Emet-Selch: “I’m introducing a new alignment: chaotic lawful!”

Emet-Selch, grinning: “I have a strict moral code but nobody can figure out what the hell it is.”

Emet-Selch: Is threatened with a knife

Emet-Selch: “Joke's on you, now I'm horny.”

Emet-Selch: “And here is my wall of inspirational humans.”

WoL: “Is that…just a picture of yourself?”

Emet-Selch: *shrugs* “I’m big enough to admit that I often inspire myself!”

Emet-Selch: “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!”

Yotsuyu:

Asahi:

Emet-Selch:

Solus:

Zenos: *claps*

Emet-Selch: “Well, that’s depressing”

Emet-Selch: “You wont kill me.”

WoL: “What makes you so sure?”

Emet-Selch: “Because you’re madly in love with me.”

WoL: “…..Come again?”

Emet-Selch: *steals WoL’s bike and runs away*

WoL: “AT LEAST RIDE IT YOU IDIOT!!!”

Emet-Selch, probably

Emet-Selch, in a ‘white girl’ voice: “I saw you hanging out with the Exarch yesterday, WoL!”

WoL: “Wo- WOAH, Emet hey, it’s not what you think-!”

Emet-Selch, pulls out gun: “i woNT HESITATE BITCH!”

Emet-Selch: Holds up his gun and fires it into the roof, scaring the shit out of the other Ascians, cackling.

Lahabrea: “thIS IS WHY ZODIARK DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU-!”

Emet-Selch: “Shotgun-!”

WoL sighs and Thancred turns around: “But you had it on the way here- OH JESUS!”

Emet-Selch, holding out a shotgun: “No, I found a shotgun-! And I want the front seat.” Cocks the gun.

Emet-Selch, texting: Babe I stuck my hand in the couch cushion and I’m too lazy to take it out.

Emet-Selch: Send help

WoL, texting back: Why do you do these things

Emet-Selch: I am slowly dying and being consumed by the void

Emet-Selch: I dropped my phone on my face twice

WoL: Bab e

Any other Ascian: “What are you gonna do when you’re eventually murdered in cold blood?”

Emet-Selch, like the dramatic shit he is: “Why is this an inevitability? Why is it ‘when’ and not ‘if’??”

Any of this fool’s comrades: “...You know why.”

Warrior of Light: “Aw you do have feelings!”

Emet-Selch, inhaling deeply: “The only feeling I have right now is annoyance.”

WoL, cheerfully: “Still counts as a feeling!”

G’raha Tia: Back me up, [WoL].

WoL: Whatever he said, he’s right, and fuck you, Emet-Selch.

Emet-Selch: I wasn’t even in this conversation, the fuck?

Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away (WoL x G’raha Tia Headcanon - 5.0 Spoilers)

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine”

G’raha Tia slumped to the ground and the WoL simply cannot breathe- whatever air the Light hadn’t yanked out of their lungs were gone.

Emet-Selch was standing there, smugly.

“You make me happy when sky’s are gray”

Haurchefant collapsed, slumping down to the ground as horror drilled through the WoL’s heart. His shield had been pierced, as had his body.

Ser Zephirin was standing there, smugly.

“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you”

They couldn’t do this, not again. Not another love of their life snatched away in the final hour by their enemy. Their heart couldn’t handle it- the Light already threatened to burst from their chest as G’raha Tia is taken by Emet-Selch.

Please, not him. If I must die now, don’t let me lose him too.

Please.

“Please don’t take my sunshine away”

---

(CONTAINS 5.0 SPOILERS)

---

Emet-Selch: “WHY DONT YOU JUST DIE ALREADY”

Warrior of Light: “Well ive thought about it and could but…” *points to G’raha Tia*

Emet-Selch: *sighs* “Point taken.”

Warrior of Light: “This is generally the part where people apologize.”

Emet-Selch: “I know.”

Warrior of Light: “Then why haven’t you said anything?”

Emet-Selch: “Because I’m not sorry.”