck was like when he was playing detective with Eddie in 404: he was the one who initiated posing investigative questions, Eddie went along with him, and they played off each other. In other words, Buck felt like an enthusiastic partner in that case, more than with his actual girlfriend. It could be implied from the end of the ep that the reason for the difference is his concern over Taylor risking her life, but he only learns about the risk Taylor takes later on. It continues a theme I highlighted in almost every meta post for this season, where their relationship feels a bit off even during moments that should make it seem to grow stronger. ~~~

I found it curious how they handled Taylor in conjunction with the ep’s main call. Lou def doesn’t trust her and says he’ll leave a guard outside Edgar’s door because he’s sure she’ll try to sneak back in. In fact, her brush with Lou tells us the criticism is right, that she does go overboard when compared with others in the same profession, ‘coz Taylor’s not the first reporter Lou has had to handle, yet she manages to get a reaction out of him. Now the thing is, a lot of times this sort of mistrust is grounds for change and growth. Taylor could have somehow proven herself to Lou during her work on the case in parallel to him and ended up being invaluable to solving the case. Think, if you will, of Buck in 101. He annoys Athena right away, but ends up saving her life by the end of the ep. We learn she’s even said some kind things about him to Bobby… That’s not what happens with Taylor, she contributes nothing to the case, Lou’s impression of her at no point is disproven or changed. And let’s not forget, Lou’s presented as a good guy with sound judgment (NGL, I loved how he helped Harry in this ep). It’s clear to me that Taylor was turned into a part of the case as buildup for whatever her backstory is, but they could have used that as an opportunity to show us she’s better than how she’s perceived. But the show chose not to take that route. I point this out, ‘coz I think this has relevance for how her r/s with Buck will unfold. ~~~

An interesting moment is when Buck confronts her at the end of the ep, asking if her job’s worth risking her life for. He adds he knows he’s basically the same. The thing is, they’re not. And I’m not talking about the saving lives aspect. Clearly, to Taylor telling a story is no less worth it than to save a life. And that’s a totally valid POV. But the thing is that with firefighting, putting one’s life on the line is a given. It’s built in. Sure, you wanna minimize the risks, but you know they exist no matter what, and that there’s an unavoidable risk you take that you might not return from a call. That’s not journalism, though. Especially not when you’re just a TV reporter for a local station. You can easily do the job without any significant risk. In my 506 meta I mentioned the difference between Ali’s concerned reaction to the risk Buck’s in vs Taylor’s far more subdued one. With this ep, it’s Buck who ends up in Ali’s position, and he also has a pretty subdued reaction (especially when compared to how worried he was about Eddie in 501 and 502).

The thing is, when you start dating a firefighter, you know you’re dating someone who’s constantly risking their lives (even if it might take you a while to figure out whether you can handle it). Not so when you start dating a reporter. It’s clear we’re going to get Taylor’s backstory. Now what they do with that back story, that’s another matter. Maybe it’ll make Buck understand her more and stay with her despite the cracks we have seen in their r/s, at least for the time being, or maybe it’ll drive home the point that they’re not compatible. Either way, I find it interesting that based on the build up, her secret being revealed seems to be tied in with whether Buck and her can stay together for now. That says something about how even showing her past isn’t making her a character in her own right. Because in contrast, every other ‘begins’ story has been about the character itself, even Josh’s, not about their current romantic relationships. And without being a character in her own right, her time on the show is bound to be limited. ~~~

Another interesting point to me is that the most attention Buck and Taylor’s r/s has gotten is in an ep filled with stories about people being without their partners (Chim going after Maddie, Buck’s detective game being lackluster without Eddie), doubting their partners (Karen dealing with the ongoing effects of Hen’s cheating) and being enraged by their partners (the call). It sets a certain tone. Out of all of these, I couldn’t help focusing on Eddie’s absence. It’s almost like the place Eddie has in Buck’s life is so big, Taylor mostly gets to take up space when he’s not there.

