@bard-llama / bard-llama.tumblr.com
It's All About Distraction
Lambert watches Aiden cheat at cards and realizes that he's curious as to how his companion manages to do that. So Aiden decides to teach him sleight of hand.
I still have almost an hour while it's still Wednesday and I've been working on a couple of Laiden pieces lately, but this one is actually the first fic I started for them. Set post-W3/post-Battle of Kaer Morhen.
(below the cut, forgive the formatting)
Merry Christmas (eve) everyone! Tbh this is not a big holiday for me, but it’s the first one without my dad, so I’m trying to stay distracted. To that end - would you like some WiP snippets?
Here’s how it works: send me a number from the list below and I’ll share a snippet from that WiP! Actual WiP list is under a cut because it is loooooooooooooooooooooooong
Merry Christmas (eve) everyone! Tbh this is not a big holiday for me, but it’s the first one without my dad, so I’m trying to stay distracted. To that end - would you like some WiP snippets?
Here’s how it works: send me a number from the list below and I’ll share a snippet from that WiP! Actual WiP list is under a cut because it is loooooooooooooooooooooooong
As we all know, all great writers procrastinate the shit out of writing by finding random tasks to occupy themselves with. Well, I’m a data analyst, so uh... this is my random task lol. It’s called “how much porn does Llama write?” The answer: a lot, but actually less than I thought.
Categories:
Okay, so my impression that like half my shit is porn is not wrong, I just need to finish more of them!!
*Works in Progress (under a cut, because the list is ridiculous)
Y’all ever think about all the weird stuff you can eat in The Witcher games? I’m just saying Lambert would 100% eat them.
Another week another Witcher Wednesday!
Another fill for the @witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo!
Prompt: there was only one bed Relationships: Keira/Lambert, Lambert/Aiden, Keira/Lambert/Aiden Rating: Explicit (tho no sex this chapter, sorry!) Content Warnings: n/a Summary:
Sequel to Lambert's Guide on How to Get a Date, Keira and Lambert figure out what to do next and what they want to be to each other.
The @witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo ends in a few days, so even though they’re short, I figured I’d post the next two parts of The Novels of Burt Lamb The Third series.
First up: Doing What You Have Fun Doing
Prompt: retirement Relationships: Lambert/Aiden Rating: Teen Content Warnings: none Summary:
Turns out, writing romance about not-Geralt and not-Eskel is quite profitable. So Lambert decides to retire and spend his time writing his totally-not-crushes boning.
Second fic: You’re Just For Me
Prompt: they’ve had a few drinks Relationships: Lambert/Aiden Rating: Teen Content Warnings: Alcohol consumption Summary:
Lambert writes romance novels that involve sex between not-Geralt and not-Eskel and just about anyone else they've ever met. Aiden wants to know why Lambert never writes about him.
PRE-RELATIONSHIP
GENERAL
LOVE
DOMESTIC LIFE
PRE-RELATIONSHIP
GENERAL
LOVE
DOMESTIC LIFE
My fic masterlist has gotten REALLY LONG, so I’ve decided that it might make more sense to just highlight fics that have changed/are new each month! I will tag these with “new fics” and “fic masterlist”, so you can track/go through the tag as needed.
Series: With A Look I May Not Meet
While on an undercover mission in Kaedwen, Vernon Roche gets word that King Foltest has captured Iorveth. He immediately prepares to return, but the journey is a week and during that time, Iorveth is at the mercy of Foltest’s torturers. Roche only hopes he can arrive before anything irreversible is done.
Triss Merigold, in a split second decision, betrayed King Foltest and saved Vernon Roche and Iorveth, sending them all on the run. Now they just have to figure out what to do and who to turn to for help.
For 6 months and 4 days, Iorveth had let himself believe that this affair with Vernon Roche was real. Now, as the world comes crashing down around him, he knows the truth. Vernon had played him, and he had fallen for it. It would, perhaps, be the last mistake he ever made.
Series: The Woodland Fox and The Temerian Hound
For Fox Sake (Rated E)
In the aftermath of his ill-advised affair with Iorveth, Vernon Roche tries to figure out what to do.
Let Us Lynx Our Lives Together
When Iorveth discovers that he might be pregnant, he has a lot of decisions to make - about the baby, about the Scoia'tael, and about his relationship with Vernon Roche.
When Vernon Roche requests the King's leave to resign his commission, no one is expecting it. However, Roche has a plan and a future waiting for himself and his elf.
Standalone Fics
Over the course of planning a kingdom where all species could be equal, Saskia and Iorveth get together a lot and lament the things they miss.
