Vicki Vale: *After uncovering a secret plan for Black Mask to become mayor of Gotham* Alright, 20,000 dollars or this tape goes to the public whats it going to be fellas?
Black Mask: I’ll tell you what, here’s what I’ll do for you. I’ll pay you 50 dollars a week, every week, for about Uh… 2 weeks.
Vicki Vale: I’ll see you in court.
Black Mask: Or I could just have Zsasz here throw you in a septic tank.
Vicki Vale: 50 dollars it is!
Harley: You ever see that episode of Friends where-
Riddler: No. I’ve never seen that episode of Friends. I’ve never seen any episode of Friends. Stop starting conversations with me by referencing Friends! In fact, stop starting conversations with me! We’re not friends!
“Imagine having beef with me. I’m just a funny jokester. A silly little guy. You’re gonna have beef with a silly little guy? For shame.” - The Joker after burning down an orphanage
Penguin: Let’s play two truths and a lie.
Riddler: Okay. I want to kill you. I want to watch the life drain from your eyes when I strangle you. I love you and you’re my best friend.
Penguin: We’ll Edward I didn’t know you were into kinky stuff like th-
Jason Todd: *trying to find out what Joker is plotting with his mom and stumbling into a warehouse where Joker is waiting for him*
Joker: Have you ever heard the sound of a crowbar breaking several ribs and bruising your organs?
Jason Todd: ...No.
Joker: WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
“Note to self: Sex with Blow-Up Dolls not as good as advertised.” - Kite Man, probably
Vicki Vale: *reporting at a Wayne child’s birthday party* is there anything you’d like to say to all the nice people watching at home?
The Joker in disguise as a Birthday Clown: My favorite color is blood.
Vicki Vale: ...alright.
-Harley when everyone won’t let her paint American Flags on their faces
Harley: Come on, Red, lets go-
Ivy: I’m not going with you.
Harley: What? Ivy, I need you, you’re my model.
Ivy: Yeah, but you’re really bad at face painting.
Harley: What? I’m not bad at face painting.
Ivy: Yeah you are.
Harley: You’re treading on me, too!
Ivy: I’m not treading on yo-
Harley: YES YOU ARE, YOU’RE TREADING ON M-... 🎶I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass, Gonna kick some ass in the USA, Gonna climb a mountain, Gonna sew a flag, Gonna fly on an Eagle, I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, Gonna kick some ass, Gonna rise up, Kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!🎶
Everyone: *just stares at Harley*
-Harley Quinn
Ivy: Harley, how do I get revenge on those who have forsaken me?
Harley: The best revenge is letting go and living well.
Ivy: ...
Ivy: Joker, how do I get r-
Joker: I’m already packed, let’s go.
Joker: Duela is not my kid, stop saying that.
Ivy: Then why is her report card hanging up on the fridge?
Joker: She’s passing all of her classes and got an A in English, I’m proud of her, so what?
Ivy: Okay then what about the drawings of you, her, and Harley hung up on the fridge next to it?
Riddler: Those were Duela’s? I thought they were Harley’s. I guess they both have the art skills of a toddl-
Joker: RIDDLER MY AMAZINGLY TALENTED DAUGHTER WORKED HARD ON THOSE BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGS AND IF YOU INSULT THEM AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL DROP YOU IN A TUB OF ACID AND NO ONE WILL NOTICE YOU’RE MISSING!
-Oswald Cobblepot
