When your girlfriend is a roguelizard and you are very climbable Some Killian/Carey fluff for the soul 🖤

‪Kravitz: Lup, I’m asking your permission to marry your brother.

‪Lup: What is this, the dark ages? You know what? Since you’ve asked me, no you can’t. Beat me in a duel first.

One really interesting thing about the TAZ: Balance universe is that the skills you possess are very much linked to how you acquired those skills and especially the person who taught you them. We see this first when Merle loses his battle-axe proficiency, and along with that loses his memories of training with the battle-axe. And it’s presumably why, in losing their Starblaster memories, Magnus, Merle, and Taako go from incredibly proficient to level 1, even though normal logic would dictate that they should only lose the memories of how they learned their magic/fighting/clerical skills, not those skills themselves.

I think this plays really nicely into the theme of bonds being incredibly powerful forces, so much that losing these bonds means losing actual physical abilities that you learned from them. So much that Taako learning a cooking skill (how to make tacos) from somebody else literally helps save the world. Characters in the TAZ: Balance universe aren’t just sheets of paper with their abilities on them; they’re made up of the relationships they have with other people. 

In The Stolen Century, the narrator says “Our capacity for love increases with each person we cross paths with throughout our lives” — but it’s not just the capacity for love. It’s literally our ability to do anything that increases the more that we form bonds with peoople. 

And oh jeez, that’s pretty sweet. 

Okay, so like, here’s the facts. Lucretia had to figure out new lives for Magnus, Taako, and Merle with only the ability to take away information via the Voidfish.

As we know, Taako just got hooked up with his show, feesibly without any further erasing needed. I headcanon that the original Merle from Faerun died as a baby, so Lucretia only had to erase the fact that he died to place her Merle with this plane’s version of his family.

But Magnus insists that he was born and raised in Raven’s Roost. And as far as we know, no one ever questioned him on it. So how can Lucretia give him a lifetime at Raven’s Roost if she can only erase something?

The answer: she erased the fact that he’s a stranger. Maybe she wrote down “Magnus Burnsides is not from around here” onto a piece of paper and threw it into the tank without really thinking it through. Because now it’s not just the people of Raven’s Roost who is pretty sure Magnus Burnsides has been here his entire life even though evidence suggests otherwise. everyone in Faerun has this vague sense that Magnus Burnsides has been a vaguely familiar face in these parts for a long time, even if they can’t quite place why.

Magnus tells a barkeeper in Bradybuck that this is his first time here and the barkeeper doesn’t say anything, but they’re pretty sure Magnus has been stopping through here their entire life. Maybe they’re wrong, but either way his familiarity makes him easy to talk to, if not downright comforting to be around.

What I’m trying to get at is that one of the stranger side effects of the voidfish’s static is Magnus’s rustic hospitality.

Absolutely buck-wild things from TAZ I've become desensitized to

-one of the main characters’ name being Taako Taaco

-a different main characters’ name being Barold Bluejeans

-the literal angel of death faking a cockney accent for no real reason

-the main crew being called the Tres Horny Boys

-many of the plot points being caused/resolved by a Fantasy Costco run by Garfield the Cat on the goddamn moon

-the villain, who is an all-powerful being that consumes entire planes of existence, being a middle-aged dude named John

-Merle regularly seducing plants

-a canonical weapon being a Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom

-the absolute disregard of basically all the rules of DnD

-vore

TAZ is living, breathing proof that with enough love and care and in the right lighting, you can get away with anything as a DM.

petals to the metal

The Adventure Zone: Amnesty -  Live-Action Trailer

What a good arc, you guys

Youtube Link

Finally finished my full set of the grand relics and their wielders, because the adventure zone owns my heart now.

ango does a stabby

part one here

Taako takes a Mage Hand to the throat with a grimace, and on anyone else the irony would be delicious — student rising above the master, using his own spells against him, et cetera et fucking cetera — but Taako doesn’t really like dramatic irony when it works against him.

Behind him, Merle flips frantically through the pages of his Bible, soulwood fingers too clumsy, vision too blurry without his glasses. Magnus steps forward. Magnus gets buffeted back. It’d be funny if it weren’t sad. He keeps trying with dogged determination, except Angus pushes him away easily.

No. That — whatever it is, that Relic — isn’t Angus. It’s got him, for sure, but it isn’t him.

And just like Ango’s Mage Hand, Taako’s gonna test just how tight that grip is. 

“C’mon, pumpkin,” he says, diverting a Whirlwind as it tears his hat off his head. He has to shout to make himself heard. “C’mon, Agnes, you in there?”

“Not anymore, sir! It’s a bit too late for this now!”

