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Awkward Sultana

@awkward-sultana / awkward-sultana.tumblr.com

30s. She/Her. INFJ-T. Huffleclaw. Reader. Writer. Short. Tired. DAILY period drama posts.
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The Signs as Girlfriends

Aries: At first appears shy, but is actually fiercely protective and outgoing, all they need is to feel comfortable and they’ll come out of their shell. Lots of wrestling and neck kisses, able to unhinge her jaw like a snake. Constantly devouring small animals whole when she thinks you’re not looking. 

Taurus: Quirky and fun. Lots of hand holding and tight tight hugs. Can sometimes have difficulty voicing how she feels, and so shows affection through actions rather than words. She only feels comfortable speaking in words she has stolen from other lesser girlfriends. Wants her mouth back.

Gemini: More controlling than some people would like, knows all your casual little kinks, idly plays with your hair. Playful bites. Intense skincare routine, made of porcelain, joints bend backwards. During quiet moments you catch her staring dreamily at you.

Cancer: Big sweaters and warm drinks. Constantly wants attention in small ways. Would prefer to just be in the room with you whenever she can. Wants to play video games with you but her claws make it difficult. Sleepy a lot, especially during winter and rainstorms. 

Leo: Always taking pictures with you. Super outgoing, loves to show you off to other people, even when it can be awkward. Can be a little jealous, to the point of exploding into a cloud of sentient mist that only leaves bones behind. Never stops flirting with you.

Virgo: Eager to a fault, she never stops wanting to try new things with you. Impulsive and adventurous. Host to a colony of parasitic invertebrates that feed on knowledge. A knack for fixing things and a wellspring of trivia.

Libra: Charming as all hell, content with a simple, classic relationship. Lots of movie dates and night drives. Corny but sincere. Never sleeps. Confused by electronics. Always wearing the same set of clothes. Makes noises like intense radio static when scared. 

Scorpio: Hoodie thief extraordinaire. Tons of inside jokes. You feel like you’ve known her forever. Extremely knowledgeable about poisons. Two sets of eyelids. Asks a lot of questions about your blood. Always concerned for your health.

Ophiuchus: Sarcastic, wise beyond her years. No hair due to the burn scars. Good with her hands. Expert marksman. Handmade prosthetic arm. Wanted for piracy. Able to sleep pretty much anywhere.

Sagittarius: Constantly wrapped in a blanket. The epitome of netflix and chill. Can drink you under the table. A good listener. Overwhelmingly strong. Scars from where manacles were branded to her flesh. 

Capricorn: Knows a little bit about just about everything. Witty jokes and gentle roasting. Loves hearing about your interests. Pet falcon that watches you all the time. Every member of her family also has a surprisingly well trained pet falcon and owns the same curved sword. 

Aquarius: Competitive and carefree. Encourages you to practice your interests.  Bites her lip when she sees you. Infectious smile. Brags about you. Refers to you as an endovertebrate. 

Pisces: Loves to make you things. Buys you lots of small presents. Loves just listening to you talk. Bio-luminescent blood. Completely prehensile limbs. Very thoughtful.

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leopharry

I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you’re welcome.

those born under the sign of the bees:

  • have emotions
  • think thoughts
  • is likely introverted or extroverted
  • has at least a few friends
  • was born at some point
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the signs as florida man

Aries: florida man dies after winning roach eating contest
Taurus: florida man arrested for dialing 911 after his cat was denied entry into a strip club
Gemini: florida man steals truck with $75,000 worth of Campbell’s soup, has brief low-sodium joy ride
Cancer: florida man reportedly dances on a police car to summon help in vampire battle
Leo: florida man tasered after naked marriage proposal at wrong house
Virgo:a tired florida man fell asleep while robbing a home
Libra: florida man inherits 13,000 pieces of clown memorabilia
Scorpio: florida man arrested for assault with taco bell burrito
Sagittarius: florida man shot in the ass for protecting turtle’s nest from drunk guy
Capricorn: florida man suspected of smelling woman’s feet at library leads police on scooter chase
Aquarius: florida man accused of carrying jugs to water pot plants
Pisces: florida man enters wrong home, tries to kick everyone out
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Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Everyone makes mistakes, but know that they are always your own. Nobody can fuck up for you.