Back in Kaer Morhen for the winter, the Wolf Witchers begin their Annual Winter Bitch Session/Drinking Binge, in which they discover that everyone seems to have had something strange happen while on the Path. The commonality? Someone named Burt Lamb The Third.
To Find One’s Purpose (Rated E)
When it's time for Saskia to lay her eggs, Iorveth is more than eager to be of assistance.
Lambert watches Aiden cheat at cards and realizes that he's curious as to how his companion manages to do that. So Aiden decides to teach him sleight of hand.
During the Battle of Kaer Morhen, Keira Metz saves Lambert's life. He decides this is the perfect opportunity to ask for a date.
To Confess a Need (Rated E)
When Vernon Roche manages to pin Iorveth between his body and his knife, he's surprised to discover that the elf likes it. So he gives Iorveth more.
When Iorveth falls in battle, he expects that to be the end. But when he's offered a second chance, a way to change things, he can't help but take it.
Iorveth finds himself on the run from a group of Eternal Fire zealots with pitchforks. How this leads to Vernon Roche kissing him, he's not sure.
You Look So Good in Blue (Rated E)
Iorveth finds himself very, very irritated at how much time Vernon Roche has been spending in Vizima instead of fighting him like the dh'oine is supposed to. So it only makes sense to sneak into Vernon's house and discover what is keeping him so occupied.
Of course, he wasn't expecting Vernon to return home while he was there...
When Iorveth runs into an elf who reminds him of someone, he lets her get a little too close. Then he has to run for his life. Surprisingly, the Blue Stripes are exactly what he needs to survive.
This is my gift for the Novigrad Market exchange for @bard-llama. I went with sex pollen and (kinda) drunken confessions because Aiden is affected by the pollen. I really hope you enjoy this!
18+ under the cut, warnings: sex pollen so mild dubcon, though they talk about consent before Aiden is really gone. 2900 words.
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It seems like they’ve been going at this spriggan for ages, but the bastard is finally slowing down. Lambert grips his silver sword tighter and hacks at the back of it’s legs, catching it in a way that makes it stagger. Aiden is attacking from the front, his own sword flashing as he slashes at the beast. It’s starting to sway, and Lambert knows it won’t take much more to take it out. He holds his attack, waiting for Aiden to distract it so he can plunge his sword through the heart.
Only before he gets his chance, there’s a burst of orange, and Aiden starts choking. He drops to his knees as he coughs, but Lambert moves to finish off the spriggan before it can catch him off guard. One final stab it all it takes, and then the creature falls to the forest floor, twitching as death takes it. Lambert makes sure it’s dead but then turns towards his friend, who is coughing and spitting on the ground.
Written for the Novigrad Exchange, here’s my fic for fairytrashmother where I get to gush about sleight of hand and how cool it is. I got all the knowledge and none of the skills, so Aiden gets to make up for that by being fucking awesome with his hands.
Summary:
Lambert watches Aiden cheat at cards and realizes that he's curious as to how his companion manages to do that. So Aiden decides to teach him sleight of hand.
Masterlist of all of my Witcher fics, updated as of June 5, 2021.
If you like my writing, consider donating to my ko-fi! I am writing gift fics for all donors.
Here is a masterlist of all completed multi-chapter fics.
Series:
Under the cut:
Updated my fic masterlist with everything from the past month or so!
So, for the witcher rare pair bingo, I got the prompt Author AU, which naturally led me to decide that Lambert is a secret romance novelist whose protagoinsts Gerard and Esteban have a lot of sex. Like, a lot. They might be more erotica than romance novels, but whatever. I am genuinely unclear on where bodice ripper fits into that continuum.
Anyway, Lambert, the genius that he is, chooses the penname Burt Lamb the Third and lists Kaer Morhen as his address. This leads to letters with royalty checks going to Kaer Morhen - or attempting to. More importantly, Burt’s books took off and housewives whisper about them in back corners. Also, a lot more of them start propositioning Eskel and Geralt, because they look just like their favorite characters. Like, just like, and they know that because the books come with illustrations made by the author.
(Does the Witcher have the printing press? No? It does now. Don’t question it.)
Details under the cut
Guys. Guys, the publisher is Gaunter O’Dimm. That’s how they have a printing press!
Also, I’m gonna include some Lambert/Aiden too, ‘cause I love them. They’re actually together, though Geralt and Eskel don’t know about Aiden yet. Aiden reads everything Lambert writes and is very eager to meet them lmao
The purest form of human connection.
I’m in an introspective mood (not for myself lol only for characters), so if you wanna send me a character and a topic for them to think on, I’d love to write some introspective shorts!
