Your daily dose of cat memes

I’m your staff, in more ways than one, kitten…

Gross!

Ignore the prude, I need details!

You don’t understand! Lambert had Swamp butt!

SEE! GROSS!

Fine, I’ll bathe,

Yall are mean

Geralt: Whatever, I dont have a crush on jaskier

Lambert: Really? Cause he stopped by here earlier asking about you?

Geralt: Really??? What did he say???

Lambert: That you're gullible *dissolves into laughter*

Geralt: Ooh a compliment. Ok what else?

Lambert: ...

healing his ailments (letting him rest his head on my boobs while i scritch scratch his hair)

But we’re totally not friends. Nope! Oiling bottoms and chest hair scratches are normal between two business acquaintances. *internal screaming*

I do this with Aiden all the time? It's not weird between friends

Aiden: *rolls his eyes*

Eskel: *rolls his eyes*

Vesemir: i raised the stupidest sons of bitches on this entire godsforsaken continent.

I wanna eat him

... but with my heart?

What emotion is this?

Heartburn?

Idiots....

Im telling you, it’s lust. Like the kind you get for sugar cubes.

First base is beating the shit out of each other second base is having a civil conversation

Third base is a gwent game with no weapons drawn... we're still on second base

bonus

Kaer morhen is self sufficient. They produce (nearly) everything they need to survive.

Jaskier faints when he sees eskel churning butter

Jaskier burning his finger on his food. Jaskier making geralt kiss it better.

He does this constantly. Any minor ache or pain and geralt has to kiss it better.

(No he doesn't ever fake it for attention)

He does this in public without thinking. Thus a new rumor about witchers is born. Their kisses have healing powers!

Its cute: Little kids insisting on geralt kissing their boo boos. A nervous inexperienced mother having geralt kiss her newborn baby, just in case she missed something.

Then it's less cute: a barmaid insisting she's having chest pains, and it needs a kiss.

Then it's horrifying: when healers ask for help for a serious injury.

Then it's funny: Lambert finding out and insisting his butt is sore all winter, insisting geralt has the magic kisses.

Jaskier absolutely losing his shit the first time he sees a Witcher eating raw chicken.

Lambert coming into the kitchen post training for a quick snack, grabbing one of the chicken breasts jaskier is cutting and just chowing down.

The other witchers hearing screams, swears and the sounds of a body hitting the floor.

They enter to see Lambert pinned on the floor with jaskier desperately trying to pry his mouth open

“THAT ISNT FOOD YET!”

“BLOODY HELL IT ISNT!”

“WHAT, ARE YOU GOING TO EAT IT FEATHERS ON AND ALL?!”

“I WOULD IF I DIDNT THINK YOU’D SHIV ME ABOUT IT!”

geralt rounded the bend at a dead sprint, sliding into the kitchen to see… well.

jaskier was sitting on lambert’s chest, and they were wrestling over a raw chicken cutlet.

geralt’s shoes squeaked on the flagstones, he stopped with so much force.

“thank the gods! someone with sense!” jaskier huffed, turning to geralt with a look of manic relief. “tell him it isnt food yet,”

“oh, you think your precious pretty boy is above eating it rare?” (“rare??? it’s bleedin’ RAW” jaskier squawks, but lambert continues undeterred.) “he’s the worst one! if he never had to light a fire again he’d be a happy man!”

jaskier’s look of relief quickly turned to a look of horror. geralt, too, felt a mounting terror at the realisation that he’d never be able to lie to jaskier about it on this short notice.

“i… it’s faster,” he mumbled, hanging his head at the explosive look of betrayal on the bard’s face.

“geralt,” he hissed, leaving lambert lying on the floor with a mangled cutlet. (the bastard ate it quick as he could while the bard was distracted.) “how often do you eat things raw?”

“with you around, not very,” geralt answered honestly.

this did wonders for the bard’s disposition.

at least, until he thought of something else.

“you’ve never kissed me after doing it, have you?”

the brief moment of panic on geralt’s face is enough to set jaskier off again, but this time, geralt is running away from the sound of the angry bard.

Geralt, monster hunter extraordinare: *fleeing in terror from small, very angry human*

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The next day:

Eskel, ostentatiously toasting meat that he has skewered on sticks over the fire in the great hall.

“Jaskier,” he calls to the pretty bard strumming away on the far sofa. “Look, this venison I hunted is all done! Seasoned and everything! Hungry?”

Jaskier: “Ooh, delicious!” He plops down next to Eskel, hip to hip, and Eskel holds the skewer up so he can feed Jaskier directly off it. Jaskier laughs as he takes a bite, his blue eyes glowing in the fire light. “Oh, it’s so good! You’re a wonderful cook!”

Lambert and Geralt, jammed together on another bench: *glaring daggers at Eskel and fuming*

@itshype hid this in the comments, but it deserves to be appreciated!

Aw, man, you guys made me laugh so hard!!!