Taurus: Two people broken in opposing ways can group up to form terrifyingly effective teams. Find someone who compliments your madness.

Gemini: Indecision can be easily dispelled with an airhorn.

Cancer: The stars know you have a lot riding on this. The sparkle will eventually face, but know that caring for that luster will bring the purpose you desire

Leo: Human things are not perfect. Perfect things are not human. Fear this.

Virgo: [Todays horoscope only exists when it is not being observed]

Libra: The remains of a sunken ship lie dormant beneath your home. The old wood rots, releasing the memories trapped inside.

Scorpio: Your blood runs white with truth.

Ophiuchus: Tonight victory can be found within rhythm guitar and waves of golden holy fire.

Sagittarius: Things seem odd? Little off kilter? Out of sorts? Just you wait. Things are about to get so much stranger.

Capricorn: Chase your dreams into the woods and teat their throat out.

Aquarius: Your business is your own. All a nosy question begets is an unsettling answer or blank silence.

Pisces: Just when you least expect it, love will tear itself, fully grown, from Zeus’s forehead.

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hagiopolos

The Signs As Things That Happened In Florida In 2017

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio: 

Sagittarius: 

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

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Symbolic Substances

Gold (prestige, radiance, wisdom): Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn
Blood (heritage, vitality, passion): Aries, Cancer, Virgo
Apple (knowledge, temptation, beauty) : Taurus, Gemini, Sagittarius
Honey (spirituality, eloquence, delight): Libra, Aquarius, Pisces,
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astroqueenss

The signs as historical women

Aries: Jeanne d'Arc

Also known as the Maid of Orléans, Jeanne d’Arc (1412 - 1431) was a leader of french troops during the Hundred Years War. She came from a peasant family and could neither read nor write. When she was 12, it is said that she began hearing heavenly voices (one of them is said to have been the Archangel Michael), who told her to save her country. At this time, almost all of France was controlled by England. She went to Bourges to meet the dauphin, Charles VII, and when she left, she was the commander of the french troops. Her most famous battle was the Siege of Orléans, where the siege was lifted after only nine days. 1430 she was captured by Burgundians (allied with the english) and was burned at the stake on May 30th, 1431, at the age of 19. 

Taurus: Catherine the Great

Catherine the Great (1729 - 1796) was the Empress of Russia. She came to power after her husband, Peter III was assassinated. During her reign she expanded the Russian boundaries considerably and promoted education and Enlightenment - Russia grew larger and stronger than ever before. Russian borders spread as far as to the Black Sea and Central Europe. During her reign Russia became known as one of the great powers of Europe. She is the longest ruling female of Russia. 

Gemini: Nakano Takeko

Nakano Takeko (1847 - 1868) was a Japanese female warrior of the Aizu domain, who fought and died during the Boshin War. She was thoroughly trained in the martial and literary arts. During the Battle of Aizu, she fought with a naginata and was the leader of a group of female combatans who fought in the battle independently, as the senior Aizu retainers did not allow them to fight as an official part of the domain’s army.  While leading a charge against Imperial Japanese Army troops, she was fatally shot in the chest. Rather than let the enemy capture her head as a trophy, she asked her sister, to cut it off and have it buried. It was taken to Hōkai Temple and buried under a pine tree.

Cancer: Queen Christina of Sweden

Christina (1626 - 1689) was the Queen of Sweden, Grand Princess of Finland and Duchess of Estonia. She was the only surviving child of King Gustaf II Adolf, and when he died during the Battle of Lützen in the Thirty Years War, she became queen. However, she was only 6 years old when this happened. When she was born, she was believed to be a boy. When it was discovered that she was a girl, her father didn’t matter; he had become very closely attached to her. She was raised as a king, and her father made sure that she would inherit the throne when he died, even though she was a girl. Christina is remembered as being one of the most well educated women of the 1600s. She rejected the sexual role of a woman, and decided to never marry. In 1654 she abdicated, converted to Roman Catholicism (Sweden was a protestant country) and moved to Rome. 

