Sorceresses as levels of mental illness and general unhinged-ness.

15-Vanielle Of Brugge **Sodden Hill fertiliser** : a rather well adjusted person. Unless Stregobor is in the room, she's perfectly fine.

14-Coral **SKEEEELLLIIIGEEEE**: anyone who sleeps with Geralt loses one point in mental stability and in olfactive awareness.

13-Nina Vivero **Underrated Rita-sitter**: homegirl lost mental stability after being around Rita, who absorbs mental health as fast as alcohol.

12-Book Francesca **Emergency Plan B**: stopped giving a shit last century ago. The lodge is quickly making her unhinged.

11- Tissaia De Vries. **World's Number** **Mommy Issue Provider :**Very well adjusted until Yennefer happened. Also, after spending decades with Rita and raising Conspiratory Owl Girlboss, she lost points.

10-Ida Emean Aep Sivney **Elven Stoner** : she knows too much. Has seen too much. Lost mental stability upon hearing

Sabrina for the first time.

9-Yennefer Of Vengerberg **Die, Cry, Hate mom**: gives zero shits, constantly running from problems she caused, only to cause more. Needs therapy.

8-Sheala De Tancarville **The** **Koviri Boner**: poor introvert forced into constant social situations with extroverted, nymphomaniac sorceresses with one braincell and death wishes. Needs a xanax and vodka.

7-Speaking of, KEIRA METZ, **the OG MATERIAL GWOOORL**: constantly complaining, unhinged little gremlin with a knuckle duster and endless lust. Queen shit. Turns into an angry mess whenever bed bugs are in the vicinity which is fair and understandable.

6-Assire Var Anahid **Milfgardian Pussy Lover**: girl you are GAY. She needs to come to terms with that.sapphic mess.

5-Fringilla Vigo **Nilfgardian Clown**: ma'am you are also very bi and very much into every member of the lodge. Lost so much mental stability points after clowning for Geralt. Seriously, called out another woman's name during sex, and you're still simping? Get a grip.

4-Triss Merigold, **Crème Brûlée** : a disaster on all fronts. Chronic gaslighter, thinks with her vagina and needs to get ahold of herself. Has clowned for Geralt of Rivia, most of the lodge and most notable the world's most sociopathic owl.

3-Margarita Laux-Antille **Alcoholic Bisexual Disaster**: there is something deeply wrong with her. Love her for it. Simps for men, has the smarts to know it but cannot help herself. Needs ten new livers and so much therapy.

2-Sabrina Glevissig **Kaedweni Kebab**: local homophobic racist is in fact a gay mess and very much into elves. Needs to get her head out of her arse, go to therapy and might need to be restrained. Her willingness to commit acts of unspeakable violence with Keira Metz automatically puts her on the naughty and most wanted lists.

1-Philippa Eilhart LESBOMANCYY: all hail the queen of mommy issues. Needs therapy and imprisonment. Is a threat to the continent, gaslights and Girlbosses every day of her life. Throws up pussy-scented pellets on her foes-- keep slaying but also please confront your issues.

ALT

ALT

Yennefer & Tissaia in Jedi!AU for @ehay.

I have just some sketches here but we would be on the moon if any of you folks are up for adding to this AU

Tissaia, Jedi Master, is a respected political diplomat and member of the High Council, backed up by a lifetime of success in settling disputes peacefully. Calm, collected, and never flustered, she is the epitome of what it means to be Jedi.

Yennefer, Jedi Knight, is brash, beautiful, and prone to emotional outbursts of power that unsettle even the most seasoned of the order. Tissaia sees something of herself in Yennefer’s rage and emotional connection to the Force, and works with her to develop control over herself. Her success with this is middling. 

Yennefer is, however, quite predictable about one thing: mess with Tissaia, and get the pointy end of a violet-bladed lightsaber in your gut. It’s happened more than once - an assassination attempt on Coruscant, a political negotiation that turned bloody on Dantooine, and once, rescuing Tissaia from a bounty hunter gang after a Hutt lord decided that the Jedi Master was causing too much trouble with his shipments. Tissaia, bleeding and bruised, is carried out of the hold of the bounty hunter’s ship and healed of wounds that shouldn’t be survivable. 

