Anonymous asked:
no
FAIR ENOUGH!
Hi Mr. Torgue, I’m a big fan. I was just wondering what your thoughts on the 4th of July is?
WE AT THE TORGUE CORPORATION WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO STATE OUR EMPHATIC AND UNWAVERING ANTI-CALENDAR STANCE. AT NO POINT HAVE WE EVER LEARNED A DATE AND WE HAVE NO INTENTION OF STARTING SOON.
I purchased Mr. Torgue -brand fireworks and now I live in a crater shaped like a bicep.
I'M MISTER TORGUE, AND I ENDORSE THIS ENDORSEMENT
askmrtorgue reblogged
JUST SAW SOMEONE I DISAGREE WITH ONLINE BUT THEY DIDN’T GIVE THEIR FULL NAME
GOING TO SEND GRENADES TO RANDOM HOUSES UNTIL THEY STOP POSTING
JUST INFORMED WHAT HOT SPOTS ARE
EVERYONE WITHOUT SH*TTY OPINIONS IS ENCOURAGED TO STAY FROM ALL COFFEE SHOPS UNTIL I FIND OUT WHO’S BEEN SAYING DUMB SH*T ON TUMBLR
THIS IS A SUPERWHOLOCKDOWN
JUST SAW SOMEONE I DISAGREE WITH ONLINE BUT THEY DIDN’T GIVE THEIR FULL NAME
GOING TO SEND GRENADES TO RANDOM HOUSES UNTIL THEY STOP POSTING
askmrtorgue reblogged
Petition to make AskMrTorgue canon Mr. Torgue
F*CK YEAH !!!!! MAKE ME INTO A CANNON
DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT
A TORGUE PRIDE FLAG FOR TORGUE BECAUSE PRIDE IS BADASS 💥💥💥💥💥💥
THIS IS A G*DDAMN MASTERPIECE AND I HEREBY DEMAND THAT EVERYONE GETS IT TATTOOED SOMEWHERE DEEPLY CONCERNING
askmrtorgue reblogged
I WILL BE CELEBRATING PRIDE MONTH BY SUPLEXING ANY AND ALL DOUBTS THAT YOUR QUEERNESS IS VALID!!
- “I’M NOT BI ENOUGH TO-“ SUPLEX
- “IS ACE REALLY A PART OF- “SUPLEX
- “I’M QUEER BUT MY PARTNER IS STRAIGHT SO-“ TRIPLE DECKER SUPLEX SUPREME
YOUR SEXUAL AND GENDER IDENTITIES ARE AS VALID AS MY RIPPLING PECS. NOW GET OUT THERE AND WAVE YOUR PRIDE FLAG SO HARD THAT BIGOTRY SH*TS ITS PANTS IN FEAR.
END OF AFFIRMATION
REBLOGGING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE AND I REFUSE TO EVER TYPE MORE WORDS THAN I ABSOLUTELY NEED TO
MR TORGUE CAN WE GET A WORD ON FIREWORKS
I'LL GIVE YOU TWO:
- OOOHHHHH
- AAHHHHHH
IT'S TIME FOR MR TORGUE'S RECIPE CORNER
TODAY'S RECIPE: MOOSE STEAKS
AND WE'RE PUTTING BULLET POINTS ON THIS BECAUSE F*CK COUNTING
- FIND A MOOSE AND SCREAM AT IT UNTIL IT DIES OF FRIGHT. MOOSE ARE NOT SCARED OF SH*T SO THIS WILL TAKE SEVERAL HOURS.
- THROW THE MOOSE CORPSE OVER YOUR SHOULDERS AND CARRY IT BACK TO CAMP. BE SURE TO STOP AND CONSIDER THE DELICATE-ASS MAJESTY OF NATURE'S BEAUTY. IT IS AWE INSPIRING
- SET MOOSE CORPSE ON PILE OF KINDLING. MAKE SURE THAT THE BODY IS SPREAD EVENLY, WITH NOTHING UNEXPOSED OR FOLDED ONTO ITSELF.
- ENSURE THAT KINDLING IS SUFFICIENT TO LAY UNDER MOOSE'S BODY, WITH NO PARTS LAYING ON THE DIRT.
- ADD SEASONS LIBERALLY. YOU MAY BE ASKING ME, "MR TORGUE, WHAT TYPE OF SEASONINGS SHOULD I APPLY?". ANSWER: BUCKETS FULL
- GRAB A MATCH, LIGHT A HANDFUL OF GRENADES, AND THROW THEM AT MOOSE
- SERVES 12
THANK YOU FOR JOINING MR TORGUE'S RECIPE CORNER. JOIN ME NEXT TIME, WHEN I SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A FIVE COURSE MEAL USING NOTHING BUT A FOOD DELIVERY APP AND CRUSHING AMOUNTS OF DEBT
WHY DOES THE NUMBER ONE ON THE KEYBOARD ALWAYS SEEM SO SURPRISED??
MR TORGUE, I HAVE HEARD THAT YOU SAID THAT YOU FOUND OUT HOW MANY NUMBERS THERE ARE, TELL ME HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE THERE?
AT LEAST SIX >:-(
JUST FOUND OUT HOW MANY NUMBERS THERE ARE AND AM VERY UPSET
MISTER TORGUE HERE, ASKING YOU ALL IF IT EVER FEELS LIKE SOME TREES ARE TRYING TO START SOME SH*T?????????
MR TORGUE I WANT YOU TO KNOW I LEARNED TO READ EXCLUSIVELY SO I COULD GO BACK AND READ YOUR ENTIRE BLOG GIVE ME A JOB AT TORGUE
MY RESUME INCLUDES EXPLOSIONS
SORRY TO SAY IT, BUDDY, BUT THIS VIOLATES THE ANTI-LITERACY POLICY OUTLINED IN OUR COMPANY GUIDEBOOK.
THAT SAID, THE REST OF THE HANDBOOK IS PENCIL SKETCHES OF VARIOUS ANIMALS SCREAMING "F*CK THE HANDBOOK", SO I THINK THERE'S SOME WIGGLE ROOM THERE
WELCOME ABOARD
Mr. Torgue meet your dog-self
HOLY SH*T, I AM ONE GOOD BOY