In this context, I really wanna highlight Karen and her r/s with Hen, because there’s proof there that Taylor’s lack of development in her own right isn’t about being a minor character. So is Karen, but she has constantly been a wonderfully developed character, her r/s with Hen has been consistently invested in since s1 so people care about what happens with the two of them, and Karen has volume as a character including little quirks (turned on by… frugality? OK, Karen, I guess you get to, because you’re too damn cute), struggles (depression when they failed to get pregnant) and small yet significant contributions to the plot (for example, being the character who solves the mystery of the blackout). So far in s5, Taylor has had none of these things, she’s barely been there. And even when starting to get a backstory, it seems to be tied into whether she’ll even stay with Buck, so it still doesn’t feel like she’s really getting a spot of her own.

~~~ Thank you so much to the wonderful @judsonryder​, who’s a star for always making my meta come to life so vibrantly! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta, gifs, humor posts and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! A lot goes into these posts and it really matters when you show them any kind of support. xoxox

Buddie 506 meta

Not only did we get Buddie working together again (gotta live up to that battlefield boyfriends brand), we also got a funny little moment thanks to editing that made it seem like Eddie was wearing Buck’s turncoat with “Buckley” on his back, and a million crack edits went canon for a second. XD ~~~

I have talked about this heart theme for Eddie before and this ep revisits it: Eddie’s been told to follow his heart rather than Christopher’s in 413, right after that he was shot in the chest, then in 501 he thought he was having a heart attack, in 502 he was trying to reach for a heart he needed to rescue but he failed at that point, when finally in the next ep he took Buck’s advice and broke up with Ana, meaning he followed his heart. And now he gets a story arc in this ep about having to keep a heart alive, connected to a father who sacrifices himself in order to donate his it to his son, screaming that this man, Mitchell, parallels Eddie as a fellow father who would give everything for his kid. But they could have used so many metaphors for this type of unconditional giving as a parent, yet they used a theme connecting back to everything Eddie’s been through since 413. This ep concludes with Eddie going home to Chris, hugging him in bed in such a sweet, heart-melting scene. It tells us that Eddie’s very heart is and always will be his son, but the overall story might also hint that he still has some way to go to explore who else is in his heart in addition to Chris, enabling Eddie to love and give to Chris with all of his being, but without crossing over to the extremist self-destructive pit Mitchell ended up falling into… And who can that other person be if not the one who shares how Eddie feels about Chris?

Because see, the very fact that it’s Buck and Eddie in this specific situation is meaningful. Ep 505 was all about these new partnerships the 118 splits up into while Chim is gone, so the kidnapping could have been Eddie and Hen, or Buck and Ravi, it could have been Eddie with the fatherly Bobby (who even more than usual is in this ep the dad of the team), or just to mix things up Eddie and Ravi. There were so many options! In fact, we see Eddie pair up with Hen as well as Buck with Ravi when the team first arrives on the scene, so these pairings are def still on. Yet it was Eddie and Buck together facing danger. Again. Just like with the shooting arc that starts in 413 (and see a later paragraph here on the writer being the same for both these eps) what happens to Eddie is intrinsically linked to Buck. And the threat to Christopher’s life is made more meaningful because it’s Buck who’s there to react to it. Hen’s a parent, Bobby’s a parent who lost his kids tragically, both of them could have given us a really significant emotional response to that threat, but with both, despite that background and even though they love Eddie and Chris, it would never be as intense as Buck’s response. ~~~

And this ep really shows how Buck is so freaking gone for Eddie and Chris, I just CAN’T. It’s the way that when Mitchell asks “yours?” the first close up is on Eddie but then Buck gets one as well (not a shot of both men, Buck gets an equal close up right after Eddie), the way he jumps into action without even thinking about it when Mitchell threatens Chris (while Eddie’s army training has clearly kicked in and keeps him focused even when Buck is pistol whipped… that reminded me of Eddie’s tight lipped reaction in 218 as well, nothing but a jaw clench, but it says EVERYTHING about how he’s roaring inside, furious at anyone threatening Buck, so as soon as he can, he rushes into action, running over to Buck, holding his hand while the truck’s being lifted and not letting go…), the way Buck’s so reluctant to leave Eddie in the ambulance even though in reality they’re both equally as defenseless in the face of those guns, the way they communicate and Eddie just says his name but it’s more than enough to convey so much and thus Buck, despite his reluctance, goes into the hospital, it’s the way he says “with Eddie” to Athena and his voice almost cracks with emotion, the way Athena talks to Buck about what’s going on with Eddie and the inmate keeping him hostage including Buck like he’s a family member rather than just another co-worker and Buck keeps giving her and her captain input in planning what to do even though police work really shouldn’t be something he weighs in on… the way Athena mentions that Mitchell is doing all of this for his son and suddenly Buck can understand him because he’s a dad too, the way Athena’s present and she loves Eddie as a part of the 118 family plus there are so many policemen trained for this on the scene, yet Buck leaves them all behind in a cloud of dust, sprinting right into danger while screaming Eddie’s name… (which you can see giffed here with a parallel to eps 315 and 414… Buck is just incapable of not reacting like this to Eddie being in danger), the way it’s Buck that Eddie trusts with the message about what needs to happen with Mitchell’s heart, even though there are so many other people around with more authority in this matter than him, and the way he doesn’t question Eddie, Buck just runs immediately to deliver the message urgently.

That man is WHIPPED (and not just by the pistol! XD sorry for the lame pun). Even when Buck is in a romantic relationship with someone else and on the surface seems like he is supposed to be more removed from the Diaz family than in previous seasons, he never really is. This ep is a reminder that Chris is Eddie’s heart, which he shares with Buck, but it also spells out in neon lights that no matter what happens and where Buck is in his personal life, even when he goes home at the end of the day to someone else, the Buddifer connection is real and mutual, Eddie and Chris are Buck’s heart, too. Always. ALWAYS. If Buddie never go canon, they will still forever remain each other’s most significant partner on the show and this ep cements it, precisely against the background of this ep’s end (which is a part of why I think it had to be done as it was). At this moment in time, they’re not supposed to be so intertwined emotionally, and yet, they are. ~~~

It’s small, but I love that when Eddie is searching for a solution to the issue of Nolan’s heart transplant, his first thought is Buck. He could have said, “my team will organize a charity event for you, to get you the resources you need” or “let us go and the LAFD will make sure your son’s case is prioritized,” but nope, his first thought is Buck related… ~~~

Regarding Taylor, at the end of 505, I felt like the show needed to give us a scene with her and Buck so that when a break up eventually occurs, it has some emotional significance. I feel pretty much the same about this scene in 506. Yes, we see him coming back home to her, no I don’t feel like this is truly deepening their relationship. She’s not a character that exists in her own right on this show. Just compare her to other significant others (and even significant exes) on 911. They’re all fleshed out, while Taylor has actually in a sense regressed since she’s been with Buck, she’s less of a character in her own right in s5 so far than she was in s2 or even in s4. Which is… the exact opposite of what they should be doing with her if they wanted to give her and Buck an actual shot at a future together.

Not only that. Taylor isn’t exactly right for Buck in a manner that feels like a callback to his past gfs. Abby and Ali have both been absent and distant a big part of their relationship with Buck, and we’ve seen in the first couple of eps of s5 that the same is true for Taylor. Abby couldn’t handle being a first responder herself and had to leave everything to do with it behind, including Buck, while Ali told him she couldn’t handle him being a first responder. Now we have Taylor similarly expressing worry over the first responder aspect, but in a way that seems incredibly subdued, to the point of being an extreme contrast of Ali.

It’s implied Taylor’s caught up on the gist of what happened, but the gravity of Buck being held hostage doesn’t seem to be reflected in her behavior: she’s in the middle of what sounds like a work call when he comes in and doesn’t sound too upset, she doesn’t rush to him, takes the time to tuck away her phone into her pocket (have we seen her hiding her phone away like that before? I feel like she’s usually with her phone out and at the ready), she hugs him and says she was worried, but doesn’t ask how he’s been or how his fellow teammate who was also held hostage is, there’s no sense of unbearable tension that finally finds relief. Not that there isn’t any, but think of Buck’s reactions when Eddie is safe from danger, and Taylor’s pale in comparison. Does Buck reassure her? They did hug, but much like their 505 scene showed his face falling towards the end of the hug, in 506 too his face doesn’t convey a sense of being comforted. In fact, not only does Buck still seem upset (even though the hostage situation ended as well as it possibly could have), so does Taylor. TBH, she looks more concerned while asking for details than while she mentioned having been worried about Buck. This is not your normal domestic scene IMO. Whatever this might mean, the bottom line is that B/T are not ok as a couple and the things that aren’t working out between them WILL come back and demand to be addressed. This show is actually pretty good at picking back up seemingly dropped issues (Hen’s med career is an example in this very ep, after we haven’t heard a word about it in s5 up until now) where other shows have dropped entire plotlines and acted like they had never happened (I’m especially glaring at you, Glee), so that adds to this implicit promise that the show will delve into the cracks in the B/T relationship and it will do so soon. This is the necessary build up towards that. Even if B/T will temporarily work things out before eventually breaking up (just like it took Eddie almost a whole year), everything so far in s5 feels like it’s spelling out the inevitable B/T demise. ~~~

Bonus bit, and this might be just a complete coincidence, but I always try to check out the writers… The one for 506 is Andrew Meyers, who has worked on the show since its first day, who has written several really good eps (including 403 meaning he knows how to give us good Buddifer domesticity, 502 so he hasn’t shied away from a good Buddie talk, and 413, so he knows how to write an epic moment for Buddie), he has worked in the past on Ryan Murphy’s The New Normal (so underrated, one of my fave gay shows ever and one of the most domestic ones, too…), he’s been a producer on 911 since the start of s4, and interestingly, he also worked on 208, the ep where Buck meets a Thomas and Mitchell, declaring that what they have is love, and being taught that love isn’t something you find, it’s something you make. I’ll repeat, this can very much be a coincidence, it probably is, but in an ep that’s all about creating a family and a future based on what we’re willing to do for it, I found it interesting that the name Mitchell, which isn’t as common (they could have at least changed the spelling, but they didn’t), was suddenly used again… So I’m focused on how Thomas stated all he and Mitchell ever wanted to do was go together, which is consistently what Buddie do, no matter how dangerous the direction they go in, including in this very ep!

~~~ Thank you so much to the incredible @judsonryder​ for adding so much beauty to my meta! You’re a gem! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! Writing these posts takes a lot and it makes me so happy whenever I see people enjoying them. xoxox

Buddie 505 meta

In an ep that’s all about Buck and Ravi getting to the point where they can work well together, what screams out to me is the parallels to Eddie’s introduction in 201. On the surface, the storylines are very similar: while Buck’s going through some personal stuff, he has issues with a teammate, but those get resolved by the end of the ep, with one key moment along the way when Buck, without appearing too happy about it, congratulates said teammate on their work. But the truth is these similarities actually emphasize the differences. For starters, remember how Buck insisted on finding Eddie a nickname? He tried “Diaz” as well as “G.I”. Interestingly, Buck says they have to find Eddie a nickname because everyone on the team had one. But he never called Eddie by the more generic “probie,” all of his attempts were more personalized, tailored specifically for Buck. It’s as if even during the time Buck thought he was rejecting Eddie, on some level he was already accepting him into the fold.

More than that, if Hen points out to Ravi in this ep that Buck wants to make sure he’s worthy, back in 201 Buck never seemed to doubt that Eddie was. That’s another reason why he never tried “probie” as a nickname for Eddie, it was clear it wouldn’t do. I wrote in my pre-season 3B meta that the real underlying reason for Buck’s immediate hostility towards Eddie was never that Eddie was awful, it was actually because Buck was overwhelmed by how awesome he thought this new guy was. Everything about the storyline with Ravi makes that even clearer.

