scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

maybe ninjago ghosts don’t die when sprayed with water if they eat lemons first

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

i meant to empty my contact lens case of cleaner and instead launched my allergy pills down the drain. wasn't even holding the lens case

once confidently pointed my car keys at the door out of my house and pressed the unlock button

I’m very excited for my latest craft experiment, where I rhythmically slap sale rank oil paint onto a canvas and I see how long it takes to dry so that I can finally touch the paint textures I stare at so longingly in museums. 12 hours in, still wet. I am beginning to think this might take longer than I thought which you can imagine is quite a burden, as I am absolutely horned up to rub this paint.

You guys sound like you know what you’re talking about but I’m gonna touch it every twenty minutes just to be sure

I’ve put this canvas to age in the basement like a fine wine, along another recent masterpiece of mine “I put the paint on me hand and I slap the canvas like a bongo”

Paint slapped on 6/9, as of 6/22 (I mean actually it was a couple days ago but I didn’t fully check the dryness then so I can’t be sure):

It is rubbery feeling and the peaks of paint move when you flick them. The texture is not at ALL what I expected tbh and it makes me excited to try a different experiment, thick brush strokes, you know, those mad thicc ones that swirl real good

Here’s an additional shot with my coffee cup for a further sense of scale so people will understand that these canvases are small and therefore stop sending me asks about my supposedly gorilla sized hands, you bastards, you rotten bastards scared of the hands your minds gave me

I don’t know shit about art but isn’t this like a great example of art that pushes the boundaries of what art is? Like you’ve got your canvas with paint on it, but your reason for putting the paint there is totally different than why most people put paint on stuff. It’s like a study on texture or something.

Agreed, this is really cool and also I love the fact that you really wanted to touch some paint, so you just went out and bought a bunch of paint and made your own painting for touching purposes. That’s striking me as really really cool right now for reasons I can’t entirely articulate. 

For reference: Really thick paint on a piece of art is called impasto. Another really fun way to do it is with a painting knife: you can make each stroke SUPER SMOOTH like cake icing, but with visible, touchable texture between the strokes.

More impasto:

art by Jan Ironside, who does THICK IMPASTO FLOWERS THAT I SO WANT TO TOUCH

You LITERALLY sat down to watch paint dry…

Museums should have stuff like this on display JUST so you can touch it. With a sign like, “Feel me up! I won’t alarm!”

make good art

Only thing about thick impasto is that the paint can get a bit sharp sometimes. Like, I’ve cut my hand on dried impasto paint because the paint stroke was that pointed. -.-;

Every reply on this post is delightful

sorry this is not relevant at all but ive seen this post many times and EVERY SINGLE TIME “ stop sending me asks about my supposedly gorilla sized hands, you bastards, you rotten bastards scared of the hands your minds gave me” makes me spiral ive never laughed so hard thank you

This entire thread is wonderful. What better reason to create art than pure human curiosity? 🥰

If you want to get real thiccccc impasto, you really want to get a medium to mix. And for texture in general you can get some real wild mediums. Ones that make the paint foamy, ones that make it crackle or glitter. All kinds of fun stuff.

Or get wild, mix sand in your paint or something. Nothing stopping you.

umm i need reassurance that my presence is wanted but i can’t ask for reassurance because that’s really Embarrassing and it wouldn’t feel genuine if i asked for it

Reblog to let prev know their presence is wanted

I just got described as an "ad hating commie" by someone because I said a minute of youtube ads is unpleasant. fully spent 5 minutes arguing and defending youtube ads. insane stuff

reblog if you are an ad hating commie

I’m resharing this because I too have a dark side

it’s called a shadow, idiot

no shadow is the black and red one you dont know anything about sonic

the fact that you can press b to cancel a pokemons evolution is so funny to me. like imagine a butterfly about to emerge from a chrysalis and you just put your hand on it like ‘shhh. buddy. not yet’ and its like ‘aww ok’ n climbs back in and zips itself up like a sleeping bag 

elijah if you keep outfunnying me on my own posts like this im gonna be out of a job soon

My parents have a “Festivus” party every year and this year I found this sign on their bedroom door

certified door post

Pookie? Pookie is back?

Also happy halloween

chat i had a thought (SLIGHT SPOILERS + leak info)

will wood? In my ninjago tumblr? sure, why not.

Reblog to come play this stupid homemade board game we're all making.

if a convicted felon can't vote, they shouldn't be allowed to run for president either.

Also devolution live is literally an experience you can't convince me that those lyrics weren't written with the live audience in mind

don’t worry everyone the doctor who wiki has everything under control

was??

me after bottom surgery

WAIT WAIT WAIT WRONG ACCOUNT DONT REBLOG THIS