Being aro is such a huge part of my identity, actually. I'm not just a lesbian who's aromantic or an aromantic who's lesbian, I'm both. Equally and at the same time.
I can't be one without simultaneously being the other; the two are fundamentally interwoven
i’m super confused about this all the time so here we go. i’m a lesbian and i’ve been out for a few years now. i’ve been questioning if i’m ace or aro or aspec somewhere for about nine months, and i’m just not sure. i also have depression and anxiety, and i frequently lose possession of my emotions and feelings and become numb or i disassociate from my body, so sometimes i think maybe it’s just that and i’m not aspec. but i have this friend who i thought i liked, and i just kinda don’t anymore, i don’t like her as more than friends but we’ve nearly kissed a few times and sometimes i have this urge to kiss her for no reason, but when i think about it hard i discover i actually don’t really want that. and it’s not just with her, a lot of crushes i’ve had i’ve stopped liking them semifrequently for small amounts of time because i just didn’t buy them everything was fine again. i’m also a virgin, so i don’t really know if i’d like sex but i can’t imagine myself enjoying it, and i haven’t kissed anyone since i was nine and it was a boy and i don’t remember what it was like so i’m not sure if i’d like that. i say i want a girlfriend a lot but then i kind of thing about it and i’m not so sure i do. i’ve seen people on tumblr say they’re aroace lesbians but i’m kinda confused how that works and i’d love it if someone could clarify, i’m fairly sure that’s not me but i’d like to understand that identity better. also, in loveless when georgia is figuring out her sexuality she’s like surely people don’t just see random people and want to have sex with them. i’m reiterating that i’m real life. seriously is this a thing. sorry if this is confusing, i’m confused
Hello, anon! Thank you for reaching out. :)
You could certainly be an aspec lesbian of some sort if that feels right to you. Asexual lesbian, aro lesbian, or even aroace lesbian...all totally valid. As for aroace lesbian, what that means is that you do not feel sexual attraction or romantic attraction towards anyone, but your orientation leans lesbian for other forms of attraction, like aesthetic or platonic, etc. So you're not interested in sex or romance with anyone, but you are attracted towards women visually or mainly want to be in platonic (or queerplatonic) relationships with females. I hope that helps!
It's possible that you're grayromantic, and you have crushes, but they fade quickly or you only go through short periods of time where you have crushes/romantic attraction. And it's totally ok to be a virgin; you can still identify however you wish without having tried sex. :) It all comes down to attraction, not action!
Best wishes to you!!
fun discovery from today's internet rabbit hole:
the first lesbian magazine published in the US, Vice Versa (1947-48), was entirely hand-typed by one Edythe Eyde (better known by her pen name Lisa Ben - yes, that IS an anagram for lesbian). she worked as a secretary with a ton of spare time on her hands, and her boss would tell her he didn't care what she was doing so long as she "looked busy"... so she decided to use her free time to type out copies of a home-made periodical for lesbians, writing most of the content - editorials, book/film reviews, poetry, short stories, and more - herself!
overall, the magazine ran for 9 issues, 16 hand-typed copies of which lisa would mail to friends (well, until one of them advised her she could be arrested for sending "obscene" materials) and distribute at lesbian bars :)
all issues of Vice Versa are digitized here! (the website also has a scan of a great article on Lisa Ben ❤️)
a lot of the issues of the first widely distributed gay publication in the US, ONE magazine (1952-1967), are also available online on JSTOR. there's also this article detailing the magazine's ups and downs and general history, it's v fascinating!
furthermore, a solid amount of The Ladder (1956-1972) - one of the other earliest lesbian periodicals in the US, published by Daughters of Bilitis, the first lesbian rights organization in the US - is also available for online viewing thanks to the Internet Archive
every time I see a post that’s addressing lesbians who have little to no experience with women, it’s always like, ‘it’s okay to have not kissed a girl at 16 or 18 or even 21!!!!’ and I know tumblr skews toward younger people, but it still feels like a harsh reminder that I’m years behind, even by other lesbians’ standards.
it’s totally normal and okay to not have experience with women at any age. it’s okay if you have never been with a woman and you’re 30 or 50 or 70 or even older. it’s okay if you didn’t come out until after you married a man or had children with him. it’s okay if you didn’t even realize you were gay until 25 or 45 or older.
you’re still a ‘real’ lesbian if you didn’t realize you were gay, or if you have a long history of dating men, or if you’ve never slept with a woman.
and no matter how old you are, you still have time. you have time to find a girlfriend or wife. you have time to make memories with a woman. you have time to fall in love.