But it doesn’t stop there either. When Ravi is hiding from Buck, Hen tells him this isn’t about what he’s doing wrong, it’s about Buck’s personal issues. I’ve always thought (and first mentioned in my 406 meta) that there was a good chance Eddie asked to hear more about Buck, since at the gym confrontation in 201 he knew Buck was going through a crisis, Abby leaving. We don’t know for sure, but the fact that we’re not shown a scene where this info about Buck is offered without Eddie asking for it (which is what happened in Ravi’s case, we’re clearly shown that Hen was the one to bring up Buck’s personal life), framing this info as more closely related to Eddie, and when he was also clearly trying to win Buck over at the beginning of the gym scene, that Eddie openly talked about this info with Buck while Ravi only discussed it in private with Hen, it makes it feel like from the start, Eddie had a level of interest in Buck that Ravi just doesn’t have. It’s the small difference between teammates and soulmates…

And of course, Buck is never truly hostile towards Ravi. He’s tough, but it’s because he feels responsible for him. He wants to help Ravi be better, make less mistakes. Buck told Eddie, “you’re meant to respect your elders,” but he never acted like he was an elder vis-a-vis Eddie, not like Buck did with Ravi. If anything, Buck was intimidated by how good Eddie was from the very first call they went on together. It’s what makes his “good job” admission to Eddie at the end of that call painful - it’s this moment where he has to entertain the possibility that he might be replaceable with the team. But the resolution to that storyline was that Eddie turned out every bit as good as he seemed and even better, he was the first person who saw Buck’s competence as a firefighter AND said that to his face, which clearly left Buck basically enamored with Eddie. In contrast, when Buck comes to the conclusion that Ravi is good enough to replace him, he decides they need to do it, that Buck has to ask for a transfer. Because in 201, the issue really was that he was intimidated by how amazing Eddie was and was scared of being replaced. Abby’s leaving might have made it harder to deal with, but it wasn’t the real cause. But in 505, the personal matter Buck struggles with IS the real reason why he was treating Ravi differently than before. The storyline even concludes with Ravi declaring his independence from Buck and that he’s content with it. That’s because this storyline was never about Ravi and his connection with Buck, not in the same way that 201 was about Eddie and the bond that was beginning to form between Buddie. But the 505 Ravi storyline does prove just how hard 911 decided to go when it introduced and integrated Eddie into Buck’s life.

Oh, and that Buddie connection is another aspect that is emphasized in this ep through contrast. Because from the moment Buck and Eddie had reached the resolution of their issues in 201, they’re never out of sync on the field. Actually, even before that, since Buck chose to go in with Eddie into the ambulance where a live grenade was awaiting them. Bobby even asked Buck if he was sure and he doubled down on his choice. In 505, he doesn’t choose to be paired up with Ravi. In fact, I find it interesting to see exactly how Bobby, who is the one to make the decision, declares the new pairings. He could have just said “Hen, you’re with Eddie, Ravi, you’ll team up with Buck.” But instead, he tells Buck that Eddie has to be paired up with Hen, so that leaves Ravi as Buck’s partner. It’s small, but the phrasing stresses that Bobby understands this will not be easy for Buck, to be separated from Eddie. It’s followed by showing us that both Buck and Eddie struggle with their new partners far more than we’ve ever seen either of them struggle with each other even before they struck up a friendship. In fact, in this ep, while Ravi’s rookie mistakes are essential to Buck’s storyline, Eddie constantly getting in Hen’s way (and a little on her nerves) isn’t essential to any plot, yet the show makes sure we witness that, too. Just to stress the point even more, we still get moments between Buddie in the field. The two of them exchange the kind of look spouses who know each other all too well do when Buck begrudgingly tells Ravi that he’s going to get the honors of breaking the door at the fitness mirror call, they do it again when the vic there exclaims that they’re pretty jacked (the guy is all of us, LBR), and then during the saw call, after Buck sends Ravi to throw up away from the vic, he himself kneels down and, again without even needing words, works together with Eddie seamlessly. Because they ARE battlefield boyfriends, alright? Always have been, always will be.

One of my fave recurring themes on this show is connected to that. It’s that we’re shown Buck and Eddie struggle on the job when the other one isn’t there. Eddie is the only one out of the 118 to voice his displeasure in ep 218 because Buck isn’t with them (even though the others have worked with Buck for longer), while Buck echoes the sentiment over Eddie’s absence in 414. In 505 he’s once more saying it’s weird at work. Without a doubt he’s talking about Chim’s absence, but the word “weird” itself threw me back to his choice of the same exact word in 414. So I do think that while the bigger issue is the guilt Buck feels over Chim’s departure, the fact that he was no longer being paired with Eddie added to that.

~

Which brought us to a scene with Taylor. Back in ep 408, she had told Buck (when she was hurt, angry and intent on getting back at him), that he’s needy and desperate for people to like him, meaning she knows these are sore spots for him. In this ep, despite not being angry or hurt, she said something very similar - that he’s making everything about himself. Ep 316 has shown us how much this idea hurts Buck, so I have to admit that I cringed. Especially when comparing this with Eddie’s words to Buck in 504, “you’re the guy who likes to fix things.” Eddie sets Buck straight, yes. But he does so while seeing the good in Buck and reflecting that back to him.

I guess that’s the thing we’re meant to see with Taylor here. In eps 501-4, she has been an absent gf (even when she was physically there). This is the first ep where she’s both present and focused on Buck. And she tries to be a good gf in this ep, that’s evident in the scene where she has bought him breakfast. Yet, throughout her scenes, she doesn’t quite get it right. First, there’s the fact that she did tell him something she knows would hurt him before he goes off to work, and it’s easy to tell that while her overall intention is to be reassuring, it doesn’t quite land. Then, there’s how Taylor tries to do something domestic for him, but everything about this screams that it’s not really her thing. She didn’t cook herself, which is itself isn’t that big of an issue, but she’s also dressed more like they’re about to go out for a night on the town, and add to this that she’s pouring an alcoholic beverage into a cup of orange juice for a firefighter who’s just come home early in the morning after a 24 hour shift, and it’s all just… it’s well meaning, but it IS off and ends up demonstrating that she knows how to celebrate and have fun more than how to be domestic and care for a partner. She does try, and Buck is clearly both surprised and touched by this. His surprise tells us that this is an unusual occurrence, and while he is touched, his reaction is also kinda subdued. His little “thank you” is cute, and he smiles, but it’s shot in profile and some shade, so we don’t really get its full effect. Compare that with the way he was absolutely beaming at Eddie in 504 and it was filmed from the front, in the open air and sunlight, so the shot was fully focused on Buck’s reaction. Then, after he updates Taylor on what he’s learned at work, he looks sad and she seems a bit upset as they hug. Presumably she’s reacting to his sadness, and Buck is feeling down because while things with the 118 have been resolved, Maddie and Chim are still away. But again, compare this to how at the end of the balcony scene, with Chim and Maddie being away AND while being physically hurt himself, Buck actually looks happier than in this hug scene with Taylor. On top of all that, Taylor’s absence up until this ep goes undiscussed, which in itself spells trouble for them in upcoming eps (just think for example about Ana being there for Eddie to help him crack the mystery of what’s wrong with Charlie in 413 while Eddie ignores the question of whether he’s following his heart when he’s with her). In 505, unlike the previous s5 eps, Taylor is actually making an effort. She’s trying to be a good gf, and yet she’s still not the person who can bring Buck comfort in times of distress.

Not like Eddie can, when even at that dramatic dinner table, where Buck was vulnerable and expressed his guilt through his tendency to self-sacrifice for his team, Eddie jokingly asked who’ll be replacing him, clearly doing so in order to make Buck laugh. The first sign of anyone breaking through to him. Then, add to this that Buck’s answer is Bobby will figure it out. Meaning that even when Buck is at his lowest point, concocting this scenario where everyone on the team can be replaced by someone else, including himself, he still couldn’t even throw a random name out there as a suggestion in response to that question. Eddie is irreplaceable to him.

