Fanfic is the peak human experience out there . Everyday a different stranger tells me a bed time story about two fictional men we’re both obsessed with

Today I learned about a bird called Fairy-wren and now I want a bird-shifter!Jaskier AU because this bird fits him so perfectly

“During the reproductive season, males of this and other fairywren species pluck yellow petals, which contrast with their plumage, and show them to female fairywrens.” You mean that Jaskier can give Geralt buttercups and dandelions and it’s literally a sign of courtship?

“To prevent themselves from raising cuckoos as their own children, they teach their offspring a certain melody, while they are still in the egg. Once they hatch, the babies chirp this melody to beg for food. Since the cuckoo doesn’t know this melody, the parents don’t mistake it for one of their own.” You mean to tell me we could have a doppler show up and Geralt realises that it’s a doppler because they don’t know the melody that Jaskier always sings while cooking?

(image and information taken from wikipedia)

@flowercrown-bard I love you but I also hate you, because now I will have to research how the fuck to draw birds, so I can properly invade this au

@artistsfuneral aaaaahhh yessss that’s so exciting!!

Free!

*reads a gorgeous line in a fanfic* oh my god. how is this possible. how did they even fucking think of this. the symbolism is spot on. the planets are fucking aligned, everything is one and all and the world is complete, my soul is at peace

Slow burn but it's written by an impatient person

This doesn't affect the speed of the developing relationship at all, but does make for a very passive aggressive narrator.

Slow burn but the writer is angry about it

me reading fanfic like:

idea: scene with two characters eagerly stripping each other clearly about to bone, but they keep getting interrupted by finding carefully concealed weapons in each other’s clothing, so they keep just unholstering, revealing and unstrapping increasingly ludicrous amounts of hidden guns and knives as the clothes come off, and it’s lowkey killing the mood a little

Alternatively: it's not killing the mood at all but it's totally making both of them giggle like they're twelve and possibly get lowkey competitive in a subconscious way about who has the most to drop.

The more that I think of it the more I'm seeing the incredible intimacy of letting someone know where you keep your backup knife.

Like my god, the trust involved in letting someone undress you and learn your secrets instead of popping into the bathroom to change where they can't see and hiding all your weapons under the sink

...Oh

second alternative: you go to hide all your weapons under the sink but there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink.

awkward

It’s not that there’s already a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the sink that makes it awkward so much as that there’s so many weapons hidden underneath the sink that they fall out of the cabinet with the unmistakable sound of a knife-alanche, and then the other person comes in like “I can explain!” and you’re just dead-ass standing there with your own armload of weapons like “I can also explain.”

Married version is shoving your hand in your partner’s clothes when you’re out of weapons because you KNOW where their spare is.  Or wearing a weapon in a spot you can’t draw from yourself because its now spare storage for your spouse’s weapons.

Every single one of you is a genius

Oh boy I can't wait to see the season premiere of 'My Mom Sold Me To One Direction', that one's a true classic

original tweet

cmon girlies we’re picking out a 10k+ single chapter fic on ao3 to read stomach down head turned towards our phones held next to our pillows as we move only our thumbs to scroll until our sedatives knock us out

I feel seen

There is an intimacy in being carried. Being held against someone, in their arms, against their chest.

Jaskier did not get that intimacy. Nor a nice reason to find himself slung over Geralt’s shoulder - again.

Last time, it was the djinn incident that made Geralt carry him. Truth be told, he was pretty out of it back then, barely able to comprehend just how very manhandled he was.. getting. 

Now, however, he is very much not out of it. He is spitting mad, sure, but he is fully aware of how Geralt’s shoulder digs into his abdomen, his hands clasped on his lower thigh and back to keep him in place. It is known that to stop a bard from starting a fight, you have three options.

Lift him.

Sit on him. 

Kiss him.

Works like a charm. 

Thus, he is slung over a witcher’s shoulder.

Thing is, you don’t lift Jaskier. Not easily at least, unless you are Geralt. 

Here is where the feeling of intimacy appears. (Nothing says intimate like a shoulder to your guts.) It is the part where Geralt puts him down when suddenly Jaskier realizes how much in trouble he is in. 

Because when Geralt puts him down, their bodies slide together, his hands supporting him so he doesn’t fall over, and Jaskier is very much in Geralt’s space. Who would Jaskier be if he didn’t take this chance to put his hands on that truly magnificent chest as he does?

And Geralt lets him.

When his feet hit the ground and Jaskier has run out of excuses to keep his hands on the witcher, Geralt stays. Which is strange and exhilarating and slightly embarrassing. 

Jaskier stands pressed against Geralt for exactly three seconds, Geralt’s hands on his hips, his heart dancing a jig and his brain going in at least five different directions.

All that ends when Geralt bonks his forehead with his own, just a little too hard.

“Idiot,” he mutters, his fingers squeezing quickly before he lets go and backs off.

It takes another three seconds for Jaskier to gather his wits, and by then Geralt is half way down the street.

“Now wait just a second!” he yells after him, half jogging to catch up. “What you are trying to say is ‘Thank you, Jaskier, my saviour and dearest of friends!’”

Intimacy can be found in the most unexpected places. And Jaskier just found another one.

Jokes on them because that's how long it will be before the update 😆😆

savage

Prompt-based fandom events are when you really learn everyone’s colors like you’ll find the people who take the prompt “death” and come up with some smarmy ship-art of character A and character B walking over dead leaves while wearing scarves and drinking hot cider and then you’ll find the people who take the prompt “sunshine” and write how a bright glint of sunshine reflected off the barrel of a gun is the absolute last thing character A sees before taking a bullet to the chest

you can lead a content creator to water but you sure as fuck can’t make him drink

content creators, much like the elder gods, must not be given requests that can be left to interpretation, for the results bring madness upon the unwary

Absolutely a sucker for the “ARE YOU HURT” once over. The wandering hands, frantically checking for blood or pain just SOMETHING. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of what they might find while searching. The panicked look on the face of the person doing the checking, the glossy, confused “I’m fine” from the person being checked. HOO BOY just inject that shit right into my veins

fandom is just a long history of side-eyeing canon and just. Softly going no.