So I'm an ace lesbian and I wanted to know if it's okay to just say I'm a lesbian if I'm not talking about being ace or the person won't know what ace means. Is that allowed? Or would I have to always specify that I'm ace?
Of course that’s allowed! Whatever works best for you. You don’t have to say that you’re ace to anyone unless you want to. There’s no rules. You’re an ace lesbian, and most people would be like “Ace? Huh?” so if it’s easier to simply say lesbian, that’s fine! :)
i have such a hesitancy to call myself a lesbian ace. mostly cause i feel like i wouldn't be lesbian enough?? i know that sounds buck wild but i have friends who are lesbians and for some reason i feel like me being ace and then also saying i'm a lesbian is somehow invalidating their lesbian experience? so i find safety in just calling myself sapphic cause that feels like i'm not encroaching on a space i don't know that i'd be welcome in.
I have a little secret to tell you. No queer person has the exact same experience as another queer person. So I think it’s unfair to yourself to set up boundaries that can only end up inconsistent. With that said, sapphic is a great label and if you honestly prefer it then use it without shame. I don’t want sapphic to be the consolation prize. Your label is a price in itself. I don’t want you to settle because you don’t have a ™ experience. Also there are tons of ace lesbians and tons of wonderful and caring allo lesbians. But again, whatever label you want in your heart of hearts. Sapphic is beautiful. Lesbian is beautiful. You be you.
*agrees*
I've had this question for a really long time Is it possible to be lesbian and asexual at the same time? I asked my friend and they said yes, but I honestly wasn't too sure.
Your friend is correct. Sapphic/lesbian aces as they often are called do exist and typically experience romantic and other non-sexual forms of attraction toward woman. They are of course no less of a lesbian than those who experience sexual attraction toward woman and you are more than welcome to call yourself lesbian, even toward someone who does not know that you are asexual.
They’re finally here – made to order pride socks, straight from my Etsy shop! Link below or in bio; if you have any questions feel free to comment or message me 🤟
🏳️🌈
Reblog to help this small lgbt artist!
These are some really frickin’ awesome socks.
You properly won’t get round to answering this but I need to ask a question. I think I’m a lesbian because I find women hot but I don’t want to have sex with them. Like I could have a crush on a girl and think she’s cute but I don’t want to have sex with her. I’m not sure if this makes me asexual and homo-romantic or just a weird gay. Thanks for answering if you do but I understand if you don't.
Sorry to have to contradict your first sentence…but of course we’re answering you! :)
I think you’ve hit it right on the nose with homoromantic asexual, actually! Being asexual means that you don’t feel sexual attraction towards [insert gender here], but you can still feel romantic or aesthetic attraction, which might direct your orientations. Since you have crushes on other females but don’t feel sexual attraction, then yes, I’d say homoromantic asexual is accurate. You could also say asexual lesbian, if you prefer.
Best wishes!
hi! there's been a picture floating around tumblr. it's black and white, and depicts an asian girl and a white boy standing in front of a poster that's titled "yeah its a heavy trip but this is a chance to choose your owj label" and "asexual" is written on a list below that. i was wondering if you knew the source and origin of that picture? people are claiming it was taken in 1973 or something and i'd just like some verification i guess.
Yes, I absolutely know which one you’re talking about! You can read about it here: https://makingqueerhistory.tumblr.com/post/175708014234/historicallyace-a-place-to-be-panace and/or here: https://asexualagenda.wordpress.com/2018/08/29/asexuality-in-early-radical-feminism-part-1/
https://www.jstor.org/stable/25783532?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contentsThe source of the photo is: Off Our Backs Vol. 3, No. 6 (February/March 1973)
there’s a lot of like lesbian vs ace stuff and how they hate each other so
i’m ur local lesbian here to tell all ace people that I love u and u deserve to be in this community !!! i will throw hands with anyone who harms u!!!
there’s a lot of like lesbian vs ace stuff and how they hate each other so
i’m ur local ace here to tell all lesbian people that I love u and there’s lots that bring us together !!! i will throw hands with anyone who harms u!!!
Another ace here! I love you all
Bi here! Always gonna be there for you all
I feel solidarity in this tumblr tonight
This. I like this. And we love you all, too. Don’t know where that storyline of hate came from, but it’s not true! We’re glad to see the love and support. :)