And while we’re on the topic of that dinner, I just love every single thing Eddie does during the scene, every reaction, that question about himself which was clearly meant to tease Buck, the way Eddie reassures him that he’s stuck with the 118 (and how absolutely over the top content Eddie was over this fact… please, we all know he would never have let his baby daddy transfer away on his own) and of course, the part I just had to gif, the way he shakes his head in dismay when hearing Buck blaming himself for Chim leaving and the effect it had on the team. Of course the head shaking isn’t anything seemingly out of the ordinary, any friend could do that for Buck. Yet, we have a scene full of people who love Buck and care about him, who don’t want Buck to feel guilty or to leave, but it’s only Eddie that we see expressly shaking his head ‘no’ at Buck’s words. More than that, Eddie’s actually framed in the same shot with Buck as he speaks. That is not coincidental and it speaks volumes IMO. In an ep framed by Buck’s gf trying to be there for him, it’s Eddie who is still Buck’s person, the one who knows him best and can make things better.

~~~ Thank you so much to the beautiful @judsonryder​ for making my meta better with her incredible gifs! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! I read every tag, every comment, they all matter so much! xoxox

Buddie 504 meta

After the Eddie story arc which actually started in 413 and that heavily featured Buck, I wasn’t expecting a lot of Buddie this week. Which turned out to be true, but isn’t it insane that the little we got was so real and meaningful? The way that balcony scene reached into a part of my soul and just stole it forever! There’s so much to unpack in this short scene. INSANE.

Let’s start by pointing out what the show has spelled out in neon lights: this scene thoroughly vibrates with the same energy as the kitchen scene in ep 309. the TEASING, the FLIRTING, the BEER DRINKING which is basically even more teasing and flirting… Plus, they’re once more spending time together in Buck’s loft, directly after a distressing experience, and their talk ends up being the emotional resolution for what they’ve been through. Let me repeat that, Buck’s whole storyline in this ep is about him being stuck in the middle between his sister and his friend/brother-in-law, put in the impossible position where he inevitably lets one of them down, and yet the show chose to give him his resolution for this ep with Eddie. Not with Buck’s own gf, not with his father figure that he paired up with in this ep, not with any of the people who care about him. It’s Eddie that Buck confides and finds some comfort in.

And Eddie, on his end, is not only providing that comfort, he’s providing care as well, in the most domestic husband way ever. He gets Buck some ice, reprimands him when he’s not actually holding it over the black eye, gets him some beer because clearly, Eddie’s been around Buck’s kitchen more than once (as in the case of the pizza in 309). IDK about your country, but this reminded me that in mine, based on everything we’ve seen, Buddie could for real be recognized as same-sex common law partners. Which is basically being married without a wedding. I am not kidding when I tell you, I have been a volunteer for the LGBTQ community here for years, Buddie fit the damn legal criteria, I am going to lose my mind!

Let’s move on to clothes next. It may sound trivial in comparison with what I discussed before this, but it’s an integral part of storytelling and setting up a scene. I’ve already written about how in the kitchen in ep 309, Buddie were dressing for each other, Eddie dressing up smartly in what was probably his nicest shirt (given that he had previously worn it to his “re-proposal” date with Shannon in 217), while Buck switched to a far more comfortable outfit. In the balcony scene, each one of them is dressed in the same exact style they were wearing back in the kitchen one. This is a CHOICE by the wardrobe department. One of the guys being dressed similarly might have been a coincidence, but repeating the exact same outfit style for both men during the same kind of talk is deliberate. It’s meant to make sure that these two scenes echo each other on even the most basic level, because that has an immediate impact and it carries over the meaning: how Eddie finds Buck to be so important, and how at home Buck feels with him. If we’re all losing our collective minds over a comparison between these scenes, this is one of the small details that tells us we were supposed to.

But there’s another scene we have to add in here, one already included in this post in the beer drinking comparison gifset, and that’s Buddie’s talk in 312. It’s where we saw Eddie for the first time struggling with how to even talk to Chris about something. Up until that point, all of his struggles were with external issues: bureaucracy, how to provide the right care for Chris, whether it’s the right thing to allow Shannon back into their son’s life… but this is the first time Eddie’s problem is vis-a-vis Chris, how to talk to him, how to be honest with him without depriving him of the sense of agency that Eddie clearly wants his son to have. Eddie has a lot of people he could turn to (Carla, Bobby, Pepa, Isabel), but it’s Buck that he ends up talking to. More than that, it’s Buck who ends up helping Eddie, first by pointing out that Eddie is putting too much pressure on himself (overcorrecting his prior stance) and next by providing a piece of the puzzle Eddie couldn’t see on his own (the way the talk ends implies Buck did the research that led to the adaptive skateboard being built by the two of them). On the balcony, we have almost a mirror image, with Buck finding himself in a complex situation he doesn’t know how to deal with, then Eddie pointing out he’s putting too much pressure on himself (thinking he has to fix everything for everyone) and lastly providing a piece of the puzzle Buck didn’t have before (that Maddie isn’t always the person Buck perceives her to be). I ADORE the way these scenes play off each other. Buddie are there for one another, listening, and offering mirroring advice, and the relationship between them is obviously one that’s written with a lot of consideration and care, making it constantly deeper and more meaningful.

Characters are often shown to be potential romantic partners through the value of how well they know their would-be partner and how they’re not scared of calling them out on their bullshit. If you think back to 408, that’s one of the things Taylor was given upon her return (indicating she was likely to get together with Buck as a gf): she figures Buck out and calls him out on the real reason why he asked her on their double date. But while she was harsh with Buck, verging on hurtful (because she was hurt herself), Eddie on the balcony shows that Buck can be known and be pointed in the right direction without it being mutually hurtful. In fact, it’s so soft and caring, it makes me want to cry a little. And it’s not the first time we’ve seen Buck and Eddie be there for each other in this capacity, either. The most recent example was over the course of eps 502-3, where we saw just how well Buck knows Eddie and how he got the most repressed man ever to admit the truth of his panic attacks and their cause, as well as to do the right thing simply by being open and vulnerable himself. When Eddie goes and breaks up with Ana, he’s not only doing the right thing for her, he’s also “fixing” the hurt that Buck has gone through in the past, showing him that his pain matters and that his words are listened to. And then, in 504, Eddie tells him there are some things that Buck can’t fix. But through this very conversation, Eddie IS fixing something for Buck, not the situation with Chim and Maddie itself, but Buck’s ability to cope with it. They know each other, they each help and heal the other man, and if that isn’t one of the most beautiful love stories ever seen, even without one kiss being exchanged (yet), then IDK what is.

Speaking of knowing and healing each other, I find that one of the ways this is reflected most naturally is with Buddie making each other laugh. Most recently we saw Buck making Eddie laugh in ep 502. Despite all the emotional turmoil Eddie was experiencing, what with being uncertain regarding his relationship with Ana and the fact that the panic attacks were pretty unsettling for him in and of themselves (since he’s so not used to them), he gets one moment free of that stress and it’s thanks to Buck and Eddie clearly focused for a moment on just his fondness for this man. This week, it happens the other way around. Buck is in a position he’s never been in before, caught between Chim and Maddie, and he’s distressed. But he gets to have a lighthearted laugh thanks to Eddie, the kind of thing that allows you to breathe a bit and feel that yeah, even if you can’t fix things, it IS going to be okay. And unsurprisingly, they absolutely light up at each other and look more in love than ever before during these moments. I think it’s notable, we have seen them teasing each other before, we haven’t always seen them outright grinning at these jokes, and it makes these two seem to me like they’re even more comfortable in each other’s company, more loosened up. It’s like one further small step on their path to realizing they belong together on every level.

Okay, let me talk about editing for two seconds, okay? I posted a gifset which was basically just me screaming into the ether about the fact that there’s a particular way only Eddie can make Buck smile, but here I also wanna emphasize Buck’s response (and how in love they look, LBR). Because if the whole point is just to show us that Eddie can make things lighter for Buck, the smile is enough. Meaning, the filming or editing could have cut right after the smile to the wider shot of Buck and Eddie on the balcony. But it doesn’t, the camera lingers. We continue to see Buck looking at Eddie just a few seconds extra. But these seconds are actually emphasized by the filming angle: it’s shot so that Eddie is between Buck and the camera. Which is a very odd way of filming this if you only want to highlight Buck. The angle makes it so that when Eddie takes another sip from his beer during these extra few seconds, the bottle actually blocks out the lower half of Buck’s face, forcing us to focus on his eyes, on the way he’s looking back at Eddie. It basically makes sure that the last frames before cutting back to a wider shot are not solely about Buck, they include both of them and are about their connection. If this isn’t purposeful, then that is some real sloppy filming and editing. Which isn’t unheard of on TV, but on this show? With its high standard of editing? Some of it down right brilliant (for example, in 402)? I find it very unlikely that this shot was anything other than intentional and therefore, very meaningful…

I pointed this out for 502, and it’s true again in this ep, maybe even more so. We see Chim and Hen’s friendship, and even though it’s clear that they’re close friends who love each other, at the end of the day, it’s also clear that they each have their own life partners. In fact, it’s their life partners that cause the split between these two work partners: Chim has to go find Maddie, he absolutely has to, but even though Hen offers to come along, he also knows it isn’t right, because she has Karen, who needs her back home (Hen says Karen would understand, but she doesn’t repeat her offer to join Chim, and the next time she talks about it, it’s clear he’s going alone. “Do you know where you’re going?” she asks). And it’s so lovely and touching that they tell each other their partners are lucky to have them, exactly because those partners are the cause of this temporary separation. It’s a nod to Chim and Hen’s bond and mutual appreciation, but also to the fact that their life partners are worth the separation. In contrast, Buck and Eddie are shown once again to be not only friends, but also each other’s partners, and the person that they end up spending their final scene with, no separation needed or possible. The theme of this ep is about the choice between staying home and staying away from it. Maddie left, Chim felt he had to leave following her, Hen was willing to go but Chim tells her she shouldn’t and she doesn’t protest that much, Harry is away from home and while Athena wants to bring him back, she struggles with staying there herself. And Buddie? They’re both with each other at the end of the ep, with Eddie clearly not a guest in Buck’s loft. They truly are each other’s home. And all of these things together, this is how you spell out ‘meant to be’.

