The past, the present... The future.
Summary: In SHIELD you are known for your charisma and your irrational optimism. Specially taking in count the irreversible curse HYDRA condemned you with. Because of that, Director Fury has determinate that you are the best person to take care of Bucky’s mental state.
Chapter 1: My curse
Warnings: Contains references to Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD and the inhumans, but nothing that would count as a major spoiler. Also, references to weapons (guns).
A/N: This is my very first time writing a fanfic, so I hope you enjoy it! I would love to have some feedback so let me know what you think! I’m planing on doing a series. This part is pretty light, I have a lot more dramatic scenes as the story goes on.
Light floats through the room, creeping across my eyelids to remind me that a new day has started. I sit up and look around my room to orientate myself after another busy night fighting off nightmares. The right wall is made completely out of glass, giving me amazing views of the forest that expands all around the facility. It also fills my room with light at any hour of the day, which is fortunate, as the walls are painted black. Next to the window I have an immense desk covered in papers and supplies and equipped with the latest technology, just like about anything in my room. I also have a boxing space, bookshelves (not enough for my books: a lot of them are lying on the ground), a full body mirror that doubles as a computer and, of course, my bed. The walls are covered with posters of any topic imaginable, from movies to the latest science innovations along with photos and… anything hangable, really.
As I’m covered in sweat, i decide to take a shower before heading out into the new day. While I let the warm water drip through my body, mixing with the coconut scent from my shampoo, I ask the personal assistant in the mirror to go through my timetable today and fill me in with anything I may have missed.
“Good morning, Agent Y/N. Today you had a meeting with the Minister of Foreign Affairs to coordinate SHIELD’s missions off borders. You also had agreed to help agent Daisy train the new recruits for the inhumans. Finally you were going to take part in the planing of the mission to take down the latest HYDRA facility found. However, all you plans for today have been cancelled, and your daily revision with agent Jemma Simons was been delayed.”
“And what’s the reason for all this change?” I ask, stepping out of the shower while drying my hair with a towel.
“Director Fury wanted to have a meeting with you before breakfast.”
I nod, wondering what Fury might want to talk about. I come out of the bathroom and open the sliding doors to enter my closet. Aside from the clothes, which I do not have a great variety of as I spend most of my life in uniform, my closet is filled with objects that do not fit in my room, from my electric guitar to boxes with case files. Cameras, souvenirs … even my skate is here!
I dress in my black jumpsuit, with a SHIELD logo on my shoulder, and tie the numerous leather straps that incorporate weapons into my uniform. It’s not like I expect to be attacked at the base soon, but the protocol requires that all active agents carry at least one weapon around, and I must admit that I feel much more comfortable knowing I’m not defenseless. I place the pistol inside the holster on my hip, put on my fingerless gloves and tie my shiny black boots. I put my hair in a braid and finally step out of my room, my brightest smile on, ready to fight the world.
I make my way to Fury’s office, smiling politely at everyone. As I happen to come across Daisy on my way there, I also stop to apologize for not being able to help her this afternoon.
“Don’t worry” she smiles putting a hand on my shoulder “I’m sure you’re going to go up another level or something. Can you go up another level if you already have maximum access to everything? Well, never mind. You have to tell me everything!”
“I’ll meet you for lunch” I promise her as I wave goodbye.
When I enter Fury’s office, he is looking at a report, but puts it down as soon as he realizes I’m in the room. He stands up, smiling.
“Y/N! I’m glad you have finally decided to show up.” I open my mouth to complain, but he carries on in a more serious tone “I have something important. Something really important I need you to take care of. Come here, I’ll explain you everything while we have breakfast.”
A while later, we both sit in front of a steamy plate of scrambled eggs and bacon.
“Nick, all this tension is getting on my nerves. Would you mind to explain what exactly I’m required to do?” I say, my knee bouncing up and down under the table as I try to liberate energy from my body.