The Council members, as one might expect, are concerned with the fine line Yennefer is walking between the Light and the Dark. And the violet Kyber crystals powering her lightsabers are an unusual trait that certain Jedi, like Master Stregobor, have latched onto as proof of her instability in the Force and unsuitability for the order. 

Things are not helped when, after an outburst at a political function that even Tissaia cannot soothe, Yennefer disappears. The last report Tissaia has of her is of the woman running off with a white-haired bounty-hunter wearing Mandalorian armour to regions unknown on a ship.

And that is the last anyone hears of Yennefer, for exactly three years.

Tissaia wakes up in the middle of the night, and is greeted by the sight of not one, but two figures in her room.

‘Yennefer.’

‘Tissaia.’

‘This is Ciri,’ Yennefer says, nodding to the child beside her. ‘I followed the Force, as you asked, and it lead me to her.’

The pale girl frowns at the woman in the nightgown. ‘Is this your wife?’

‘Jedi are not allowed to marry.’

‘That is how you choose to answer her question, Yennefer?!’

Cue some more training for Ciri, more closeness and then oh no, Ciri exhibits powers that dwarf even Yennefer’s and the Council finds out and we’re suddenly into the Time of Contempt timeline. 

The result of a conclave is that the Jedi Temple is destroyed, the High Council either murdered or dispersed, and the Jedi are torn asunder. Yennefer escapes with Geralt and Ciri, the newly revealed Sith Lord Darth Vilgefortz hot on their heels.

And Tissaia? 

She disappears, slipping away to a backwater planet that is mostly water and cliffs, to a life of self-imposed exile. She has a pair of droids, a broken-down ship, and a lifetime of memories that torment her every time she closes her eyes. Dying friends and pupils, Vilgefortz and Yennefer fighting, the collapse of the Temple after Ciri has let out a burst of Force.

It is another sleepless night when she hears the sound of a ship’s engine, rapidly approaching her island. The sound of running footsteps up the slope after it lands, the creak of the hut’s door.

‘Tissaia?’

For the first time in years, Tissaia opens herself up to the Force again, confirming what she knows to be true - that she’s not alone. Yennefer kneels down beside her mattress, softly touching their foreheads together.

‘I love you.’

‘I know.’

Aretuza produces broken girls.

In their year, Fringilla is the first one. One moment, her hand is normal, just another limb she doesn’t think much about- in the next, it’s a graveyard, shriveled and undead. She pleads with the rectoress to heal her, begs her and begs her and begs her- but no, says the rectoress.

“This is your punishment,” the ice-eyed woman says, coolly puffing at a pipe. “You shouldn’t have been so hasty- Chaos is not for the impatient.”

At Fringilla’s stifled sob, the rectoress softens and sighs. “You can get it healed if you Ascend.”

The was created for the 2021 Beyond the Continent Reverse Bang, where artists create a piece of art, and writers sign up to write a companion fic. The emphasis of this event was highlighting characters of colour and female characters in The Witcher.

ClydeThistles matched with me and will link to her fantastic fic on AO3. It fits in canonically to the show, draws from book lore (!), and is highly recommended.

I was thrilled to write the story that @ehay ‘s gorgeous artwork inspired, here is the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/32163517/chapters/79692772. 

designed my favorite girlboss some dresses for funsies~

Recently I finished the Witcher books and it struck me how different Tissaia is in them, compared to Netflix. So, as an introduction to what might turn into a series of comparions about Tissaia’s character, here’s a side by side of the scene where Yennefer wakes up in Aretuza. Be warned: the differences are stark.

Trigger warnings: mentions of self-harm and a suicide attempt.

The show makes Tissaia a more antagonist character. They don’t even try to hide it.