~~~ HUGE thank you’s and so many hugs to the amazing @judsonryder​ who blows me away with the gifs that she makes for these meta posts! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! Writing these posts takes a lot of time and effort, it’s heartwarming to see people enjoying them and sharing them with others. xoxox

Buddie 503 meta

Before I get into things, just a small shoutout to Bobby & Buck’s bond and the progress we see in it: back in s1, when Bobby was going through rough times, Buck bluntly confronted him about it, and he shut everyone out, shoved Buck up against the wall and generally almost went off the deep end. This time, Buck is trying to check what’s going on in a far more gentle way, while Bobby actually tells his team what’s the matter, and they all end up helping him and Athena through it. IDK about you, but I loved this proof of how they’ve both grown during this show.

~

“If it was Christopher, I’d be losing my mind,” says Eddie, and right away the camera pans to Buck, his co-parent. Chim and Hen are both parents with kids of their own, they could have agreed with or amplified what Eddie was saying, but instead we get a very agitated Buck. Probably because he knows better than anyone else on that team how much a person can love and lose their mind with worry over a child that is like their own even though they’re not biologically related to each other…

~

Small moment, but Buck turns specifically to Eddie and even calls him by his name before he points up and indicates he wants to go upstairs, and Eddie’s all “yeah” and joins him without even thinking about it. It parallels the way their battlefield boyfriends bond started in 202, with Eddie leading back then and Buck following him to the higher floors of a collapsed building, no questions asked. I just love this reminder that three years down the line, this bond of theirs is still going so strong!

~

Right after Hen says to Denny (on the phone), “I can’t wait to see you,” we get a shot of Eddie approaching Buck, who turns to him, smiling wide. Then he teasingly says to Eddie, “I thought you’d be the first one out the door. Christopher know you’re coming?” which shows that Eddie’s earlier remark actually registered more than we might have initially thought, despite how on edge Buck was, providing further evidence that Eddie and Chris always preoccupy him, even more than he shows. Which is already quite a lot.

~

Thinking about 406, Eddie needed a pep talk from Bobby AND a series of events during their jinxed day, climaxing with the pretend-firefighter, on top of years of internalized expectations about what he’s supposed to do to provide his son with the right kind of family, in order to ask Ana out. But then comes the reverse, which is actually harder (as we see in the painful breakup scene), the reverse which goes against everything Eddie believes he should do for Chris, goes against the fact that Chris has already lost too many people he loves, against every nice moment he has had with this woman for almost a year… and yet he doesn’t need to be pushed into it by an alternative father figure or to have his job reflecting back to him some sudden realization. One chat with Buck, just thinking once about the pain that Buck had felt himself when he was in Ana’s position, and Eddie’s entire perspective changes enough that he’s ready to break up with Ana without any further prompting. On top of that, Eddie actually tells Buck he’s about to do that before he even talks to her, reassuring him that his words didn’t go unnoticed (just like Eddie’s words about Chris earlier in the ep didn’t go unheard). Buck is Eddie’s person, I repeat, in every way that counts, Buck is Eddie’s person. I swear, I feel like I should have a weekly “if this isn’t love, IDK what is” award…

~

Buck’s reaction to Eddie still being there at the end of this shift made me recall ep 316, when Buck had no one to celebrate with after a daring rescue. He was so alone, he ended up not going home at all. Now here he is, at the end of the blackout, thinking he’ll be alone, and pleasantly surprised to see Eddie is still there. Not only that, Eddie then confides in him that he’s listening to Buck and is going to break up with Ana. Then, we see Buck going home. This time, unlike at the end of 316, he’s not supposed to be alone. But… he is. Instead of a partner, all he has is a figure on his screen.

Now let’s be clear. This show is rooting for women who care greatly about their jobs. This little TV Taylor bit is shown in the same ep which makes it clear that Athena compromises nothing: she cares about her career, her kids, her husband and even her ex-husband and his new bf, she somehow juggles more than her fair share, and even when a deranged criminal tries to tell her that she can’t have it all, that she can either do her job or save her son, she still manages to do both. Plus, Buck himself has been shown to think highly of people’s dedication to their work. So that bit with seeing Taylor on the screen, while Buck sarcastically lets out a “honey, I’m home,” it’s not a criticism of Taylor, it’s more to show that something isn’t working between the two of them, because in this specific relationship, with its specific dynamics and conflicting schedules, he’s lonely. He’s not getting out of it what he needs and if in 316 we saw he didn’t want to be lonely, here we see that Taylor is not an easy fix to that. Just like Eddie felt he needed a “mother” for Chris, but his relationship with Ana wasn’t an easy fix to that either.

Oliver has stated in an interview before the premiere aired that he was glad the addition of Taylor meant Buck would now have someone to come home to. And then we’re literally shown the exact opposite: in 501 Taylor is present in body, but absent in terms of where her focus lies, in 502 she’s fully absent and in 503 her TV persona is present just long enough and in such a way as to stress her absence. There is an issue in Buck and Taylor’s relationship, and they’re not talking about it, just like Eddie and Ana didn’t up until this ep. I made a parallel gif post out of this moment of both men being lonely because it’s seriously chilling how much these two men’s love lives are interconnected. Not only that, to a great degree we see that if they were just a little less oblivious, they could have seen that they give each other exactly what they each need: Eddie wants a co-parent to Chris that he can also love and that’s exactly Buck, while Buck is desperately longing for a home and a family to belong to, which is what Eddie has been giving him all along. Just kiss already, you morons!