“You — you know they were just goofs, Ango,” he says, as soothingly as he knows how, and Magnus should be doing this, this is — like, this is his thing, but Magnus is about as magic-proof as a fuckin’ dung beetle and Merle’s never liked the kid anyway, so it’s all up to Taako. Again. “We were just goofing. I mean, we gave your books back, didn’t we?”

“It was really very easy, sir,” says Angus’s voice with Angus’s mouth, bright and cheery. He blasts Taako with Magic Missile and ha, real original, fuckso. He follows right up with a Fireball from one outstretched palm and Taako whips up his Umbrastaff, skirting the flames along its edges. Heat dances along his legs, shrivelling his skin, but he inches forward behind his makeshift shield. If he can just get to Angus, hug the kid, something…. 

Over the roar of the flames, it continues, “It didn’t take long at all for me to convince him he meant nothing! You three really were awful to him.”

Gods, this fucker even sounds like Angus. Taako wants to tell it to stop, command it to stop saying sir, deepen its voice — stop taking Angus’s voice — but shakes his head. Right now, he has to reach Angus.

“Look, I know we were shitty. We…we kinda are shitty, all of us. I mean, what kinda goofuses let a whole town blow up, y’know? Yeah. Real shitty. But we love you, kid. I mean that.”

“Sounds fake, sir,” Angus says, letting loose a lightning bolt. Taako shakes out his hand as electricity sparks up the handle, wincing. He’s so close. He peeks out from behind the Umbrastaff.

“You still in there, D’jango?” he asks. Magnus hits the wall and Taako winces sympathetically. There’s commotion as Merle rushes to heal him but Taako doesn’t hear it, focused entirely on Angus and the wand half-drawn at his side.

“That’s not gonna be enough, sir!” the voice chirps. “You did too much damage with your words already, you’re hardly going to sway him — ”

Angus chokes, doubles over. The winds dissipate, the fires around him dim. Taako steps the rest of the way toward him. This close, he’s breathing shallowly.

“Really?” he asks, broken, quiet.

Taako takes another cautious step forward, lowering his Umbrastaff. His arms are shaking. “Really, kiddo,” he says softly. One step; another, and another. Angus looks up at him, eyes huge and welling.

He’s shaking. They’re both shaking. Exertion, exhaustion, fear; maybe all three. Angus sniffs. “I’m so sorry,” he says, surveying the room, wrapping his arms around himself, shoulders hunched. “I — I didn’t mean, I know, I love you too, I just — I took the dagger and I just wanted to help….”

“Shh,” Taako says, and takes another step. Kneels. Opens his arms. “‘s okay, kiddo.”

“I just wanted to help,” Angus whispers, collapsing into Taako’s embrace, “I just — you and Magnus and Merle do it all the time, and I thought, maybe this time you wouldn’t have to, because I love you, I just — I’m so sorry — ”

“No harm done, kiddo,” Taako says, running a hand through his hair soothingly. “All sorts of forgiveness up in here tonight. Don’t even worry about it.”

“Oh thank goodness,” Angus says, still sniffing pathetically, and buries his face in Taako’s shoulder, and sinks the dagger into his back.

Keep reading

You’re an immortal. Your secret? Flirting with death and running away as fast as you can once they’re distracted.

The Adventure Zone: Balance

drawn from this post

[ID: Magnus and Carey at a bar

Magnus: can I buy you a drink?

Carey: …I have a girlfriend

Magnus: …

Magnus, counting his few gold pieces in his hand: She can only get something small then.]

hello im HERE and i wanna talk about TAAKITZ

a skeleton? getting seduced by an extraplanar alien in a pointy hat? it’s more likely than u think

actually what i want to talk about is how taako is an alien. he’s an elf but he’s also an alien. yeah. he’s not like the other sun elves on this plane… his teeth are sharper. his eyes do that thing cats’ do when you happen across one in the dark. that’s not normal. he can echolocate. that’s not normal! that’s canon, babey. 

taako echolocates to find something in the quad one day and avi’s like “what the fuck” but this seems very ordinary and mundane to magnus and merle. yeah, they say. all elves can do that, right? avi’s just like what??? n. no???

taako just stands up and screams. oh, tight, there’s his magazine.

across the quad, lucretia, suddenly realizing that elves here do not echolocate, whispers “fuck" very quietly to herself. forgot to put that one in ya books, huh, luce.

OH MY GOD

more proof that taako is gina linetti

Taako gets his sizzle on 🍳

i can’t decide whether molly and taako would hate each other or be best friends

they would DESPISE each other for YEARS and then something cataclysmic would happen like they wear the same outfit to the same place and have a huge fight and come out of it as brothers in arms

“Hi Merle. You got a minute?”