@bard-llama / bard-llama.tumblr.com
It's All About Distraction
Lambert watches Aiden cheat at cards and realizes that he's curious as to how his companion manages to do that. So Aiden decides to teach him sleight of hand.
I still have almost an hour while it's still Wednesday and I've been working on a couple of Laiden pieces lately, but this one is actually the first fic I started for them. Set post-W3/post-Battle of Kaer Morhen.
(below the cut, forgive the formatting)
Merry Christmas (eve) everyone! Tbh this is not a big holiday for me, but it’s the first one without my dad, so I’m trying to stay distracted. To that end - would you like some WiP snippets?
Here’s how it works: send me a number from the list below and I’ll share a snippet from that WiP! Actual WiP list is under a cut because it is loooooooooooooooooooooooong
As we all know, all great writers procrastinate the shit out of writing by finding random tasks to occupy themselves with. Well, I’m a data analyst, so uh... this is my random task lol. It’s called “how much porn does Llama write?” The answer: a lot, but actually less than I thought.
Categories:
Okay, so my impression that like half my shit is porn is not wrong, I just need to finish more of them!!
*Works in Progress (under a cut, because the list is ridiculous)
Y’all ever think about all the weird stuff you can eat in The Witcher games? I’m just saying Lambert would 100% eat them.
Another week another Witcher Wednesday!
Another fill for the @witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo!
Prompt: there was only one bed Relationships: Keira/Lambert, Lambert/Aiden, Keira/Lambert/Aiden Rating: Explicit (tho no sex this chapter, sorry!) Content Warnings: n/a Summary:
Sequel to Lambert's Guide on How to Get a Date, Keira and Lambert figure out what to do next and what they want to be to each other.
The @witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo ends in a few days, so even though they’re short, I figured I’d post the next two parts of The Novels of Burt Lamb The Third series.
First up: Doing What You Have Fun Doing
Prompt: retirement Relationships: Lambert/Aiden Rating: Teen Content Warnings: none Summary:
Turns out, writing romance about not-Geralt and not-Eskel is quite profitable. So Lambert decides to retire and spend his time writing his totally-not-crushes boning.
Second fic: You’re Just For Me
Prompt: they’ve had a few drinks Relationships: Lambert/Aiden Rating: Teen Content Warnings: Alcohol consumption Summary:
Lambert writes romance novels that involve sex between not-Geralt and not-Eskel and just about anyone else they've ever met. Aiden wants to know why Lambert never writes about him.
This is my gift for the Novigrad Market exchange for @bard-llama. I went with sex pollen and (kinda) drunken confessions because Aiden is affected by the pollen. I really hope you enjoy this!
18+ under the cut, warnings: sex pollen so mild dubcon, though they talk about consent before Aiden is really gone. 2900 words.
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It seems like they’ve been going at this spriggan for ages, but the bastard is finally slowing down. Lambert grips his silver sword tighter and hacks at the back of it’s legs, catching it in a way that makes it stagger. Aiden is attacking from the front, his own sword flashing as he slashes at the beast. It’s starting to sway, and Lambert knows it won’t take much more to take it out. He holds his attack, waiting for Aiden to distract it so he can plunge his sword through the heart.
Only before he gets his chance, there’s a burst of orange, and Aiden starts choking. He drops to his knees as he coughs, but Lambert moves to finish off the spriggan before it can catch him off guard. One final stab it all it takes, and then the creature falls to the forest floor, twitching as death takes it. Lambert makes sure it’s dead but then turns towards his friend, who is coughing and spitting on the ground.
Written for the Novigrad Exchange, here’s my fic for fairytrashmother where I get to gush about sleight of hand and how cool it is. I got all the knowledge and none of the skills, so Aiden gets to make up for that by being fucking awesome with his hands.
Summary:
Lambert watches Aiden cheat at cards and realizes that he's curious as to how his companion manages to do that. So Aiden decides to teach him sleight of hand.
Masterlist of all of my Witcher fics, updated as of March 13, 2021.
If you like my writing, consider donating to my ko-fi! I am writing gift fics for all donors.
Here is a masterlist of all completed multi-chapter fics.
Series:
Under the cut:
Masterlist of all of my Witcher fics, updated as of March 6, 2021.
If you like my writing, consider donating to my ko-fi! I am writing gift fics for all donors.
Here is a masterlist of all completed multi-chapter fics.
Series:
Under the cut:
Summary: Lambert wakes up when Aiden has a bad dream. Fortunately, he knows a good way to get Aiden's mind off of it.
Lambert woke up abruptly when the warmth wrapped around him pulled away. Blearily, he blinked his eyes until he could see Aiden pacing in and out of the room’s shadows, the early morning light beginning to steam in.
“Come back to bed,” Lambert mumbled, reaching out.
The purest form of human connection.
Okay, I know they’re not really numbered, but send me one as a prompt?
The purest form of human connection.
Okay, I know they’re not really numbered, but send me one as a prompt?
The Lambert Bit Bang inspired me to dust off some WiPs, so here’s a really short fic about Aiden’s not-death.
Summary: A reflection on Aiden's thoughts in the aftermath of his near death, and a realization of what Lambert must be thinking.
The assassins set a trap lined with explosives. Aiden isn’t sure how he lived, but he woke up in a cave with burn scars from his throat to his naval. Without a healer, he likely wouldn’t have survived, but he dragged himself into the closest town, feverish and delirious. The herbalist there took him in, and gradually, Aiden started to heal. He expected the assassins to find him any day during his recovery, but they never did.
Eventually, however, news of Lambert did. A Wolf Witcher, going around slaughtering nobles and respectable people. The same respectable people who had set Aiden up. His heart swelled and a knot grew in his throat. Lambert was avenging him. Avenging his death. Lambert thought he was dead.
––
Lambert went looking for Aiden’s body. But the whole valley was charred and burned and he couldn’t tell the corpses apart, so he burned all of them, because Aiden deserved a proper send off, deserved not to have his body desecrated by necrophages.
He almost wished he hadn’t found any bodies at all. Maybe then he could pretend that Aiden was still alive. The world had always been shit, but with Aiden, it had been a smidge less bleak. Now even that was ruined, and Lambert’s future looked endless and grey.
