꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ryu ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱

i was severely depressed then i started blasting POP IN 2 from oshi no ko and damn i feel like the cutest girl in whole world with no reason to be depressed

✨✨THERE IS NO REASON TO BE SAD IF YOU’RE THE CUTEST GIRL IN THR WORD HIGH ON MYSLEE ✨✨

I WANT TO GET WORSE.

whew, among all the things that have happened to me, the icing on the cake was starting to hear voices….

it's strange if i tell you that i almost missed them?

it's a long story for me, and it's very personal.

but it's six in the morning and my head is swirling with thoughts that won't stop, even though i've taken my sedative. but it doesn't matter.

and now it's really time to go to sleep.

this morning i will rest peacefully. ♡

𝓲𝓰: 𝔁𝓾𝔁____._𝓻𝔂𝓾₊˚⊹♡ ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

so much jirai discourse lately. you know what i think?

wear what you want, nobody can police you on your clothes at the end of the day.

but be mindful that you are simply wearing a fashion without necessarily engaging with the underlying experiences that define the whole subculture for many.

that’s why it can seem disrespectful to set rules or redefine aspects of the subculture when you’re a newcomer and primarily engaging with it on a superficial level.

you know what i find very contradictory about myself?

i want to live in an imaginary world where everything is in order, cute, and clean

and yet, i struggle to do even the most basic things. i find it hard to keep my room clean, cute, and organized because the mess in my head is reflected in the mess in the spaces i live in.

so, just as there is chaos in my head, there is chaos in my room

i hate this so much

wow being on a high dose of antidepressants during spring is the sweetest feeling in the whole world! ☆♪

the earth is shining with new possibilities and everything feels like a hug… i’m so happy to be here experiencing existence and i love myself so much . ♡

pls send me questions i need to interact with a human being……

𝓲𝓰: 𝔁𝓾𝔁____._𝓻𝔂𝓾₊˚⊹♡ ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

i am alone in my room. wrapped in blankets. do they feel like hugs?

i am sad, high, lonely, with a voracious emptiness in my stomach. i have that exhaustion weighing down all my limbs, i am drained yet i haven't done anything all day.

what is there to live for in an existence like this, on this shitty planet?

considering everything, i wish there was a God of objectivity. a God who could tell me with certainty how things are. we humans are incredibly subjective...

i wish for a objective God who could tell me if my life is salvageable or not. i never have the courage to harm myself, i have tried twice to kill myself and i don't think I'll ever reach the point of trying again... or maybe i will? i don't know, i can't know...

at the end of the day, i only love sleeping because it makes me feel absolutely nothing, no embarrassment, no judgment, no dirty looks... empty words... shitty food, shitty makeup, cute jirai clothes that look like shit on me.

once again, i don't know what I should do.

can someone recommend me jirai or jirai inspired anime and manga?

i’ve been getting into anime again lately to combat anhedonia… (_ _).｡o○

atm i read tomorrow i’ll be somebody’s girlfriend and menhera chan, watched madoka magica, mahou shoujo site and… nothing else?

(yes im a sucker for mahou shoujo anime)

if any minor or umh anyone younger than 20ish is following me and reading my posts please don’t take me as an example to follow i’m a fucked up person with a fucked up life you still have the time to get your head and mind sorted out through therapy and even meds. i believe in you the sooner you get help the better, if anything please look at me as what can happen to you if you don’t take care of yourself. i suffer so much and i don’t wish this upon anyone so please don’t do anything that i do

fuck i have no energy for anything i feel so empty inside everyone hate me i feel it i want to be alone forever the fuck should i do. it’s just that i feel so much and nothing at the same time i honestly don’t know what to do with myself every path i take is wrong

im so fucking depressed i just want to dress up be all cute and wander through the city streets listening to music

ah what will happen next..? i’m so afraid of future. i’m not living life the fullest, im merely passing time suffering in my bed. i can’t get up and i can’t think about anything other than killing myself or cutting myself. time passing is a constant reminder of my failures. i don’t like living like this. i want to get out

not getting enough attention feels like dying getting too much attention feels overwhelming lol wtf

i love drugs because they change your whole mood in a couple of minutes. it was such a bad day (i could talk about it endlessly) and now im happy and euphoric!! thank you maisurii ~ ☆!!

now i sit in my room… full of colourful lights with content in my heart. ♡