You’re Under My Skin Man, The Fuck Can I Do?

destiel pride day 6 : profound bond :3

it HAD TO be the empty deal because it's the only place that dean cant follow

@souporsaladnatural bruh

Jensen saying stuff . mp4

(sources here)

//𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡//

― Louise Glück, Winter Recipes from the Collective

scripts: 12x23 || 15x18

[insp]

it's easy to lose sight of given the sublime beautiful landmark moment to follow but I'm just as awed and impressed with how the creative team once again and for all leveraged the negative space no network censorship could touch for the Un-Reveal that Dean and Cas have such a close romantic (profound) bond they hold each other to the end. no hesitation or fear just leaning into each other finding acceptance in each other's arms. in the opposite of Dramatic Irony this intimacy is silently understood between them but (like the mixxtape and Fanfic Gaps before it and the series-recontextualizing testament ahead) unveils to us The World outside the voyeuristic gaze of The Powers That Be that these writers fought for For Love

an entire series and thesis about how men raised into toxic masculinity and violence can reempower themselves with radical vulnerability and they strategically structured thee Pivotal Moment thee emotional climax as central and censor-proof to say of course that includes them loving each other. and they said that love is forever and death-defying rule-breaking and they made it so so thoroughly and truly an entire sabotaged stolen finale couldn't cut it out. that Authentic Loving Hug the actors keep talking about for a reunion that Big Embrace is just The Truth the writers put in that refuses to die in any way that matters just like these characters together forever

at every possible turn they said if you're forcing us to only let this love live and grow in the offscreen just watch it live and grow in the offscreen. so the love that dares to defy in speaking its name is too only "revealing" the legitimate epic romance there all along

gripped tight

Husbands

destiel x brokeback mountain, happy destiel day !

dean + cooking 🍳

Cas is always leaving for urgent reasons, for big important quests or missions.

But here, oh here... it couldn't be more different.

And Dean tries SO hard to ask him to stay.

///

When Cas comes into his room, Dean starts opening up immediately. And clearly, he wants to keep talking to Cas here, to sit down and rest, to hang out together!

Dean must be so exhausted, post-demon-withdrawal. I mean. He's been pretty much off his head for months, really ever since Mr. Cuthbert and Cain.

But now Dean... humanity again. Anne-Marie "humanity"'s words put into motion his journey back. He's back on the side of humanity, even on his own side of the bed.

///

One of the things that sticks out is the subconscious body language in the next bit. Dean subconsciously drifts from his normal side of the bed...

...to the other side, the pizza side, the side with the fan, the side with the tall "dancing" lamp.

On his way, he nervously fiddles, clearing the books off the "Cas" side like he doesn't quite know what to do with his hands during this conversation.

///

Dean airs his fears and anxieties, and he and Cas fall into easy, comfortable banter. They make each other "whuff" with laughter... even smile.

When Cas smiles, it triggers some responses.

Dean starts swallowing and shifting his eyes. Then he attempts to say something meaningful: "I'm glad you're here."

*trying* *trying*

///

And in response to this? Cas starts to leave. Ouch! He even drifts backwards within-frame.

<- <- <- <-

Then he turns around. :(

BUT THEN!

CAS turns back around, almost like he doesn't want to leave either. But he puts back on his game face, his "duty" face. He's perpetually in mission mode, like he told Hannah before.

Meanwhile, Dean is at first hopeful when Cas turns back around, but then...

Then to Dean, he shows care, telling him he should get some rest.

While Cas tells Dean to take some time off, it's clear Cas himself has no plans of resting. Cas seems to "never sleep" and is seemingly perpetually traveling the road of work.

If Dean is a roadrunner-desperado, never stopping to settle down, Cas is that to the power of 10,000. But not JUST on the road but in the air, too. An unreachable flight pattern.

...

And as Dean listens, his heart squeezes a little, maybe. The timing might be "right."

But not that kind of timing.

Because, if "Heaven and Hell are reasonably back in order," as Cas says, and if it's "quiet out there...."

Then, if Cas won't stay NOW? He won't stay ever.

And...

Dean is left looking a little dazed, a little lost. :(

("Oh.")

(nodding a little to himself)

Years later, and I think we should talk more about Dean blaming himself for Cas' death. Cas calls him selfless, loving, and the most caring man on Earth. In every word, he says Dean is a man worth loving and worth dying for. But before Cas' declaration, Dean says that he led them into a trap because he was angry and needed something to kill. He is already taking the blame because he was the one who said they could kill Billie, and Cas tagged along. I'm pretty sure Dean knew Cas would because, of course, he would.

The point is, imagine everything that went through Dean's mind after Cas' goodbye, knowing how Dean is: "If Cas hadn't come with me, he would be alive."If I hadn't led us here, Cas would be alive."If Billie had entered sooner, Cas might be alive, or at least I would have died with him."If Cas had stopped when I asked him not to do this, not now, he'd be alive."If I had agreed to fight Billie, side by side, he would be alive."If Cas had told me about the deal, Cas would be alive."If he hadn't loved me, he would be alive." "If just loving me hadn't made him so happy, he'd be alive."

The way Cas was so immediately whipped for Dean Winchester

Like here, take this angel blade. It can kill any angel, including myself

I carved protective sigils into your ribs, you’ll be hidden from any angel including myself

I will rebel for you. Against god, against heaven, against my fellow angels, and against who I once was

I’ll take on your brother’s trauma, I’ll get you out of purgatory, I’ll abandon an army for you yet again, I’ll pull you back from being a demon, I’ll be here protecting you even when we’re the last two people on earth, I’ll face the Darkness for you, the Devil, Death and the Empty. I’ll love you even if it kills me.