love how many gay men and lesbians fucked around sexually with each other and wrote about it in history. what curiosity. what generosity. what magnificent exploratory spirit.
I mean good for them I guess but I see this kind of thing a lot and just want to say, why is it so hard to accept that there are some people for whom the words “gay” and “lesbian” mark an absolute boundary—a boundary that, in a heterosexist world, is constantly under siege—and that those people want a word to describe themselves that describes that absolute boundary?
Why is it so hard to accept that if that boundary is not absolute for you, you might be bisexual and not gay, because for some people, there is no fluidity or curiosity whatsoever? Isn’t it important that those people, who are vulnerable to social pressure that is intolerable to them, have a word that means “absolutely not”?
"Absolutely not" already means "absolutely not." If you need just one word, "no" is right there. "I don't date men and stop telling me I should" perfectly communicates your meaning to anyone bothering you about it. The problem isn't that other people don't understand your boundaries, it's that they don't respect them.
You think the solution to people not respecting your boundaries is to find a way to clarify that you--unlike other women--won't respond to social pressure to be with any men so they might as well not even try to apply that pressure. That makes you a traitor to other women (gay, straight, and bisexual), whose boundaries against men--generally or as individuals--you're positioning as possibly open to social pressure, not absolute "no"s, because they could change their minds or have exceptions if you just push hard enough, so there's no reason to give up immediately when they say no. And it makes you a fool, because as long as it's ok to apply social pressure against women's stated boundaries and desires for all but a small ("gay") group of women, it will always be convenient to question a woman's belonging in that group and find some reason to disbelieve her. So it's not even guaranteed to get you the respect you're looking for. Anyone who wants to pressure you to be with men can just question whether you personally fit the designation "gay," just as you're questioning it in others.
Anyway, I absolutely won't help you uphold any boundary between women who "can" and "can't" tolerate social pressure on their sexualities.