She bullies Fringilla and purposefully allows her to injure her hand (which I have a whole post about here) and she turns unwanted girls into eels. In fact, she even makes Yennefer as unwitting accomplice in her eel-schemes.

In the show, Tissaia is cruel and doesn’t seem to really care about the girls at Aretuza. Which is why I have such a hard time believing when Yennefer decides to help her at Sodden.

I can only assume Yennefer wants to truly one-up Tissaia. She wants to wants as Tissaia sees how powerful she is and Yennefer has also been shown to disagree with Nilfgaard. So she doesn’t go to Sodden out of respect for Tissaia but because she feels an obligation to the continent itself and she wants to one-up the woman that made her life hell.

Witcher Femslash February - Music

“Having fun?” Yennefer asks, lips against Tissaia’s ear—probably, Tissaia thinks sourly, so she can make herself heard over the miserable drone of synthesizers blaring over the sound system. Beyond the dim corner where Tissaia’s been hanging back, people writhe on the dancefloor, the most dismal orgy Tissaia’s ever seen.

“You know I’m not.”

Yennefer laughs, and Tissaia closes her eyes against the waxy drag of Yennefer’s lipstick against the shell of her ear. “You said you’d try this with me.”

“I never promised I’d have a good time.” When she agreed to come with Yennefer tonight, it was because Yennefer has largely given this sort of thing up since they started seeing each other more seriously, and she wanted to—show willing, she supposes, or prove she’s not the dour prude people seem to take her for. But she can’t say that watching people grope one another to a dirgelike beat of holds much fascination for her.

Yennefer’s arm slides around Tissaia’s waist, drawing her back against Yennefer’s body. She sways slowly, guiding Tissaia to move with her—less a dance than the slow press of their bodies together. Tissaia has never cared for making a public spectacle of herself on the dancefloor, but she can admit the appeal of Yennefer’s body close against her, her hands possessive on Tissaia’s hips. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you enjoy yourself,” Yennefer says.

Keep reading

Witcher Femslash February - Transformation

“But … why?” Rita asks. She isn’t disgusted, isn’t even judging, but it’s clear from the wondering tone of her voice that she truly doesn’t understand.

Tissaia had hoped she might, but was prepared for disappointment. They’ve done things before that have come close serving the same need—Rita has obligingly given Tissaia orders to stay still or hold a position plenty of times, and occasionally she has consented to use a spell that freezes Tissaia as still as stone for hours at a time—but they have never been enough, never really what Tissaia wants. Rita knows that sometimes what Tissaia wants is to surrender, not just to submit but to be controlled completely. And she performs the role so ably, firm and unrelenting, but never cruel. Perhaps this, though, is simply too much to expect someone to accept.

“Never mind,” Tissaia says. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

Rita lays her hand on Tissaia’s shoulder. “Darling, that’s not what I meant. Of course you should ask, if you want it. But if I’m going to agree, I need to know what it means to you.”

Keep reading

a little “Arwen you should be writing” bit for @bamf-jaskier‘s Witcher Femslash February day 11 prompt: Blind - and an alternate take on Yen’s blindness post-Sodden.

Keep reading

Witcher Femslash February -  Apart

“What?” Tissaia repeats, not for the first time.

“—me now?” Rita’s voice crackles back into focus, emanating thin but clear from the xenovox on Tissaia’s desk.

“Yes, that’s better.” Somewhat, anyway. “Don’t move.”

“Sorry, darling,” Rita says. “We’ve all been having a terrible time with magical interference lately. Enid says it’s the ruins. Apparently, they emit a low level of magical radiation that can make certain kinds of spells extremely unpredictable. According to Enid, there are all sorts of curious phenomena attributed to interference from lingering elven spellwork. Did you know there’s a manor house somewhere outside of Oxenfurt where a portal is known to open periodically in the back of a wardrobe, of all places?”

Tissaia sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Yes, I did.”

“Somebody really ought to do a comparative study between that portal and the one at Tor Lara. I  don’t think I’ve ever seen a proper survey of spontaneously occurring portals, have you? Maybe Yennefer would know of one. Didn’t she—”

“If I arranged a research grant, would you come home any sooner?”