Speaking of the breakup scene! There’s so much to say about it, including how much I’m in awe that it played exactly into how we’ve been reading the Eddie and Ana relationship all along… We thought Eddie was mostly after this woman because on paper she was perfect to form a family with, and he literally tells her he had an “idea of us” and that it was Christopher’s love for her that dictated him staying in this relationship; we thought Ana might have already figured out that something was wrong between them and indeed, we were now shown she did through Eddie suggesting maybe she should go home (he could have just meant he’s tired and needs to rest after the blackout, but her reaction and attempt to stay anyway say everything about her knowing the breakup was coming, and then she later confirms that when she reveals she had figured out why Eddie was really suffering panic attacks). I’m so happy for Eddie that he finally did something for himself! This was a major step for Eddie, for once in his life choosing his happiness over his sense of duty. At the same time, I find it telling that Eddie trying to send Ana home, while she attempts to stay, creates yet one more connection between the (currently dysfunctional) love lives of Buddie: what tells us that Buck’s relationship isn’t exactly working out is how absent his gf is, while we can see that Eddie’s relationship is about to break down when we realize his gf is too present. See, the show could have had Eddie breaking up with Ana in 503 without bringing Buck into it at all. Why have us see Eddie tell Buck about it when we’re about to watch it play out on our screen shortly after? It could have been just the breakup scene and that’s it. No telling Buck, def no need for that extremely short bit with Buck’s loneliness at home. Instead, we get a sequence of scenes that through their themes are all tied together: Eddie tells Buck he’s breaking up with Ana, then a big hint that Buck’s unhappy with Taylor, and finally Eddie evidently unhappy with Ana and breaking up with her. The inclusion of Buck, the theme of their parallel unhappy relationships and the fact that the specific issues they’re having actually constitute mirror images of each other, it’s like the choices the show has made with this breakup state: “this isn’t just Eddie’s story. It’s Buck’s as well.” Which is, once more, interesting.

~~~ Thank you so much to the incredible @judsonryder​ for these stunning gifs! Also, you should check out her Buck in orange on his bed parallel, I loved that we both thought of it and IMO, it plays into everything pointed out in this meta and complements it.

Also thank you to all you lovelies for every like, reply, kind tag and of course reblog, I’m always so happy and humbled to see people enjoying these posts, it contributes so much to my motivation! xoxox

Buddie 502 meta

Do we even need meta posts at this point? This show is just… skipping the meta and writing its own fanfic. For example, the fact that during two eps that deal with Eddie not yet following his heart and, as a consequence, thinking he had a heart attack, we get a heart transplant rescue. Interestingly, when Manny the medic mentions the heart, it’s Eddie who’s closest to it, Eddie who reaches out for it and tries to grab it, but he fails to, which is why this is followed by one failed attempt by Hen and a successful one by Bobby. The essential, symbolic aspect here is that Eddie, dangling on the edge of the abyss, couldn’t reach and save the heart on his own. It can easily be seen as symbolic to where he’s at romantically right now, and as an indicator that Eddie will need help from others in order to be able to resolve his own love life issues.

~

Good God, when Ana shows up with Chris, my brain just about melted already just over the fact that there is hardly any interaction we see between the two of them, while Eddie and Buck both come in immediately and one after the other we see them hugging Chris (their son!) in the exact same way. So much so that I just had to gif it. But just as importantly, can we talk about the fact that Buck was at the chargers station, doing his duty, all serious with his clipboard (I love this new tradition of having clipboard!Buck at least once per season, 911 you’re doing great sweetie), so why is he even there, by the trucks? He must have heard Chris calling out “Dad!” and came in swiftly with Ravi in tow. Excuse me, I’m just gonna go cry over these two dads and how much they love their son that they can’t contain it and they both have to rush to him right away!

Oh, another small, but seemingly meaningful detail we get here? When Eddie is picking up Chris and hugging him, we see Ana in the background, smiling at the cuteness of this father and son duo. When Buck comes in and does the same thing, we see Eddie to the side, and yep, he’s smiling at them and the cuteness, too. He KNOWS Buck is Christopher’s other father, no legal guardianship activation needed. ~ And then everything that happens in the scene with Ana is just straight out of fanfiction. For real.

We discover Ana, despite dating Eddie for almost a year, has never been to the firehouse. Even now that she did come (uninvited, might I add), Eddie avoids introducing her to the point where even Ravi’s like, “Oh man, this is really awkward, Diaz” and Ana ends up having to introduce herself… Still can’t save them from all that awkwardness, especially as the panic attack starts setting in… Right in front of her salad, Diaz! This time, the panic is not over Ana being called Christopher’s mom, it’s over her being assumed to be Eddie’s wife. This isn’t just Eddie panicking over how Ana would fit into the Diaz family, it’s specifically about their romantic relationship, no two ways about it. Then Chris says, “not yet!” and it sounds like he means it’s just a matter of time, but it could also imply he doesn’t actually want that to happen, and this is his way of expressing it without hurting the teacher he does love. Don’t even get me started on the way Buck looks immediately at Eddie with a smile that’s not 100% genuine (the forehead not being a part of a smile is helps differentiate a genuine smile from a false one, this just doesn’t come across as Buck’s usual beaming). Then there’s Buck’s focus on Eddie the second there’s even the faintest hint of something wrong with him (let’s not forget, Eddie manages to avoid going into a full blown panic attack this time, and yet Buck reads him right away). The way they’re so in tune with each other always makes me wanna cry. Lastly, Eddie unceremoniously dumps Ana on Ravi, he doesn’t even show his own gf around the station, not even after the obvious awkwardness of him missing the mark on introducing her to his colleague. Basically, Eddie proving that being “dumb denial boy” really is his superhero persona.

~

I just love the animal conversation in the firetruck. It shows us so many things at once: that Eddie knows Buck incredibly well, that he can easily explain why Buck is so aware of every animal in the zoo, that he’s shown to know Buck better than anyone else on the team, that he speaks for Buck and explains things for him like a spouse would explain their partner’s little eccentricities (just like in 309 when he explains Buck’s fascination with natural disasters), that even as everyone else is exasperated with Buck right off the bat, Eddie is fully grinning (seriously, compare Hen not even paying attention to what Buck’s going on about while Eddie is soaking up every word and loving it), he’s just so smitten with everything about Buck, and of course that we get to hear that yes, Buck spends that much time with Chris. This is pretty significant in itself, but it also represents maybe the biggest thing about Buddie in this entire episode: the constant contrast between Ana and Buck, it’s practically screaming at the audience. Everything that Ana is supposed to be in Chris and Eddie’s life, but it makes Eddie panic, Buck IS, and it makes Eddie beam with joy. If the way Eddie looks at Buck in this scene isn’t love, IDK what is. And this show doesn’t either. I have raved in the past (in my first round of Buddie meta) about the speed and ease with which Eddie lets Buck into the Diaz family and how well Buck fits in, and I’ve said back then that Eddie is a closed off guy, so this is pretty special, what he has going on with Buck from practically the start. But the whole storyline with Ana emphasizes it even more and the choice to highlight just how close Buck is to Chris and how much Eddie adores everything about this man, even the stuff other people roll their eyes at, in the same episode in which we see Eddie almost choking over his gf getting even an inch into his real life… cinematic poetry.

~

That little moment when Buck and Eddie give Bobby the “sure” nod, and so in sync, before they laugh together! Please, these are sassy HUSBANDS being sassy together. How can we not stan?

~

Then we get another scene where I just adore everything… Eddie is on a bunk and Buck knows him so well, he can tell that Eddie’s not really sleeping, that Buck can come right up to him and start the conversation about what Buck is worried about. The worry itself and the insistence on finding out what’s wrong with Eddie (even when Eddie’s reluctant) where friends or colleagues would normally back down is obviously the stuff that the best marriages are made of. The way Eddie responds, that just like I pointed out in the 501 meta, it’s Buck’s worry that forces Eddie to admit the truth, both that what he’s been suffering are panic attacks and that the real reason for them is Ana, not the shooting. I also love Buck’s initial reaction. His “Since when do you panic?” echoes Eddie’s response last week. That’s not a small thing, they both know how cool and collected Eddie can be, even under fire. It points out exactly why it was initially hard for Eddie to accept that these are panic attacks (in addition to the macho BS). So Buck’s first reaction not only shows how well he knows Eddie, it actually also validates Eddie’s own initial reaction and thus, makes him feel more at ease going forward and sharing even more. This is just another part of why they work so well as a couple, err… team. It’s beautiful to see Eddie being able to admit the truth to Buck, but then Buck turns it around and dishes out the truth right back at him: that Eddie isn’t in love with Ana and shouldn’t stay with her just because Chris loves her. Eddie, in his mind, is being a good dad and grateful for what Ana has been through with him and, as I’ve said in my first round of meta regarding ep 210, Eddie is a man of duty. He sees an obligation and he wants to meet it.

Buck, who wears his heart on his sleeve, counters this sense of duty by bringing in feelings, and what’s the right thing to do emotionally. He complements and helps Eddie, forces him to listen and look at things from a different perspective, in a way no one else could. The exact words Buck uses are “I have been Ana” which are so interesting, ‘coz yeah, textually they point to Buck’s past romantic hurt, but they also cast him in the spot of Eddie’s gf. We’re not the only ones comparing the two, Buck himself makes the comparison between them and subtextually, this also brings up the differences between Buck and Ana. Where she failed to truly capture Eddie’s heart even months into the relationship (and while being more successful than any other woman since Shannon), Buck has been in the same position, of being new in Eddie’s life and having to “earn” Eddie’s trust and a place in the Diaz family, but Buck actually succeeded in that, where Ana failed, and a huge reason why is because Eddie willingly gave Buck his trust and that place in his and Christopher’s life. By using these specific words, the show basically begs us to notice what things should have been like between Eddie and Ana, and forces us to acknowledge that Eddie already has all of that, with Buck.

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Lastly, the show tops itself, by following this scene with Chim opening up to Hen. It’s subtle, but you can see here the difference between what two loving but platonic friends being there for each other looks like in comparison. Hen checks in on Chim, but she isn’t completely preoccupied with Chim and Maddie’s home life in the same way that Buck’s focus, in the middle of what characters have repeatedly called “the end of the world”, is solely on Eddie’s wellbeing. Hen does care, she wants to know what’s up with Chim, she asks questions and gets him to spill, but it’s gentle probing, not a spouse digging into what’s going on with their partner. Also, this is just one scene. Chim’s entire story with Maddie’s PDD isn’t linked to Hen in the same way that Eddie’s arc with the panic attacks over Ana is linked to Buck. Then when it’s time to offer advice, Hen does so without inserting herself into the situation in the way Buck did when he cast himself in the role of Eddie’s gf in order to get to his best friend and point out what he should do. Buck and Eddie are friends, yes. And friends should be valued and celebrated! I adore every friendship on this show. But Buddie are also each other’s life partners and a juxtaposition of scenes like this is where you can really see the difference.