Leo: Boudica

Boudica (dead 60-61 AD) was the Celtic war queen of the british tribe Iceni, who lead a major uprising against the occupying forces of the Roman Empire. Her warriors successfully defeated the Roman Ninth Legion and destroyed the capital of Roman Britain. She was later captured by Roman soldiers, but instead of letting them kill her she is believed to have poisoned herself.

Virgo: Elizabeth I

Queen Elizabeth I (1533 - 1603) is remembered as one of the greatest monarchs to ever have ruled England (and Ireland). Her rule is known as “Englands golden age”. She is also known as the Virgin Queen or Good Queen Bess. She never married, nor had any children. Therefore, her death marked the end of the Tudor Era. When the Spanish Armada invaded England in 1588, Elizabeth defended her strength as a female leader, saying: “I know I have the body of a weak, feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too.” 

Libra: Anne Boleyn

Anne Boleyn (c. 1501 - 1536) was the second wife of King Henry VIII. Henry had wanted her to become his mistress during the 1520s, but she refused, telling him she had to become his wife first. In order to marry Anne, Henry had to get divorced from Catherine of Aragon. However, as the pope refused to acknowledge the divorce, Henry broke with the catholic church, making England a protestant country. Anne Boleyn married the king in 1533 and was crowned the Queen of England, and gave birth to a daughter, Elizabeth, September 7th 1533. Henry VIII was mad at her for not giving birth to a son, and searched for a reason to get rid of her. 1536 Anne Boleyn was accused of adultery, incest and being a witch. She was found guilty, and on May 19th, 1536, she was beheaded. After her daughter was crowned as Queen Elizabeth I, Anne was venerated as a martyr and a heroine of the English Reformation.

Scorpio: Lyudmila Pavlichenko 

Lyudmila Pavlichenko (1916 - 1974) was an Ukrainian Soviet sniper during World War II. She is regarded as the most successful female sniper in history with 309 kills. In 1943 she was awarded the Hero of the Soviet Union. During the war she was also known as Lady Death.

Sagittarius: Grace O’Malley

Grace O’Malley (1530 - 1603) was a female pirate and Irish queen in the 16th century. She  is sometimes known as “The Sea Queen of Connacht”.  She was apparently well-educated and was regarded by contemporaries as being exceptionally formidable and competent. Upon her father’s death she inherited his large shipping and trading business (a trade sometimes referred to as mere piracy). She once met Queen Elizabeth I of England, and refused to bow down before her, as Elizabeth didn’t recognize her as the Queen of Ireland.

Capricorn: Natalia Peshkova

Natalia Peshkova  joined the Russian Army when she was just 17, during World War II. She served as a combat medic, and spent three years at the front, accompanying wounded soldiers from the front to the hospital and fought diseases and starvation among the troops. As the war went on, Peshkova was promoted to Sergeant Major and after the war, she was awarded the Order of the Red Star for bravery.

Aquarius: Elizabeth Coleman

Elizabeth “Bessie” Coleman (1892 - 1926) was the first female pilot of african american descent. She was an american civil aviator. She was denied pilot training in USA, so she learned french and went to France where she could become a pilot. She died in 1926, after flying an unsafe plane, which after ten minutes, unexpectedly went in for a dive and spun around. This lead to Coleman being thrown out of the plane at 610 m (2 100 ft), and she died instantly when she hit the ground.

Pisces: Amelia Earhart

Amelia Earhart (1897 - 1937) was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and also the first woman to recieve a National Geographic Society gold medal. She was a pioneering female pilot, determined and independant, and a supporter of women’s rights. She disappeared in 1937 when she tried to fly around the globe, but she is to this day still remembered as a legend.

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The Zodiac Signs’ Most Common Writing Problems

Procrastination: Taurus, Leo 

Thinking of different unrelated scenes with no idea how to put them together: Aries, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius

Making Mary Sues: Cancer, Virgo, Pisces

Knowing the beginning and end of your story, but not the middle: Gemini, Libra, Scorpio

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