Rita laughs. “Oh, I’m being a dreadful bore, aren’t I?”

Tissaia doesn’t answer, which is answer enough. Rita has precious little time to spare for her while she’s away on this expedition, and Tissaia doesn’t want to waste what time they do have complaining, though she’s sorely tempted to.

“You aren’t jealous, are you?” Rita asks.

That Rita is far away on an isolated research expedition led by an elven sorceress widely believed to be the most beautiful woman in the world? “Of course not.”

“Well, you have nothing to worry about, my dear.” Tissaia tries not to bristle at the smile she hears in Rita’s voice. “I much prefer a sullen, sour-faced paramour. Someone strict and judgmental, who really can’t take a joke.”

“What a relief,” Tissaia says dryly, and is rewarded with another peal of Rita’s tinny laughter.

“Just a few more weeks,” Rita says, finally relenting in her teasing. “A month, at most.”

“It’s not the same without you here,” Tissaia says, because she cannot bring herself to say, I miss you.

Witcher Femslash February - Burned

Tissaia wakes in the middle of the night to the smell of smoke. It’s not the scent of a fresh fire, only a ghost that clings to her. It’s been like this ever since Sodden. No matter how much she scrubs at her hair or scours her skin with magic, she still catches the scent of it at the oddest moments, and then she’s right back on the smoldering field, the only thing alive for as far as the eye can see.

“Can’t sleep?” comes a weak voice, pulling her back to the makeshift infirmary—the stinging odor of sal ammoniac, the labored breathing of the injured.

Tissaia sits up in her chair and lights a candle, careful to shield its flame with one hand. From the bed, Triss Merigold’s tired eyes look up at her from a face etched with pain.

“My amulet,” she murmurs, “could you … ?”

The charm Triss keeps twisted around her wrist must have slipped off in her sleep. Tissaia gets to her feet and retrieves it from the floor. The moment Tissaia wraps it back around her wrist, the tension on Triss’s face eases. Tissaia wonders how long she lay there suffering in silence, waiting for someone to wake up, and decides she does not want to know.

“You should rest, if you can,” Tissaia says briskly. She’s never had the caretaker’s instinct, has no bedside manner to speak of.

Before Tissaia can turn away, Triss reaches out and grasps her hand. It must hurt to move, but Triss’s grasp is strong. “Is there any news of Yennefer?”

Tissaia removes Triss’s hand and replaces it on top of the coverlet. “None.”

“But she’ll be all right?” Triss sounds like a lost little girl, no older than she was when she first arrived at Aretuza. “We’ll—we’ll find her, won’t we? We won’t leave her alone?”

“We’ll do our best,” Tissaia says, because she doesn’t believe in false promises.

All at once, tears well up in Triss’s eyes, and Tissaia surprised to find her own eyes pricking at their corners in response. Of course, she realizes, watching grief wrack Triss’s frail frame. It seems absurd she hadn’t noticed it before—the way the younger sorceress looks up to Yennefer, the way she used to covet every prize Yennefer attained. She loves her, Tissaia thinks, and smiles in pity at a kindred soul.

Witcher Femslash February - Battle

Tissaia steps through the portal and immediately sinks into a chair, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Why must every conversation be such a trial with her?”

“Who, dear?” Rita emerges from the other room, a book in one hand.

Tissaia’s glance must be more withering than she intended, because Rita sets down her book and comes around behind the chair to rest her hands on Tissaia’s shoulders.

“She treats every single discussion, no matter how trivial, like a conflict she has to win,” Tissaia says, trying not to flinch as Rita’s capable fingers dig into the stiff muscles at the base of her neck.

“Philippa’s highly driven, and she believes in defending what she thinks is right,” Rita says mildly. “Surely you can understand that.”

Tissaia swivels around in her chair to glare at Rita. “Philippa and I are nothing alike.”