~~~ Thank you so much to the astounding @judsonryder​ for making my meta better with your gifs! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! Writing these posts takes a lot and it makes me so happy whenever I see people enjoying them. xoxox

Buddie 501 meta

Welcome season 5, what a great kick off we got with ep 501!

Now, the first personal scene we have ends with Chim telling Maddie, “it’s gonna get better,” and her agreeing, but it makes it clear things at present aren’t good. We know this, that’s where we left Madney off last season. But then this scene transitions into Eddie being teased by the 118 about this step forward he’s taking with Anna. He looks very uncomfortable, just like we last saw him with her in 413. So even the way that it works, this transition between the introductory personal scenes for the season, tells us where Eddie is right now isn’t good, but it will get better.

And the 118 teasing Eddie scene is such Buddie fodder! First, we have Buck looking jealous and not the least bit happy for his best friend, like he should be when said friend seems to have found a love good enough to commit to. Then Eddie is SO highly uncomfortable (it’s even reflected in his physical expressions and tone) and very insistent this step he’s taking with Anna doesn’t mean anything. On top of all that, this type of scene is very common. Someone’s getting serious with a partner and gets teased by friends who are genuinely happy about this turn of events. The person brushes the teasing off, but secretly is really pleased and happy, as is revealed by hardly contained smiles and later scenes. That’s not the case here, and comparing this scene with how it would usually play out if this relationship was one Eddie and Buck are both content with is what highlights their reactions and just how unhappy both men are with Eddie becoming more committed to Anna. Almost like they’re secretly in love with each other? At the very least this suggests they both know Anna and Eddie are not the right fit. To make that really obvious, the scene mentions Shannon’s funeral when it didn’t have to in order to explain why Chris is getting a new suit, but it serves as a subtle reminder for the void that Eddie is trying to fill for his son by staying with Anna.

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Okay, this is small, but I love it so much: Buck and Eddie work together underwater, which means they have to communicate wordlessly in how they operate to get the trapped vic out. I wrote a very similar scene in my Buddie AU, Blue Against Blue, because I felt it reflected a part of who Buddie are, which is essential to why we love them so much: they complement each other naturally. They get and sense each other even underwater, when they have no words and their senses are overloaded. And they can still work together so well, that they manage to save a life. These battlefield boyfriends ride again and I missed that hardcore!

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That unhappiness we saw in Buck when Eddie talks about Anna, I find it interesting that we witness that before we’re shown his intimate scene with Taylor. The scene appears to present them really happy and fulfilled spending their night together, but because of the scene order, we already know that in the background, there’s what looks like Buck’s jealous reaction to Eddie and Anna. So are things as good with Buck and Taylor as they seem? The scene starts with Taylor more focused on a possible news story (not even a sure one, Buck makes that clear) than on him and it ends with her cutting off the whole make-out session for the sake of the same maybe-story. She doesn’t have to, there’s no emergency even if there is a story. Nothing wrong with that, she’s passionate about her work, but in a scene that is supposed to be about passion in the bedroom, it shows what gets her going more. (On a side note, she also taps into his private phone without asking for permission first, which is something that probably bothers me more because the show has a tendency to have women overstep boundaries with Buck, like the therapist in ep 102 or Abby getting Buck’s phone number from the incident report, and then not acknowledge that. This phone thing is obviously not as big, but I just really wish the show would address this repeated pattern at some point). It’s a small crack that we see through this scene. Taylor obviously cares about Buck. But her job does come first, even over Buck, which suggests that despite appearances, just like with Eddie and Anna, these two are together, but it’s partly because there are matters they’re not addressing. What’s interesting is that this brings us back to a theme from earlier seasons, of Buck and Eddie’s dating life paralleling each other. Not only does the theme continue, in a sense, this episode’s similarities of their love life make it  run even deeper.

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I have to give a small shout out to the scene with Bathena, Henren and Mavid. I love that these three couples, straight, gay and lesbian, are all treated equally and as a part of one extended family. Beautiful! And I think that in an ep co-written by the show-runner, it’s also a part of why we have faith that 911 can be courageous enough to give us Buddie as well, eventually.

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The dressing room scene at the store truly vibrates with awkwardness. Everything about it is off, even the way Eddie reacts to Anna suggestively flirting with him, at best he’s humoring her (down to his “sure” at her wanting to add in a tie) and not very pleased about it. As we know, they’re there with Chris (why is she talking dirty when Eddie’s son there? So weird, especially as she’s an educator), the whole dynamic of these three together, I can’t help comparing it to Buddifer since we’ve seen that trio together more than once. Buddifer are so good together, happy, domestic, Buddie are co-parents effortlessly, Chris is beaming and enjoying himself, it’s all such a screaming contrast to how uncomfortable Eddie looks throughout the scene with Anna at the store, and how even Chris is highly unhappy. Anna isn’t directly interacting with Chris either (seriously, Buck is more Eddie’s co-parent than his own gf) nor is she that comfortable in this situation, since the second the shop worker calls her mom, she looks uneasy and denies both being Chris’ mom and even that she’s Eddie’s gf, calling herself “a friend” instead. Seriously, how have Anna and Eddie lasted together as long as they have?

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Then we get the panic attack. Let’s take a second to appreciate that in 413, Carla told Eddie to ‘follow his heart’. Eddie the dumb denial boy still chose to stay with Anna, then lo and behold, he thinks he’s having a heart attack… But what stands out to me about this scene? Well, most (not all, but most) panic attacks don’t result in people physically falling down. The fact that Eddie did makes it visually similar to his fall after he was shot. But is his panic attack just about being shot? What triggers it is Anna being referred to as Christopher’s mom, not anything remotely similar to the shot, and as Anna comes closer to Eddie to check up on him, we actually hear his heartbeat going further up, not starting to slow down. Anna is the main issue. And how hilarious is that, given how quickly Eddie let Buck into Christopher’s life, made him a co-parent and even made sure Buck had a legal standing in Chris’ life? But then, this is even  further emphasized by the specific way the panic attack echoes Eddie’s fall during the shooting. Being shot can be a contributing factor, of course, but there’s also the fact that when Eddie was shot, Buck was there, a steadying presence, maintaining eye contact with Eddie, watching him the entire time until Buck could save him. Once again, this is a choice. Because Eddie realizing he shouldn’t be with Anna could have unfolded in so many different ways, but the show chose one where it’s really emphasized how things are with Anna compared to what they’re like between Buddie…

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The scene at the doctor’s is even more awkward than the one in the store, which has to be some kind of a new world record. “Any new stressors?” the doc asks and the camera shows us Anna. In addition to Eddie being highly in denial (even ending the scene with “I don’t panic”), we also get him saying “it’s been great,” to the doc. But he doesn’t stop there, he then asks Anna for reassurance, “Right?” while sounding like the least convincing human on earth. Interestingly, she looks back at him, also awkwardly, and doesn’t reply. Coupled with her earlier denying being his gf, this makes me think she’s not as in the dark about things not being right between them as she might have seemed at the end of s4.

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I just have to stan Chris being a tiny, precious king, calling his dad out. “You got shot!” You go baby, show your dad what you’ve learned from your Bucky (as demonstrated later in the ep) about not taking any of Eddie’s BS…

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I was sure the air traffic control scene would reflect Eddie’s panic attack back to him and it did. What I did not anticipate was Eddie, when noticing the second controller going into a panic attack, touching Buck’s shoulder on his way over. We have a long list of unnecessary touches and almost touches between these two on the job, the likes of which I can’t remember between any two other members of the team. HOW am I expected to think that this is all purely platonic? Please, they need each other’s presence and comfort on a physical level. The stuff of fanfic legend.