He solemnly looks up from his plate and passes me a file. It’s pretty thick, and I recognize the man in the front picture immediately. My heart stops for a millisecond and I have to remind myself to breath. I inhale deeply, fighting against panic, and recompose my smile as well as I can.
“The Winter Soldier…” I say, looking at Fury for more explanations.
“I trust you know his story.”
“I do, I read about him on some files a few months ago. And all the rumors going around..” Nick looks at me in the eye as if he expects me to say something else, but that is all that’s going to come out of my mouth. He leans back before asking.
“What is your opinion on him?”
“My opinion, you mean, as in whether he is innocent or not?” I ignore the ghosts of memories that pass before my eyes and carry on “According to all the data we have, he is. Right?”
“Yes Y/N, Bucky is completely innocent.” he says. The pause that follows warns you that I may not like what’s coming next. “Y/N, Bucky needs psychological support after this traumatic experience. Not a psychologist, but someone to help him adapt and to be his friend. Most importantly, to help him move on. Before you say anything, Steve is not completely qualified to do so, as he doesn’t understand what Bucky has been through. We are still trying to get the trigger words out of his brain and that’s only the beginning of the process of healing. He was taken to the Avengers’ compound about a week ago, as we thought it was easier to treat him from there. Unfortunately, Mr Stark isn’t very happy with the idea. Bucky needs help as soon as posible and I have decided you are the most indicated person to do the job.” He looks at me apologetically, demonstrating, once more, how instinctive he is. I have never told anyone about it, but he somehow knows, somehow feels it.
“Why me?” I whisper, not trusting my voice. Nick looks at me.
“Because you know what it is like, you have lived it. You know what HYDRA does to its prisoners. You probably know something about the mind wiping and you definitely are one of the most empathic persons I have ever come across.” He pauses for a second and then his look softens a little “And you are by far the happiest and more optimistic person I have and will ever meet. All that happened to you, and you are somehow here, in front of me, still smiling.”
I take a deep breath. Nick has a point and, as much as I fear it, I can’t deny my help to someone who needs it so badly. But man, this was going to be difficult. Really difficult. I stand up and take the files.
“When am I leaving to the Avengers Compound?”
Nick smiles “I was hoping you would this afternoon”
I run through the Winter Soldier’s files wile I wait for Jemma to give me my results. I have skim-read the first few pages when Daisy enters the lab and walks towards me.
“I knew I would find you here.” she smiles “I heard you’re moving in to Stark’s.”
“You heard?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, Coulson may have talked with Fury about it and he may or may have not told me a little something” She stops and pulls a fake deep-in-thought pose “Or I may have hacked the system… again.”
“You really are incurable.”
“So… You’re going to be the Winter Soldier’s personal phsycologist?”
“That may, or may not be true.” I laugh “Do you know something about him that could be useful? I’ve read he used to make really good impressions on people.
“That would explain why his name is in the memorial to the agents lost in the line of duty, even though he died before SHIELD was created.”
“I know. Someone has to fix that, by the way. I mean: he was lost, but now he is found. Or maybe metaphorically he is not the same person, after all he has gone through, so he is still lost. Or maybe your name stays there even if you are not actually dead…”
“Or maybe we are just too lazy to change it”
Jemma laughs behind me. I turn around and she presses the tablet in her hand.
“Before I show you anything, I wanted to tell you I have send the instructions of your revision to Mr Stark, so that you can get it done by him once in the compound.” I thank her profusely, even though I’m not extremely excited with the prospect of having a medical revision with a Stark. “Here are your results.” she says, showing me the projection coming from her tablet. I anxiously read all the numbers and signs I have learned by heart in the past years, desperately looking for something, anything, different to usual. I don’t succeed.
“Not a single second?” I ask, in case I have missed something. As she shakes her head, my shoulders sink. Someone would say I should have gotten used to it after all this time but I can’t help to have hope. Daisy puts her arm around me. I take a deep breath and smile again.
I try to think of the positive aspects, but the reality is, I haven’t aged a single minute in the past forty-eight years.
And no, it’s not as fun as you think.