“Mm, no, of course not.” With one palm on Tissaia’s cheek, Rita firmly turns her head so she’s facing forward again, and returns her attention to Tissaia’s shoulders. “You’re certainly not both extremely capable women fighting to reshape the future in a better image. Nothing in common at all.”

Just then, Rita’s thumb releases a tough knot in Tissaia’s neck and Tissaia groans, leaning back against the chair in relief.

“And,” Rita says, “you both make the loveliest noises under my hands.”

Whatever progress Rita had managed to make disappears immediately, as Tissaia tenses up at the thought of Rita touching Philippa like this—or in other ways. She’s far too proud to say anything—it’s not as if they’ve made any promises to each other. Rita only laughs, and leans forward to wrap her arms around Tissaia.

“Oh, darling, don’t be jealous,” she says, brushing a kiss against Tissaia’s cheek.

“I am not—”

“Besides,” Rita continues sweetly, “everyone knows you’re the only one she really has eyes for.”

the ladies of the witcher vs. @scandalousladysuggestion

This is a hot take but if Tissaia did that hand shit to me like she did with Fringilla I’d betray her too tbh

the witcher characters rated on their sluttiness

truly nonnie!!! i tend to thirst about the women but all of the men are so gorgeous too!! honestly the casting directors just went off with this series istg. so to celebrate their beauties i, a completely biased observer, am going to rate their sluttiness. you didn’t ask for this and i don’t even know what sluttiness really means, so this is probably the best idea i’ve ever had.

first off, triss merigold. why? because i love her. she loves walking hooded through the woods with no particular purpose just in case she finds a witcher roaming around. loves dramatic entrances and takes herself too seriously. she thinks she’s super tough but the puppy eyes jump out whenever she sees someone she likes. and she likes everyone. sluttiness: 4/10 (adorableness: 10/10)

sabrina glevissig. does it need to be said. sluttiness: 10/10

yennefer of vengerberg. our gorgeous leading lady. baffling. lights up entire rooms when she smiles and destroys with her sweet kiss. don’t call her pretty though or she’ll cut your balls off. do not mess with her or you’ll end up being used as a living torch. sluttiness: i’m too scared to rate

tissaia de vries. she could turn me into one of her eels and i’d be thankful. the simon cowell meets gordon ramsay of the witcher. hobbies include turning around dramatically to prove a point without having to actually verbalise it and sprawling on sofas. sluttiness: 9.99/10

filavandrel. his kingdom includes one elf and a mangoat. pointy ears make him look refined. girls are in love with his hair. a true king of a cover magazine. owns one shawl. sluttiness: 9/10

poker face cahir. occupation: villain (temporary). not a very good one tho. has a very weird and unsettling fight scene with himself involving breathplay that pushes his sluttiness meter up. sluttiness: 6/10

fringilla vigo. a babe. a murderous one. still a babe. pissed and dangerous. her glares do the killing for her. sluttiness: 7/10

the dryads. magnificent. incredible. a vision from heaven. completely inappropriately dressed to live in a forest. use loose sandals to climb up tress and walk over rocks. they are the ultimate badass or masochists, only they know which. sluttiness: 9.7/10

DAMMIT THIS PAIR. THIS BLOODY PAIR. i understand why cintra is the jewel of the north. i’d surrender to them too. let the queen and her himbo husband take over my empire or whatever. gilf power is what they have. sluttiness: 11/10

istredd. THIS man good god. the beard does do him a favour. dammit. the first outfit tho and the super light eyes were creepy af. sluttiness: 7.98/10

goddammit vilgefortz. you weren’t supposed to be pretty you lil shit. mahesh jadu more like majestic jadu if you get my drift. just this picture exudes more sensuality than any of those dior commercials. but please triss don’t call him daddy again or i will start crying. sluttiness: 20/10

don’t get me started on jaskier. what other show could pull off this immortal, slutty, slutty bard that likes to wear his doublets undone for the sake of it with the face of a baby and no refrain whatsoever. sluttiness: 250/10

and of course, our witcher. sluttiness: 12903/10. go geralt