THAT '70S SHOW: STARTERS

• "Well, damn, [name], I can't control the weather!"
• "If I could run across a beach into my own arms, I would."
• "Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy."
• "What did you eat for breakfast? Carnation Instant Bitch?"
• "Why do you think the Martians won't land here? Because they're green, and they know people are going to make fun of them."
• "It's every little girl's dream to get married out of spite!"
• "We keep our Christmas decorations down there! Baby Jesus was watching!"
• "If this van's a-rockin'... we're in there, doing it."
• "Well, I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to."
• "Anyone else feel like a rainbow?"
• "My heart aches with pain. When I see you, I vomit. Die away from me."
• "The beautiful cannot be held responsible for the havoc our looks create."
• "My foot is shaking, it wants to kick his ass so bad!"
• "Just once, I want the right thing and the topless thing to be the same thing!"
• "If you don't get caught, everything is legal."
• "I am not drunk! I am upset! ...And drunk."
• "Where Zen ends, ass-kicking begins."
• "Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you."
• "I'm a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-ass son of a bitch."
• "[Name], get in the car. We're going on a freaking date."
• "When I go to the hospital, I like to not die."
• "Crack a book, you lazy son of a bitch."
• "If you really do love her, there's only one thing to do, man. You got to dump her, and live free."
• "I'm going to go out, meet some boys, and crush their hearts one by one."
• "I'm like ketchup. I go good on everything."
• "I was never happy. I was just less pissed off."
• "So that's what an adulteress is! I always thought it was a tiny adult."
• "For your information, I'm already sorry I was ever born."
• "What are you gonna put on your résumé? Dumbass?"
• "I'd get up, but my back is still sore from that knife you stuck in it."
• "I don't want to go outside! There are people out there!"
• "I cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth!"
• "Oh, no. Now I have to act normal."
• "You can hit him in the groin with a banjo."
• "Well, I've got to go to sleep, because I have a big day of misery ahead of me tomorrow."
• "I don't need another friend. I've already got two."
• "Seeing you work hard and take pride in what you do... I lost respect for you, man."
• "I wanted to get you a card, but they don't have one for our specific situation. So, here — happy first communion."
• "I could kill you without making a sound."
• "I can't go outside. I'm allergic to pollen. And social situations."

CARS: STARTERS

• "I eat losers for breakfast. ...Wait, maybe I should have had breakfast. A little brekky could be good for me."
• "This ain't a one-man deal, kid. You ain't gonna win unless you got good folks behind you, and you let them do their job like they should."
• "Hey, that must be really embarrassing. But I wouldn't worry about it... because I didn't do it!"
• "And it is such an honor to be your agent that it almost hurts me to take ten percent of your winnings. And merchandising. And ancillary rights in perpetuity. Anyway!"
• "I didn't see it, but I heard you were great."
• "He's shooting at me! Why is he shooting at me?!"
• "The sixties weren't good to you, were they?"
• "Boy, you're in a heap of trouble."
• "Well, if you think that's great, you should see the rest of the town."
• "What did I tell you about talking to the accused?!"
• "Officer, babe, talk to me. How long is this gonna take? I've got to get to [place], pronto."
• "I'm gonna put him in jail 'til he rots. ...No, check that. I'm gonna put him in jail 'til the jail rots on top of him, and then I'm gonna move him to a new jail, and let that jail rot."
• "Be careful. Folks around here are not firing on all cylinders, if you know what I mean."
• "Oh, I am so not taking you to dinner."
• "I know this may be a bad time right now, but you owe me $32,000 in legal fees."
• "I'm in hillbilly hell! My IQ is dropping by the second! I'm becoming one of them!"
• "Say thanks, and I'll be on my way. That's all you've got to say."
• "Is he making another run for it?"
• "When I say go, we go. But don't let [name] catch you."
• "I tell you what, buddy, it don't get much better than this."
• "You're in love with [name]! You're in love with [name]! You're in love! You love her! You love her! You really love her!"
• "I knew you couldn't drive. I didn't know you couldn't read."
• "Okay, you got me out here. Where are we going?"
• "Well, that was my life. And you know what? It never felt... happy. So I left [place], and just drove and drove until I finally broke down right here."
• "It's kinda nice to slow down every once in a while."
• "Hey, listen! Listen! If anybody asks you, we were out smashing mailboxes, okay?"
• "I still had a lot of stuff left in me. I never got a chance to show them."
• "When is the last time you cared about something besides yourself, hot rod? You name me one time, and I will take it all back."
• "There are good folks around here who care about one another. I don't want them depending on someone they can't count on."
• "You've been here how long, and your friends don't even know who you are?"
• "You're gonna fit right in in [place]."
• "Is it true you've been in rehab? Did you have a nervous breakdown?"
• "We're best buds! I ain't bragging or nothing, but I was in charge of hunting him down if he tried to escape."
• "You can't buy this kind of publicity! What do you even need me for? ...That's just a figure of speech, by the way. You signed a contract."
• "Good luck in [place]. I hope you find what you're looking for."
• "You're a big, shining star. You're a superstar! You don't belong there, anyway."
• "Don't worry about it, kid. It's the least I could do."
• "I didn't come all this way just to see you quit."
• "You've got a lot of stuff, kid."
• "[Name], there's a whole lot more to racing than just winning."