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Of course Buck would notice that something’s off with Eddie. He always does, they both do, they’re so in tune with each other, always have been!

And of course he next gets the truth out of Eddie (which is significant, remember that at the end of the doc scene, Eddie was still in denial, but at the sight of Buck worrying so much about him, he has to admit the truth, that he didn’t have a heart attack), which is such life partners material right there. But what I love even more is Buck’s surprise that there could be something going on with Eddie that he’s not informed of. Literally, his indignant face screams, “Love of my life, you’ve been keeping stuff from me, your husband?” And then of course he proceeds to call Eddie out on his BS, demonstrating where Chris got this ability from (check out the gorgeous gifset that the amazingly talented @judsonryder​ made for this “like father, like son” take).

More than that, after the store scene proved how much better Buck is at being Christopher’s other parent, at the hospital he’s also acting like more of Eddie’s romantic partner than Eddie’s own gf did, even though she was actually present when the panic attack happened and Buck wasn’t. I’m done, I can’t with all of this obviousness! I swear to God, if Buddie never get together romantically, they will still canonically be the most married couple ever on 911. And that’s despite the fact that they have some serious competition from every other established couple on the show!

~~~ Thank you so much to the incredible sweetheart that is @evaneddie​ for the meta gifs! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! These posts are never a sure thing and it makes me so happy whenever I see people enjoy them. xoxox

This parallel that I mentioned in my 413 meta wouldn’t leave me alone, so here we go. On the brink of possible death…

Buddie 414 meta

You know that thing where on the one hand you wanna write down every little detail from a scene and at the same time, you know that even if you manage to capture it all, you still wouldn’t nail the sum that is greater than its parts, the feel of it, the intensity? So, the end of 413 and everything Buddie in 414. I’m gonna try, but LBH, no meta post can capture the full depth and fanfic trope quality of the Buddie stuff in the sniper storyline.

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I said last week I couldn’t wait for Buck’s response and it was amazing indeed! I loved everything. That Buck sprang into action once his brain was able to process the trauma of watching Eddie being shot in front of him, that he rolled under the truck while the sniper was still firing away, that he was screaming “I got you!” even before he reached Eddie and he kept repeating that throughout this opening scene, that he loaded Eddie into the truck and ripped open his shirt, saving Eddie both by removing him physically from the danger zone and by starting the required life sustaining actions… Buck could have stepped back once on the truck and let the other firefighter take care of Eddie, the one actually on the clock, but nope. It had to be him. Buck was Eddie’s literal lifeline in this scene. In this ep really, by taking care of Chris (while Eddie in their legal guardian convo was Buck’s emotional lifeline). And then he also added the “stay with me” line and I about expired. Stay with me! That’s a romantic trope line. That’s what they used for coded gay characters in the days when TV and movies still censored explicit same sex love, so it all had to be presented in subtext. On top of that Eddie had to make sure Buck wasn’t hurt. And only then could he let go and lose consciousness. I mean the level of fanficness was crazy! But you know my fave part?

Buck saying, “I need you to hang on.” He could have said Chris, he could have said ‘we’, but in that moment, at the peak of his fear, Buck said “I need you”. Lastly, Captain Mehta asks Buck if he’s ok and as Buck watches Eddie being taken away, he says, “no”. It’s so honest and raw, it’s almost a continuation of the “No!” that Buck repeated earlier during the save. His well being and Eddie’s are a continuation of each other. That will only be reinforced later in the ep (when Carla asking about the job results in Buck talking about missing Eddie, which is so similar to Eddie missing Buck on the team in 218, except it’s MORE intense now ‘coz Eddie never experienced the 118 without Buck, but Buck was with the 118 for a whole year without Eddie, and when through Bobby we discover that almost losing Eddie causes Buck to crossover from reckless to intentionally making himself a target). And while this opening scene is bigger than the sum of its parts, I had to point out all of these details, because there is no way to even come close to explaining the impact and the extra nature of the scene without them.

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We’ve seen Buck in emergency situations before. We’ve never seen him shut down quite like when he saw Eddie being shot. It’s true during that initial moment of paralysis that he goes through, but it’s also true later on, when we discover that at the hospital, waiting to hear about Eddie, Buck shuts out all calls, he shuts the whole world out, including Maddie and Taylor, because all that matters is Eddie. When he is capable of thinking of someone else, it’s Chris. The kid that Buck comes to love enough to accept a position as his legal guardian, but let’s never forget: Buck would have never spent enough time to Chris to get to know him and love him if Chris wasn’t Eddie’s son, while Eddie chose to let Buck in, he chose to trust Buck with Chris, repeatedly and on so many more levels than we realized before this ep. Chris is his own person of course, but his bond with Buck will always also be a continuation of Buck and Eddie’s bond, because the former wouldn’t exist without the latter. It’s a reflection of what a family unit all three of them truly are. These are the bonds that the show will never break.

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The fact that even before we discover about Eddie’s will, the show doesn’t so much as bother to explain why, in Eddie’s absence, it’s Buck who’s telling Chris about what happened, not Carla, Abuela or Pepa, or Ana, Eddie’s girlfriend who as an educator is supposed to have better tools to explain this to a child… The show itself acts like it’s that obvious that this is Buck’s parental role in Christopher’s life, even in the most challenging of situations. Despite his efforts not to break down in front of Chris, Buck is struggling. Even just talking about Eddie getting hurt is more than he can completely hide (despite the fact that he is good at hiding his emotions at times), but then the relief of knowing Eddie will be ok is overwhelming and Buck can’t keep it in despite his efforts. Then we get a parallel in Chris comforting Buck between this ep and 301, with the same exact line, only it means so much more now. Chris isn’t just telling Buck he’ll get over a lost career, he’s reassuring Buck they can handle this shared experience of almost losing Eddie. And accordingly, Chris doesn’t call Buck jokingly (in an imitation of Eddie) ‘kid’ this time, he refers to him by ‘Buck’. Which is the first of two instances in this ep where we see an elevated level of intimacy and connectedness between the Diaz Boys and Buck being expressed through Buck’s names. Eddie won’t use ‘Buck’, he’ll call him ‘Evan’. And it’s not the same ‘Evan’ that Buck’s parents use ‘coz they don’t know their son. It’s the ‘Evan’ that Maddie uses, the one that says, “I know you so well and I hear you’re struggling, so I need you to really pay attention to me now.” I thought Buddifer were close before, but somehow the show topped itself in unveiling whole new levels of how close they are.

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Then Buck stays to sleep at Eddie’s. And not just for that initial night, he stays over for a while! We get an explanation later, but I love the fact that the show didn’t think we’d raise an eyebrow for several long scenes before giving us Buck explaining his decision, plus the fact we never see Carla or Ana questioning this, nor Eddie for that matter, he wasn’t asking Buck for an explanation! That speaks volumes. If I said the show is emphasizing to us how close the Buddifer unit is, Buck stayed as close as he physically could to Chris, and as close to Eddie’s ghost presence in his house. There’s only one thing MORE intimate than being together with someone in their personal space - being there in their absence. It’s an even greater level of being worthy of someone’s trust. This closeness to the absent Eddie is only further emphasized by the way the morning scenes with Buck and Chris remind us of Eddie and his son’s similar scenes in 204. And like that’s not enough, Chris makes fun of Buck’s snoring! So far we’ve only ever seen him making fun of Eddie (repeatedly). This is how close Buck and Chris are, that we get the same kind of kid-parent teasing between them.

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Good God, the Bathena and Buddie parallels were strong in this ep! Starting from Bobby opening up about what it was like to witness (through audio) Athena’s near death right after we had Buck witnessing Eddie’s near death, through the way we saw Athena going into a burning building to get Bobby out, no matter how irrational of a decision that was, just like Buck and Eddie have done for each other repeatedly, how Buck tries to go right after Eddie in 214 and 315, how Eddie leads the search for Buck in 405 and how Buck threw himself under the truck while a sniper was shooting at them in this very ep. Bathena beautifully mirrored to each other that they would always come get their loved one in 402 and 414, and Buddie have been doing the exact same thing, while even using the same words, Athena tells Bobby “I got you,” just like Buck chanted those words at Eddie.

(more under the cut to save your dashboards)

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