A BLIGHT ON SOCIETY

I have a problem in which my voice completely gives out and I physically cannot speak if I get too overwhelmed. Like it even hurts my throat and it can take upwards of two hours or longer before I can speak again, provided I’ve calmed down. Speaking is also a struggle for a little while, my voice is very quiet and scratchy afterwards and it really takes time before I can talk normally again.

What is this. What is wrong with me. I’ve looked into selective mutism but I don’t think it happens frequently enough or long enough for it to count? I don’t know if I’m autistic either. I also don’t really know how long it’s been going on… I can’t remember if this happened to me as a child too, I only started noticing it in… 2018 or 2019, if I had to guess.

It really only happens a few times a year on average so like…?? Is it just a stupid trauma response?? Someone help.

buying blackout curtains to make it pitch black in my room during the day thus triggering my Desire to Draw at times that aren't 5am.

Honestly it's amazing how much post game content there is in BW2, there's the PWT and musicals fuck musicals and pokestar studios and the medal rally and it's just. So much. It's so cool. But BW2 was like... I think one of if not The Worst selling mainline Pokemon games so it kinda feels like they put in all that effort, went 'huh. no one likes it :/' and then just Never Did It Again.

The medal rally in Pokemon BW2 is very fun to me since they're like lil achievements in Pokemon, but making one of the achievements 'get Pokerus' is INSANE.

That's like a 1/20,000 chance if I'm not mistaken?? Somewhere around there. Finding a shiny pokemon in BW2 is a 1/8192 chance without shiny charm. For comparison.

hrm.

There’s a joke in here somewhere.

I love being disabled, watch this *takes a 20 minute shower that results in a splitting tension headache that makes me useless for the rest of the day*

This is the second night in a row I've had a dream where I 'cut' all of my hair off. The second one was more I just pulled it all off in huge chunks but the theme still stands. What does this mean.

Gotta say. Kinda weird for my dad to call me his rock. I feel like that is not my responsibility as the child in a father/child relationship.

okay. sorry. done going insane about mouthwashing. for now.

ggh.

My legs are flaring up today which transferred into my dream as being physically incapable of walking which was. Strange.

Having a personality disorder is so fucking cringe dude I’m having such a bad time.

I need to make a private vent blog so I can scream all of my horrible awful thoughts into the void without making everyone worry about me.

At least I have therapy tomorrow.

Here’s a pic of my cat trying to steal my croissant. He thinks it’s for him but it’s not.